Like A River
by Kadi219
Summary: [Raydor/Flynn] - Sometimes in life, it feels like you're on a raft that is traveling a winding river, and all that you can do is just ride it and hold on through the currents. A study of life, relationships, and different kinds of love. Shandy, but with some Shack too.
1. Chapter 1

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

 **Warning: M rating is for later chapters. Definitely NSFW.**

 **A/N:** Beta'd by the darling twin **kate04**. The title comes from one of our favorite songs, _My Heart is Like a River_ by Rebecca Lavelle. This story is a study at life, and the relationships that people have along the way. I explored Sharon and Andy, but I also explored Sharon and Jack. So, before you continue, I ask you to remember that at one point she was a married woman… I

 **A/N2:** This begins in December 2010 after The Closer E0610: Old Money. Contains spoilers for Season 5 up to E0513: White Lies Part 3.

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

[December 2010]

It was a cool night. The temperatures had plunged well into the upper 40s with the setting of the sun. She welcomed the chill in the air. The cooler evenings of late fall gave the illusion of winter as they entered December. It made it easier for Sharon to believe that the holiday season was once again upon them. She was looking forward to the holidays this year, far more than in recent seasons. Both of her grown children had managed to schedule time enough into their busy lives to get away for a couple of weeks. She would have her daughter and her son with her when she joined her family for Christmas. It had been too long since she had them both with her, and Sharon missed them terribly. She was still just getting used to the idea of an empty nest. It was going to be a wonderful holiday.

For the time being, however, another purpose had drawn her out of her home and into the chilled night air. Sharon questioned, several times, during her drive across town whether or not this was really wise. As she left Los Angeles behind and entered the valley north of the city, she wondered if, perhaps, she was losing her mind. That could be the only explanation. Why else would she spend the first evening that she had to herself in weeks driving all the way to Valencia and knocking on the door of a man who could barely stand the sight of her.

It was madness.

Sharon regretted it the moment that he opened his door and glared at her. His teeth were bared in a snarl, the look made only that much more ferocious with the cuts and bruises that adorned his face. Sharon exhaled quietly and plastered a patient, sympathetic smile on her face. "Lieutenant," she spoke gently. The last thing that she wanted to do was annoy him even more. It seemed that her presence had already done quite enough of that on its own. "I wanted to see how you were doing," she explained.

Andy sneered at her. The pounding in his head only increased. He turned away from the door, but left it open. It was as much of an invitation as _she_ would get. He shuffled back toward his sofa, and not because he really wanted to invite her in, but because he really just wanted to sit down. There was not a part of his body that did not hurt. His arm and side had taken the worst of it, as evidenced by the many numerous stitches that it had taken to close them both up after Bob Harris's knife had cut him open.

"Yeah well," he muttered. "I'm still breathing. No thanks to you." Andy grimaced as he sat down on the couch. He leaned back with a sigh. "What can I do for you, Captain? The case is closed."

"Yes." Sharon hesitated for a moment as she followed him. She stepped into the house and pushed the door closed behind her. "I am well aware of that. I closed it." She allowed herself only a small smirk at that reminder. She juggled the brown paper bag that she held as she shrugged out of her jacket. Sharon draped it over her arm and walked over to join him at the sofa. "That isn't why I am here." She held the bag out and her brow arched while she waited for him to accept it.

He peered up at her. Andy's eyes were narrowed in suspicion. "What?" His lip curled again. "Bobby Harris and Rick Zuman didn't get the job done, so you gonna poison me now?" He watched her eyes flash with indignation and hurt and huffed a sigh. Andy wrapped his good arm around his middle and leaned forward. He reached up and snatched the bag out of her hand. "I'm at home and off duty. You came here," he reminded her. "If I'm lousy company to be around, not my problem."

"I suppose that you are right about that." Her head tilted. "Your ability to conduct yourself with manners, or not, is none of my business." He was still angry with her and she couldn't entirely blame him. That was exactly why she had come. Sharon sat down on the opposite end of the sofa and turned her body so that she was facing him. She held her jacket in her lap. "I was worried about you," she stated again, this time in a much gentler tone.

 _He better wake up_. The words echoed in his head. Andy huffed another sigh. He gave her one more suspicious glance before he opened the paper bag. He peered into it carefully. The scent of strawberry and coconut reached his nose before he realized what was in the bag. Andy closed it quickly and looked at her again. His brows had risen in surprise. "Macaroons?" Before she could respond he opened the bag again and looked inside.

She watched him stick his nose in the bag and suppressed the urge to laugh. She was reminded of what a child he could be. "Yes. I thought that I remembered you liked them." Once upon a time, many years ago, they had been friends. That was before life and career choices had pulled them apart. They had drifted. Dislike and distrust had grown in the place where friendship had once existed.

Andy reached into the bag and pulled one of the small, golden cakes out of the bag. There was a dollop of strawberry filling baked into the center. His mouth was already watering. Yes, he liked them. She remembered that well enough. Andy slanted a look at her. "Why?" It was a question of more than the baking. Why was she there? Why was she bothering? Why did she even care? They were years removed from anything like that.

Sharon's gaze drifted just a bit. She thought about that again. The thought had been on her mind all evening. She didn't really have an answer for him, mainly because she honestly didn't have an answer for herself. When she looked at him again, Sharon shrugged. "You were injured. I knew that you weren't feeling very well. You begged off the celebration with your team. I thought maybe you could use the company." The rest of Major Crimes had gone out to celebrate closing the case. Andy had gone home. Sharon drew her hands out of the folds of her jacket. She rested them atop it and let her gaze fall to study her fingers as she picked at a few non-existent lose threads. "My office gets a few dozen Pitchess Motions every month," she explained. "Every one of them has to be investigated." Sharon looked up at him again and watched his eyes narrow. "It was not about you, Lieutenant. Yours was simply one among many. We had no reason to believe that the claims had any basis in fact, and no way of knowing that Mister Zuman would take matters into his own hands before our investigation was concluded. I am sorry, though, that you felt that my team had impugned your reputation."

He dropped the macaroon back in the bag and held it in his lap. Andy stared straight ahead. His jaw was clenched. It was easier to be mad at her when he thought that she was coming down hard on his ass for the hell of it. "I put dirtbags in jail," he muttered, "I don't break the law to do it." Being a cop was all that he had left, he wasn't going to sacrifice that for the easy win. He had sacrificed a lot of things in his life for the easy way out. Andy was done living like that. He lost his family to this job and the bottle. He gave up the bottle, his family was still gone. He wasn't giving up the job too.

"I know." When he still wouldn't look at her, Sharon laid her hand on the seat cushion between them. It was as close as she would allow herself to come to touching him. "Andy." Her use of his name drew his gaze to her. "I know," she repeated, with far more emotion. Sharon smiled sadly at him. "That was why I investigated your case myself. You may walk the line in a manner that infuriates me, but you have never crossed it."

Andy stared at her. There was compassion in her expression. He wasn't sure if that pissed him off or not. He still didn't understand exactly why she was there. He continued to stare at her until she looked away from him. Andy shook his head. "Why?" He asked the question without really knowing the purpose. Andy's brows drew together in a frown. He saw her look down and away from him and sighed. He realized then that it was a question that had been on his mind for a really long time. "You used to be on this side of the line with us, Sharon. You used to be a damned good cop. Why did you give it up?"

Her eyes flashed when she looked at him. Her back straightened as she grew stiff. "I am still a _damned good_ cop," she informed him. It never failed to irritate her when officers like him drew the line between themselves and Internal Affairs. She hated it when they insinuated that the work that she and her people did was not real police work, especially when its primary function was to keep officers like Lieutenant Andrew Flynn _out_ of trouble, and quite often the trouble that they got themselves into. Her lip curled as her ire rose. There was a time when he wouldn't have asked that. There was a time when he would have known better.

They met while she was still on patrol. Andy had been a young detective, just a rookie that was barely out of uniform himself. Her husband was the reason that they had met. Jack had only been out of law school for a few months and was still studying for the bar exam when he met Andy Flynn. He was working at a corner pub that Andy and a few other cops liked to frequent. Sharon was one of them. Jack worked nights to help supplement their income, to pay for the fancy dance classes that they had just enrolled their three-year-old daughter in.

Sharon had been picking up extra shifts, but when they found out that she was pregnant with their second kid, Jack put a stop to that. Both of their kids had come along before they were ready for them, but that was life. They were making the best of it. Besides, Jack liked to brag. How many guys could claim that their wife was one of the best, brightest, and most beautiful of the LAPD?

He was talking to Andy about that very thing at the bar one night, when the young detective told him that his wife was pregnant too. It seemed only natural that they introduced their wives. If their wives had someone else to talk to, what would it matter if they both had a few more drinks than usual before going home each night?

That was how it all started. They found out that they all came from big, Irish catholic families. Except for Andy with his Irish and Italian roots. Andy's wife, Vicki, was a teacher, and their daughter Nicole was only eighteen months old. They hadn't planned on having another child so soon, but Sharon understood entirely too well how life had a way of asserting itself.

The two couples had grown closer over the next few years. There were outings and barbecues. Their sons were born just a few months apart, and as they got older, their parents put them in many of the same activities. Jack passed the bar, and began working at a small law firm. He made Andy promise to keep an eye on his girl. Time had a way of changing people, however, and whatever happiness they had during those years, had not lasted long. The long hours that they all worked, and the time that the men liked to spend away from their families, began to take its toll on both of their marriages. They spent less time together as they struggled to keep their lives from imploding.

Sharon looked away from Andy now. Her jaw clenched. He wanted to know why she had chosen a life in Internal Affairs. He was the one that had encouraged her to take the Sergeant's exam. She had passed it easily. The Detective's exam was much harder, but Sharon had earned high marks on it too. She was still waiting for a position to open up in Robbery Homicide or Narcotics when her marriage began to crumble. "Jack left," she said quietly. "I was all that my kids had. I needed to get off the street and the position in IA let me do that. The hours were good too. They were stable. Emily and Ricky needed that with Jack gone." When Sharon looked at him again, her eyes were sad. She wouldn't tell him that the promotion had come with a raise that let her keep the house in the wake of the financial trouble that Jack had created for them, but it was another reason she took the transfer. "You and Vicki were having problems of your own. I hoped that my friends on the force would understand. Some of them did, others didn't." Sharon hadn't had time to worry about who she was offending by taking care of her family. She had simply moved forward and not looked back.

Andy lowered his gaze. He folded the top of the paper bag that was still resting in his lap. "Yeah." That was all that he said, all that he could say. He knew what she meant. About the time that Jack took off, Vicki was riding his ass to spend more time at home. A few months later, she kicked him out. He came home one night, drunk off his ass, and found that Vicki had changed the locks. With his marriage falling down around his ears, Andy had crawled into a bottle. He was on the verge of losing his job too, but it was a judge's warning that he would never see his kids again if he didn't get sober that woke him up. He had gone to rehab. Andy checked himself in to a 30-day inpatient program to get cleaned up, and had followed that up with outpatient services and AA meetings. By the time he got back to work, everything had changed. He heard the rumors about Sharon, but hadn't believed them. It was not until she showed up on scene at an officer involved shooting involving a member of Robbery Homicide that he understood they were true. She was different, colder, harder. She regarded him with a distance that he never expected and he wasn't all that thrilled at her new job either. "Why didn't you just say that?"

Her brow arched and her lips pursed. Sharon tilted her head while she thought about it. "I was angry," she admitted quietly. "I was embarrassed." Sharon shrugged. "I was jealous." She looked down again. "All I wanted was for Jack to come home, but Vicki had kicked you out. I couldn't understand how she wouldn't let you go home if you were willing to make the changes that you needed to for your children. I was embarrassed because Jack had left, with no warning and no explanation, he was just gone." She exhaled a soft sigh. "I was furious with myself for wanting him to come home, for not seeing that he was in trouble before our marriage fell apart, and for not having the strength to change the locks the way that Vicki had done before he could hurt our kids." When she looked up at him again, her eyes were moist. "You did what Jack wouldn't do. He drank or gambled away every chance that I have ever given him, and when I looked at you, I saw what could have been. It was easier to turn away."

He reached over and took her hand. Andy leaned his head back on the sofa cushions and closed his eyes. "I guess it all got screwed up over the years." Vicki had never forgiven him for being so weak. He still hadn't seen a lot of his kids while they were growing up. Vicki blamed his job, but it was all that he had after she was gone. Long hours and younger women, that's what he had after his family was gone. Vicki had gotten remarried, and their kids liked the new guy better. Andy tried not to think about that too often. Instead, he kept trying. He sent cards and he made phone calls. He paid for the damned college tuition. He paid for braces and prom dresses, and baseball gear. Nicole would be graduating from college soon, but Charlie had a couple of years left. He still sent a check every month for both of them. The alimony that had stopped when Vicki got remarried got split between the two kids. No judge told him that he had to do that. Andy did it for the kids. He hoped they'd both understand some day.

"I suppose that it did." Sharon turned her hand over beneath his and gave it a squeeze. "In any event, I wanted to make sure that you were okay. You have certainly looked better." He was pale beneath all of the bruises, and Sharon knew from her own research, that he wouldn't be able to take anything too strong for the pain without putting his sobriety at risk. That was something that she had learned, from watching him throughout the years, that Andy would not do. He held on to it, he was proud of it. She was proud of him, although she couldn't bring herself to say it. Sharon squeezed his hand again before pulling hers away. "It's late, I should go so that you can rest."

His head rolled toward her against the back of the sofa. "Yeah." The thought of moving again made him hurt even more. "I guess it is." He still didn't understand why she had come by, but he was glad that she had. He didn't want to be so damned pissed off at someone that once meant something to him. Life was too short for that. Andy wrapped an arm around his middle and started to lean forward as she stood up.

"No." Sharon laid a hand on his shoulder. She smiled gently down at him. "I can find my way out." Her hand rested against his shoulder for a moment longer than was really necessary. Sharon shook her head. "I am really glad that you are okay," she told him, voice hitching an octave lower.

He offered her a crooked smirk. "Believe me," he said, sarcasm filling his tone, "so am I."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You are an annoying cop, Andy. But you are not a bad one. Helping where I can is part of my job too." Sharon drew away from him then. She shook her jacket out and slipped it on.

Andy watched her shrug into her jacket and walk toward the door. "Sharon," he called out before she could open it. When she turned, he held up the bag. He jerked his good shoulder at her. His smile gentled a bit. "Thanks. I missed these."

The corner of her mouth quirked toward a smile; his look held more meaning than the simple gesture of the baked goods that she had brought. There were too many years and too much water under the bridge for them to really talk about what her visit meant. "You're welcome," was all that she could say.

The door opened and with it, a cool breeze entered the room. Andy frowned. "Be careful going back," he told her. "It's a long drive back to the city." She looked surprised by that and he smirked. "You're a pain the ass, but when you aren't pissing us off, it's good to have you on our side, Captain."

Sharon didn't know why she thought he would let her go without one last parting shot. Such was the nature of their relationship now. Whatever understanding they had now, some things could not be changed. At least he was being a little more civil about it, and Sharon knew that was all that she could ask for at this juncture in their lives. She made a face at him. "Good night, Lieutenant." The sound of his soft laughter followed her into the night. Sharon smiled as she made her way toward her car. He was right, it would be a long drive back to the city, but at least it would be more pleasant than what she had endured on the way there.

 **-TBC-**


	2. Chapter 2

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

Sharon stared at the back of the man that was lying beside her. Light, a mixture of street lamps and moonlight, from the windows on each side of the bed had cast the room in hues of gray and pale green. There was a blanket bunched around his hips, but his legs and back were bare, and he was sprawled beside her, snoring quietly. Sharon chewed on the corner of her lip. She would like to claim that she didn't know how he had ended up there, but that wasn't entirely true. She knew only too well the moment that she made this decision, and it was too late to change it now.

She moved carefully, quietly, as she reached for the sheet that was bunched and abandoned near her feet. Sharon drew it around her body and eased out of the bed. She drew a breath and held it when he moved. When he sighed and settled again, she slipped off the bed. Sharon gathered the ends of the sheet to keep from tripping over them and walked as silently as she could to the adjoining bathroom. Only once the door was closed did she turn on the light. She blinked against the sudden brightness. Her eyes were drawn to the mirror over the vanity. Sharon moved closer to it and sighed. Her hair was mussed. There were makeup smudges beneath her eyes and red marks along her neck and chest that would probably fade by morning. Her thighs were a sticky mess, and as she thought about how she had gotten this way, her skin tingled. She closed her eyes and turned her back on the mirror. Sharon sat on the edge of the tub and buried her face in her hands. She knew exactly how this had happened.

She spent most of the night having sex with Andy Flynn.

After a rather impromptu Christmas Celebration in the Major Crimes murder room, Andy had offered to drive her home. Sharon didn't have her car. She was planning on taking a cab to the airport. The case that she had ended up working with Major Crimes had delayed her too long, however, and the airport in Salt Lake City had closed due to weather. It would open again in another day, when the snow stopped falling and the runways could be cleared, but she was missing Christmas with her children. They would have the rest of the holiday together, but she missed them, and spending it with people that barely tolerated her had not been the same thing.

When Andy offered to drive her home, it was on the tip of her tongue to turn him down, but they had managed to be more civil to one another in the weeks since he was injured. He was even pleasant to her during the party, much to his partner's displeasure. Sharon didn't know how much of that was about her, or their history, or the fact that he was just trying to irritate Provenza, but she had appreciated it anyway.

Andy shrugged at her. He smiled in that charming, boyish way of his. "I'm missing my kids too," he told her.

Sharon remembered that he was supposed to have dinner at Vicki's. It was the first time in a few years that he had been invited. She was upset with him now for allowing work to interfere and wouldn't reschedule. Sharon smiled gently and thanked him for the offer. She let him drive her home.

The house was different than he remembered. Sharon invited him in for coffee before he made the even longer drive out to Valencia and his own home. The place had been painted since the last time he was there. The remodeling that she and Jack seemed to always be in the middle of was long since finished. As they moved toward the kitchen at the back of the old two-story, TouVelle style home, Andy pointed out the boxes that were stacked along the walls.

"The house is too big for me now," Sharon explained. "Emily is happy in New York, and when Ricky has fallen in love with the Bay Area." Her youngest was still in school at Stanford, but he was already making noises about staying in the area after graduating the following year. "I decided to put it on the market a few months ago." Sharon led the way into the kitchen and began making coffee as she spoke. "The kids have been trying to talk me out of it, but I really think I would much rather have something smaller now that the nest is empty."

"Yeah, I can understand that." Andy leaned against the counter nearby and watched her. "I've thought about selling a few times, moving closer to work. I just haven't really found a good reason to go through all of the headache yet." He bought the house in Valencia after Vicki had taken the kids and moved to Santa Barbara with them. It put him halfway between them and his work. He had a hell of a commute, but he hadn't cared. Even as the years wore on and he didn't see as much of his kids as he wanted to, Andy hadn't given up on it. Now the kids were grown. Nicole was about to wrap up her Master's Degree at UCLA and Charlie was off at UC Sacramento. Maybe it was his own stubborn pride that had him holding on to a house that was, like this one, too big for one person. Andy didn't really know. He just knew that he wasn't ready to get rid of it yet, and when he was too tired to make the drive, he crashed on Provenza's couch.

"It is a lot more work than I remembered." The meetings with the real estate agent were enough to make her change her mind, but she was intent on moving in to a smaller space. Sharon moved around the kitchen while the coffee was percolating and pulled down two cups. "Although, I suppose that it goes without saying, I was a lot younger when Jack and I bought this house."

"Weren't we all?" Andy snorted a laugh. He folded his arms across his chest and shook his head. "Hell, I helped move you in to this house. There's blood, sweat, and scraped knuckles in a few of these rooms." He crossed his legs at the ankles as he thought back. Sharon was still pregnant with Ricky when they closed on it. She had been about to pop, as he recalled, but she wanted to get moved in before the baby was born. The little apartment that she and Jack were living in with Emily was just too small for a second kid. "God almighty, how many times did we move that damned couch before you were happy with it?" Charlie was only a couple of months old, but Vicki had joined them on moving day. He remembered the girls running around the house, getting under foot, while the wives had supervised the moving. They had gotten a couple of other guys to help out, both of their partners at the time. Sharon and Jack were barely able to afford the house, they couldn't pay movers; instead there had been pizza, tacos and beer out on the back porch.

Sharon laughed at the memory. "I was happy with it the first time, but you were complaining so loudly… I just wanted to see how many times I could get you to move it before you really went off." His temper was rather legendary, even among old acquaintances.

"I knew it." Andy pointed a finger at her. "You've always been a pain in my ass." He pushed away from the counter when she lifted the carafe to pour their coffee.

The kitchen was the only room in the house that Sharon had not started packing already so she led him to the small breakfast table and waved him in to a seat. "Speaking of old times," she set her coffee on the table and moved out of the room. "I found something that I thought you might like to have," she called back.

Andy leaned back in his chair and craned his head in the direction that she had gone, back to the living room. He could hear her rummaging around. "I refuse to acknowledge any incriminating evidence, Captain."

"You should be so lucky." Sharon returned with a stack of photographs in hand. She placed them on the table in front of him before sliding into a chair beside him. "I found those while I was packing. I was going to mail them to Vicki, but after our talk the other night, I thought maybe…" Sharon shrugged. If they were on better footing with one another, she could further close the gap by offering more of an olive branch.

His brows drew together as he paged through the photos. Most of them were from family outings and get-togethers over the years they had been friends. There was a picture of him with Nicole on his shoulders at a baseball game, an arm looped around Vicki's shoulders. Jack must have taken the picture, he realized, Sharon was standing on his other side with Emily on her hip. Andy shook his head as he lifted another picture. It was old and frayed around the edges. It was a photo of him and Jack with the boys. It must have been one of Charlie and Ricky's first tee-ball practices from the size of the boys. They couldn't have been more than three. It would have been just before all of their lives were blown to hell by bad choices and addiction. "Hard to believe we were ever that young," he said quietly.

"I know." Sharon lifted one of them. Her smile had gone a little wistful. It was another photo from the same practice from the looks of it. They had been teaching the boys to hit the ball off the tee. Sharon couldn't remember the last time that she had seen Jack looking so carefree.

Andy tapped the picture in his hand against the table before setting it on the pile. He lifted his cup with a sigh. She had mentioned spending the holiday with her kids. It had been a long time since he heard anything about Jack. "When is the last time you heard from him?" He knew they were still married, but that was about all he managed to get from the usual office rumors.

"A few years ago." Sharon placed the photo aside and leaned back. She lifted the coffee in both hands and studied the dark contents of the cup. "Jack came home for a few months. He had a job for a while, but then the usual happened." She smiled sadly and shrugged. "He mistook the hard work that he was putting in to his sobriety for good luck and off he went. He can't play cards without drinking, and he can't drink without wanting to play his luck, so…" Sharon rolled her eyes. "The last I heard he was in Las Vegas." She had filed for legal separation after the second time he left, some twenty years ago. That didn't stop Jack from coming and going. The house was hers, she had seen to that. She made sure that she and her children were protected financially, since Jack didn't seem to mind cleaning out their accounts for his own purposes.

"I'm sorry." Andy watched the way that she studied the photographs. He saw the sadness and the regret. He shrugged at her. "For whatever it's worth, no one can make him stick to it but him. You're better off if he's not around while he doesn't understand that." He wondered if the other guy knew just how big of a mistake he was making. Andy would give anything if Vicki had been even half as patient as Sharon had been all of these years.

"It took longer than I like to admit for me to understand that." Sharon took a sip of her coffee while she put her thoughts back in order. "Some day, I just hope my kids can understand it too."

"Yeah." That was something that Andy was still hoping for as well. He gathered all of the pictures into a clean stack and placed them aside. He made sure any with Jack were not visible. "I appreciate this," he told her. "It's been a long time since I thought about any of this. I bet Charlie and Nic will get a kick out of it too." He grinned crookedly. "It will do them good to know that their old man wasn't always such an asshole."

"Andy." Sharon frowned as she reached out to touch his arm. "You're not. Your children will come to understand that. They are both very lucky. Emily and Ricky would give anything to have even a fraction of the time and attention that you give to your children. They're young," she told him. "Right now life beyond their own dramas and successes doesn't really exist. When they are old enough to realize that life revolves around so much more, they'll get it."

"I hope you're right." He took her hand and held it. "Right now it's a little hard to see. I tried to call both of them earlier, but…" Andy trailed off with a shrug. They would be mad at him for missing dinner and he was sure it didn't help for them to have their mother in their ears. He wasn't going to give up, though. He would try again in a couple of days, and let things cool off until then. "I guess, I just wish Vicki would take a page out of your book," he told her.

"Hm." Sharon tilted her head at him. "And I wish that Jack would take a page out of yours." She turned her hand over in his and allowed their fingers to lace together. "What a pair."

Andy looked down. He chuckled quietly. He glanced over at her. "Hell of a thing, yeah?"

Sharon nodded. "This is getting rather maudlin." She smiled at him. "All we are missing is some really bad, truly depressing music."

His brow arched. Andy leaned close. "I could sing," he offered.

She was suddenly assaulted by any number of memories of him doing exactly that. Sharon shook her head. "Please don't, I am begging you. Anything but that."

Andy's eyes narrowed. Her eyes were sparkling. She was laughing at him. He placed his coffee cup on the table. Andy clasped his hands together. He leaned toward her. There was a devious gleam in his dark eyes. The corners of his mouth twitched toward a smile. His voice pitched low and while he struggled not to laugh, he began to croon quietly, " _He wants to dream like a young man, with wisdom of an old man, he wants his home and security_ …"

"Oh god!" She snorted as she laughed. Sharon lifted her hands and covered his mouth with both of them. "No!" The worst sound that she had ever heard was Andy Flynn trying to sing a Seger classic. Sharon continued to laugh as he stood up and pulled her with him, all the while, drawing her hands away from his mouth. "Do not!"

It was all that he could do not to laugh as he pulled her around the kitchen with him. " _He wants to live like a sailor at sea, Beautiful loser, where you gonna fall? When you realize, you just can't have it all…_ "

He was dancing her around her own kitchen, butchering one of her favorite songs, and Sharon couldn't stop laughing. This wasn't the first time, although she had to admit, the last time Andy serenaded a female in this kitchen, he had Nicole on his hip. The little girl had fallen and scraped her knee, but had forgotten all of that to laugh at her father's ridiculous behavior.

It was her turn now, and it was just as terrible and wonderful as Sharon recalled. But how they had gone from dancing and laughing, to being pressed against a counter, with Andy's mouth covering hers, Sharon didn't exactly know. It was completely preposterous, but when the kiss had broken, he had started singing again. Sharon remembered kissing him a second time, just to shut him up. Somehow she had ended up with her hands in his hair, and his hands gripping her hips as they laughed around sloppy kisses that soon became heated. They were old friends with years of distance and hostility between them, barely civil to one another, but they seemed to forget that as they gave in to the heat of the moment.

They were lonely souls, with failed marriages and too many regrets and hurts to name. Their trip down memory lane had opened old wounds. It reminded them of what they'd had and lost. For a little while, they managed to forget.

What began in the kitchen progressed to the living room. They were adults. Consenting and free of entanglements. More or less. It was the _less_ part that had Sharon groaning quietly as she sat in her bathroom hours later. She was legally separated, but still a married woman. She wasn't exactly proud of her actions, even if, intellectually, she knew that she had not done anything wrong. She had enjoyed herself. Andy had turned out to be a passionate and attentive lover. He had awakened things in her that she thought long forgotten. It had been entirely too long since she had last enjoyed sex; it was something that she did when Jack was home, in large part because old habits were hard to break, and for other reasons that she didn't want to examine too closely.

At the end of the day, she had still fallen into bed with a man that was not her husband, no matter how much she had enjoyed herself. She had fallen into bed with a colleague. Worse than all of that, Sharon was having a hard time finding anything inside of herself that actually regretted it.

"Hey."

Sharon looked up at the sound of his voice. She swept her hair back from her face and gathered the sheet that was wrapped around her body closer. She hadn't heard the door open. A tentative smile curved her lips. "Hi."

He was leaning against the bathroom door. Andy managed to find his boxers and had pulled those on before going in search of Sharon. He didn't have to go far. The light glowing from beneath the bathroom door had given her away. He waited for a few minutes before easing the door open. When he hadn't heard anything, he figured she was hiding. He was right. Andy pushed away from the door and walked over to sit beside her on the edge of the tub. Her hair was falling in long, tousled layers around her shoulders and down her back. Andy slipped his hand into the thick locks and cupped the back of her head. "I would tell you that I'm sorry," he said, voice rasping gruffly in the quiet room, "but I'm really not."

"Hm." She curled a hand around his wrist. "I would let you," she told him, "except that I'm finding that I am not entirely sorry either." Sharon thought that she would feel more awkward about this. "I should be." She shrugged one bare shoulder at him. "I'm not." Maybe she was tired of being alone.

"Good." Andy drew her toward him. He didn't see anything wrong with the two of them having a little fun. His mouth covered hers. She hummed against his lips. It was a sound that used to annoy him. He was finding that he rather liked it. He stood up and pulled her with him. The sheet fell around their feet. Andy maneuvered Sharon around it and out of the bathroom. He pulled her back to the bed with him.

She went with him. Whatever doubts that her mind was attempting to conjure, Andy managed to silence them, at least for what remained of their night together. Neither of them intended for him to spend the night, whatever their activities might have indicated to the contrary. He left her sated and dozing near dawn, with a kiss to her shoulder and a promise to call.

Sharon didn't hear from him again until after the first of the year. Not because Andy hadn't called, but the weather in Salt Lake City had cleared and she joined the rest of her family for what remained of the holiday season. Getting away from Los Angeles was exactly what she had needed. It felt good to spend the time with her children and her parents, her siblings and their families. Too much time had passed since all of them were together. Guilt for her time with Andy had resurfaced, but Sharon could still find little that she regretted about the night they spent together. She chose not to dwell on it.

When she returned to the city a week later, it was back to business as usual. Engaging in an affair with Andy Flynn was the last thing that she intended to allow to happen. She thought they might be awkward around each other at first, but the first time that she encountered him upon her return was in a crowded elevator at the PAB. She felt his gaze on her as she rode toward the fifth floor offices where the Professional Standards Bureau was housed. As the elevator stopped at floor after floor, the car slowly cleared; Sharon found herself bypassing the fifth floor and remaining where she was. It was not until they were alone that he moved closer.

He stood behind her. By now he could pick the scent of her perfume out of a crowded room. In the small elevator car it was playing hell on his senses. His hands itched to touch her, but he kept them planted firmly at his sides. She wasn't dressed any differently than she normally was, but now he knew exactly what was hidden underneath that black pencil skirt and the tailored jacket that she paired with it. Her hair fell in long, straight layers, and he knew that it wouldn't take much at all to completely muss it. Andy leaned close, until he could feel the heat of her body, until her hair was tickling the tip of his nose as his lips moved against her ear. "How were the slopes?"

She felt a shiver run down her spine. Sharon kept her eyes on the file that was in her hands, but she was no longer seeing the words. She rubbed her lips together and fought the urge to lean back, to let the soft curve of her bottom rub against him. "Cold," she teased. "How was your week off, Lieutenant?"

She was using that simpering tone that usually made him want to grind his teeth together in annoyance. This time, Andy just grinned. He turned his head slightly inward. "Boring," he rumbled against her ear. Despite his attempts at the contrary, Andy lifted a hand. He flicked a lock of her hair behind her shoulder and let his finger slid along the curve of her neck.

Sharon drew a breath. Heat moved through her at the touch. She knew exactly what his mouth would feel like if he followed the path his finger was tracing. Her eyes closed. Sharon hummed quietly. "Not here," she managed to say. It was neither the time nor the place for them to get involved in… whatever it was that was happening between them. When the doors to the lift that they were riding opened on the ninth floor, Sharon stepped away from him. She moved to the opposite side of the elevator and folded her arms across her chest, effectively hugging the file to her body to hide her it's response to him. "We will have to finish this discussion at a later time, Lieutenant."

He slanted a look at her. Andy smirked as he stepped off the elevator. "I look forward to it, Captain." It was absolute insanity, and if anyone knew what he was thinking, they would check him in to a psych ward. Hell, if anyone knew that he had already had her, they would check him in to a psych ward. A voice in the back of his head told him to stop this insanity before it blew up in both their faces, but damned if he didn't want to. Instead, Andy whistled a jaunty tune as he strode down the hall toward Major Crimes.

Once she was alone, Sharon's head fell back against the wall of the lift with a thud. "Oh god." She looked heavenward and drew a thin, shuddering breath. This was not going to end well, for either of them, but already her mind was conjuring ways of being alone with him again, well away from duty and responsibility, and all of the reasons why being alone with Andy Flynn was such a terrible idea.

It was another few days before either of them was able to make that happen again. Their newfound familiarity and awareness of one another had made for some interesting encounters during that time. Their banter became more playful, more purposeful. They were, both of them, trying to incite the other to a reaction. It was not entirely unlike their previous professional disagreements, but rather than devolving into a shouting match, they had engaged in something akin to verbal foreplay. Whatever it was, it had worked. Andy ended up following her home.

They had only barely gained entrance into her home before his mouth and hands were on her body. Sharon had pulled at his jacket. It was dropped, rather unceremoniously, in the foyer of her house before her hands had moved on to tug at the buttons of his vest. Of all the days that he had decided to wear one of the damned three-piece-suits that looked so good on him, it had to be _that_ day.

They left his vest on the stairs, along with her blouse, and continued their path toward her bedroom. More than once, between heated kisses and quiet moans, Sharon told him this had to be the last time. They could not continue falling into bed with impunity. Andy agreed, but that didn't stop him from sliding his hands beneath her skirt or kissing a path between the soft mounds of her breasts.

She wasn't wrong. It was insanity. It had to end. But not while she was moving beneath him, and definitely not while she had those shapely legs wrapped around his body. Later, it would end later. For the present, he couldn't get enough of her.

Every time that they were together, they both agreed that it was the last time. Over the course of the next few weeks, they found more and more reason to ignore their better judgment. Andy showed up to help Sharon pack, to take boxes to storage. They incited each other to frustration at work. It all ended in the same way, the two of them in bed, and not an ounce of regret between either of them.

The dull winter months gave way to the warmer, brighter days of spring, and still they had not found a reason to curtail their extracurricular activities. How they were able to hide it from others, neither of them knew. Andy had a feeling that Provenza was getting suspicious, at least of the fact that he was with someone, even if he didn't have the first clue who it was. It was pretty damned strange. Even if they weren't having sex, he just liked to be around her.

Andy found himself crashing at Sharon's house a few times, instead of Provenza's, when their cases ran well into the night and he was too damned tired to make the long drive back to his own place in Valencia. The first couple of times that happened, she rolled her eyes at him, but let him in, despite the hour. The next time he was knocking on her door in the early morning hours, Sharon showed him where she kept the spare key and gave him the code to the alarm. Rather than sleep on her couch, he fell into bed beside her. That had made for a couple of interesting mornings, and led them exactly to the place that they were in now.

They had both gotten wrapped up in a hard case. It looked like a cop had killed his wife and kids before turning his weapon on himself. No one wanted to think that was what had actually happened, and given the circumstances of the crime, Sharon was tasked with working it alongside Major Crimes. After several days and many long hours, they had managed to prove that the officer and his family were murdered. With the killer locked up, and the last of the paperwork completed, Sharon was simply too tired to argue when Andy offered to drive her home.

He climbed into bed beside her, wearing a t-shirt and boxers, and she had not protested when he tucked her against his chest and curled his arms around her. They had both fallen into a deep, exhausted slumber. A slumber that was abruptly ended as the light in Sharon's room came on and an all too familiar voice filled the room.

"Well, isn't this an interesting turn of events?"

Jackson Raydor had come home to his wife again. He had not expected to find her in bed with another man. He certainly never expected that man to be his old pal.

 **-TBC-**


	3. Chapter 3

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

Chapter 3

Awkward was an understatement when describing the moments that followed Jack's arrival. Sharon had stared at her husband in shock. She had not seen the man in a few years. It was hard to fully comprehend the fact that he was standing in the room that they had once shared, while she was laying in bed beside another man. There was nothing overly untoward about how he found them. Sharon had gone to bed in an old Dodgers Henley and pajama pants, while Andy was dressed not too dissimilarly in a t-shirt and pajama bottoms. Neither of them had energy for more than that after the very long hours that they had both been working. All that they had wanted was to sleep, and they had done that, at least until Jack's interruption had come.

Her bedroom was not a place that Sharon intended to have this confrontation. Once her mind registered that she was, indeed, looking at her husband, she rose from the bed. "Jack, what are you doing here?" She glanced at the clock as she put her glasses on and pushed her hair back from her face. "It's barely three in the morning. How did you get in?"

Jack chose to be offended that his presence was being questioned, even if it had been a few years since he last laid eyes on his wife or stepped foot into their home. "I still have a key." His chin lifted in defiance. "I think the bigger question is, what the hell is he doing here?" He cast a suspicious glare at his old pal. "Sharon, what is going on?"

That was a very good question, and Sharon found that she didn't have a definitive answer for him. She had quite a few questions herself. What were they doing? What was all of this? She found herself turning. She looked at Andy, who was standing quietly beside the bed. She was at a loss, but his presence was one that she had come to enjoy. She felt comfortable with him in her bed, and it wasn't only the sex. It had been a long time since she shared this space with anyone, and she was surprised at how easily she could sleep with Andy's warmth pressed against her back and his soft snoring in her ear.

Sharon looked away from him; she didn't have any way of defining it. "I am not going to discuss this here," she said. She moved past her husband and out of the room. She expected him to follow her, but when he didn't, she stopped in the hall. "Jack."

He turned, but not without glowering darkly at the other man. He followed his wife down the stairs. He knew that she was getting her argument ready. Whatever was going on here, one thing Jack would always know better than Andy Flynn was how his wife's mind worked. He decided not to give her the chance to turn this on him. "Is this what you do when I'm not here?"

The accusatory tone in his voice left her feeling incredulous. Sharon whirled around once they had reached the living room. Jack had left the lights on and the lamps that flanked the sofa shined much softer than the lights in her bedroom had. Sharon appreciated that with the tired ache behind her eyes. "I think that is exactly the point," she began, "don't you? You are not here, Jack. I didn't ask you to leave, that is a choice that you made, more than once, I might add. Where have you been this time?" Her arms folded across her chest. Her head inclined and her brow arched. "Hm? I thought that I heard it was Las Vegas, but who can really be certain. It has been a while. A few years. Things have changed."

"I'll say they have." Jack looked around the first floor. He flung an arm in the direction of all of the boxes that were stacked against one wall. "What is all this, Sharon? Your boyfriend moving in?"

It stung, the way that he was looking at her, disgusted and angry, and as though she was the one who was somehow in the wrong. She had not abandoned their marriage; she had not left him alone for years at a time while she moved in and out of his life when she remembered that he existed. Sharon shook her head at him. "I really do not think that is any of your business now, Jack. We are legally separated, or have you forgotten?"

"Legally separated doesn't mean not married." He pointed a finger at her. "We're still married, Sharon. Imagine what it feels like to come home and find your wife in bed with another man!"

Her eyes narrowed. Despite the pain that she could feel moving through her, the shame at his words, regardless of the fact that he had left and how long he had been gone, he was right. They were still married. She had broken that vow, but she was still having a hard time regretting it. Andy made her feel things that she had not felt in a very long time, things long buried and forgotten. Her jaw clenched for just a moment. Sharon ignored the sting behind her eyes and glared at the man who had, repeatedly, left her alone. "Imagine what it feels like," she said slowly, carefully, "to know that your husband is sleeping with other women while he is spending your money, while he is gambling away the money in your children's savings accounts. Imagine what it feels like," she wrapped her lips around every syllable, "to be left alone with two small children, a house that has been mortgaged twice, and more debt than you can see beyond while the man responsible for all of that is having a very good time… at your expense." She took a step toward him. Her voice quivered slightly, but she fought it. "Imagine what it feels like to not know where your husband is, for years at a time. Imagine, Jackson, what it feels like to explain to your children why their father is not home for Christmas, birthdays, recitals, graduations… When you finish doing that, Jack, tell me that I haven't got the right to live my life."

He didn't have an answer for that. He never did when she brought up all of those things. Jack took a step forward. He hung his head and sighed. "Now, honey, look…" He held up his hands. With his head still slightly bowed he looked up at her through his lashes and the fringe of sandy colored hair that had fallen across his brow. "I know that it hasn't always been easy. There have been some mistakes, but…"

"Mistakes?" Sharon snorted quietly. "Is that what we are calling it now?" Wasn't that what he always said? Every time that he came home, he would acknowledge the _mistakes_ , he would make empty promises. Nothing ever really changed, however. In the end, Jack was always gone and no one was better for it. "How many times have we had this conversation, Jack?" Sharon sighed wearily. She was tired, it was late. All of the emotional turmoil that usually came along with one of Jack's visits had settled in her stomach, making her feel slightly nauseous. "Let's just jump to the purpose of this visit, shall we? What is it that you want, Jack?"

He couldn't deny that he was there for a reason. Jack sighed. He shifted uncomfortably while she stared at him. Finally he shrugged and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I had a run of bad luck," he admitted. "I need a place to stay while I get back on my feet. I've got a job lined up."

"I see." At least this time there were no false platitudes. That was something at least. Sharon rubbed her lips together. The better decision would be to send him away. Having Jack stay with her could only end one way. The same way that it always ended. The only problem was in how she would explain that to the children. How would she make Emily and Ricky understand why she had cast their father into the street? Despite all of the years of abandonment and hurt, he was still their father. "A week. You can stay for a week, Jack. That should give you a sufficient amount of time to find another place to stay."

"A week?" His eyes widened. "Oh come on, Sharon!" He tossed his hands up. "How can you expect me to find something in a week?" He had hoped to have a few weeks, at best. Long enough for him to put together another nest egg, something that he could build on.

"That is entirely up to you, Jack." She shrugged. "I would suggest that you get started first thing."

"Sharon." It came from behind them. Andy was standing in the entryway between the stairs and the foyer. He had gotten dressed and stood with his jacket draped over his arm and his keys in his hand. As Sharon walked toward him, away from her husband, he moved into the foyer. He waited until she joined him, until they were alone, to ask the question that was on his mind. "Everything okay?"

"Hm." Sharon was wondering what _okay_ really was at the moment. "Just the usual." She rolled her eyes. It wasn't something that she really wanted to get into tonight, and she had told him enough for him to understand the basis of her marriage. She drew a breath and let it out slowly. Sharon reached up and straightened his collar. His shirt was rumpled. "It's late," she said quietly, tone soft. "Are you sure that you're okay to make the drive?" They had not been asleep for very long, and he was every bit as tired as she was. When Sharon thought about how far he had to go to reach his home, her body ached with fatigue.

"Yeah." Andy shrugged a shoulder. He reached out and flicked a lock of hair over her shoulder. "I'll be okay. I'm not that tired. Valencia isn't that far." His hand settled against her shoulder. His thumb stroked the side of her neck. "Are you sure that you will be okay here?" His voice rumbled quietly in the small foyer. He didn't want to leave, but staying didn't exactly feel right either. It was a hell of a situation. Andy didn't want her to feel like he was running out on her.

"I'm sure." Her issues with Jack were many and complicated. It was going to be an exhausting week. Sharon moved closer. She wanted to ask him to stay, but they both knew that she couldn't. It surprised her a bit. She had told herself, and him, a number of times that this, whatever it was between them, could not continue. Then she had stopped saying it. She got comfortable. Maybe she had gotten a little _too_ comfortable. Especially for a married woman. "You should go," she whispered. "I can handle Jack."

He didn't want to. Already Andy was kicking himself for putting her in this position. Maybe he should have listened when she told him this was a bad idea. Maybe he should have stayed away when that voice in the back of his head was telling him that he was getting too close. The thing was, he liked her. He liked her a hell of a lot, and they were having a good time. It was more than that, though. There was history there. They both knew all of the good, the bad, and the really ugly. Andy cupped her chin and tipped her head back. "Try to get some sleep, okay?"

Sharon didn't know how well she would sleep now. Her mind was full of questions. "I will," she promised. She closed her eyes against the fresh sting of tears when he leaned close. She hummed when he kissed her. It lingered only for a moment, just long enough for her to feel the scratch of day old stubble, to capture the lingering scent of cologne, it was long enough for all of the emotions that she was feeling, the hurt and confusion at Jack's return, the warmth and comfort that she felt with Andy, to settle in her stomach like lead. She reached up and cupped his cheek. It wasn't unusual for him to kiss her upon coming or leaving. It had become a habit in only a short time, but this felt infinitely different. It felt like goodbye.

Andy drew away while he still could. He kissed the top of her head and turned toward the door. "I'll see you tomorrow?" There was a churning in his gut. Whatever had been going on with them was over now; Sharon was different, he had always known that. Now that Jack was home, they wouldn't be able to be together like they were. She wouldn't allow it, and if he was honest with himself, Andy had never bothered with married women before.

"Tomorrow." Sharon captured the door when he opened it. She held it for him and smiled sadly as he left. "Good night, Andy. Call me when you get home, hm?" She wanted to know that he would make it safely. That was important to her.

He glanced back. Andy offered a crooked grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I will. Don't worry about me. Get some rest."

She could only smile. Sharon closed the door as he moved across the porch. She leaned against it and drew a deep breath. What had she been thinking? What had she allowed herself to do? She folded her arms around her body as a chill settled over her. Sharon felt cold suddenly. It was a terrible sensation, being caught between loneliness and despair. She had always prided herself on being good on her own. She had raised her children, nurtured her career. She had never felt lonely. Until now.

Now she had a taste of what it could be like to have someone in her life, and it was over before it could begin. It had to be. Even as she stood there, Sharon knew that she couldn't see him again. It was more than having Jack back in town, even temporarily. It was more than avoiding the awkward situation of her husband's presence. This was the life that she had chosen. It was the life that she had. The legal separation was a means of protecting her children and herself financially, but it did not change the fact that she was a married woman. Those were vows that she had held closely, even while Jack had not. Throwing them away was not something that she was prepared to do, even for her own pleasure. Her children deserved more than that, and in the end, so did Andy. She didn't know what he was looking for, not really, but he wouldn't find it with her. She simply did not have it to give. It was better that he knew that now.

Andy stood on her porch in the cool night air. He was having a hard time convincing his feet to carry him across it. He glanced back at the closed door. He didn't want to leave. It felt like a mistake. He had made enough of those in his lifetime. Going back inside didn't seem like the right thing to do either. He tore his gaze away from the door with a sigh. He raked a hand over his face and into his hair. He didn't know what to do. That wasn't anything new for him. He shook his head. "Dammit," he muttered. He glanced across the yard at the three cars parked in her drive way. His car was pulled in along side Sharon's. There was a third, a much older car and slightly battered vehicle that he knew must belong to Jack. His teeth ground together at the sight. It was parked beside Sharon's car, and it served as a reminder to him, that as much as he hated the idea, it belonged there.

He walked across the porch and moved down the concrete stairs. With every step his gut churned a little more, it felt a little heavier. Andy ignored it as he got into his car and started the engine. He looked back at the house. There was still a _For Sale_ sign in the yard. It was an illusion, this place. There was nothing here for him, and yet as he left the driveway and pointed his car away from the house, he couldn't understand why driving away felt like the wrong move.

Jack couldn't hear what was being said in the foyer, their voices were too hushed. He stood in the living room and waited. In all of the years that they had been living like this, that he had been coming and going, he never had to question that Sharon would be waiting when he came home again. She usually gave him a lot of grief about it. She was always slow to open up, but she always let him stay. Now, as he looked around, he realized how scarcely decorated the house was. Most of the books were gone from the shelves, and a lot of the knick-knacks too. She hadn't mentioned moving, and he wondered if Andy Flynn had something to do with that. Although, if he was honest about it, it wasn't as if he really checked in while he was away. Jack didn't exactly keep tabs on what went on at home. He just expected it to all be the same.

The legal separation had come at a time when she was really mad at him. Sharon had just found out that he had mortgaged the house a second time, and that he had taken the money and blown it, lost it in a high stakes poker game. He hadn't put the money back in the kid's accounts, like he planned to. That was what he was going to do when he mortgaged the house. He was going to put the money back before Sharon found out that those accounts had been emptied. He had felt lucky, though. He really thought that he could double that money, that he could put the money back and have a lot left over. That wasn't what happened, though. Sharon found out, like she always did, and she had him served with papers.

They weren't divorce papers. If she wanted him gone for good, she would divorce him. That was what Jack always told himself. On some level she still wanted him. She was still waiting for him. That was why she was still married to him. She was never going to be able to let him go; that was why he still had her.

Jack turned at the sound of the front door closing. She was letting him stay and she was sending her lover home. To his way of thinking, her choice was clear. Of course it was. Sharon was still crazy about him. She always would be. He waited, with some amount of anticipation, for her to come back into the room. They would finish their talk. Jack frowned when she appeared, only to hesitate by the stairs. He started to speak, but stopped when she turned and started up the stairs.

"You can stay in the guest room," she told him, sounding as tired and weary as she felt. "I am going back to bed."

His jaw dropped a bit. "Sharon."

"Good night Jack. We will talk more tomorrow."

She disappeared up the stairs and he was left alone on the first floor. Jack shook his head. He would wait. Cornering her was never a good idea. He would give her tonight. Jack sighed as he looked around the room. He walked over and picked up the bag that he left by the stairs. He trudged tiredly toward the second floor and let himself into the guestroom. It was a small, cold room. There was a bed and a dresser, and nothing else. It looked like most everything on this level had been packed too. Jack wondered about that as he made his way over to the closet. He found the clothes that he left behind the last time he was home still occupying hangers. He smirked. No, Sharon would never get rid of him completely. Whatever it was that she had going on with Andy Flynn wouldn't last long.

Sharon was already gone when Jack came downstairs the following morning. He didn't waste a lot of time snooping around the house to see just how imbedded in her life that his old pal was. He went through Sharon's bedroom and bathroom, and then the laundry. He found a couple of old t-shirts that weren't his, and couldn't be Ricky's, but little else. Whatever they were doing, it wasn't that far gone yet. There wasn't even a shaving kit in the bathroom. Jack decided that was a good thing. It would make the old bastard that much easier to get rid of.

He spent the rest of the day trying to figure out how to get back into Sharon's good graces. That was always the hard and tricky part. Jack decided to start with dinner. He spent the afternoon and evening preparing all of her favorites. The last time he did that, he set the table in the dining room, made it a nice affair. Sharon had enjoyed dinner, but not the scene. This time, he set the small table in the kitchen. Small, casual, intimate. That's how it would be. She would appreciate that, he decided.

The only problem was that Sharon didn't get home when he expected her to. Jack waited for a few hours, until long after the shrimp alfredo that he made for her went cold. He was still seated at the table, the now ruined dinner long gone, when Sharon finally walked into the kitchen. It was close to midnight.

The smell of cooked shrimp and alfredo sauce still hung in the air. It turned her stomach. Sharon sighed at finding Jack waiting up for her. Shrimp alfredo was his go-to for trying to impress her. He seemed to forget so easily that she didn't really care for it. "You're up late." It was all that she said as she moved across the kitchen and filled the kettle. After a long day all that she wanted was a cup of tea and a long, hot bath. She wouldn't deny that she left early, well before she expected Jack to be awake, just to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. She had also stayed late in her office, catching up on paperwork that could wait, for the same reason.

"You're home late." Jack turned in his chair. He watched her put the kettle on to boil. "I don't remember you working such long hours before. I thought you said going to IA meant being home on time." He wondered if she had been off with Flynn. Was that why she was only just getting home?

Sharon exhaled a soft breath. The accusation behind his words set her teeth on edge. "I had a lot of paperwork that needed to be completed. We just finished a very complicated case. Things backed up." She took a mug down, but refused to look at him. She rubbed her lips together. "I am not accustomed to having someone here to wonder at my whereabouts."

Jack winced. He supposed that he deserved that. "When were you going to tell me that you're selling the house?" He decided to deflect instead. Jack stood up and walked over to lean against the baking island in the center of kitchen. She still had her back to him. "Didn't you think that maybe I deserved to know that you're planning on selling our house?"

"My house." Sharon turned and glared at him. "This is my house, Jack. So no, to answer your question, I did not feel that you needed to know." The legal separation had assured her sole ownership. She had paid off the first mortgage and a good deal of the second. The sale would take care of what remained, and she would have plenty enough to buy herself a new home.

"I guess there's a lot that goes on around here that you think that I don't need to know about," he shot back at her. Yeah, she got the house. He didn't like being reminded of that. He was the one that got her this damned house. They moved in to it together. "Was it really paperwork that kept you at the office, or maybe it was your boyfriend? I wonder what people think about that. The queen of the rules is finally coming down to slum with the rest of us."

"I am not going to do this with you tonight, Jack." She was much too tired to argue with him. Sharon turned away and busied herself with making her tea. "I am going to go to bed. If you wish, we can have an adult, civilized conversation tomorrow." She was aching all over, and the continued, lingering smell of the dinner that he had prepared was making her feel sick. It was another empty gesture. Another opportunity for Jack to make promises that he had no intention of keeping. Sharon didn't want to hear any of it.

"So you're just going to walk away?" His eyes narrowed at her back. She took her cup and did exactly that. Jack shook his head. "Is that how you solve things now?"

"Well, I've had more than twenty years to learn that from you," she replied. "I suppose those lessons of yours are finally paying off. At least in this case you will know where to find me when you're ready to talk. Good night, Jack."

Sharon left the kitchen. She held herself stiffly as she made her way upstairs. It was not until she was closed up in her bathroom that she exhaled the breath that she was holding. She undressed slowly, tired body aching, and managed to wait until she was submerged in the tub, steaming water surrounding her, before she let the tears come. What did he expect of her? He moved into and out of her life like the wind. She was lucky to know where he was when he was not in it. Sharon didn't know how long it had been since he had even talked to their children, much less seen either of them. She told herself that she would not allow his insinuations or accusations to get to her, and yet, here she sat… alone, emotional, and cold despite the heat of the water.

She didn't see Andy at work that day. Sharon didn't know if seeing him would have helped or not. There was no reason for her to go to Major Crimes and nothing that would bring him to Professional Standards. It might have made things worse, but she could admit to herself that she missed him. He was a wise ass on a good day, and a sarcastic bastard the rest of the time, but he made her laugh.

It took a few more days before she did run in to him again. Sharon was avoiding Jack as much as she could. He tried to speak to her again, but she didn't want to hear his excuses. She asked how the apartment hunt was going and reminded him that she expected him out by the end of the week. He hadn't appreciated it, and she didn't care. Jack wondered what their kids would think if they found out that she was tossing him out, Sharon responded by asking what he thought they would think if they found out he was home without contacting them. That was enough to shut him up, at least for a little while. It felt, in large part, like she was occupying her house with a stranger. Jack kept trying to remind her of how good life used to be, but they were too many years and too many arguments separated from those days. Sharon was counting the time until he was gone again. With Jack there, she was reminded again just how much she enjoyed being on her own. Andy, at least, had not encroached on her space.

She was thinking about him when he stepped into the elevator with her. It was the first time that she had seen him since the night Jack found them together. Sharon said nothing as he moved to stand beside her in the empty lift. She was on her way home, although she was dreading another confrontation with Jack. Sharon drew a breath when he moved closer. She could feel his heat. Their shoulders were almost touching. "Lieutenant."

"Captain." Andy didn't know what was going on, but she had looked a hell of a lot better than she did at the moment. His brows drew together in a frown. She was pale, and there were dark smudges beneath her eyes. He studied her, probably a little more closely than he should, given their surroundings. "Are you okay?"

His voice had pitched low. It was a tone that she knew entirely too well now. Sharon felt a pleasant tingle move down her spine. She wanted to close her eyes and lean toward him, but she held herself steady. "I'm fine," she responded. She was exhausted. She wasn't sleeping well and the continued confrontations with Jack had left her feeling ill. "Headed home, Lieutenant?"

"Yeah." Andy continued to study her. He wasn't convinced. He shook his head and turned his attention back to the doors of the lift. "We managed to get everything wrapped up, so I'm headed out of here. " He ground his teeth together. "How's Jack?" Her indrawn breath was exactly what he wanted. Andy reached out and his hand slapped against the emergency stop. His hands gripped Sharon's arms. He pulled her around to face him. "You're not okay," he said.

"Let go of me, Andy." She attempted to shrug off his grasp, but it was cursory at best and they both knew it. "I'm fine," she repeated. "I am just… very tired," she told him. "That is all. Having Jack around is hardly a restful experience. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. It always does."

"Come home with me." He decided. Andy rubbed his hands up and down her arms. "You're exhausted. You need a break. Let me take you to my place. You can get some sleep and not worry about any of that." It surprised him, but he found, even as he said the words, that he meant it. He wanted to take her home, give her some place to feel like herself. Even if it was just for the night, and even if it meant that he spent the night on the couch. He found that he was worried about her, and it was a little unsettling, but he decided to not brush it aside.

It was a tempting offer. Sharon's eyes closed. She felt tears sting her eyes and she cursed her inability to bury her emotions. She was usually so good at it. Lately, since her husband's return, it was becoming harder to do. Everything was so up in the air. She hated feeling so out of control of everything. "I can't," she whispered. Sharon looked up at him and smiled sadly. "Andy… we can't. This has to end." They had been lucky, so far, that the only person who knew about it was her usually absent husband. It needed to end before that changed. This relationship couldn't go anywhere, it needed to end before they were both left in ruins.

His hands came up to cup her face. He drew his thumb across her bottom lip. He could tell her to leave him, to get a divorce, but where would that really get them? It wasn't like either of them was committed to each other. They had barely gotten beyond the fooling around stage. All he knew was that he hated seeing her like this, and that he wanted more. He wanted her wrapped around him, sweaty and flushed, and crying out in ways that drove him to madness. He wanted her curled up beside him, sound asleep, warm and safe, and without the drawn and sad look that was currently dulling her eyes. He wanted her giving him hell, smarting off and making his job harder, and smiling in that way that just made him want to back her into a corner and give her mouth something else to do. He didn't know what all that meant, but he knew that not being able to have her had left him empty and aching, and it was driving him to another kind of madness.

"I'm worried about you." He buried the rest of what he wanted to say and stuck to that.

Her lips curved into a small smile. Sharon curled a hand around his wrist. "Don't be," she said. "I am more familiar with this song and dance than I ever wanted to be. Jack will go, when he realizes that I am not going to play his game. He always does. But even then…" She shook her head at him. "Andy, this can't go on. I'm still married to him. My marriage is what it is, but it is still a marriage." She saw the sad glimmer in his eyes, beyond the concern that he held for her. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I'm not." He shrugged. "It was good." They had enjoyed themselves and he wasn't going to regret being with her. She was right, it was ill advised. They worked together, for one thing, and then there was her marriage. Andy agreed that it was better to end it now, but that didn't mean that he liked it. It didn't mean that he wanted to end it. "I'm just going to miss those macaroons," he rumbled quietly, "that's all."

Sharon snorted a quiet, wet laugh. She lowered her head to his chest and let it shudder through her. "You hate my macaroons," she muttered.

"Only the lemon ones," he promised. He dropped his lips to the top of her head. Andy reached out and started the elevator moving again. "Just do me a favor and get some rest, okay? You look like you can use it."

She felt like she could use it. Sharon took a step back from him. She nodded, even as she sighed. "I will do my best."

"Good."

They rode the elevator the rest of the way in silence. When it opened, they had to go their separate ways. Sharon hesitated for a moment. "Good night, Andy," she said softly.

"Sharon." He watched her walk away from him. Andy sighed as he turned away. Getting over her was going to be a lot harder than he thought. He wondered how long that would take.

 **-TBC-**


	4. Chapter 4

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

 **A/N:** Because the twin asked, and I delivered. So #blamekate is my official defense, and I am sticking to it!

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

Jack was still with her more than three days after the one-week deadline that she had given him. He told her that he was closing in on a place. Sharon told him that she would only be willing to allow him to extend his stay for another week. In truth, she didn't have the energy to argue with him. Sharon had been sick for several days. She tried to work through it at first, but had finally given up and taken a sick day when she seemed to only feel worse rather than better. She was tired, there was not a muscle in her body that did not ache in one way or another, and just the thought of food turned her stomach in truly alarming ways.

On the upside, Sharon told herself that at least she knew that Jack was, in fact, working now. At least that was where she assumed he spent his time away from the house. There was no way for her to know for sure, but she chose to believe it.

She was in the kitchen, hair pulled back in a messy bun, wearing only a pair of yoga pants and a tank top when he returned that evening. Earlier in the day she was wrapped in a thick sweater. Her body seemed to swing from too hot to too cold at the drop of a hat. At the moment, she was in one of the hot phases, but her unsettled stomach had sent her in search of a cup of tea. Sharon sat at the table with it, shoulders hunched and head in her hands when Jack entered the room.

"Maybe it's time for you think about seeing a doctor." Jack crossed the room and opened the fridge. He pulled a bottle of juice from inside and uncapped it. "You look like hell, Sharon."

She lifted her head and pinned him with a glare. "I have certainly felt better," she said, "but I'm sure that it's only the flu. It will work itself out in a few more days."

"You never get the flu." Jack walked around the kitchen and pulled down a glass. He poured juice into it and then turned to regard her more carefully. His gaze swept over her body. "I've never really known you to get sick at all. Indestructible Sharon." He lifted his glass in a salute.

She rolled her eyes at him. "No one is indestructible, Jack, and I have been sick before." She stood up with her tea, carefully, because the room wanted to spin if she moved too quickly.

"Okay, I will give you that much." His head inclined. Jack shrugged. "You were sick as dog both times you were pregnant." His eyes narrowed. Jack looked her over again. He especially paid close attention to the way the tank top clung to her upper body. She wasn't the least bit interested in anything resembling food, and the coffee that he made that morning had turned her an interesting shade of green. On top of that, he found her asleep on the couch when he got home the previous evening, and Sharon wasn't one for naps. She was pale, drawn, and moody on top of all of that. Sharon was never moody. He swore as he put his juice down. Jack crossed the kitchen before she could leave it. He caught Sharon's arm and pulled her around. He clasped her shoulders tightly and took a closer look. "Shit. You're pregnant."

Despite the fact that she was currently grasping his arms to keep from toppling over as the room spun around her, Sharon snorted. She laughed. "Have you lost your mind?" Sharon closed her eyes. Moving was making her nauseous again. "Jack." She swallowed hard past the rising bile and focused on breathing for just a moment. Sharon opened her eyes and looked up at him. "I know that you have a hard time living in the present, but let me be the one to break it to you, we are all a little bit beyond that now. I'm fifty-two. That ship has sailed."

"Has it?" Jack squinted down at her. "Honey, you might not be much of a spring chicken anymore, but I know for a fact that you aced biology when we were in school." She had helped him study for the final. When he was home a few years ago, it was still a possibility. "Do you still have the IUD?"

Sharon shrugged out of his grasp. This conversation had just taken a decidedly uncomfortable turn. She folded her arms across her chest and took a step back. "Of course not. It wasn't necessary." There was also the fact that she was premenopausal, her husband no longer lived at home, and when she was inclined to allow him into her bed on those few occasions that he was, she demanded that they use more definite methods of protection.

For someone that was usually so smart, Jack was surprised that she was in such denial. "Sharon…" He shook his head slowly. "Honey, unless you know something that I don't, are you sure that it's not possible. Maybe you should see a doctor."

She rolled her eyes at his ridiculous suspicions. "Jack, I'm sure. I do appreciate that you are concerned." Sharon gave his chest a conciliatory pat as she walked around him. "If I don't feel better in a few days, I will see a doctor, but I doubt that it will be necessary. The flu should run its course. I do appreciate that you were worried, though." She shook her head at him again. "I am going back to bed. I will see you tomorrow, Jack."

He watched her go, but he wasn't entirely convinced. "If you say so…" Jack moved back to the counter and lifted his juice. He took a drink and couldn't help but think that it would taste a lot better if there was gin in it.

Sharon barely made it back to her room before she was sick again. She sat slumped over the toilet for a long time after the meager contents of her stomach were emptied. She was too weak to move and too afraid of becoming ill again to even attempt it. Sharon lay down on the cool tile in front of the toilet instead. She rested her head against her arm and concentrated on breathing. It was a truly ridiculous notion, but now that Jack had planted it in her head, she couldn't help but consider the source of her illness. He was right about one thing; she had only felt this ill on two other occasions. She was pregnant both times. Sharon spent the first six months of both pregnancies miserably ill.

She drew her knees closer to her body and tried to push those thoughts aside. She and Andy were not exactly careful while they were together, but they were also both a little long in the tooth for the sort of result that Jack was talking about. Sharon shrugged it off and attempted to concentrate on calming her stomach.

Those thoughts would not go away completely, however. It was there, in the back of her mind, even as her body grew cold and she had to finally rise from the floor and make her way to the bed. Sharon wrapped herself in a thick blanket and was struck suddenly by the fact that it smelled, not just familiar, but entirely _too_ familiar. She tucked her face into the soft folds of the fleece and inhaled deeply. Her eyes closed when she realized that it didn't smell like some _thing_ but rather some _one._ The familiar rustic smell of Andy's aftershave was clinging to the material. Sharon exhaled a shuddering breath.

Could she be pregnant?

It was unlikely, but Jack wasn't entirely wrong. It was physically possible.

She didn't want to think about it, but the more she attempted the stop, the more that the idea seemed to loom over her. Sharon spent the weekend trying to convince herself that she was already beginning to feel better and there was little substance to Jack's theory. By Sunday evening she was doing a body check and growing alarmed at what she was discovering. Her breasts were tender, her stomach was tight, and she still felt utterly horrible.

There was also the fact that she had not had a single period since just before she and Andy began sleeping together. For a premenopausal woman that was not an alarming fact on its own, when paired with her other findings, it was incredibly alarming.

That was why, despite her better judgment and just how terrible she felt, Sharon climbed into her car and drove to the drug store a few blocks away. She made a purchase that she never believed that she would have to make again. The pregnancy test remained in its bag as she made the long drive to Valencia. It wasn't necessarily that she felt like she needed Andy, but this was not something that she wanted to do with Jack present. She needed a steady voice in a hurricane of insanity. She wanted someone to tell her that she was wrong. She wanted someone to agree that Jack had lost his mind.

Instead, Andy was stricken by her appearance. She was far too pale. Her hair was pulled into a messy bun, the likes of which he had never seen on her, and she wore a sweater that was much too big for her. He ushered her into the house and admonished her for driving that far while she was so obviously ill. Sharon almost cried when he took a throw blanket off his sofa and wrapped her in it. He gathered her close and drew her toward his bedroom at the back of the house.

"Andy." His name was a whisper on her lips. "I think I'm pregnant."

"I think you're delirious." He could feel the heat rolling off her body, even through the blanket. Andy wondered if she realized that she was shivering? "Sweetheart, you're sick. You shouldn't even be out of bed. What are you doing here?"

"I'm serious." Sharon pushed her hand out of the cocoon that he had created for her. She held out the test. "All of the signs are there." She shook her head, but regretted it. The room was spinning and her head was aching. "Jack is right. I'm only this sick when I'm pregnant. It's preposterous but not entirely impossible. We haven't exactly been very careful." Which was a fact that she was regretting. It had been a long time since she allowed herself to be this careless. Even when she let Jack into her bed she insisted that their encounters be protected. Perhaps age had allowed her to think that she was beyond such insanity, but it wasn't the thought of getting pregnant that she had to worry about with Jack. She simply didn't know where he had been when he wasn't with her, and there had been a couple of experiences that she didn't want to repeat.

"No we haven't," he agreed, "but it's impossible." Andy tossed the test onto his dresser and put Sharon in his bed. He wrapped her in another blanket and lay down beside her. He held her, let his arms rub up and down her side and back. "I had a vasectomy after Charlie was born. As for anything else you're suddenly worrying about, don't. We're fine, Sharon. Jack is an idiot." She was sick, she was vulnerable, and it was obvious to him that her asshole of a husband had planted ideas in her head that had terrified her.

"You're sure?" She was looking up at him. Her eyes were wide, their color was dull, and they seemed entirely too large compared to her pale and drawn appearance.

"Sweetheart, it's not exactly something that a man forgets." Andy grinned. He gathered her closer, even as she seemed to slump against him. He thought that he heard her whisper something that sounded like _thank god_ and chose to not be offended by it. They were both too damned old for to be starting over and raising a family. Not that he wouldn't have, if it had been a reality. He'd have stuck by her. "You're burning up," he told her. "How did you get all the way out here without passing out?"

Sharon shook her head. She didn't know. She was too busy being relieved. She turned her face into his chest and burrowed as close to him as she could. She felt as though she was freezing. "Everything hurts," she admitted. She also felt ridiculous. She should not have allowed Jack to get inside her head.

"I guess you're not made of ice after all," Andy teased. "Looks like you got the flu that's been going around." There had been a few people down with it. It was a pretty nasty bug this year. "What will people think? Sharon Raydor, human."

She snorted but did not lift her head. "Don't tell; you'll ruin my reputation." Her teeth were chattering a bit. "Although it sounds a lot better than Sharon Raydor, extramarital pregnancy."

"I'm not going to deny that." He smirked. "Even if it does mean passing up on the opportunity to be known for my super sperm. They survive anything, even snipping." When she laughed, and then moaned in pain, Andy winced. "Baby, why don't you let me take you to a hospital? You need to see a doctor."

"No." She shook her head. "It's just the flu. It will pass." Now that she realized just how stupid it was to think otherwise, she could admit that she felt completely horrible. Of course her breasts were tender, there was not a part of her body that was not currently hurting in some way or another. Even her scalp was sensitive to the touch.

Damn but she was stubborn. And insane. That was the only thing that Andy could think of to explain what she was doing there as sick as she was. He was surprised she could even walk, much less drive. "Fine, but stay here." He climbed off the bed, leaving her only long enough to grab a glass of water and a bottle of motrin. It was all that he had on hand. It would help with the fever and the body aches. He also brought another blanket back to the bed. Andy helped her take the pills before he draped the third blanket around her. Then he laid down and gathered her close again.

Andy waited until he felt Sharon go limp against him. When he was convinced that she was asleep, he reached for his cell phone, which was on the charger beside his bed. The last thing that either of them needed was for Jack to decide to file a missing person's report because he didn't know where his wife was. The only problem was that Andy didn't know how to get in touch with Jack directly. He called the house phone instead, and wasn't entirely surprised when the answering machine picked up. He left a quick message. "Jack, it's Andy. Sharon is with me. She's too sick to drive home. I'll drive her back after she's had some rest." As far as he was concerned, the other man didn't need to know any more than that. It was Jack's fault that Sharon had gotten in her car in the first place. If he hadn't planted such stupid ideas in her head, she never would have considered it. She was obviously deeply concerned about it, otherwise her better sense would have won out.

He lay with her while she slept. Andy eventually shifted onto his side beside her, although he continued to occasionally stroke her back when she shivered or groaned in pain. He was just beginning to drift toward sleep when she began to struggle against the blankets holding her. Her skin was flushed, damp, and the hair that had come loose from her bun was plastered to her forehead and neck. Andy pushed her hair back and helped her loosen the blankets without waking her. Sharon rolled on to her back. She tossed an arm over her head while the other lay across her stomach.

They were in for a long night. Andy knew from experience that she would toss and turn, that she would run the gamut between hot and cold. He lay down beside her again and allowed his eyes to close. He would sleep while he could and hope that she wouldn't get any worse.

Sharon would like to have believed that once her mind was at ease, her body would soon follow. That was not the case. She was aching and tired, and every movement made the room spin around her. It also left her feeling completely exhausted. She wasn't expecting to wake up beside Andy and it took her a few moments to recall how she had come to be in bed with him. Once she remembered, she was as much embarrassed as she was relieved.

If she thought that he would allow her to slide out of the bed, she was wrong. The second that she moved, his arm wrapped around her waist. He tucked her against his chest and pulled a blanket around her body. His face turned in to her hair and Sharon wrinkled her nose. She must be a mess. She felt utterly disgusting. More alarming than that, however, was just how comfortable she felt wrapped in these arms. Sharon chewed on the corner of her lip and worked on extricating herself from Andy's arms.

He was snoring quietly, and did little more than grunt as she moved away from him. Sharon moved more carefully to the opposite side of the bed. It left her feeling winded and weak, but she rose from the bed and made her way, quietly, toward the bathroom. Sharon turned to look at him when she reached the door. She propped herself against the frame and gazed back toward the bed. Andy had rolled toward the center of the bed. He tucked his face into the pillow that she was previously using. Sharon shook her head at him and moved more fully into the bathroom. She waited until the door was secured before she felt along the wall beside it for the light switch.

The brightness of the lights had her wincing and blinking as they came on. The sight of herself in the mirror had her grimacing in pain. It was worse than she believed. She was a total mess. Her clothes were rumpled, damp, and clinging to her body. Her hair, with its messy, lop-sided bun, was matted against her head. Her face was pale and completely devoid of make up. Sharon could hardly believe that she had left the house looking like this, much less appeared in front of someone she knew.

She sighed as she moved around the bathroom. She found an extra toothbrush, still in its package, in the medicine cabinet over the sink. Sharon decided that Andy would probably appreciate it if she used it, and so she did. Then she peeled away her clothing and started the shower to running. While the water heated, Sharon sat on the edge of the tub to catch her breath. She was already feeling dizzy and exhausted, but was too intent on having a shower to stop now.

The water felt better than she imagined that it would, once she finally stepped into the steaming shower. Sharon let it cascade over her, allowed it to chase away the ache in her muscles. The heat and steam also seemed to sap what was left of her remaining strength. She leaned heavily against the tiled wall and cursed the fact that she was ill.

It was the sound of running water that woke him. Andy found the bed beside him empty. The digital display on the alarm clock beside his bed told him that it was still too damned early for either of them to be awake. He rose from the bed with a groan and let himself into the bathroom. Sharon was standing in the glass-encased shower, head bowed and hands braced against the wall as she allowed it to prop her up. Andy scowled at the sight. She was hardly strong enough to have tried to manage that on her own.

"You're more stubborn than I thought," he told her.

She looked up at him. Their eyes met through the foggy glass. Sharon offered him a weak, but crooked smile. "I wanted to wash my hair," she explained.

Andy shook his head at her. He stripped off his t-shirt and the boxer shorts that he had gone to bed in and pulled the shower door open. "Alright," he told her, "slide over." The shower was only just barely big enough for the both of them.

It was rather intimate for what they had been doing together. Sharon hesitated for a moment, but then she remembered that she had come there that evening believing that the man had impregnated her. She snorted at herself and rolled her eyes. In the end it came down to a choice between propriety and how badly she wanted her hair washed. Sharon decided that this time propriety could wait. She turned as she moved out of his way. When he slipped in behind her, she leaned back, grateful to let him bear her weight. "Thank you," she said, after he began gathering her hair and lathering it with shampoo.

He said nothing as he worked his fingers through the long locks. Andy worked out the tangles that he could with his fingers, careful not to pull too hard. His fingers massaged her scalp until she was humming. His head bent and he pressed a kiss to her shoulder before he moved aside and slipped around her so they could rinse her hair. Her skin was still flushed, but it seemed to glow with a more healthy hue in the steam encased shower. Andy watched the smile that curved her lips as her worked the shampoo out of her hair. Even with the dark smudges beneath her eyes and the drawn appearance that her illness had wrought, she was beautiful. There was not a trace of artificial color or foundation on her face. Every line, every blemish, and even the freckles that he had never noticed were on complete display. He found himself bending closer. His lips moved along the curve of her jaw. They kissed the lines at the corner of her left eye. He cradled her head in his hands and tipped it back as he kissed the tip of her nose, and finally pressed a simple, soft kiss, against the curve of her mouth. Her eyes fluttered open then. She looked up at him, seeming a bit confused. All Andy could think was that he had told a man that his sick wife was in his home, and he had not even gotten a call back to acknowledge the message. "If you were mine," he told her, "I'd have already beaten in the door."

Her smile faltered. It grew sad. Sharon leaned in to him. Her arms moved around his middle. She tucked her face into his neck and exhaled quietly. She could feel the ache of tears behind her eyes. It was such a simple sentiment, and yet, it meant everything, more than she expected that it would. "But I'm not," she said quietly, "and he isn't you."

His eyes closed. He tucked his face against her wet hair and turned them so that the spray from the shower was beating against his back. "So where does that leave us?" She had twenty years to divorce her husband, and still hadn't done it. Andy thought that might be pretty damned telling about how she felt about the situation.

"I don't know," she admitted. Letting go of him was harder than she expected. Sharon had not anticipated feeling this way. She wasn't entirely certain how to classify what she was feeling, but it wasn't a bad sensation. She felt appreciated and cared for. She felt desired and liked. These were not things that she _needed_ to feel to be happy or accomplished, but she found that she enjoyed it. She lifted her head and looked up at him. "I cannot have an affair with you."

"But you're not going to leave him either," Andy pointed out. He reached behind them and turned off the shower. He wouldn't ask her to. That was a decision that only Sharon could make. He had never gotten in the way of anyone's marriage before. Now was not the time to start, no matter how much he cared about her.

"I don't have to leave him," Sharon said, a little more sharply than she intended. "Jack has the leaving part covered." She looked away from him and shook her head. "If you're talking about divorce…" The thought of it sent a shiver down her spine. "Andy, I can't."

There was a time when he would have said the same, when he never would have suggested divorce for either of them. Vicki hadn't given him that chance, though. She hadn't much cared about their religion when she tossed him out. "Yeah," he said, "I know." Going to church wasn't something that he did a lot of. That didn't mean that he didn't believe. Giving himself over to a higher power, be it religion, God, or just faith, was part of his recovery. He could hardly ask Sharon to turn her back on hers. That didn't mean that he liked the idea of having to let her go. "I just wish it could be different."

He pushed the door of the shower open and stepped out. Andy took two towels off a shelf and wrapped one of them around his waist before he held the other open for her. Sharon stepped into the circle of his arms and let him pull the towel around her body. She reached up to touch the curve of his jaw. "So do I," she said, and found that she meant it.

She sagged against him, suddenly much too tired to manage on her own. She let him maneuver her back into the bedroom. The clothes that he gave her to wear, a plain white t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants, were his, and hung loosely on her much smaller frame. She toweled her hair dry while he got dressed, and worked out the rest of the tangles from the wildly curling locks. When he joined her on the bed, she laid down beside him. They lay facing one another. When his arm slipped around her waist and pulled her closer, she allowed it. Sharon settled against him with a sigh and closed her eyes. For just one more night it wouldn't hurt to pretend that there wasn't every reason in the world why they should walk away from one another.

 **-TBC-**


	5. Chapter 5

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

 **A/N:** Rated M – NSFW.

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

Sharon resolved that whatever lapse in judgment had led her to allow the relationship with Andy to begin would not be permitted to continue.

She left his house the next morning while he was still getting ready for work, and returned to her own home only to find Jack sleeping it off on her couch. Upon waking him, he confessed that he had lost everything he was saving, and had in fact, also lost his new job. Her hospitality ended that day. As usual Jack attempted to blame his misfortunes on their broken relationship, citing the reason for his newest slip on the fact that his wife was having an affair with another man, an affair that had produced a child that he would no doubt be expected to be responsible for. After assuring him, in no uncertain terms, that he was a complete fool and no such child existed, Sharon showed Jack the door and firmly locked it behind him. She decided that whatever guilt allowed her to believe harboring him was a good idea would also be at an end. She would never be able to rid herself of Jack completely, they were still married and he was still the father of her children, but she could limit her exposure. In the future she would not be so quick to allow him to take up residence in her life, or in her home.

Sharon took a few more sick days and saw a doctor to confirm that she did, indeed, have the flu. By midweek she was feeling well enough to return to work, although she still tired easily. More exhausting were her attempts to avoid Andy Flynn. She spent several days dodging him, until she was forced to work with his division again. She ignored everything but the most professional aspects of their association, and was grateful that he seemed to get the point. She was worried that he might grow hostile, Andy's temper was legendary, but while he regarded her carefully, there was nothing that could completely change what had transpired between them.

She found herself laughing at his antics, where in the past she would have rolled her eyes and scoffed. She agreed with some of his more cynical nature, experience having taught her that he was not altogether incorrect in his assessments of their job and the people that they arrested.

Sharon was determined to stay away from him, however. She had thought revealing the truth of the affair every time that she sat in the confessional at church, but something always held her back. The words were there, but she wasn't able to give voice to them. Sharon didn't know which was harder, reconciling it with her faith, or reconciling it within herself. Had she not been a good wife? Was she not a good mother? She provided for her children, cared for them, protected them, and nurtured them. She raised them alone while often not even knowing where her husband was, or whom he was with. She had accepted Jack back into their lives a number of times.

They had gone to counseling, professionally and within the church itself. She had sent him to rehab twice, paid for outpatient programs, and did all that she knew to do to help him. She had waited and prayed, she had hoped, and she had loved. Then a day had come when she realized that she wasn't waiting for him anymore. A day had come when she no longer desired the feel of his arms around her. She stopped dreaming of the future that they could have, and began to live in the present. When she thought of the future, she no longer imagined Jack as part of it at all.

She had given him every part of herself, and he had given it back. So she had stopped giving. She realized that she was perfectly content with her life as it was. Her children were bright, healthy, and whole. They were following their dreams, and she could not be prouder of either of them. Her career was what she had made of it. It was successful and she felt fulfilled. She had friends; she had family. Sharon was happy.

So why then should she feel that she had to confess to following her most basic, human need? That of companionship. She was legally separated. She was breaking no rules in seeking the company of another. As a well educated woman, even one with a deep and abiding faith, she could not believe that she would be faulted for caring for another, or allowing him to care for her. Her husband had left her. She had not walked away from her marriage.

Therein lay an entirely new problem, though. Sharon wouldn't file for divorce; she couldn't bring herself to take that step, no matter how many times the thought had crossed her mind. She had considered it more than once over the years, well before Andy Flynn was in her life, but the idea of divorce went against everything that she knew. Oddly enough, she was finding it much easier to accept the idea of an affair than she was the thought of a divorce.

Sharon was fully aware of just how strange that was. They were thoughts that she struggled with and finally managed to push to the back of her mind. Time had a way of luring people into a false state of security. She could not completely forget what had transpired between them, but she could convince herself that it was completely behind her. It was an idea that allowed her to accept that she and Andy had grown, if not friendly, at least civil with one another. They could work together and they could even share idle conversation; they were even moving into a place where she believed that they could coexist as allies, if nothing more.

It made her forays into the world of Major Crimes a lot easier when she had to cross paths with that division. Since Chief Delk had assumed command of the LAPD those occasions were becoming more common. He wanted to harbor a sense of inclusion and camaraderie among the divisions of his department. It was important to him that his most elite group of detectives be above reproach, and as such, he was pairing her with them whenever possible. Truthfully, Sharon knew that she could have assigned a member of her team to any one of the cases that she worked with them, but she felt that she was better suited to handle the hostility that was heaped upon outsiders, and especially Internal Affairs, by the tightly knit Major Crimes division.

The wrongful death suit filed by the Baylor family would be a serious test of that, Sharon knew. Andy didn't care for being investigated behind his back, but there was nothing that she could do to change that. He was named in the lawsuit. Chief Delk wanted a full and complete transparency audit of the _Shootin' Newton_ murders and Sharon could not find fault with the order. It was going to be important to get ahead of the allegations and to learn as much as they could about the actions of those who had investigated the case leading up to and including the moment that Terrell Baylor was left at his home.

With her initial survey Sharon found nothing amiss. There was a voice in the back of her head that told her that she might not have given it as much effort as she could, but with the untimely passing of Chief Delk, she also fully expected Interim Chief of Police William Pope to dismiss the audit and move forward with her cursory findings.

Those thoughts were put aside as members of the department gathered to celebrate and toast the life of a good man and officer. There were no divisions. There were no ranks. They were all brothers and sisters in blue, and they had all lost one of their own. It was at moments like these that they were all reminded of their mortality, that at any given moment, whether it was in the line of duty or not, life could come to a sudden and complete stop.

Sharon was reminded of the Chief's wife and young sons. She had called both of her children that morning. She had called her parents that evening. Then she gathered with the members of her team and had a drink. She only allowed herself the one. She was going to be driving and it was her turn to have a rotation on the FID on-call schedule. At a lull in the conversation, she excused herself to the ladies room. Sharon made her way down a narrow hall at the back of the crowded bar and stepped into the dimly lit bathroom. Once she was alone, she let out a breath. With all of the bodies pressed into the building it was much too warm in the bar. She was beginning to feel stifled. She had left her jacket draped over the back of her chair and tugged at her loose fitting silk blouse. She was thankful that she had chosen a sleeveless one that morning. The ivory blouse was not one of her favorites, but she was appreciative of it as she took a moment to freshen up and cool off.

She didn't linger long. She was well aware that her companions would be waiting for her, and on a night like that one, the two stall ladies room would be in high demand. When she stepped out of the room, she found a familiar figure leaning against the wall. Sharon drew back in surprise and the closing bathroom door bumped gently against her back. "I think there are laws against stalking."

Andy had watched her walk away from the table she was sharing with the rest of her team and head down the narrow hall. After waiting just a couple of minutes, he had followed. He didn't know exactly why, but it had been a while since they had been alone together. Andy also knew that the two of them being alone probably wasn't the best idea, so a crowded bar, in the middle of an LAPD Wake didn't exactly count. At least, that was what he told himself. He had his hands shoved into his pockets. Like Sharon, he had abandoned his jacket. He was left in just a dark blue dress shirt and a charcoal, pinstriped vest. Andy inclined his head at her and offered a crooked grin. "Who said I was waiting for you?"

Even as he spoke he pushed away from the wall and took a step toward her. Sharon glanced down the hall to make sure that no one was watching them as he laid a hand on her hip and turned her toward the wall. "Andy." Her tone held a warning note, even as her hands settled against his waist. "What are you doing?"

He shrugged. He stroked a hand up her bare arm to her shoulder. It slipped beneath the heavy weight of her hair to rest against the side of her neck. His finger stroked the curve of her jaw. "Saying hello." Andy didn't know why he had followed her until she stepped out of the bathroom. The truth was, staying away from her was hard as hell. His head dropped. His lips brushed teasingly against hers in something that was almost a kiss. "Hello," he mumbled.

"Hi," she sighed as she said it. Her hands were moving up his sides. It was a bad idea, and just as she had praised herself for being so successful at pushing him away as anything more than just a colleague and acquaintance, she found herself drawing him closer. She didn't know what it was about this man that prompted her to act so recklessly, so completely with abandon. It wasn't as though the higher functioning of her brain had shut down, Sharon would like to claim that it did, but it was entirely the opposite. She knew exactly what she was doing. Sharon tipped her face toward him and drew his bottom lip into her mouth.

The hand that was resting against her hip moved slowly upward. Andy lifted his head and watched her eyes as his fingers trailed up her silk clad side. He enjoyed the play of colors in her eyes, and watched as they darkened when his thumb traced the side of her breast. He heard the catch in her breath and watched her pull her bottom lip between her teeth. Just a few yards away they could hear the sounds of laughter and conversation. At any moment anyone could catch them. Andy lowered his head again. His lips moved along the line of her jaw. He traced a teasing path toward her ear. His breath was hot and moist against her skin as he whispered. "Come home with me."

"No." Her head inclined. Her neck extended and she closed her eyes when his lips moved against her pulse point. Sharon drew a breath and let it out slowly. Her back arched. She hummed quietly as her nipples hardened against the silk and lace of her bra. She pressed her breasts against his chest and felt the ache begin. Heat traveled through her to settle deep within her belly. Her fingers curled into the material of his vest.

"No?" His teeth scraped her collarbone. Andy lifted his head and looked down at her. He nipped teasingly at her lips. "I miss you." It was more than the softness of her body pressed against him. He missed the sound of her laugh and the way her voice sounded first thing in the morning, still thick and sleep husked. Andy tipped her head further back and kissed along the underside of her jaw.

 _Dammit_. She didn't say it aloud, but she was certainly thinking it. She exhaled a shaky breath when his hand moved up her side again. The feel of his thumb against her breast had another low hum vibrating in her throat. Sharon swallowed hard and concentrated on breathing. She missed him too, and she certainly missed the way that he made her feel. It wasn't only the arousal that was currently clouding her mind, but the feel of having another human being want to be at her side. " _Andy_." She drew her lip between her teeth again.

The plaintive sound of his name on her lips was almost his undoing. There was need and want there, frustration and indecision. Andy risked a glance down the hall to make sure that they hadn't been spotted yet before he returned his gaze to her eyes. She could mask a lot of things, but the eyes always gave her away. "To hell with it," he growled. Andy moved his mouth over hers and swept his tongue across her lips.

Sharon pushed him away from her. She shook her head. Her eyes were wide and her body was thrumming with anticipation and arousal. "Not here." It was a mistake, but she couldn't stop herself from wanting him. "Five minutes and follow me. I'll send you the address." She could only hope that by the time she got home, she would change her mind. She knew by his confused expression that he didn't realize that she had moved. "I sold the house," she explained quickly. Sharon pushed past him and walked down the narrow hall.

She made her excuses to her team and gathered her things. It was not until she was in her car that she sent him the promised address. Sharon hoped that she would not regret it as she turned her car toward Los Feliz and the condo that she had been occupying for only two weeks.

He could ignore it. Andy knew that he could answer her text and tell her that he'd gotten his senses back. He didn't. He retrieved his jacket and made excuses for his hasty retreat. He was saved by the fact that he didn't usually stay long when his team gathered for drinks. No one thought it unusual that he was leaving early. Andy checked the address on his phone twice as he walked to his car. He sat in it for a few moments before he started the engine and followed the woman that he couldn't seem to get out of his head.

1109\. That was the unit number that she gave him. He knocked on the door, and in the time that it took her to open it, he wondered if she had changed her mind. When Sharon greeted him, barefoot, but still in her blouse and skirt, he pushed into the apartment and kicked the door closed behind him. He stood in front of her for a moment, waited the space of a few heartbeats. He was giving her time to change her mind, but hoping that she wouldn't.

When he reached for her, Sharon moved her arms around his neck. She rose onto the tips of her toes and met his hungry kiss. They moved backward into the apartment, knocking over boxes that she had yet to unpack. Sharon ignored them. She concentrated on the taste of his tongue against hers and the feel of his hands against her ass. When they bumped against the back of the couch, she drew her hands down his front and began opening his vest.

Andy focused on pulling her blouse out of her skirt. His lips moved along the line of her jaw as his fingers worked open the buttons. His hands only dropped to let her push his vest off his shoulders. It fell to the floor at their feet and he reached for her again as she started on his shirt. His hands moved to her hips and slipped downward, along the outside of her thighs. His fingers gathered the material of her black skirt and began drawing it upward. As he drew her skirt up her hips, he pressed his thigh between her legs and parted them. Their lips met again as his hands slipped back up her body to cup her breasts through the silk and lace of her bra. His thumbs circled the outline of her hardened nipples.

She could feel him, hot and hard against her thigh. Sharon palmed him through his pants. She stroked the outline of his aroused length, felt it grow. She hummed as she drew a leg up and curled it around his hip. She moved against him, riding his thigh as the ache between her legs grew. All the way home she tried to talk herself out of this, but she had thought about how it felt to have him inside her and had worked herself into a frenzy. She pushed at his dress shirt, and they separated long enough to tug the t-shirt he was wearing underneath it over his head. Her hands moved back to his chest after it fell to the floor and she let her fingers and nails rake through the hair covering his chest. Sharon groaned his name and it almost sounded like a plea.

He palmed her sex. The silk was already damp with the proof of her arousal. He fought a groan as her hips moved and she pushed herself against the heel of his hand. Her head was thrown back. She gripped the back of the sofa behind her, chest rising and falling as she drew quick, gasping breaths. He pushed the folds of her blouse aside and lifted the cup of her bra. As he rolled her hard nipple between his fingers she made a keen, mewling sound and lifted her leg to curl around his hip. Andy bent and took her other breast into his mouth. His tongue swirled around her nipple at the same moment that he slipped his fingers beneath the flimsy material of her panties. He was met with no resistance as her arousal coated his fingers. Her hips jerked again as his hand slipped lower, as the pads of his fingers traced the swollen edge of her folds. She whimpered quietly as he slipped a single finger into her. "Damn," he muttered. Her inner walls gripped it tightly. "You're tight," he told her, and felt her stretch as he added a second finger. "How long has it been Sharon?"

Her eyes opened. She looked at him, bent toward her. She drew a breath as she rolled her hips and rubbed her swollen clit against the heel of his hand. His fingers moved deeper within her, but the ache of arousal masked any discomfort as she stretched to accommodate them. Her head shook as she made sense of his question. "No one since you."

With a groan he captured her mouth. His tongue swept along hers, plunging deep and mimicking the actions of his fingers as they began to move within her. She moved in time with him and he could feel the insistent rotation of her hip, the way her thighs trembled and her inner walls gripped his fingers. He drew away from her mouth and turned his face into her neck. His voice rumbled thickly in the room, mingled with the sound of her moans and gasps as he spoke against her ear, encouraged her to take what she needed, to pleasure herself against his hand.

It wasn't enough. Even when his fingers curled inside her and those of his other hand pinched and rolled her nipple. Sharon shook her head. She grunted in frustration as the ache built. She needed more. She placed her hands against his chest and gave him a push. Her tongue swept out to wet her lips as she looked at him. She shrugged out of her blouse and tossed her bra aside. Then she reached for his pants and began opening them. As she did, she moved them down the hall. Sharon backed him into her bedroom, stopping only when they reached the bed. She shoved his pants down, along with his boxers, in a single movement.

Andy kicked out of his shoes and finished removing his pants. His eyes didn't leave her as she wriggled out of her skirt and underwear. He reached for her as she pushed him backward onto the mattress. Andy groaned when she straddled him. She bent over him, nipples rubbing against his chest while her hand curled around his aroused length. He held completely still as she guided him toward her center. His eyes were glued to her face as she sank down on him. Andy drew a breath and groaned low and deep as he felt her stretch around him. Her body gripped him tightly. He watched the play of emotions on her face, the way her lips parted and her eyes closed. Andy watched her toss her head back and it was all that he could do to simply grasp her hips and lay completely still.

She hummed, low and at length, as he filled her completely. Once he was fully embedded within her, Sharon sat up. She leaned back and looked down at him. Her eyes were half lidded. She drew her lip between her teeth and rolled her hips. She felt his fingers bite into the flesh of her hips, but it was the way that his eyes darkened and narrowed that made her do it a second time. She clenched her walls around him and then she leaned back a little further. Sharon braced her arms behind her, hands gripping his thighs and began to move in a slow, rocking motion. Her hips rotated and she tightened her inner walls around him with each upward movement.

It was sweet, slow torture. She was watching him the entire time, a slight curl to her lips. Andy slipped his hands up her body to cup her breasts. He rolled her nipples between his fingers. When she leaned further back, almost out of his reach, his eyes narrowed. His gaze fell to where they were joined. He could see the glistening length of his cock moving inside of her. Andy looked up at her again. A corner of his mouth quirked upward in a smirk. He pressed his hand against her stomach, low over her pelvis, and then pushed his thumb between her folds. He found her clit easily. He let her own movements guide the pad of his finger, teasing her as she moved.

It was like fire, building inside her. A keen, almost painful ache that spread outward from her center to her stomach. Her movements began to lose their cohesion as she sought her release, as she chased the pleasure that was growing inside her. She moved more quickly, hips jerking, thighs trembling.

When she tossed her head back in frustration, Andy moved. He pushed Sharon off him and moved onto his knees. He rolled Sharon onto her back and moved between her legs. His hands gripped her hips and he lifted her toward him. He grabbed one of the pillows strewn across her bed and drew it beneath her hips while he curled his other hand around the base of his length. Andy pushed into her again, thrusting deep and fast as he bent over her. He braced one hand against the mattress beside her head and wrapped his other hand around one of her shapely thighs. Andy drew it higher against his side and thrust harder. He watched the play of pleasure on her face as her neck arched and her eyes closed.

Sharon moved her arms over her head. She gripped the edge of the mattress and planted her foot against the mattress beside his knee. She pushed herself against him, as hard and as fast as she could, moving in counter rhythm to his thrusts. She could feel the walls of her stomach growing taught. She had almost reached the plateau between pleasure and the pain of her own arousal coupled with the force of his thrusts when she felt his fingers move against her. Sharon's eyes opened and she stared, unseeing, at the ceiling above them. Her mouth opened and for just a moment she couldn't breathe.

He knew the moment that her orgasm began. It started with a hum, and grew in crescendo to a sharp, keening moan. A second later he could feel her inner walls tightened around his length. Her hips bucked against him, her thighs contracted and she held him tightly to her while she rode wave after wave of pleasure. Andy closed his eyes and braced himself against the bed. He could feel his own release approaching. He started thrusting faster, grunting as he felt himself thickening, throbbing as the heat moved through him. His head dropped, and he shouted, cursing a mixture of her name and how good she felt as he came, shooting his release inside her and continuing to thrust while he enjoyed the feel of their heat and combined juices flowing out of them.

They collapsed in a tangle of sweaty limbs, both of them gasping for air, sticky and spent. Andy rolled onto his back beside her. He stared at the ceiling above them. "Fuck," he managed, chest still heaving.

"Yes." She was sprawled beside him. Her arms were limp as she drew them back to her sides. Sharon closed her eyes and let her tongue sweep across dry lips. She hummed as the languid fatigue that only came after a very good release settled over her. A shiver worked its way up her spine as small quakes of pleasure continued to travel across her nerve endings. As she drew her legs back together, her thighs rubbed against each other. Sharon hummed in pleasure at the friction that it created, heightening the after effects of her release. Her head rolled toward the man beside her. She shouldn't let him stay, but even as she thought it, she moved closer. She draped herself against his side and wrapped one of her legs around his. Sharon smirked when he hissed at the feel of her thigh nudging his still sensitive length. She settled against him with a sigh. "I missed you too," she said, instead of telling him to leave.

His arm curled around her shoulders. His eyes closed. In a few minutes she would be dragging him to the shower. For now he would enjoy the feel of her curled against him. He didn't know how long it would last this time, but he would take what he could get. There were men that would call him pathetic, but they didn't know Sharon. Even a little of her was enough.

At least, it was enough for now.

 **-TBC-**


	6. Chapter 6

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

In the light of a new day, the doubt had returned. Sharon stood on her balcony, watching as light spread across the hills with the rising of the sun. Her condo faced the west, and so she enjoyed the play of shadows as the sky lightened and hues of scarlet and gold chased away the blue and gray of early morning. She left Andy sleeping in her bed a few hours ago. She hadn't intended to let him spend the night. She hadn't intended for last night to happen at all. Sharon woke with the weight of his arm anchoring her to the bed. She managed to slip away without waking him and pulled a robe around her body as she moved out of the room.

Sharon planned to ask him to leave after they showered, but the mood had been much too relaxed and delightful. She allowed him to lay down with her instead. Now she stood on the balcony, a cup of coffee in hand, while she thought of all the reasons why that should not have happened. The balcony door sliding open behind her drew her attention. Sharon glanced back and in spite of the thoughts occupying her mind, a smile curved her lips when he joined her. His hair was still sticking up at all ends, despite his efforts to push it down. He had laid down in his boxers and t-shirt, the only clothes that he had with him, those that she had taken off of him. Sharon drew a breath and turned her attention back to the horizon.

"Hell of a view." His voice was still thick with sleep. Andy moved to stand beside her. He stopped to pour a cup of coffee before joining her. He held it now, inhaled the strong aroma. When he woke up alone, the bed beside him empty and cold, he expected Sharon to have snuck off to the office. He was glad to find that he was wrong, that she hadn't pulled a runner.

"Yes." Her eyes swept the vista, from Griffith Park to the city. "I like it. It's taken some getting used to. It was the view that sold me on it. It's not my hills, but it's nice." She used to enjoy sitting on the steps of her back porch, watching the sun come up over the hills behind the house. There were many things about that home that she still missed, but the memories would stay with her. She was happy in the condo. Her children were grown and living lives of their own now. This seemed like the next logical step in her life. It was also solely hers. Jack was nowhere on the deed and would never have any claim to the condo. The memories that she would make here would not be haunted by his presence or his absence.

Andy moved behind her. His arm looped lazily around her waist. He bent his head and nosed aside the collar of her robe. "Happy looks good on you," he told her. His lips moved against the soft skin of her shoulder.

Sharon sighed quietly. She shrugged away from him, if a bit reluctantly. "Andy." She turned where she stood to look up at him. Her eyes held a dull sadness. "This... last night cannot happen again. We just can't keep doing this."

Part of him expected that. It still felt like a blow. Andy scrubbed a hand across his face. "Is that really how you want it, or is that how you think it needs to be?" He shook his head at her. "Sharon, what is the problem here? We have a good time together, hell, we're pretty damn great together, and it's not just the sex. So why does it have to be an issue?"

"You know why," she said carefully. Sharon placed her cup on the small table near the chaise and folded her arms across her chest. "Andy, I'm married."

"On paper," he shot back at her. "That's it. He's not here, Sharon. Who knows when the idiot will be back or how long he will hang around? You sold your house and moved," Andy reminded her, "and I doubt 'ol Jack has the first clue." He took a deep breath and moved closer to her. Andy put his coffee aside and settled his hands against her hips. "He doesn't want to be here. What does that leave but a marriage certificate and a ring that you haven't worn in more years than I can count?"

Sharon placed a hand against his chest and moved backward again. "That leaves almost thirty years and two kids," she said softly. "My marriage is more than a piece of paper to me," she told him. "It was a vow that I made in front of my family, my priest, and my God. I can't just throw it away."

"No." He stepped forward again. He laid his hands on her shoulders this time. He rubbed her upper arms in a slow, soothing motion. "You can't, but Jack already did," he said gently.

Her jaw clenched. Sharon looked away from him. She blinked away the tears. He was right and she couldn't deny it. "Two wrongs do not make a right," she whispered, "and this is still wrong."

Andy slipped his hand beneath her chin and tipped her head back. "Then why does it feel so right?" She tried to avert her gaze and he wouldn't let her. "Sharon, when is it your turn? It wasn't a line. Happy looks good on you, so why shouldn't you have everything that makes you feel that way?

She wrapped her hand around his wrist. Her eyes were moist. It was hard to speak past the ache in her throat. "I already do," she said thickly. "Andy, I am happy. I am not lonely. I don't feel neglected. I don't _need_ a relationship to feel whole."

"What about what you want?" His brows rose in askance. "Doesn't that matter? I get it. You're an independent woman. You're smarter than hell and a lot stronger than almost anyone I know. Your kids are successful, they're smart, and from the way that you talk about them, they're good people. They're the people that you raised them to be. You've got a good job, even if I don't like it," he quickly added, lip curling when he thought about the ways in which she frustrated the hell out of him at work. Andy watched her smile as he mentioned that, and it made his nose wrinkle. "You're the queen of the rats," he muttered, "but whatever, you're good at it. That's not the point."

"Then what is?" Sharon moved away from him. She walked across the balcony and stood on the side facing Griffith Park. She could see the rays of early morning sunlight shining off the roof of the Observatory. "Andy, I am married. I cannot give you what it is that you seem to be looking for, and how long will it last?" She turned and pinned him with a knowing look. "Honestly, how long do you expect this to be able to go on? Andy Flynn, legendary womanizer of the LAPD wants me? _Me_? The queen of the rat squad. The wicked witch. Who could ever believe such a ridiculous notion? I can hardly believe it myself. How long until you get tired of the chase? That is what this is about, isn't it? You want what you cannot have, and if I allow this to continue, what comes next? I can never commit to you, and I doubt that you want that anyway. This entire conversation is an exercise in futility!" Sharon threw her hands up in exasperation. "We can't be together."

"Yeah," He moved toward her again. "Yeah we can." Andy's hands landed against her hips again. He turned her toward him when she tried to look away. "You're right, I'm not looking for a commitment right now, and even if I was, I'm too damned old to expect it to be all hearts and rainbows. You're right about something else too," he said, "I am chasing you. _You_. The queen of the rat squad, the wicked witch. You're what I want and I've had plenty of time to work it out of my system, and despite how damned hard I've tried, I just can't seem to manage it. There's something here. I don't know what it is. I don't know how long it will last, but hell, Sharon. We're old. I'm getting closer to sixty than I ever thought I would and you're not that far behind me, sweetheart. So what the hell does it matter if we're together? Our marriages are over, our kids are grown, and we happen to have a damned good time together. Why can't that be it?"

He made it sound so simple. It was anything but. Sharon chewed on the corner of her lip. She looked away from him. They'd had this argument more than once. They knew where they stood with each other, and yet, they kept finding themselves drawn back together. Maybe he was right, it wasn't out of their systems and perhaps it needed to be. The best way to accomplish that might just be to let it run its course. They would stop wondering about it then. Sharon just hoped it wouldn't blow up in both of their faces. She regarded him carefully.

"No one can ever know," she said slowly, so that there could be no mistake. "I'm married, I outrank you." She could get around having to report a relationship with a subordinate since he was not _her_ subordinate, but only just barely. It was a gray area, one that she decided she would ignore. "Our kids can never find out. Ricky and Emily's relationship with Jack is tenuous at best. They have been hurt enough."

"Okay." Andy squinted at her. He wasn't ready to believe, just yet, that Sharon was agreeing to continue their relationship. "You're right. No reason for any of the kids to know." He didn't imagine that either of his would be to thrilled about the idea of their old man hanging out with a married woman, no matter the actual state of her marriage. His relationships with them weren't exactly all that strong to begin with. This was probably the last thing that they ever needed to know about. "As far as work goes, everyone would probably think that you'd tossed your nut." He rolled his eyes. He was a troublemaker and everyone knew it. He was good with that. He got the job done and more or less inside of her rules. "And I can do without listening to Provenza or Gabriel run their mouths."

"I can imagine." Sharon's lips pursed as she fought a smile. "Or god forbid, your Chief." That would certainly not go over well. She was still convinced that they were out of their minds. This could not be happening, and yet, as she agreed to it, she felt a certain thrill go through her. "Okay," she said at length and nodded. "This," she gestured between them, "whatever it is, will continue... but the moment that it gets in the way of our families or our jobs it is over. Agreed?"

"Absolutely." He tugged her closer. Andy's head was spinning a little bit. Had Sharon Raydor just agreed to have an affair with him while standing half-naked on her balcony? It was probably a dream, but if it wasn't, he would enjoy it.

As his head began to bend toward her, Sharon placed a finger against his lips, halting him. "There is just one more thing that we need to discuss before this continues." Sharon weighed carefully what she could and could not reveal about her current investigation, but despite the fact that they had just agreed to keep this out of their professional lives, she couldn't help but think that it was potentially disastrous to keep this wholly to herself.

His head lifted. Andy's eyes narrowed. "What is it?" He was immediately suspicious. The way her back straightened didn't lesson that feeling any. "You're not investigating me again, are you?" It was said in jest, but Sharon quickly averted her gaze and tilted her head. Andy turned away from her. He threw his hands up in frustration. "Dammit Sharon!"

"Andy," she was immediately placating. "This is not about you, specifically," she began.

"I don't care if it's about the damn Easter Bunny," he shouted, face beginning to turn red. "How am I supposed to be able to do my job with you always poking around trying to figure out what I did wrong? Have I done anything wrong? No, because if I had, you woulda busted my ass a long time ago. Sometimes I wonder if you really have anything to do all day. I mean, I can actually see you sitting around in your office wondering what to do and deciding, _hey, how about I see how much I can piss off Flynn today_." He pointed a finger at her. "We need to find you something else to spend all your time on."

She decided that it was best just to let him have his rant. Sharon folded her arms across her chest. Her lips curved into a small smile while he had his say. When he stopped long enough to draw a breath, Sharon arched a brow at him. "Are you finished?"

"Probably not." His hands rested against his hips. "Go ahead, justify your investigation, such as it is. You know, if anyone is acting like a stalker, I think it's you."

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Yes, because I can think of nothing better than spending all of my time being harassed by you and your entire division." She cast a bland look at him before she continued. "As a matter of fact, there is an investigation, but I cannot give you any of the details. I am hoping that I will be able to convince Chief Pope to drop it. It was initiated by Chief Delk," she told him. "I don't think that you are directly involved either, from what little I have already managed to piece together. That's all."

"That's all." He repeated. Andy didn't look convinced. "Why do I think this is still going to annoy the hell out of me?"

"Probably because it will." She rocked back on her heels with a smile.

She was enjoying this. Andy's eyes narrowed again. He moved slowly toward her. "There's a reason that we call you the wicked witch." He pointed at her. "That smile, yes that one," he said when it only grew, "that is the reason." She tried to dart around him but Andy caught her around the waist. He pulled her against him. "Fine," he decided, "you're investigating me again because that's what the rat squad does, but why does it always have to be me?"

Her lashes fluttered. Her tone dropped to the simpering sweet one that she knew would set his teeth on edge. "Because you're just so irresistible," she said.

"God almighty woman." Andy turned them and half carried, half walked her toward the balcony door. "You drive me absolutely crazy, you know that, right?"

Sharon wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She wriggled against him. "In more ways than one, apparently."

"Not this morning, darling," he simpered back, "the wicked witch gave me a headache."

"Oh, well." She feigned a pout. Sharon slipped out of his grasp and turned. "I was hoping that a shower would help, but if you aren't interested…"

"I didn't say that." He caught her arm before she could get too far away from him and drew her into his side. Andy looped an arm around her shoulders. "Would this shower include washing my back?"

"It might include a lot more than that," she said, voice dropping an octave. The corner of her mouth quirked upward into a teasing smile.

His head inclined. "What headache?"

Sharon laughed as they moved down the hall. By the time they had reached the bathroom she had almost forgotten all of the reasons why their relationship was a bad idea. It couldn't end well, of that she was convinced, but until it did end, Andy was right. Hadn't they earned the right to enjoy themselves?

Enjoy themselves they did, in spite of all of the things that conspired to come between them. Andy wasn't thrilled when he found out exactly why Sharon was investigating his division, but he couldn't fault her for a lawsuit that originated outside of the LAPD. After taking a peek at her notes one evening, something that she had reprimanded him for quite thoroughly, he was able to see first hand that she was trying to keep all of their asses out of the fire. He didn't entirely mind having her around all of the time, either.

If he got along with her, it drove his partner crazy. If he flirted with her, Provenza would turn an alarming shade of red. Andy was getting a kick out of it, and luckily for him, Sharon was willing to play along. They managed to keep the old man on his toes, and if Andy seemed to be annoying her, well no one else in their division was bothered it. He didn't mind taking one for the team, especially when he was rewarded for it.

They continued to call what was going on between the two of them a relationship, although no one was aware of it and they could not be seen together. It limited their activities to dinner at one or the other's home, and if they did go out, they drove well beyond Los Angeles. They didn't acknowledge it, but it was an affair that they were engaged in, although neither of them seemed to care. As long as it was conducted in private, Sharon put it out of her mind. For his part, Andy simply told his partner that he was involved with someone. That someone happened to be a lady he liked, which was reason enough to keep her away from everyone. Since Provenza didn't particularly care if or whom he was dating, as long as it didn't get in the way of baseball or his having a designated driver, Flynn could do whatever the hell he wanted and with whomever.

It was a time bomb, this thing between them, and when Andy slowed down long enough to think about it, he could almost hear it ticking away, counting down the days and hours until they completely imploded. He didn't like to think about that, however. Especially not with the other thoughts occupying his mind. He had bigger problems. Like the fact that he was falling for her. At least, that is what he told himself. The truth was that he was already gone for the woman, but if he thought about it, he knew that he would do something stupid like tell her. Sharon would definitely dig her heels in. She would run. She would end it and that would be it. It was better to keep it to himself.

In the meantime, weeks stretched into months. Andy knew that the longer that they were together he was pushing the limits of what Sharon would allow. They spent most of their time at her condo, because it was closer to their jobs, but his house became their haven on their days off. It was their sanctuary, their place where they could pretend that they were an ordinary couple. Valencia was so far removed from Los Angeles they could go out to dinner, or to the movies. They could walk hand in hand and simply _be_.

There were decades separating who they had been when their families were friends, and so the longer they were together, the more they came to know about each other. Until they began a more personal relationship what they had known was relegated to their work. Now those lines were blurring, despite their efforts to the contrary. There were evenings when one or both of them had to bring their work home with them, evenings when it was more convenient for Andy to stay with Sharon rather than making the long drive home. She didn't mind, she would rather know that he was comfortable at her apartment and not falling asleep behind the wheel of his car.

Andy knew that he could have opted to stay with Provenza, as he had in the past, and during the months when they were not together. The company wasn't nearly as enjoyable, though, and nowhere near as pretty. Those thoughts were pretty far from his mind on an evening in early fall. Andy was seated on Sharon's couch, the pages of a case file spread out on the coffee table in front of him and the cushion beside him. Major Crimes had caught a case that they couldn't seem to find a break in. The Chief had given him the financials and phone records to go over, but had eventually sent everyone home since Pope was complaining about the overtime that they were wracking up. Andy had packed up the papers and his case notes and brought it all back to Sharon's with him. He could have driven home, but when he'd dropped by her office, under the guise of checking in on the Federal Lawsuit, to let her know he was cancelling their dinner plans, she had handed him her key instead. Sharon didn't know when she would be home, she was hip deep in the middle of a complicated OIS involving several members of SIS and told him that she would probably be very late.

Their plans were effectively ruined. It happened more often than not, but that was the reality that they lived with as police officers. They both understood it. It didn't make it great, but it was nice having someone in their lives who wouldn't become upset because a dinner was missed, or a date was cancelled. Not that they had many dates. Those were rare, and reserved for those times when they were away from LA. Their plans for that evening were only going to consist of a home cooked meal, a long soak in the tub, and then if they could keep their eyes open long enough, Andy had every intention of putting his hands on every inch of her body until neither of them could move. They had both had a lot of long nights recently, nights that had meant falling into bed exhausted and only seeing each other in passing. He was missing her, and from the sad smile on her face when she sent him back to the condo alone, she wasn't immune to the situation.

It was close to midnight before Sharon finally let herself in to the apartment. She was moving quietly, on the off chance that Andy might have already gone to bed, but smiled at the sight of him seated in her living room, fully engrossed in his task. She stepped out of her heels just inside the door and carried them with her as she walked into the room. Sharon dropped the shoes behind the sofa and leaned over the back to press a kiss to the side of his head. "Still at it?"

"Unfortunately." Andy dropped the papers in his hand on the coffee table and leaned back. His hand circled her wrist before she could move away. He tugged her toward him. This time their lips met. "Get your case wrapped up?"

"Not yet." Sharon passed her hand over his hair as she walked around to lower herself into the wide armchair nearest him. "I finished the preliminary notes, and that is enough for now. The words were beginning to run together, so I decided I would finish the report tomorrow." She drew her legs into the chair with her and curled them beneath her. With her head propped in her hand she smiled tiredly at him. "Tell me again, why haven't we retired?"

Andy slumped against the sofa cushions behind him. "The glamor, the glitz, and the fact that we would both be bored off our asses." He smirked when she laughed. "Mostly the last one."

"Hm. Yes." She reached down and rubbed at her aching feet. "Most definitely the last one. I don't know what either one of us would do with ourselves without our jobs."

"Get into a lot of trouble probably." Andy gathered the papers that were spread out around him and shoved them back into the file. He tossed it onto the coffee table and jerked his head at her. "Come here."

She didn't have to be told twice. Her toes practically tingled in anticipation. Sharon moved the short distance to the sofa and sat down with her legs draped across his lap. "You are handy to have around," she teased, smiling with a great deal of affection as he lifted one of her feet and began to work the stiffness out of her arch.

"Yeah?" Andy grinned crookedly. His fingers danced across the bottom of her foot until she squirmed. He stopped when she dug the toes of her other foot into his thigh. "Have I mentioned that I cook too?" He nodded his head toward the kitchen.

Sharon's eyes widened. "You made dinner?" Her head turned and she arched her neck to look into the kitchen. There was a covered dish in her oven. The warmer had been left on to keep it fresh, and now that she saw it, Sharon realized how exhausted she must be. She had completely missed the aroma of fresh made pot roast that still lingered in the air. It was her favorite, but she rarely made it for just herself, and usually saved it for when the kids were home. Sharon turned back to Andy with a surprised, but delighted smile. "You don't eat meat," she reminded him.

He shrugged at her. "But I like the vegetables." Andy's reasons for becoming a vegetarian had a lot to do with his job and the things that he had seen, rather than being a conscientious objection. He didn't mind that the carrots and potatoes he had for dinner had been baked with the meat. His thumbs worked the bottom of her foot, from heel to arch. "I promised you dinner," he added, and flashed a grin at her.

She could feel herself melting. This wasn't what she thought it would be like when she allowed herself to become involved with him. Sharon tugged her foot out of his grasp and slid closer to him on the sofa. She leaned close, a hand sliding behind his neck as she pulled him toward her. "Thank you." Her lips were soft against his.

Andy had to swallow the words that he was tempted to say. Instead, he smiled against her mouth and tugged her over to sit astride his lap. "It's just a pot roast," he said instead.

He was deflecting. Sharon wasn't sure if she was grateful or not, but her arms slipped around his shoulders as she settled against him. "It's a very nice pot roast," she replied. She kissed his bottom lip and then the tip of his nose before she moved off his lap to make her way into the kitchen. She wasn't particularly hungry, but she couldn't resist having a taste of it. Sharon pulled it out of the oven and lifted the cover. Her mouth watered. "There are onions." She cast a look at him from over her shoulder. "Oh Andy…"

She had a weakness for onions. It didn't matter if they were fresh red onions, chives, or cooked yellow onions. The woman just liked them. As he recalled, it started when she was pregnant with Ricky. It was a craving that had driven Jack crazy and apparently something she was unable to shake after her son was born. Andy followed her into the kitchen. He pulled a plate down and passed it to her. "Only a fool would make you a pot roast without onions. I've seen you shoot. I'm no fool."

Sharon laughed as she served herself. She accepted the fork that he handed her next and moved over to the bar with her meal. "That implies that you think that you've done something that you would need to be shot for," she replied.

"It's purely preventative." While she ate, Andy put away the rest of the roast. He stacked the plastic containers that he stored it in and placed them in the fridge.

"Andy," Sharon shook her head at him as he washed what remained of the dishes. "You don't have to do that." It didn't matter how many times she insisted that he wasn't required to clean her kitchen, he always did, even when he cooked.

"I know." He finished washing the pan and placed it in the drainer. The rest was rinsed and placed in the dishwasher. Andy dried his hands and walked toward her. "There, done." He kissed the side of her head as he passed. "I'm going to go ahead and jump in the shower." He walked down the hall and didn't release the breath that he was holding until he was in the bathroom with the door firmly closed. Andy shook his head at himself. He peeled out of his clothing and tossed it toward the hamper in the corner of the room. He turned the shower on and set the water as hot as he could stand it. He welcomed the sting against his skin when he stepped beneath the spray. Andy braced his hands against the tiled wall and bent forward, allowing the water to beat down on his back. He could hear it again, the ticking of the clock. It was only a matter of time before he opened his big mouth and ruined everything.

Sharon watched him go with a frown. Something had bothered him, but she couldn't quite put her finger on what. Sharon chewed on the corner of her lip as she replayed their conversation. There was nothing that stood out. With a shake of her head and a quiet sigh, she pushed it aside. Andy could be a moody creature. She decided that it must have been his current case coupled with a good deal of fatigue. She made a mental note to do something to cheer him up if he wasn't over it by morning.

 **-TBC-**


	7. Chapter 7

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

By some small miracle Andy was able to hold it together for the next few weeks. He convinced himself that having Sharon was more important than speaking the words that his treacherous heart was forcing upon him. With the federal lawsuit heating up and everyone breathing down their necks, they were both too damned busy to see much of each other anyway. They got together when they could, but it often felt like Sharon had two jobs. She still had a division to run, along with the fact that she was shadowing his team.

After weeks of long days and longer nights, they finally caught a break. It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and both of their divisions would be off until the Monday following the holiday, barring any last minute catastrophes. Andy invited Sharon to stay with him for the weekend, but with the packing that she still needed to do, and how early she would be getting on the road on Monday, she insisted that he stay with her instead. It would be the last time that he would be able to see her until the next week, since she was driving north to spend the holiday at her parents' house. It was all that she had been talking about for a month. Both of her kids would be there, and after the disaster that was the previous Christmas, she couldn't wait to see them.

They spent a leisurely weekend together. They hiked through the park, went for a drive in the hills, and spent hours tangled together in Sharon's bed, alternating between napping and making love. Then as their weekend came to a close, both of their football teams were playing on Sunday. Sharon's team had lost rather spectacularly earlier in the afternoon. They had expected it; her 49ers were not playing very well at all. Andy's Giants were having a moderately good season, but as they sat watching the late afternoon game, Sharon tried to stifle her laughter in a throw pillow. He was rather incensed at the fact that they had lost their ten-point lead in the third quarter and were falling even farther behind. It was beginning to look as though it would not be a very good day for either of them, sports-wise.

She would be leaving very early the following morning to make the drive north to Crescent City, the small, coastal, northern California town where her parents resided. Sharon decided that if they were going to enjoy what remained of the weekend, she would need to take matters into her own hands. While Andy was distracted by the game, she slipped off the sofa and onto her knees. She moved between his jean-clad legs and slipped her hands up his thighs. Andy shouted and all but threw the remote at the television when his quarterback went down beneath two linebackers and a defense that had been seriously underestimated. Sharon smirked as she reached out and began working on the fastening of his jeans. When he looked down at her, there was exasperation in his gaze. Sharon simply pushed his t-shirt up and leaned over to trail a path of kisses across his belly.

She certainly had his attention when her fingers found his length through the denim of his jeans. Andy's hips jerked toward her as she traced the outline. He could feel the blood rushing from his head and straight to his lap. Her tongue was warm and wet against his skin as she bathed a path lower, toward the open gap that now existed in his pants. When she tugged at the denim, he braced himself against the sofa and lifted his hips. He was growing hard beneath her deliberate caress. Andy slipped his hand into her thick hair when she pulled back the band of his boxers and curled her hand around the base of his length.

She looked up at him through her lashes. Sharon watched as the pleasure spread across his face at the first touch of her lips against the sensitive head of his length. "Christ." His head fell back. Andy groaned loudly. It was all that he could do to keep from thrusting toward her. He gripped the edge of the cushion with his other hand. The woman was going to end up being the death of him and he didn't care.

In the space of a few minutes, the football game was completely forgotten. Andy was totally at her mercy and between the feel of her mouth, hot and moist against him, and the pleasure that was coursing through his veins like fire, neither of them heard the door opening.

A bag hit the floor just inside the door. The sound of keys hitting the silver bowl on the table opposite the entryway followed. "Hey mom," Ricky's voice echoed through the apartment. "You here?"

Sharon's head snapped up. She cast a wide-eyed look toward the door. Luckily her son was busy shrugging out of his jacket and hanging it in the closet. He didn't see her scrambling off her knees and quickly straightening her hair. "Ricky! Uh, wha—hm. What are you doing here?"

There was no way that he was getting his pants pulled back up without getting caught. Andy pulled the throw pillow and blanket that Sharon had been using earlier in the day over his lap and picked up the remote, attempting to look nonchalant. He scrubbed a hand over his face. It looked like the disaster that they had been trying to avoid was finally upon them. "Dammit," it was as much directed at the television, and the fact that his Giants had effectively lost the game, as it was their interrupted evening.

"Hi mom." Ricky's gaze slipped from his mother to the man on her sofa. His brow arched as he walked toward them. He fought the urge to smile. Ricky opened his arms when his mother reached for him and lifted her off her feet in a bear hug. "Hope you don't mind. I thought I would save you having to go out of your way and pick me up."

"Of course I don't mind." She smiled as she was set on her feet again. "I just wish that I had known that you were coming." So she could get rid of the man she was sleeping with before he arrived.

"Obviously." Ricky folded his lips together. The blanket and the pillow were a dead give away. "You know," he picked up his bag and drew the strap over his shoulder. "I'm going to go toss this into the guest room and freshen up. When I come back, your boyfriend can introduce himself without all of his junk hanging out." Ricky had the pleasure of watching his mother's cheeks flush a bright shade of red while the guy on the sofa covered his face with his hand. He bumped her shoulder as he moved past her. "Way to go mom."

Her jaw was hanging open. Sharon watched him walk down the hall, unable to make even the faintest sound. She turned slowly where she stood and looked at Andy. Her eyes were still wide. Her head shook slowly. Her kids were never meant to know about them. "I…" It was all that she could manage as her mouth moved but no other sound was forthcoming.

"Shit." Andy summed it up in a single word. He tossed the pillow and blanket aside and stood up. He quickly righted his jeans and refastened them. "I guess that's that then." He tugged his t-shirt down and turned off the television.

"Oh no." Sharon pointed a finger at him. "You are not leaving me here," she hissed. "He knows!"

"What am I supposed to do about it," Andy hissed back at her. "I'm not supposed to exist, remember?"

"I swear to god, Andy Flynn," her teeth clenched, "If you leave me alone right now, I will never forgive you. You need to help me convince my son that we are friends, only friends, and nothing else."

"That'll never happen." Andy rolled his eyes at her. "The kid is pretty smart. It only took him two seconds to figure out exactly what he walked in on."

"So change his mind." The sound of footsteps behind them had her turning. She plastered a suitably wide smile across her face. "Ricky, darling, I'm afraid that you have completely—"

"Yeah, save it." Ricky smirked at them. He walked over and held out a hand. "Ricky Raydor," he said, "I guess you're the guy boning my mom."

" _Ricky_!" It didn't matter what he had walked in on, or thought that he had walked in. There was only so much that Sharon would allow. The crass attitude and lewd language was a far cry from that, and he very well knew it. Sharon's eyes narrowed. "Richard William Raydor," she began, speaking slowly so that he could not possibly mistake the warning in her tone.

"What?" He was grinning at her. His dark eyes were sparkling merrily. "Too much? Too soon?"

Andy decided that he liked the little smart ass. He couldn't help but grin as he took the boy's hand and shook it. "Andy Flynn."

The name was familiar. It only took a second for Ricky to remember where he had heard it before. "Oh, hey! I know you. Old family friend, right?" He cut a look toward his mother. "Emphasis on—" Her brows rose and her eyes narrowed. "Definitely too soon, and obviously too much. I guess this is also not the part where I'm supposed to ask what his intentions are, huh?"

Sharon rolled her eyes heavenward and took a deep, cleansing breath. "It is not," she stated. "However, it is the part where I remind myself that I gave birth to you." She exhaled slowly before her gaze dropped again. "Ricky, listen, I understand that this may not look great, but I promise, Andy and I are just very good friends."

"I hope so." Ricky grinned crookedly at her. He watched the guy turn away, shoulders shaking as he attempted not to laugh. "I mean, I want to be really good friends with any girl that puts her mouth on my—"

Sharon smacked his arm. "That is enough," she told him, and meant it. She heard a snort behind her and whirled on the man responsible for it. " _Andy_!" He had a hand covering his face. She nudged him. "It is not funny."

"It is." Ricky said. "It definitely is. Mom, you're busted. Look, the last few times I called, you were all distracted, and all of a sudden you're never home on the weekend." He gave her a knowing look. "I thought maybe you might be seeing someone. I didn't come down here with the intention of catching you," he admitted, "but I was kind of hoping that I would be able to get you to admit to it while we were at Grandma and Grandpa's, or at least on the drive up."

Andy scratched a thumb across his forehead. "Look, Sharon, I should go…" It was obvious that she and her son had a lot to talk about. He didn't want to get in the way of that. He also didn't want to stick around long enough for her to panic and give him the proverbial boot.

"Don't run away on my account." Ricky rocked back on his heels. He continued to grin at them. He couldn't help but enjoy himself. There was just something about seeing his mother squirm that was rather amusing.

It seemed that Ricky was intent on trying to embarrass her. Sharon nodded. "I'll walk you out." She waited as he retrieved his jacket and joined him at the door. They slipped into the hall together. Because Ricky was staring after them, she drew the door closed behind her. "Andy…"

"I'm sorry." He ran a hand through his hair. "The kids were never supposed to know. I shouldn't have been here this weekend."

He was kicking himself for a situation that he couldn't have foreseen. One thing that she knew about Andy was that he had a great capacity for guilt, even when it wasn't earned. "That isn't your fault," she said softly. Sharon took a step forward and laid a hand against his chest. "Ricky wasn't supposed to be here. The plan was to pick him up on my way to Crescent City." It was a twelve-hour drive, but Sharon loved driving through the National Forest, and so she was opting to make the trip by car, rather than flying. "Andy, it's okay." It wasn't, not really, but she wasn't ready to find fault with their relationship.

"No." His head bent and he dropped a soft kiss onto her lips. "No it really isn't. Go back inside; spend time with your kid. I'll see you when you get home, okay?"

"Of course." She moved into his arms, surprising them both when she hugged him. "Call me if Vicki cancels on you." He was supposed to see his kids for the holiday. His ex-wife had promised that he could drop by for dessert and coffee on Thursday evening. If she denied him that visit, Sharon intended to give the woman a piece of her mind. It didn't matter that his children were grown; they still had their mother in their ears. It made it that much harder for him to rebuild his relationships with them.

"I will." He kissed the side of her head. "Be careful. Call me when you get there."

"I promise." He slipped away from her then. Sharon folded her arms across her chest as he moved down the hall. Why did it feel like more of a _goodbye_ than a _see you soon_? She waited for him to step into the elevator before she let herself back into the apartment. Ricky was waiting for her. He had helped himself to a bottle of juice and was seated in one of the wide armchairs beside the sofa. There was still amusement in his gaze, along with the expectant look on his face. Sharon sighed. She walked over and took a seat on the sofa. She drew her legs beneath her and propped her chin in her hand. "I am trying to understand why you drove all the way down here just to drive all the way north with me. Please tell me that there is some logical explanation."

"I didn't drive," he explained. "I flew." Ricky leaned forward in his chair. "I didn't like the idea of you making that drive all by yourself. Besides, it's been a while since we saw each other. Like I said, I hoped that we could talk. You've been pretty busy lately."

"Ricky." Sharon felt her cheeks coloring again. "Can we leave it at _it's_ _none of your business_ and just move on from there? The situation with Andy is very complicated."

"Is he married too?" Ricky gave her a knowing look. "Mom," he shook his head at her. "It's okay. I get it. Dad isn't around. I don't think that you're doing anything wrong. Quite the opposite, actually. I always wondered when you'd finally get around to dating again."

"That is just the point, Ricky. I am married," she reminded him. "Therefore it is, technically, wrong." Sharon grimaced as she said the words that she had been thinking for far too long. Words that she had buried and ignored.

"Yeah, I know." Ricky rolled his eyes at her. "It's all very Catholic. A little too Catholic if you ask me." He went to mass like the good son that he was, and he prayed, and he sat confession. He had never bought in to all of it. He believed that his spirituality was between him and God, and not the dictates of a church that had written a lot of laws hundreds of years before he was even born. His mother didn't think like that, though, and neither did his grandparents, and he had always respected that. "Mom, no one cares." Ricky pinned her with a look. "You can be alone for the rest of your life and no one is going to care, and frankly, that's not fair. Dad was a crap husband. He chose to leave. As far as I'm concerned, you get to do whatever you want. If that means laying around your apartment on a lazy Sunday afternoon and having lots of sex then please, by all means, have lots and _lots_ of sex!"

She pressed her lips into a thin line to keep from laughing at him. He had become rather animated at the end. Sharon's eyes sparkled. "Lots, hm?" The corners of her mouth twitched. If only her darling boy knew just how close to the mark he was. Sharon's tongue swept over her teeth. "I would rather you not discuss this with your grandparents or Emily."

"God no." Ricky made a face. "I can already hear the conniption fit that little miss Dancing Queen would have." He had fewer memories of their father. The man was rarely around when he was growing up. The first thing that Ricky had ever really known about him was that he was gone. His mom tried, but God love her, there was only so much that she could do. Even when his dad was around, he was a bit of a jerk. Ricky had gotten over his empty promises and excuses a long time ago. He put on a good show for his mother's sake, and his sister's, but the truth of it was that his father had always been more of an idea rather than a reality. "I think Grandma and Grandpa just want you to be happy, but if that's what you want, they'll never hear it from me."

"That is how I would like it to be," Sharon told him. Specifically since she had no way of knowing just how long this relationship would continue before they had to face the inevitable. "Ricky, I appreciate that you want me to be happy, but I have made plenty of mistakes, your father didn't make them all alone. Please do not think that this is the kind of life that I ever want you to have."

"I don't." He stood up and moved over to sit beside her. "Mom, I know what you want for us, and you've done everything that you can to make it happen. But you get a turn." He nudged her shoulder. "You get to be happy too."

"I am," she told him. "Ricky, I have always been happy. You and Emily make me incredibly happy."

"I know." He shrugged. "But that isn't the kind of happy that I was talking about. I don't want you to be alone, that's all. If this guy, Andy, makes you happy, then I'm happy."

Sharon leaned in to his side and curled her arms around his. "I am so very glad that I have you," She said. "You are so very loved." Sharon laid her head against his shoulder. "He does make me happy," she admitted, "but it is also very complicated. I don't want you to worry about that, okay?"

"Okay." There was a lot that she wasn't telling him, a lot that she would never tell him. Ricky knew that he could only accept it. "He seems nice." He knew the guy's name from old family pictures and stories but couldn't seem to recall a single memory.

"He is." A soft smile curved her lips. "He is very nice. Most of the time." She slanted a look up at him. "We work together. He's a detective."

"Ah." Ricky grinned. " _Complicated_."

"Hm. Exactly." Her lips pursed. "He doesn't like my job very much, but he does seem to like me quite a lot."

"Oh, I'm sure he does." Ricky looked heavenward. "Like I said, guys really like girls that will—"

"Can we please forget that ever happened?" Sharon pressed her eyes closed. "There are some things that you and I never need to discuss."

"Believe me, I would love to forget." Ricky laughed. "I'm just glad I didn't actually see anything. The looks on both of your faces, though, that was priceless. I didn't know any one person could turn that shade of red."

She turned her face into his shoulder and groaned. It was going to be a very long drive.

 **MCMCMC**

When Sharon got home at the end of the week, she was exhausted. It was a good sort of fatigue, however. Her time with her family was well spent. She had gone shopping with her mother and daughter. They had cooked and baked, laughed and talked. She had spent time with her children and her father. The family had gone to mass, and caught up on all of the things in each other's lives that distance was causing them to miss out on. Everything but her relationship with Andy. Sharon kept that to herself, and was thankful that Ricky was capable of doing the same.

She couldn't stop the guilt that swept over her. Away from Andy, surrounded by her family, all of the doubt and reasons why they shouldn't be together filled her mind again. She was witness to her parents' sixty-year marriage. They had been together since they were barely more than children; high school sweethearts who had gotten married while her father was still in college. There had been ups and downs in their relationship, but they had stuck together and made it work. None of their hard times were anything like her years with Jack. They didn't have years of infidelity and addiction, but still it shamed her. She had chosen to love a man, and sitting in church beside her mother, Sharon felt the shame of her adultery run deep.

She looked at her children. She saw the lives that they were building, and thought of the relationships that they would have in their lifetimes. Sharon did not want her example to be one that they learned from. She resolved to speak to Andy when she got home, and she refused to think about the fact that she had missed him while she was away.

What Sharon was not prepared for was the emptiness that greeted her when she returned to her condo. It was silent and cold after a week of being unoccupied. She sighed as she moved through it. She carried her suitcase to her room, and on her bed she found something else that she did not expect. There was a single, small box waiting for her. Sharon drew a breath when she peeked inside. It was all of the items that she had left at Andy's house over the long weeks that they had been together. There wasn't much, a sweater and a bag of toiletries. There was a t-shirt, and a travel mug that she had been looking for. There was also a note.

Sharon lifted it and looked around her room. Gone were the items that she had become accustomed to seeing spread around her space. The shaving kit was missing from her bathroom, likewise the t-shirt and sweatpants that he slept in when he spent the night were now gone. Sharon blinked away the threat of tears and looked at the note in her hand. It was simple, and enough to have her biting down on her bottom lip. _I'm sorry._

Sharon sat down on the cushioned bench at the foot of her bed. He had withdrawn from her life. Andy knew her well enough to guess what she would do when she returned. It was exactly what she needed of him. No arguments, no grand dramatic scenes or shouting matches. He was simply gone, and at the same time, it was unlike all of the times that Jack had left her. He was doing this _for_ her. Sharon's eyes closed. It didn't stop the disappointment that filled her. It didn't stop the ache in her chest. Already she missed him.

There was a part of her that wanted to call him, wanted to deny that this had been her plan. Sharon pulled her phone out of her pocket and stared at it. There was a sheen of tears in her eyes. It blurred her vision as she looked through her contacts. If she was honest with herself, she would admit that she had fallen for him. Instead, Sharon told herself that she _could have_ fallen for him. She told herself that in another time and another place she could have allowed herself to love him. Instead of admitting to the truth, she buried it. She swallowed the ache in her throat and instead of calling him, she sent a text. _I am sorry too_.

Sharon tossed her phone aside and moved onto the bed. She lay down and drew her knees to her chest. She reached for a pillow and wrapped her arms around it. As she turned her face into the soft material, she realized that it still smelled of him. She could not stop the tears then. She could not stop the ache that filled her. This would be her penance, she decided. This would be the price for her misstep.

She would live with knowing that she could not have what her heart desired. Despite all of her efforts to the contrary, all of the lies that she told herself, and all of the denials… Her heart desired Andy Flynn.

 **-TBC-**


	8. Chapter 8

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

The news that Captain Raydor was retiring spread through the LAPD like a brush fire in the middle of July. Andy heard it when Provenza did, from Taylor's very gleeful mouth. The Commander had recounted for them, quite happily, that the Captain was going to collect her pension and move on to another job opportunity; a position as head of security at the Los Angeles Convention Center. Andy had not reacted with the same excitement as his partner. He knew that Sharon had been approached. He also knew that she had interviewed for it. He thought that she had turned it down. She told him that she had no intention of taking the position but the hiring manager was an old friend of hers, and she had only agreed to the meetings and discussions because of that. Andy wondered now, a week after their relationship had ended, if she had reconsidered the option.

He waited, ignoring his partner's antics in the process, until they had wrapped up their case before he approached her. Andy needed to know if Sharon was really leaving a job that he knew that she loved, and he needed to know _why_.

When he got off work, Andy drove across town to Los Feliz. He felt a lot of things as he made his way up to the eleventh floor. Most of all, he was conflicted. He didn't know if he should be angry or not, but there was a part of him that was prepared to be. If Sharon had quit her job because of him, because of what had happened between them, he was prepared to be plenty damned angry.

Sharon had just poured a glass of wine when the knock at the door echoed through her home. She carried it with her as she crossed the condo, and drew a breath when she looked through the peephole and saw who was on the other side of the door. She was not expecting Andy. There was plenty that was not settled between them, but she thought that they had an understanding. Things had been rather difficult, stilted since her return from Crescent City. Not channeling their emotions into hostility and sarcasm was proving harder than she anticipated. They were both on guard, defensive in each other's presence.

She pulled the thick cardigan that she was wearing more tightly around her as she opened the door. "Andy." Her voice was soft, but there was a question in her eyes that was echoed in her tone. Her brows lifted in askance. "I wasn't expecting to see you."

"Yeah." He pushed his hands into his pockets. Andy shrugged as he stood there. She looked good. Her hair was pulled up. The soft light from the lamps in her living room was giving her skin a healthy glow. The week she had spent with her family had done her a lot good. He had noticed it before, but now that he was in front of her with nothing else to focus on but _her_ , he couldn't help but think about it. "I uh…" He looked down. "I was wondering if we could talk?"

She wasn't prepared for this. Sharon didn't know what it would accomplish but she nodded as she stepped back. "Of course. Come inside." She led the way into the living room and paused beside the sofa. "Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?"

"No." Andy pushed the door closed behind him and followed her into the apartment. "I'm good. I won't be in your way for long. I uh… I just had a question, really." He stopped beside the orange armchair. "So, this thing about you leaving." When she turned, confusion etched across her face, his head tilted. "Retirement. The new job at the Convention Center. That… uh, that's not about us, right? I mean, it was a good deal. I just thought that you turned it down."

"Oh," she said quietly. Sharon's eyes widened. She stared at him for a moment before she smiled. She shook her head and took a step forward. "No, Andy, that isn't about you and I." Now that he had voiced it, she could easily recognize the concern in his gaze. He was worried that she had given up her job to avoid him, to avoid what they had done, what they had become to one another. "Please sit down." She walked around and seated herself on the sofa. Sharon crossed her legs and regarded him more openly.

He rubbed a hand over his face and into his hair. Andy sat down beside her, but left several inches worth of space between them. He sat on the edge of the cushion and angled his body toward her. "Look, I get it okay. Pope has all but made your job impossible, and the Chief isn't much better. Then there's this thing with you and me. I just…" He sighed. "Sharon, I know that you love it. Even with all of the crap that is going on right now, you still love your job, and I don't want you walking away from that because-"

"Andy." Sharon reached out and laid a hand on his arm. Her fingers tingled at the touch. It was almost painful. "I'm not." She met his gaze and smiled again. "The truth is, I'm not going anywhere. It was a bluff. I turned the job at the Convention Center down, but it was a convenient ploy to use for laying a trap."

His brows drew together in a frown. "I don't understand." Andy shook his head at her. "Taylor said that you delivered the news to him and Pope yourself."

"I did." She drew her hand back and lifted her wine glass. Sharon took a sip of the chilled white wine and considered how best to explain the situation. "You could say that I was testing a theory. I wanted to know how quickly that news would travel, and when it did, I wanted to know how soon Peter Goldman would find out. I know that your division isn't willing to accept that we have a leak, but the leak exists and I need to find out who it is and shut it down. When I saw Goldman at Coach Carr's house this afternoon, he was already well aware of the news of my retirement. He was quite enthused. Since I know exactly where the news originated, it will make it that much easier to trace, especially since Peter knew about it before most of the Department did."

Andy blinked at her. "You laid a trap." He nodded slowly as he echoed her earlier statement. "So you're not retiring?"

"I am not retiring." Sharon smiled gently at him. "I know as well as you do that Commander Taylor is the biggest gossip in the LAPD. I also knew that the moment that he was informed that I was retiring, his first task would be to share that information with your division. Was I mistaken?"

"No." Andy leaned back. He exhaled a relieved sigh. "That was the first thing he did. He couldn't wait to tell us that you were turning in your papers. I just…" He shook his head again. "There wasn't really a lot of time to talk about it, and with Provenza acting like an ass… I thought it was better to wait. I wanted to make sure it was something you wanted and not because of this," he gestured between them.

"I appreciate that, Andy, but even if I had changed my mind about the position at the Convention Center, I wouldn't have done it based upon our personal relationship. I am hoping that we can be both professional and adult, and eventually put all of this behind us. I know that it hasn't been easy, and the fact that I am following your team around like the LAPD's version of a hall monitor doesn't make the situation any easier, but with any luck it won't be for very much longer."

Andy studied her closely. She seemed so certain of that. "Do you really think there's a leak?" He didn't want to believe it. It was hard to fathom. Who among their division could be selling them out, and to Goldman of all people?

"I really do," she admitted quietly. "I know that isn't easy to hear, but all of the evidence is pointing us in that direction. Goldman is learning things that he could only get from someone present during those events. The data that he has isn't contained within your after action reports or case notes. They are first hand accounts of specific moments throughout your investigations." Sharon leaned forward and placed her wine glass on the coffee table. "Andy, I know that there are few people who understand my job, and even fewer who appreciate it. What I can tell you is that tracking events and finding the truth is something that I am very good at. I will find this leak, and the situation will be handled in the most efficient and appropriate manner."

"I really hope so," he told her, "because having you follow us around is really gettin' old fast." He flashed a crooked grin at her. "We're all tired of listening to Provenza gripe about it."

"Oh, and you are so innocent." Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Don't worry. I am as eager for it to stop as the rest of you. There is only so much of Major Crimes that I can take. You people are a handful."

"We do our best." Andy stood up. "I should go," he told her, because he was getting too comfortable, and if that happened, he might slip and say something that he shouldn't. "I have to go keep an eye on Provenza. When he finds out that it was all a lie the old grump is going to be inconsolable."

"Oh well." Sharon stood and followed him to the door. "We can't have that, can we?" She leaned against the frame beside the door when he opened it. "Can I be the one to tell him?"

She looked entirely too gleeful. Andy made a face at her. "He kind of deserves it, but I would rather that you didn't. I'm the one that has to hear about it when you're done." Andy raised an arm, braced it against the doorframe and leaned against it. "I don't think he's entirely cut out for your brand of wicked."

"You'd be surprised," she drawled, eyes sparkling. Sharon shrugged. "I will be good. For now. The next time that he provokes me, I may not be as accommodating." She shifted so that her back was resting against the frame and reached out to slide her hand down his tie. She gave it a playful tug.

"The next time that he provokes _you_ ," Andy said, "he's fair game." He reached out and caught a loose tendril of hair that had escaped her clip. Andy tucked it behind her ear. "I better go," he said quietly. If he didn't, he was going to be tempted to do all sorts of things that would completely undermine the fact that they were no longer together.

"Yes." His thumb traced the curve of her jaw as he pulled his hand away. "You really should." Sharon rose onto the balls of her feet as she leaned toward him. Her lips touched the corner of his mouth. Her hands found the lapels of his jacket and gripped the material. Instead of pushing him through the open door, she pulled him back into the apartment.

His arms slipped around her. Andy kicked the door closed behind him. They were going to regret this tomorrow. Tonight he didn't give a damn...

She caught him trying to sneak out of the apartment at three in the morning. She woke when he tripped over one of her shoes and kicked the foot of the bed. Sharon swept her hair out of her eyes and lifted her head. There was a lamp on in the hall; it provided a faint amount of illumination, but not nearly enough for the clumsy lieutenant. "Trying to leave the scene of the crime?"

In the space of a single night they had fallen into the same old routine. First they had fallen into bed, and then Andy had spent the night. When they should both be regretting it, they were ignoring why it shouldn't have happened.

Her voice was thick with sleep. Andy sighed as he walked toward the head of the bed. He hoped not to wake her until necessary. "Roll out," he said. "Someone will call you soon." He braced a hand on the edge of the mattress and leaned over to press a kiss to the back of her bare shoulder. His phone had gone off half an hour before. Andy had used her shower, but there was nothing that he could do about showing up at a crime scene in yesterday's suit.

Sharon turned her face into the pillow beneath her. She was lying on her stomach. She moaned. "Why do all of your cases have to happen in the middle of the night?" Since becoming their shadow, and practically joining the team thanks to Chief Pope insisting that she monitor _everything_ that Major Crimes did, Sharon was being subjected to the same insane work schedule.

Andy chuckled quietly. He drew her hair back from her face and turned her toward him. "Just lucky I guess. Scumbags are like vampires, they hate sunlight." He pressed a kiss to her mouth.

She hummed. "Well," she spoke against his mouth. "I like sunlight. I miss sunlight. I hate your job."

"Welcome to the club, sweetheart. We're even now." Andy kissed her again before straightening up. "I've got to go. The crime scene is over in Echo Park, near the stadium. Someone will send the details to your phone, but if you get up and get dressed right now…" He waggled his brows at her.

"I can get there before Chief Johnson expects me to and catch her in the act if trying to circumvent my audit." Her lips pursed. Sharon thought about it for only a second before she swept the blankets back and rolled off the bed. "I think I might adore you."

Andy rolled his eyes at her. "No, you adore my wicked sense of humor. Go get in the shower, Sharon, before I regret putting that idea in your head. I'll see you in a little while." He stopped at the door and cast a devious grin at her. "Your turn to bring the coffee."

Sharon stopped. Her jaw dropped open. "Oh!" He wasn't trying to help her get one over on the Deputy Chief. He was trying to make sure that she showed up with his caffeine fix before he started scaring the crime scene techs. Her eyes narrowed. She glared at his retreating back. He absolutely abhorred flavored coffee. Sharon decided that she would treat his entire division with caramel lattes. He would learn to be more careful about his machinations in the future.

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

In the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, they broke up three times. It was always very civilized, very adult. They knew that they couldn't be together, but there was always something to draw them back. There was always some reason that they couldn't stay away. A difficult case, or a lonely holiday season, or simply the fact that beyond all reason and logic they just wanted each other. It didn't matter because the end result was always the same, one or both of them feeling guilty and swallowing words that couldn't be said.

Andy was thinking about that as he lay on his back in Sharon's bed. There was an arm behind his head and a sheet draped over his lap. She was sprawled beside him on her stomach, equally as naked and with the same sheet covering her hips. Andy sighed as he stared at the ceiling above them. He wondered how much easier it would be to stay away from her if they could find their leak and put an end to the Federal Lawsuit that was behind her involvement in all of their cases?

He slanted a look at the woman beside him. He could feel anger coursing through his veins, but it wasn't directed at her. She was just a convenient outlet to blame it on. The truth was, he was angry with himself. Not ten minutes before he had been balls deep, riding her hard, ears full of her impassioned cries, with the scent of sweat and arousal heavy on the air. The moment that her orgasm swept over her, he watched her face change, watched the play of pleasure and emotion as it transformed her. He'd never seen anything more beautiful, and as he came, shooting his release deep inside her, he turned his face into her neck and almost told her that. He almost told her that he loved her, and only just managed to stop himself.

He rolled off her with a grunt, instead, and lay on his back. Normally Sharon would have curled against his side, but she seemed to sense the distance that he was trying to put between them, because she was curled around a pillow instead.

"How much longer?" Andy watched her brows knit in confusion at his question. "Until you find the leak. It's gotta be soon, right?"

"I don't know," she said, voice soft. He was in a mood. He wasn't usually so tense after sex. Sharon lifted her head and propped it in her hand. "Why?"

Andy sighed. "Because this keeps ending the same way." He gestured at the two of them. "And I can't help but think it will be a hell of a lot easier to stay away from you when you're not in my face all the time."

Her brows arched. Sharon blinked at him. That was a little more hostile than she was accustomed to outside of their work. She rolled onto her side and sat up slowly. She reached for the blanket that had been kicked toward the end of the bed and pulled it around her body. "If my company is so displeasing, then I believe you know where to find the door," she told him.

He rolled his eyes at her. "You know what the hell I mean, Sharon." He sat up and leaned against the cushioned headboard behind him. "Shit, this can't keep happening. Isn't that what you say every time I fuck you? _This can't happen again_ ," he mocked the tone that she usually used with him. "Don't look so shocked." She didn't like his language and Andy was too pissed off to care. "That's what this is. That's all we've got, Sharon. Think about it. We've been doing this for a year now." It had started the previous Christmas and they were a week away from that now. "What have we got to show for it? A whole lot of nothing, and I don't know about you, but I think it's getting pretty damned old."

"There is no reason to be crass, Andy." Sharon climbed off the bed and exchanged the blanket for the robe that was draped across her dressing chair. She pulled it around her and tied the sash in quick, jerky movements. "If this has run it's course, then please, let me help you." She waved her arm toward the bedroom door. "There is the exit."

"No." He pointed a finger at her as he stood up. He found his pants and jerked them on. "Don't act offended now, sweetheart. This has been coming for a long time, and we both know it. How many times have we tried to put the brakes on? The truth is, it's just easier to find each other when we've both got an itch than it is to admit that we're wasting our time." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Goddammit Sharon! I can't even take you out because someone we know might see us. Don't you think I feel like an ass when all I do is drop by to screw your brains out when we should be, I don't know, going out like real people and having a meal or seeing a damned movie? I can't tell you how I feel, because you don't want to hear it, and it's a waste of time anyway, because this is never going to go anywhere. All we have is this right here," he jerked his hand toward the bed.

"You knew when this began that _this_ was all that we could have," Sharon reminded him. "You agreed to all of the conditions that we set, and do not try to pretend like I am the only one that has had a hard time staying away. I didn't ask you to follow me home tonight, Andy. That was your decision."

"Well you sure as hell didn't toss me out when I got here, did you?" He made a face at her. "Face it baby, you like riding my dick so don't play the _good wife_ card now."

Sharon picked up his shirt and threw it at him. "Get out."

It landed against his face. Andy snatched it off and glared at her. "Gladly." He stopped to pick up his shoes and marched across the bedroom.

Sharon jumped when the door slammed. Her eyes closed. She pressed a hand to her mouth. She waited, counting each beat of her heart until she heard the outer door close too. He had gone. In a fit of temper and angry words. Sharon bit down on her bottom lip to keep it from trembling. So that was it. That was how they finally ended it. They would have to admit that there could never be anything between them but sex, and it simply wasn't enough.

It would never be enough.

 **-TBC-**


	9. Chapter 9

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 9** – The Present

[September 2016]

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned…" Her words, soft though they were, seemed to echo off the walls of the small chapel. Sharon sat, head bowed, hands clasped tightly together. "It has been three days since my last confession." Her voice trembled and hitched. Sharon pressed her eyes tightly closed. "I have not been truthful during my previous confessions. I have withheld information. I have lied to my children, my friends, and myself." There was moisture on her lids. A single tear broke free and traveled slowly down her cheek. "I have had a relationship with a man that is not my husband."

"Sharon." Father Thomas sighed quietly. He reached over and covered her tightly clasped hands with one of his. They had discussed this, at length. The rules of the church were changing slowly, but she did not need to confess the sin of her relationship with Andy to him at every sitting, and certainly not now. "That is not why I am here." The family had called him. Andy was in surgery. It was going to be a long and complicated procedure. When he arrived, he had spoken to Andy's children, but Sharon was nowhere to be found. Rusty had pointed him in the direction of the chapel. He found her there, praying quietly.

"I think it is." Sharon looked up at him, eyes wet, their color dull and tormented. "I have even lied to you," she confessed. "My relationship with Andy began a long time ago," she explained, "well before I was divorced. Now I am going to pay for it."

"I don't know what you mean." Father Thomas's brows drew together in a frown. "If you mean the time that you were friends, there is no sin in that, Sharon. We have discussed how I feel about your divorce. You separated yourself from your husband before Andy became a permanent fixture in your life."

"Oh no." Another tear made its way down her cheek. "I am talking about before that. There was an affair. Years ago. Jack was gone. I convinced myself that it didn't matter. I was wrong. Now we are going to pay for it." All of her sins were coming back to haunt her, it seemed. "We crossed a line," she continued, and looked away again. "Once we crossed it, there seemed to be no going back. We tried to stop, told ourselves that we couldn't continue to see one another, that it was wrong. We were never very successful. Jack even found out about it eventually. Letting go of Andy wasn't easy. Now it looks like I won't have a choice. Is this my punishment?"

He didn't know what to make of it. This was the last thing that he expected to hear of Sharon, but as Father Thomas sat back and considered her words, and all that he knew about her, he reconciled it with his teachings. "Sharon, I do not believe that Andy's heart attack or the need for bypass surgery is a price that God would ask for the two of you to pay for so small a mistake."

"Small?" Sharon scoffed at him. "You are considering adultery a small mistake?" She shook her head. "There are many others that would argue with you that it is exactly what we deserve."

"Just as there are others that would agree with me that by abandoning you, and your children, Jack made your marriage forfeit. You have grounds for annulment. These are grounds that you have not pursued for the sake of your children, so really the only question that remains is in how you see it. Was Andy married at the time of your affair?"

He already knew the answer to that question. Sharon sighed quietly. "No, of course not. I cannot believe that it is really that cut and dry. I was married," she reminded him. "Even when Jack was not around, even if he abandoned his family many years before the affair happened, I chose to keep our marriage."

"Until you didn't," Father Thomas reminded her. "You were the one that filed for divorce. We discussed that decision for many weeks before you did it. I believe that it is more important for you to be true to yourself, and your children, than it is to continue to be true to a marriage that we both agree ended a very long time ago." These were not popular opinions within the church. There were those who would consider them scandalous. He would not condemn his congregation for their humanity. God gave men and women free will. There were times when it led them astray, Father Thomas believed that it was in how they approached their weaknesses that true strength of self and faith were revealed.

Sharon closed her eyes again. She sat with her hands still clasped in her lap. It had been a difficult week; there was no denying that. It felt as though the blows just kept coming. First there was Chief Taylor and Dwight Darnell. Then, just as it felt as though the horror was ending, Andy had collapsed. He was rushed to the hospital and their worst fears were confirmed. He had suffered a heart attack, the cause of which was blockages on the right side of the heart that could not easily be dealt with using a heart catheterization. His doctor had suggested bypass surgery. Andy was still unconscious, but he had changed his medical proxy after his accident the previous winter. The decision was hers now.

She had called his children; there was time enough for that. Sharon sat down with Nicole and Charlie and they discussed it together. The two of them agreed that if bypass was their father's best chance, then that was what they wanted. The cardiologist had already cautioned that the blockages could cause a much more massive heart attack if left untreated. Sharon signed the papers, and she sat with Andy until they took him away. It would have been so much easier if he would just wake up and look at her. If he could just open his eyes she would believe that everything would work out. That hadn't happened, however, and the moment that he was taken to surgery, Sharon had retreated to the chapel to pray.

"We found a house." Sharon looked at her priest again. There was another wave of tears. "We made an offer on it last week. It's perfect. The yard is beautiful, and the pool is an added bonus. It's a little big for the two of us, but we still have Rusty at home, and it might just be easier to get my children to visit more often if they don't have to fight over the sofa. He's really excited about it…" Now Sharon wondered if they would be able to afford it. She didn't know if Andy would be able to come back to work, and without both of their salaries, the mortgage and the upkeep would be a little difficult. Andy's pension wouldn't be enough, and she didn't want him to worry that he wasn't contributing. Still, if he lived through this, she would liquidate every investment that she had if it meant getting him that house. "In all the time that we have been together," she whispered, "there is really only one thing that he has asked of me, and I made him wait. I was dragging my feet. I don't even really know why."

The Priest regarded her carefully. "You told me that you were taking your relationship with Andy slowly. How does that factor in to the history? If you had an affair with him before, wouldn't it be more prudent to pick up where you left off?"

It was a fair question. Sharon shook her head. "We were working more closely together when we started dating. I was his boss. Our relationship before was a lot different. It was…" Color flooded her face. "It was different," she repeated. "I needed to know that we would be able to continue working together if our relationship became more serious, if we went down that road again. It had been a few years since we were last together and… Andy wasn't all that pleased with me when it finally ended. It took a long time to get our friendship back on track. I couldn't risk a more serious fall out."

"Tell me about the affair," he prompted. "What happened? How did it end?" He thought that if she talked about it, she might be more willing to forgive herself.

Sharon had been thinking about that all morning. She knew exactly when things with Andy had changed. It would have just been easier if she had stayed away from him. She could never seem to do that, though. They were drawn together, despite all of their best efforts. "It began the way these things always do," she said. "We were both lonely and we had known each other for a long time. There was a lot of history there… The beginning isn't the problem. It was everything that came after."

"Then tell me about that," Father Thomas said patiently. "We have time…" Andy would be in surgery for several hours, and the others knew where to find them if there was news.

She looked at him. Sharon was familiar with the sincerity in his gaze, with the caring. She leaned back on the pew beside him and drew a breath. "It all comes down to a very simple fact, really. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference." Sharon lifted her gaze toward the ceiling when tears filled her eyes again. She blinked rapidly, but could not stop them from spilling over. "The one thing that Andy and I have never been is indifferent toward one another. It's stupid." She shook her head. "I wasted so much time. I was already falling in love with him, and I knew that he was in love with me. We couldn't say it. I hid behind my marriage. I used it as an excuse. I was afraid of getting hurt again, and in the process, I hurt Andy instead." She lifted trembling fingers to her lips. "I am not going to get a lifetime with Andy. I know that. But if I can just have a few more years," she whispered, "I will love him more than he has ever known."

In all the years that he had known her, had been offering counsel and comfort, he had never seen her quite as broken as she currently was. The human spirit was capable of a lot of strength, and of everything that he knew about Sharon, she was one of the strongest individuals that he had ever met. He had been her priest since her children were very small. He was just a young man then. They were only a few years apart in age. Sharon had come to him, a young mother and a new police officer, conflicted about how to balance her faith and her job. She had been looking for Father Peter, and was skeptical when he offered her his counsel instead. He had managed to help, and as he gained experience and they both grew older, their congregation had changed. People had come and gone, but Sharon and her children had remained. He had seen them through many things, from the children's first communions to marriage counseling.

She came to him when she sought legal separation from her husband. She was most worried about her children and how it would affect them. Her own faith and soul had been a secondary concern. Father Thomas had counseled her on taking Rusty into her home and the trials that had come with raising a troubled young man. She worried for him, even as she loved him, and accepted who he was. She was almost confrontational when she told him about Rusty being gay. Father Thomas knew that there were many others in his place that would urge her to seek counseling for her son; to attempt to heal his troubled spirit. He didn't believe that Rusty needed healing.

They talked at length about her divorce. She wanted to adopt Rusty more than she wanted to protect her immortal soul. Her marriage was long over and in a choice between her vow to her husband and her vow to the boy that she had taken into her home, the boy would win every time. Father Thomas couldn't fault her for that, and he didn't believe that any God that either of them believed in would either. She had chosen love over obedience.

Her heart was guarded when it came to Andy. Now he understood why. He understood a lot more than that.

Father Thomas took her hands in his. "Sharon." He spoke quietly, gently. "These are not promises that you need to make in bargain. God already knows your heart." She wouldn't look at him, so he leaned closer. "So does Andy. If you believe nothing else, then believe this; you have made him very happy."

Her gaze lifted slowly. He spoke with a level of understanding that he could have only gained in one way. Sharon blinked slowly. "He's been going to confession?" Andy was always reluctant to go to mass with her, but he did it. He tolerated it, for her. He believed in a higher power, but he was not a man that was overly fond of church and clergy.

The priest smiled. He nodded once. He could not reveal a specific confidence, but this much he could tell her. "He wants to be the man that you need him to be; the partner that you need him to be." It had been a struggle, but he felt as though he had finally gained the other man's trust.

Andy was reluctant and cynical. He saw the world in good and bad with very little gray in between, but he had faith that there were reasons for it all. Sharon had said to him, only a few days before, that she could not talk to Andy about shooting Dwight Darnell because he would view him as just another _dirtbag_. What Sharon did not know, and what he could not reveal to her, was that Andy had come to him too. He had the Lieutenant in his confessional the evening before Sharon's visit. He was worried about her. He was worried about how it was affecting her and how she would move past it. He regretted the necessity of having to use their guns, but his years in addiction recovery had taught him to accept what he could change and have faith that there was a reason for the things that he could not. Yes, to Andy, Dwight Darnell was just another dirtbag, because he was an evil that needed to be stopped. His regret was that Sharon had to do it, and that neither of them had been able to stop the man before they had lost so many lives.

She wanted to ask how long it had been going on, but Sharon knew that he couldn't tell her. She lowered her gaze instead. "How could I waste so much time?"

"Do you truly feel as though it was wasted?" Father Thomas inclined his head as he studied her. "Or is it at all possible, that with everything that you and Andy have been through, apart and together, that you have needed these years to heal; that you have needed them to learn to trust each other, and yourselves? Sharon, when the affair ended, what happened? What came next? How did the two of you become what you are now? You said to me that the opposite of love was not hate. Am I to believe that there was a good deal of that along the way?"

She wiped at the tears on her cheeks. A smile curved her lips. "You could say that. At least, we certainly tried…"

 **-TBC-**


	10. Chapter 10

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

[January 2012]

It was late for someone to be knocking on her door. Sharon was not especially thrilled at the idea of answering it. She had only just gotten home and was trying to decide which she was most in the mood for, a glass of wine or a cup of tea. It had been a long week, one that was punctuated by having her Friday evening plans completely obliterated by the Major Crimes Division. Sharon had been out to dinner with friends when her phone rang. She had to ask, again, why all of their cases had to begin at such inconvenient times. Equally as frustrating was having to report to the crime scene without the opportunity to return home, or to her office, to change.

Heads had definitely turned when she strode into the crime scene in a short black dress and less than sensible stiletto shoes. She had enjoyed the opportunity to go out, to dress up and have an evening of fine cuisine, good wine, and intellectual conversation. What she had not enjoyed were the questions, the insinuations, and the jokes made at her expense by individuals that she was attempting to assist. Andy had wisely kept his mouth shut, but he had glared at her. There was jealousy and anger in his gaze. She realized quickly that he believed that she was on a date, and if he believed that she would do that, given everything else that he knew about her, Sharon was not inclined to correct him.

She changed when she finally got back to her office. She traded her dress for a white, silk button down and a pair of trousers. The stilettos were the only shoes that she had on hand, and so they had remained on her feet. She was paying for that now, a little more than twenty-four hours later, with the keen ache in both of her feet. That was why she groaned so pitifully at the sound of someone knocking on her door. The shoes had been discarded, but her feet were still hurting.

Sharon sighed as she walked across the apartment to answer it. There was really only one person that she could name that would be asking for entrance at this hour, and she wasn't in the mood for him. Sharon didn't want to go another round with Andy. They had barely managed to be civil to one another in the weeks since their relationship finally fell apart. If others had noticed that they had once again devolved into sniping and arguing with one another, it wasn't mentioned. Sharon imagined that his teammates and friends were probably relieved that life was back to normal. She found it rather exhausting.

Her body tensed as she opened the door. She was already preparing for an argument. She drew back in surprise, however, at the person who was standing on the other side. Sharon's brows rose and her lips parted. She had to shake her head to clear it. "Jack." She blinked a few times. "What are you doing here?"

His hands were in the pockets of his green, canvas jacket. "A man needs a reason to check in with his wife when he's in town?" He looked down at his feet for a moment. Jack shrugged. "I had some business in town. I thought that I should see you before I left. You sent the new address to my lockbox, so..."

When he looked up at her, it was through the fringe of sandy colored hair that was falling across his brow. Sharon folded her arms across her chest. She shifted where she stood. "Of course." She imagined that it would be awkward, seeing him again with everything that had transpired since the last time that he was in town, but Sharon was not prepared for the reality of it. She took a step back and gestured toward the living room. "Would you like to come in?"

Jack was quiet as he moved past her. Once he gained entrance into the living room, he looked around. The condo was a lot smaller than their house. It was still bigger than the little one bedroom apartment they lived in when Emily was born. It was a lot nicer too. He cast a look at her from over his shoulder as she joined him. "It's nice. Suits you." His gaze was drawn toward the ballet portraits on the wall behind her desk. They were paintings and stills. His eyes were drawn to one of them, however. Jack bent down and squinted at it. "Is this Emily?"

"It is." She joined him. A soft smile curved her lips. It was a promotional photo from the theater. The picture of Emily had been taken during a production the previous spring. She was in the chorus, but the moment that was captured was one of grace and beauty. Sharon was so excited and proud to place it with the other portraits on her wall. "She's doing well. You should call her."

The pointed look that she cast in his direction had him turning away. Jack sighed as he walked toward the sofa. "Sharon..." He shook his head at her. "Emily doesn't want to hear from me." She always did this, she always tried to get him to reach out to their kids, but he couldn't do that. He couldn't stand to hear the disappointment and just how... vague and distant they were with him.

"Yes she does." Sharon followed him. She took a seat in one of the armchairs. "More than that, your children _need_ to hear from you, Jack. They need to know that you still remember that they exist."

"I didn't come here to argue with you." He sat down on the edge of the sofa cushion and leaned forward, elbows braced against his knees. "I get it, okay? I'm just not good with them, not like you are. Can we just..." He sighed. "Sharon, can we just not talk about that?"

"Okay." Her head inclined. "What is it that you would like to discuss? Honestly, Jack, aside from our children, I really cannot think of anything that we have left _to_ discuss."

He hung his head. "What about you and me?" He was hesitant to look at her again, but he did. "That's something to talk about, isn't it? There's still us."

Sharon stared at him. She drew a breath and let it out slowly. She could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest. Her stomach churned. She wasn't sure that she liked where this might be going. The sudden need to move was overwhelming. She stood up and walked into the kitchen. "There is no us, Jack. Not anymore."

"Isn't there?" He followed her. "Sharon…" He stopped and shook his head. He leaned against the bar that separated her kitchen and dining area. "If there's no us anymore, then why haven't you had me served? It's been twenty years since we officially separated and we're still married, honey. If you don't want there to be an us, you could change that."

"You know very well why I haven't done that." She busied herself with putting the kettle on to boil. "Neither of our families nor our church would consent to such a decision."

"So that's it?" He shook his head. "We're still married because we're Catholic, and that's all you've got? Come on Sharon…"

"No, Jack." she turned. She pinned him with a glare. "You _come on_. What other reason do we have? We have spent more years living apart than we did together, so what do we have left?"

Jack pushed away from the counter. He walked over to stand before her. With more sincerity than he had felt in a very long time, he lifted her hand in his. "We have you and me. I'm not good at this. I failed pretty epically." She tried to tug her hand out of his grasp, but he held on. "I left," he said, owning the mistake that had started them down this path. "I walked out on you and the kids, and I did it a lot. I wasn't here when you needed me to be, and even when I was, I know it wasn't in the way that you needed, or that you wanted. I messed up, Sharon."

She looked away from him. She swallowed hard past the lump in her throat and blinked away tears that were born of twenty years worth of disappointment and neglect. "Why are you saying this now?" She asked quietly. "What changed?"

"I finally realized what I was losing." He lifted her other hand and held both of them in his much wider palms. "I saw you with someone else," he admitted. "In all the years that I've been coming and going, it never occurred to me that you would move on, that you wouldn't be here waiting. It was pretty hard to swallow. I know that doesn't sound great." Jack sighed. "But there it is. I looked around and I didn't like what I saw. I didn't like the idea of you with someone else, and I had to accept the fact that the only person that I can blame for that is me." He held her hands against his chest and let his thumb rub over the finger that no longer bore his ring. She stopped wearing it a long time ago, and he couldn't blame her for that. "I don't want to lose you," he said quietly, "and maybe it's too little and way too late, because I probably already did, but I can't stand the idea of living the rest of my life without you in it."

Sharon pulled her hands out of his grasp. She turned away from him. The kettle was whistling behind her. She removed it from the burner and turned off the stove. Then she braced herself on the counter beside the stove and closed her eyes. Tears had blurred her vision. How many times had she wanted this? For how long, and how hard had she prayed that he would say these words? How many nights had she laid in their bed, alone, imagining a moment very similar to this one? A deep ache settled inside her chest. It was suddenly very hard to breathe.

He moved behind her. Jack laid his hands on her shoulders and let them slide down her arms. He pulled her back, a little relieved when she didn't immediately shrug him off. His arms folded around her body and he turned his face into her hair. She was trembling against him. "I broke us," he whispered against her hair. "I hurt you. I hurt our kids. I can never take it back. I can never fix it." He drew a breath. His voice grew thick. A shudder went through him. It hurt to admit. It hurt to think about. "I love you, Sharon. I'm always going to love you. I don't know..." he broke off. Jack had to swallow hard. "I don't know if I will ever be the kind of man that you deserve, but I want to try. I want to come home, Sharon. I can't promise that I won't screw it up again. I'm no good for you, and I know that you're better off without me, but..."

She turned before he could finish. The moisture she felt against her ear were the tears that were moving down his cheeks. He had cried before, begged her to take him back. This felt a little different, though. Never had he spoken so desperately, or so openly about his own mistakes and failures. The blue eyes that were staring back at her were filled with pain, but there was hope, and something else that she had not seen in them for many years. She lifted a trembling hand to his cheek. He was staring back at her. He wasn't deflecting. She was so accustomed to Jack's games and excuses, she was ill prepared for the sincerity and the emotion. "I..." She couldn't speak. Sharon shook her head instead. This was the man that she had fallen in love with so many years ago. The man that she had pledged herself to. The one who had promised to love her... and who had walked away, time and again. "It may be too late for us," she told him.

"I know." He lifted his hand and let his thumb sweep away a tear as it made it's way down her cheek. "I understand. You moved on. You're with someone else, and—"

"I'm not." Sharon's gaze dropped. She busied herself with smoothing out the rumpled lapels of his jacket. How long had he had this ugly old thing? She had to think about his words and her own actions. Jack had not single handedly destroyed their marriage. He bore the brunt of it, but he was not alone. "Neither of us are the people that we were when we married," she reminded him. "We've both changed." She noticed that he still wore his ring. In all their years, that hadn't changed. Even when she removed hers, Jack had not. What he did with it when they were apart, she couldn't say, but he was wearing it now. She had used their marriage as a shield. She used it as a net. She had even used it professionally, when it was convenient to do so. It was the reason that she had not _moved on_ , not really. She was still bound to him. If she was not going to let go of their marriage, and he was willing to try, Sharon knew that she was obligated to at least meet him halfway. Her eyes closed and she exhaled a short breath. "If you are serious about this..."

He cradled her head in his hands. Jack didn't kiss her. He knew that would be too much. His cheek settled against her temple. "I am," he promised. "If I screw it up this time," he said, "then I won't ask for another chance... but if I don't, and we make it... honey, if we can make it, after everything that's happened, then we have to try. I want to get old with you, Sharon. Just you. No one else." He leaned back and looked down at her. "Older," he amended, a smile curving his lips.

She managed a watery chuckle, in spite of the heavy emotions that were currently surrounding both of them. "You are one to talk." She reached up and passed her fingers through the gray that was beginning to show at his temples.

His hands dropped to settle against her hips. He took the smile as a good sign. "So what do you say, Sharon, want to give this _old_ reprobate one last chance? We were pretty good together once. Maybe we still have it."

Sharon drew a deep breath. She let it out slowly. "Okay Jack." She held up a finger before he could rejoice. " _One_ last chance," she told him. "I don't know if either of us still has what it takes to make this marriage work, but we will try." She felt a little panicked at the idea, and knew that it stemmed from a fear of opening herself up to him again. That was something that she would need to do if they were going to be even remotely successful. "There are going to be some ground rules," she said, "we can't just pick up where we left of twenty years ago and pretend that the intervening time hasn't happened."

Jack shook his head at her. "That's my girl. There never was a rule that you didn't like." He straightened and nodded. "Okay, let's have it. What have you got?"

Her brow arched. He didn't usually appreciate her rules. She decided to take it as a good sign that he wasn't cringing and trying to skirt them before even hearing them. Sharon crossed her arms. "You sleep in the guestroom, at least to start. I think we both need and deserve a little time to become used to one another again."

He wouldn't deny that he was a little disappointed, but he nodded. He had expected that. "I guess it has been a while," he agreed. "Okay, guestroom. What else?"

"No drinking," she informed him. "You go to meetings, and you stay sober. No gambling," she added. "One always leads to the other. If we are really going to try again, Jack, I need to know that you are as serious about your sobriety as you are about our relationship."

"I know." He nodded. Staying sober had never been very easy for him. "I'm working on that, Sharon. I really am. I know that I'm not getting any younger, all jokes aside. I've been going to meetings. I can find one here. I'll go as many times a week, or a day, as it takes."

She had heard that before, but in the interest of sincerity, she nodded. "I want you to call our kids and talk to them. Take what they say, and do better. It's not just you and me. If we are going to do this again, that means being a family again. I am not the only person that you have hurt. You may not like what they have to say, especially Ricky, but they need to say it and you need to hear it Jack, really hear it." She stared intently at him. "If this is going to work, then you have to be a father _and_ a husband."

Admitting just how crappy of a father that he had been was always the hardest part. Jack nodded. His head hung. "I know. I just never thought…" He sighed. "I always said I wouldn't end up like my old man, and I did. It's a little hard to take. It's easier to run, you know?"

"I know." She laid a hand against his chest. His father had been a mean drunk that walked out on his family when Jack was only ten. His mother had raised three boys by herself. Jack's eldest brother, Richard, had died in a car accident a year after she met him. His father had shown up at the funeral drunk. Sharon often wondered over the years if Jack left just to avoid becoming that man, since it seemed the alcohol was stronger than his will to stay away from it. "I do not imagine that any of this will be easy, Jack, for either of us, but if you are going to come home, then I need for you to come home to all of us."

He curled his hand around hers and lifted it. His lips were gentle against her palm. "All I can do is try," he whispered.

"That's all that I have ever wanted, Jack." She let him tug her closer. When his arms moved around her, Sharon leaned into him. Her arms circled him and her face turned into his neck. "All that I needed or wanted was for you to try, just once, to really try."

He held her close. He felt the tremor that ran through her and knew that it wouldn't be easy to win her back, but he wasn't going to give up. Jack wasn't gaming her this time. It wasn't a gamble. He wanted his wife back. "I will, Sharon, I will."

Her hands curled into the material of his jacket. She pressed her face into his shoulder. "Then stay," she whispered. They were words that she promised herself that she would never speak again. She said them now, and hoped that she wouldn't regret it. "Stay with me."

Jack drew back. He cupped her chin between his thumb and index finger. There were tears in her eyes again. His thumb swept over her trembling bottom lip. Somewhere in the woman that she had become was the girl that he had promised to spend the rest of his days loving. He could almost see her, in the wide green eyes, in the uncertainty and hope. The woman was there too, she was wary of him. His lips touched her forehead before he drew her into a tighter embrace. When her hands slid up his back, he turned his face into her neck. "I'm not going anywhere, honey. Not this time."

She wanted to believe him, but she was afraid to hope. Instead, she decided to simply wait. In lieu of belief, she could give him patience. Of that, she had an abundance. It was the rest that she was struggling to find. Jack wasn't the only one that was going to have to try, she would need to dig deep and resolved to do it. For her children and the sake of her marriage, if not for herself.

 **-TBC-**


	11. Chapter 11

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

 **A/N:** Rated M - NSFW

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

The biggest difference in having Jack home again came in having to actually learn to live with him again. They were cautious around each other during those first few weeks. Jack kept his promise to stay in the guestroom. He got a job at legal aid. It didn't pay well, but it was steady work. He went to meetings, he stayed out of bars, and he avoided poker games and betting halls. They shared meals and chores, and managed the awkward and uncomfortable moment when they had to discuss finances. That was one area where Sharon was not willing to relax her guard. Never again would they share all of their income. What she agreed to, however, was a household account. They both contributed to it, while maintaining control of their personal finances. They were not simply coexisting this time; they were sharing a life.

Jack realized quickly that Sharon's walls were built strong and high. To get around them, his work was cut out for him. He couldn't simply expect her to be his wife again. He would have to show her that she _wanted_ to be. He set his mind to wooing her. It wasn't easy. She was a hard nut to crack, but he had known her for a long time, and he found that he _wanted_ to woo her. There was something that was both interesting and enjoyable about getting to know the woman that he married as she was now, and not as the girl that he remembered.

He took her to dinner, arranging dates that he thought she would enjoy, and that were not meant to be extravagant. They went to shows and movies, and spent lazy afternoons in museums or art galleries. He maxed out his last working credit card and took her to New York for a weekend, so that they could see their daughter dance. That had gone a long way toward loosening Sharon up toward him, but he hadn't done it just to get into her good graces. Emily had been glad to see them both, and that had given him hope that maybe there was a future for all of them after all.

It was hard work, trying to repair a marriage. They had missteps and arguments, and every time, Jack wondered if Sharon's disappointment in him ran too deep for them to make it work. It took more than a month for her to start to relax around him, more than a month before she would let him touch her without immediately tensing up. They talked about the affair. Jack had to admit that his ego was pretty bruised by it. He couldn't exactly claim that he had been totally faithful to her during all their years of separation, but he never expected that Sharon would go looking for what she needed outside of their marriage. He couldn't blame her for it. He wasn't around. They agreed to put it behind them.

Two months passed before Sharon was willing to go public with their reconciliation. It was uncomfortable, sitting in front of their friends, her friends really, as a couple that existed as more than just two names on a piece of paper. She still hadn't let him touch her yet. Jack had started to think of the guestroom as his. Sharon was softening toward him, though. He could sense it. She no longer pulled away if he tried to kiss her, and more than once in the past week, she had fallen asleep with her head pillowed against his lap while they watched television.

It was hard for him to reconcile this woman with the one that had an affair. He knew Sharon, knew how passionate she was, but he was reminded of what she was like when they first dated. She had insisted on a proper courtship, and while it wasn't always completely innocent, their wedding night had been the first time that they made love. Jack was beginning to feel a little like he should get down on his knee and propose again. He would do it, if that was what she wanted of him, except that he was terrified of what her answer would be this time.

It was frustrating to be that close to a woman as beautiful as his wife was, and not be able to show her. Although, part of him also wondered if this was his punishment. Sharon had smiled as she left him last night, seated on the sofa, obviously aroused after an hour spent making out like a couple of teenagers and with just a _Goodnight, Jack_ to show for it. She had gone to bed and he had taken a cold shower. He was taking a lot of those lately.

Jack was wondering how long that was going to last as he made his way down the hall from his room to the outer rooms of the condo. He was fighting with a cuff link as he went. He had come home to a suit hanging on the back of his door with a note from his wife to be dressed by six-thirty. She hadn't told him why, and since she was already closed up in her bedroom, he hadn't had the chance to ask yet.

"Okay, Sharon…" Jack scowled at the cuff link as it threatened to fall out from between his fumbling fingers. "At least tell me that I'm not going to spend the night picking at some god-awful rubber chicken and listening to boring speec-" He trailed off when he looked up. She was standing in front of him in a deep crimson dress that clung to every curve in a way that made him wonder if the dress had been made just for her. Thin straps were gathered behind her neck. Her hair was pulled up; thin, loose curls framed her face and neck. Jack's eyes followed the outline of the dress, from the way it fell in soft folds across the curve of her cleavage to the soft material that danced around her ankles when she moved.

His jaw was hanging open. Sharon shifted uncomfortably and looked down at herself. Her hands smoothed out imaginary wrinkles as they moved down her waist and thighs. "It's too much, isn't it?" The dress was not her idea. Emily had picked it out when they were in New York a few weeks ago. It wasn't overly revealing, and she had felt good wearing it, until she saw his reaction.

"Wow." Jack finally found his voice. He continued to stare at her. He walked slowly forward and took her hands. He held her arms out from her body and shook his head. "No, it's great. I… you look…" He couldn't even put it into words. "Wow," he said again.

She felt her cheeks grow warm as color flooded them. "Really?" She chewed on the corner of her lip. Sharon was still getting used to compliments from him, at least when he didn't want something. He was usually very liberal with them when it suited his purpose. "You don't think that I should change?"

"God no," he said, voice much thicker than it had been before. "You're perfect." He met her gaze and grinned. "It looks good, Sharon. Really good."

A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She pulled her hands out of his and took his arm. Sharon pulled it between them and fixed the cuff link that he was fighting with. "Thank you." She could feel herself beginning to relax again, and more than that, tiny sparks of excitement were dancing along her spine.

"Hey." She was concentrating entirely too hard on fixing the cuff of his shirt. Jack tipped her face up. "I mean it." His thumb swept across her bottom lip. He leaned forward slowly. When she didn't duck away, he let his lips settle against hers. His arm moved slowly around her. Jack pulled her against him and let his hand settle against her hip. As their kiss slowly deepened, she melted into him, arms sliding around his shoulders and a low hum filling the silent room.

He was igniting something inside of her that she thought long buried. Sharon had resolved to move slowly with Jack, and was grateful that he had respected her enough to allow it. He was doing everything that she asked of him, and trying very hard to be the kind of husband that she told him that she needed him to be. Last night had been a test. She allowed them to get carried away, and then, she walked away. It was rather unfair of her, she knew, but she needed to know if he would rail against her, as he had in the past, for not being the _wife_ that he expected her to be. She knew that she had left him aching and frustrated, but rather than yelling insults at her, she heard the shower running. She was almost tempted to join him. She wasn't immune to the situation. Sharon had decided to make it up to him instead. Tonight would be her treat.

She smiled as his lips moved across her jaw. She drew a breath as they moved down her neck. Then he kissed her shoulder before moving away from her. Her eyes opened slowly and she smiled brightly at him. She could see that he wanted more and she could feel the affect that it had on him. Sharon swept her hands down the front of his suit. "I hope you won't mind if we postpone the rest of this until later," she said, voice low, filled with desire and promise. "We have a reservation at _Michele's_ and tickets to _Tosca_."

Jack drew back in surprise. "You hate the opera." She had never cared for it, no matter how much she loved ballet and art. The opera was simply not to her taste.

"You don't." Sharon smiled at him. "I also seem to recall that this one is your favorite. Think of it as… a peace offering." Her hands moved back up his chest. She draped her arms loosely around his neck. "I know that I haven't been making this easy on you, but you are trying. It hasn't gone unnoticed, Jack. I'm not only talking about the big gestures. The trip to New York was wonderful, but I mean the little things that you are doing too. You make dinner, and you pick up the dry cleaning. You're tolerating my insane work hours, even better than I think I do most of the time. You haven't pushed, you've given me the space that I need to get comfortable with the idea of us being an _us_ again, and I have appreciated that, even when I haven't showed it."

"Let me get this straight." Jack's hands rested against her waist. "You want to thank me for being a decent guy by getting all dressed up and going out to some fancy French place, that I know you're going to hate, and an opera that is going to bore you to tears?" His hands slipped down to cup her bottom. He drew her against him. "Honey, if you want to do that, order a pizza, put on a movie, and get naked."

Sharon laughed. Her head fell back, and when he took that as his opportunity to attach his lips to her pulse point, she moaned. "Jack, we have reservations." She drew her bottom lip between her teeth. He moved suggestively against her and she fought the urge to giggle. She gave his shoulders a push and shook her head at him. "Dinner first, and then dessert."

He pouted at her. "Damn your rules."

His blue eyes were dancing. Sharon walked away from him with a smile. "You love French cuisine, you love opera, and…" She stopped at the door and turned back. She exhaled a shaky breath. "I love you, so let's go." She couldn't claim that she was _in_ love with him anymore, but she did still care deeply about the man that had fathered her children. She had made up her mind to throw herself more fully into her marriage and that was going to begin tonight.

He wasn't sure that he had heard her right. Jack walked over and stood in front of her. "Say it again," he said, voice thick. He was taking small, shallow breaths. He could hear his heart pounding out a rhythm in his chest.

He looked just as bewildered as he had the first time that she said it, more than thirty years before. Sharon cupped his cheek. She leaned in and brushed a soft kiss against the corner of his mouth. "I love you," she said softly.

His hands cupped her face. He tipped her head back and covered her mouth with his. It was a kiss designed to make her toes curl. They swayed where they stood. Jack pressed her into the wall beside the door and attempted to convey everything that he had been trying to express for the past two months in a single kiss. When he pulled away, her lips were swollen and her eyes were glazed. He grinned down at her. "After you, Mrs. Raydor."

It had been a long time since she allowed anyone to call her that. Sharon felt a warmth that she thought long gone fill her. Her hand curled around his tie and she drew him back to her. "Well," she drawled in a thick voice, "maybe staying in isn't such a bad idea after all, Mr. Raydor."

"Oh thank god." He pulled her away from the door and turned her toward the hall. "There was no way I was going to survive a night out with you in that dress." He was walking her backwards down the hall. His hands were in her hair and already it was tumbling down in a mess of loose curls and long layers. His lips latched on to her neck again.

"Oh?" Sharon shrugged away from him. She took a step back. Her eyes were wide. "This dress? You don't like it?" She shrugged and offered a small hum. She reached up and opened the closure behind her neck. "Then perhaps it should go…"

Jack looked heavenward as it hit the floor at her feet. "Thank you," he said, and meant it.

"Eyes forward, Jackson," Sharon instructed with a smirk. She stepped out of the pool of material and walked toward him. When he looked at her, she felt a blush coat her cheeks and move lower. Sharon tugged the corner of her bottom lip into her mouth and waited. His eyes seemed to be taking it all in. She wondered for a moment what he would think. She was only a girl when they married, barely twenty-three, and with a body that had not experienced two children and menopause.

He watched the doubt flicker across her face as he stepped forward. "Sharon." He tipped her face up when she ducked it to avoid his gaze. "Still beautiful," he told her. His hands moved to her shoulders. They ghosted down her arms in a feather-light caress. He watched her shiver and smiled. His hands moved to her waist and then lower, to settle against her hips. His thumbs stroked her stomach, from abdomen to hipbone. She couldn't know what she was doing to him, standing there in just the silk and lace that had been hidden beneath her dress. He took another step forward. His eyes were drawn to the rapid rise and fall of her chest. His hands slid slowly up her sides, fingertips all that was touching her as they skirted over her ribs. He heard her breath catch and watched her nipples harden against the lace of her bra. His thumbs traced the outline of the black, silk encased underwire that shaped the cups of her bra. Slowly, his gaze lifted. She was watching him, lids heavy and lips parted as she drew quick, shallow breaths.

Jack laid a hand against her chest, the heel of his hand just barely reaching the curve of her left breast. His thumb stroked her collarbone. He could feel the rapid flutter of her heart beneath his palm. His head bent and his lips ghosted across her cheek. "No," he said, when her eyes fluttered and tried to close. "Look at me." He reached up with his other hand to cup the back of her neck. Her head was tipped back. He continued to watch her, enjoyed the way her eyes dilated and grew dark as his lips brushed hers. He teased her, tongue tracing the curve of her bottom lip. She made a sound at the back of her throat that was lost somewhere between a moan and a hum and he felt his already aroused flesh twitch in response.

"Jack." His name was barely a whisper on her lips. Her hands were at his sides, fisted in his jacket. There was heat tingling through her. Her nipples ached to be touched and a low ache had started to spread warmth through her belly. Her lips felt impossibly dry, a sharp contrast to the moisture that she could feel pooling between her thighs. It surprised her. She had been slow to arouse in the last few months, since her body had plunged further into menopause. Her tongue darted out to sweep over her lips and she hummed at the taste of him.

He drew the back of his hand down her chest, between the soft mounds of her breasts and across her stomach. He nipped playfully at her lips, and when he felt her fingers dig into his arms, he angled his head and covered her mouth. His arm slid around her waist and his hand pressed against the small of her back. Jack drew her closer and felt the length of her settle against him. The bulge of his arousal pressed against her belly, and while their tongues danced, finding a rhythm that they thought they had forgotten, he let his other hand slide up her side to rest against her ribcage.

Her back arched. She moaned into his mouth as she rubbed her aching breasts against his chest. The friction of the lace dragging against her nipples sent a shock of pleasure through her. Sharon slid her hands up his arms. One of them gripped his shoulder while the other moved into his hair. Her fingers tangled in the slightly curling locks at his collar.

Jack's thumb traced the underside of her breast. It was a teasing caress, and she answered him with an almost pained grunt. He sucked her bottom lip into his mouth as the digit moved higher. He circled her nipple, and enjoyed the way she rolled her hips against him. Jack lifted his head and looked down at her. Her lips were swollen and red, the lipstick that she had worn earlier was all but gone. He turned them where they stood and pushed her back, until the wall was behind her, something to brace her against. Then he turned her. He shrugged out of his jacket before he placed his hands against the wall, on either side of her. His lips moved across her shoulder, to her neck.

"Oh god." Her head fell back. Sharon stepped out of her heels and kicked them aside. Her bottom bumped against the bulge in his pants. Sharon kept one hand against the wall and reached back with her other to grip his thigh. She rubbed herself against him, hips moving in a slow, forward motion.

"Yes." His tongue traced a path up the side of her neck to her ear. He drew a hand between them and opened the clasp of her bra. The strapless scrap of silk fell away, forgotten at their feet. Jack's hand slipped around her body and he palmed her left breast. "That's it baby," he muttered when she thrust herself against him. He let his calloused palm drag across her sensitive nipple until it was impossibly hard, straining toward him. Then he rolled it between his fingers, tweaking it between thumb and index finger.

"Oh!" Her head fell forward again. Sharon rested her forehead against the cool surface of the wall. " _Jack_." She whimpered when he drew his hand away from her. "Don't stop," she demanded.

"I'm nowhere near done with you." He took both her hands and planted them against the wall. Then he drew his palms down her arms to her sides. He slid them back up, cupping both her breasts and enjoying the heavy weight of them. He pinched and rolled her nipples until she was grinding herself into his hard-on. He only let go of her long enough to step back and loosen his tie. He ripped it over his head and watched as she turned while he worked at the buttons of his shirt.

Sharon reached out to help him. Between the two of them they got the shirt open and she pushed it off his shoulders. She moved away from the wall and folded her arms around his neck. Her mouth covered his and she sought his tongue again as they moved toward the bedroom. They tripped over clothes and shoes and fumbled with his belt as they went.

Inside the room, Jack pushed her away from him. He kicked out of his shoes and toed off his socks. He maneuvered her toward the bed and when they reached it, he guided her down to lie on the mattress. He stood over her, eyes tracing over her flushed and aroused form. Jack opened his pants and pushed them down his legs. His arousal was tenting his boxers as he moved onto the bed with her. He leaned over her then pressed a kiss against her collarbone.

Her back arched. Sharon moved her hands into his hair as his lips moved downward. She curled her legs around his body and when his mouth covered one of her aching nipples, she rolled her hips against him. "God yes," she gasped. Her head was tossed back, she stared at the ceiling, entirely unseeing as he swirled his tongue around her aroused flesh. "Jack, please…"

He leaned back on his knees and stared down at her. He couldn't remember the last time that he had seen her looking at him like this, with such need, such wanton abandon. He drew his hands down her sides to her hips. His fingers moved beneath the silk of her panties. He watched her teeth scrape across her bottom lip as he pulled them down her thighs. With that last barrier gone, he moved between her parted legs. Jack stroked his hands up and down her thighs. Her arousal was glistening against the folds of her sex. He pushed his hands to the apex of her thighs and slipped his thumbs inward, to trace the inside of each hip.

Her hips thrust toward him. Sharon fisted her hands in the duvet beneath them and tossed her head back. He was teasing her, making her ache for him in a way that was almost more pain than pleasure. "I need you," she told him.

"Soon." He bent over, arms curling beneath her, and drew her toward him. He could smell her, the musky scent of her arousal. Jack hooked his arms beneath her thighs and planted his hands against her stomach, then he drew his tongue along her slit.

"Oh. My. _God_." Her hips tried to buck against him, but he kept her anchored to the bed. The pressure of his hands against her stomach while his tongue was sliding between her folds was almost too much. " _Jack_!"

His tongue circled her engorged clit. He could feel the clenching of her muscles beneath his hands. Her thighs were trembling. He groaned at the taste of her. His tongue made a few more passes as her sex before he lifted his head. He was too damned old to be bent at that angle for more than a few minutes. Jack looked down at his wife, she was panting beneath him. He met her gaze and held it as he backed off the bed. He pushed his boxers down his legs and kicked them off. His hard-on bounced toward her.

Sharon sat up. She scooted to the edge of the bed and sat there. Her hands moved down his chest and over his belly. She looked up at him, and it was her turn to watch him as she curled her hand around the base of his length. He was hard, pulsing in her hand as she stroked him. "Table," she told him.

Jack knew what she wanted. It was the only thing she always asked for when they were together. He leaned over and opened her bedside table. He found the box of condoms easily and lifted one of the foil wrapped packages. She took it from him and he watched, lips parted and breath coming in heavy pants as she rolled it onto him. He thrust into her hand. When she lay back again, Jack moved over her. He parted her thighs and drew them high. The head of his length pushed between her folds. He rubbed it against her, coating himself in her arousal. Her hips moved with him, lifting in a circular motion that made him throb. Jack watched her face as he guided himself to her entrance. Their eyes met as he pushed inside her. " _Sharon_."

"Yes." She dug her heels into the bed. Sharon drew her hands over her head and gripped the edge of the mattress. "Again," she panted.

Jack pulled back until only the head of his length was still inside her, then he thrust forward, harder this time. They both cried out. He braced himself against the bed, knees aching and did it a third time. He watched her eyes close and her neck arch. Her inner walls clenched around him and he gritted his teeth. "Fuck." He thrust into her again and the friction was almost heaven. "Is that this what you want?" He angled his thrust so that his pelvis rubbed against her clit.

"Yes." She forced her eyes open. Sharon looked at him, watched him as he began to thrust more quickly. "Jack, yes… I need you."

"You have me." He gripped her hips then and began to thrust with abandon. Quick, hard thrusts that had him grunting every time he bottomed out inside of her. When he felt his release approaching, he moved his hand over her pelvis again. Jack pressed his thumb against her clit and let their moving bodies guide how it touched her. "Come on, baby."

She was close. She could feel it. She tossed her head to the side and pressed her eyes closed. The heat of the plateau stole her breath. Sharon cried out when her body contracted. Her eyes opened and she reached for him. Her hands found his thighs and she gripped them tightly as she rode each wave of pleasure that washed over her.

Her inner walls gripped him tightly. Jack waited until he felt the contractions of her orgasm begin to lessen before he leaned over. He drew her thigh higher and pressed into her more insistently. Gone was his rhythm as he chased his own orgasm. He came with a shout, thrusting hard and shaking as his arms and knees threatened to give out beneath him.

He collapsed on his side beside her and rolled onto his back. While he struggled to breath, his hand reached out blindly and landed against her thigh. Jack stroked the soft skin and stared at the ceiling above them. "My god," he whispered. He had forgotten how good it could be. He looked toward her, found her in a similar state. "I love you," he said.

She laid her hand over his and nodded. It was all that she was capable of at the moment. Sharon shifted closer toward him. "Me too," She managed after a moment. Her tongue swept across her bottom lip. A smile curved her lips. "Not bad, considering we're so _old_."

Jack snorted a laugh. Her leg had somehow ended up sprawled across his. He pushed it off him. "Old? Give me a couple of hours and I'll show you old…"

"Hours?" Her brows lifted. Sharon's eyes sparkled teasingly. "What happened to minutes?"

"Woman, are you trying to kill me?" He shook his head. Jack grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. When she sprawled across his chest, he stroked a hand down her back. "Okay, so maybe _old_ is a little subjective."

Sharon laughed. The heat was cooling and the sweat and moisture that were covering their bodies made her shiver in the cool air of the condo. "Okay, a few hours it is. If you think you will still be awake…"

"You're on," he decided, accepting her challenge.

It was several hours before either of them slept. They had spent the evening enjoying one another, and had, as he suggested, ordered pizza when they decided that they were hungry.

Sharon had forgotten about Jack's snoring. That was something else that was going to take some getting used to again. She stared at the ceiling as he lay beside her, an arm draped across her middle. She was tracing lazy patterns across his arm, from elbow to shoulder while she waited for sleep to claim her. She couldn't put a name to what she was feeling. She thought that she would feel more once this moment was finally upon them; instead she was feeling a little bereft. Sharon didn't know if that was a result of her own expectations or the doubts that were still occupying her mind, but it was a heavy emotion, and one that she wished that she could shake.

It wasn't that she hadn't enjoyed their evening, because she had. Rather thoroughly. Jack had made sure of that. They had spent most of the night relearning bodies that had changed since the last time that they shared a bed. There had been laughter and passion, and a little bit of fumbling as they coped with the fact that they were no longer twenty-five. She was also wishing that she had nothing to compare it to. There had been a time when her husband was the only man that she had ever had in her bed. That was simply not true now, and in spite of his efforts, and hers, she found herself comparing him to her most recent, and only other partner. It was good, but it wasn't spectacular. Sharon had somehow expected it to be better, given their history and relationship, and everything that went with a thirty-year marriage.

Sharon wondered if her problem was that she was not as emotionally invested in Jack as she used to be. She didn't want to think about that, because if that was the reason that she was still left a little wanting, then it meant that she _was_ emotionally invested in Andy. Those were not thoughts that she wanted to entertain, not while her husband was laying in her bed, and certainly not when he was holding her as though she was the most important thing in his world.

She bit down on her bottom lip as she turned in his arms. She stared at the far wall, eyes stinging, and prayed for this feeling to leave her. She felt Jack's arm tighten around her. She closed her eyes and snuggled back into the warmth of his embrace. She heard the change in his breathing before she felt the caress of his fingers against her belly. Sharon hummed quietly and stroked the length of his arm.

"Okay?" His lips moved against her bare shoulder. She seemed restless. It was unlike her, or at least, what he remembered of her.

"Hm." Her eyes closed. "Yes." She pulled his arm around her and wriggled closer. "More than okay," she lied, and hoped that it sounded convincing.

"Sure?" He was already drifting off again, but Jack pressed a kiss to her neck.

"I'm sure," she said. "Just cold." A new wave of tears built behind her eyes when he shifted the blankets that were covering them to tuck them around her. He drew her legs into the tangle of his and shifted so that his warmth was surrounding her. "Better," she whispered, and hoped that he mistook the tremor in her tone for fatigue. She kept her eyes closed and concentrated on breathing. A few minutes later, she felt him relax against her back again. The snoring returned. Sharon decided that she needed more time. She needed more patience. How could she ask more of him than what he was already giving her?

She pushed all thoughts of Andy aside and told herself that she would not think about him again. It was her marriage that she was focused on now, and Jack need never know that she had thought of another man while he was holding her.

 **-TBC-**


	12. Chapter 12

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

"Stop it." Sharon smacked the hand that was sliding beneath her skirt away from her thigh. She cast a pointed look at her husband. They were at dinner and despite how well things were going for them at present, there were some behaviors that she simply would not allow. He was only too aware of that, but it rarely stopped Jack from pushing the limits of her resolve, and her patience. "Behave," she warned.

He would be more inclined to try if she wasn't hiding a smile behind her wine glass. Jack leaned closer. They were seated in a small corner booth. He nosed her hair aside and pressed a kiss against the soft skin between her ear and jaw. "I'm trying very hard to do exactly that," he drawled, "but it's kind of hard with you sitting there looking so…"

He moved his lips against her ear and whispered a few things that had her cheeks flushing with color. "Jack!" Sharon turned away from him. A low, throaty chuckle sounded in her throat. "You are terrible," she decided. Sharon shook her head at him.

Jack placed his chin in his hand. He smiled at her. "You're beautiful," he told her. He liked the way her cheeks colored in the soft restaurant lighting. It had been a good couple of weeks. His wife was back in his arms, and they were getting along great. There were still some rough spots, but they were working on those.

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. He continued to stare at her until she sighed. She leaned over pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "Happy?"

"You have no idea." He leaned back on the bench seat that they were sharing and reached for his water glass. He laid his hand on her knee and let his thumb stroke the soft skin just below the hem of her skirt. He met her for dinner after work, and they had long since finished and were just enjoying each other's company. Sharon had almost passed on the wine, but he insisted that she should have it. That wasn't to say that he wasn't tempted, but he focused of other things instead. "So I was thinking," Jack began, drawing her gaze back to him. "Maybe if you don't get tied up with a case this weekend we can drive down the coast, spend some time laying on the beach, just the two of us."

He ducked his head, and he looked a little tentative at the idea. Sharon laid her hand over his. She traced his fingers where they were draped over her knee. "Maybe we can stay at that little hotel in Baja, where we used to go when the kids were little?"

"Yeah." He wrapped his thumb around her fingers. Jack stroked the familiar outline of her ring. She was wearing it again. It had appeared one morning, a few days after their first night together, and hadn't left her finger since. Neither of them had commented on it, but they were both aware of what it meant. She was committed again, and not just to the idea of their marriage or what it represented in their faith, she was committed to _him_. "With the hammocks on the balcony. That could be great. You know, without Ricky getting all twisted and tangled up in it."

Sharon snorted a laugh at the memory. "He was all feet and arms, but I still think Emily _helped_ that little situation." Her hand caressed his arm. "I would like that, Jack. I would like it a lot. Let's see if we can arrange it; if not this weekend, then soon. I have some vacation days saved, we could make a trip of it."

"Some?" He flashed a knowing smirk at her that made her laugh again. "Let's do it. I'll find out if that place is still open and see about getting us a room. Just let me know how long I can have you for."

"Hm." Sharon's hand curled around his upper arm. She leaned close to him again. "I think we've already answered that question."

"Now who needs to behave," he teased. Jack had missed this side of her, the playful lover. His had slipped up her thigh again. "Maybe we should pay the check and leave."

"I think that may be an excellent…." She trailed off as her phone began to ring. "No." Sharon lowered her forehead to his shoulder. The lawsuit was over, and had been for some time, and while she still needed to find the leak within the Major Crimes division, Sharon was no longer tasked with following all of their cases. Her phone ringing now could only mean one thing. She sighed as her head lifted. She reached for her purse and pulled her phone from inside. "Captain Raydor."

Jack shifted away from her. He pulled his hand away and laid it against her back instead. A frown was drawing her brows together as she listened to the officer on the other end of the line. He felt her stiffen and then straighten. He sighed. Their night was effectively over. Jack looked around and caught sight of the waiter. He signaled him to bring the check. This was the part of her job that he had always hated.

While her husband was taking care of the check, Sharon was listening to the report from the sergeant who had received the dispatch call. There had been an officer involved shooting at a motel on Sunset. There was an officer down at the scene, but they were unclear as to his condition. There were also two suspects down, one of which had already been pronounced dead. It was unclear, but they thought that there was at least one more in custody. "Get our people on scene as soon as possible," she replied. "Lock it down. No one leaves. I want a complete log of everyone who was present, and everyone who has had access to the scene since the shooting, including EMS." She paused for a moment and looked at her husband. "If Chief Johnson has any arguments tell her that she can call me directly."

He grimaced. That was a name that he knew. He had heard it often enough over the last couple of months. That meant Major Crimes was involved. He could kiss his wife's good mood goodbye. She always came home feeling a little foul-tempered when she had to deal with them, and especially Flynn. She wouldn't tell him what happened between them, or how the affair had ended, and Jack didn't think that he really wanted to know, but he didn't have to feel jealous about his wife being around the guy. She couldn't stand him, and from the sound of it, it was pretty mutual now. He waited for her to finish giving orders before he slid out of the booth and walked around to help her up. "What happened?"

"Chief Johnson and her team were attempting to close a case and stop a gang war. They managed both, but not without it escalating. We have two dead on site, both suspects, and an injured officer. Uniform," she added, "sent to back them up." Sharon took his arm as they left the restaurant. "The crime scene is on Sunset. I can drive you home and join the others."

"I'll drop you off," he suggested. "You can get a ride with a member of your team, and I'll make sure that your car gets left at the PAB tomorrow." He knew from experience that she was going to spend the night working. He probably wouldn't see her again until the following evening, at the earliest.

"Are you sure?" Sharon leaned in to his side. "Jack, I don't mind being a few minutes late. It isn't a problem, I wasn't on call tonight."

"I know." He slipped his arm out of her grasp and put it around her. "Don't worry about it, Sharon. It's on the way home." Jack grinned at her. "Can a guy take care of his wife?"

"Yes he can." She smiled as they walked toward the car. "Thank you."

"It's my pleasure." He lifted his chin and stuck his chest out. When she poked his side, he laughed along with her. "Come on, let's get you to work before the place falls into complete anarchy."

"Truer words, my darling…" He had never met Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson. Sharon folded herself into the passenger seat with a sigh and waited for him to join her in the car.

They made the drive in silence, in large part because Sharon was already requesting updates via text message and email on her phone. When they arrived at the crime scene, Jack pulled the car to a stop alongside several other official vehicles. "You know," he looked at his wife, "We're only a few blocks from home. Keep the car. I can walk."

"We are at least six blocks away," she pointed out. "Are you sure?" Her brows knit together in concern. "Jack, you can take the car. It really isn't a problem."

"Honey." He covered her hand where it rested against the console between them. "Keep the car," he said again. "I'm going to walk. It might be do me good." He winked at her. "My wife is sending me home without any dessert."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You are still terrible, Jackson Raydor." Sharon pushed her door open and climbed out of the car.

"Yeah, but you married me." He climbed out from behind the wheel and shoved his hands into his pockets. There were a lot of cops moving around. Already the red tape was in place, and people were waiting for her to arrive. There were some faces that he recognized among the milling officers, others that he didn't. Jack walked around the car and met her by the hood of the vehicle. "So, I guess I shouldn't wait up for you?"

"I'm afraid not." She laid a hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze. "I will call you, though, but probably not tonight. We will try to wrap this up as soon as we can, but I don't think I will be home until some time tomorrow."

"That's what I thought." He flicked a lock of hair behind her shoulder and jerked his head toward her crime scene. "Go get 'em, Captain."

"Jackson Raydor!" A voice interrupted them before she could leave. "Well, isn't this a surprise. I guess all the rumors that I've been hearing are true. I heard you were back in town again."

"Russell Taylor." Jack drew a hand out of his pocket and shook the man's hand when he joined them. "You heard right." He could tell that his wife was inwardly cringing. He shrugged at her. What could he do? It seemed that Taylor hadn't changed any; he was still the gossip king of the LAPD.

"Commander Taylor." Sharon regarded the man with a polite, but cool smile. "I wasn't aware that you were present during this evening's shooting."

"Oh, I wasn't." He rocked back on his heels. "I'm just here to… talk to the press," he explained. "Interesting that you'd bring a lawyer into one of our crime scenes. Isn't that a little bit of a conflict of interest, Captain? Jack, you still doing criminal law?"

"These days I just take the cases that they give me." Jack nodded to his wife. "I'm not staying. I was just dropping Sharon off. We were at dinner when the call came in. Don't worry about me. Yellow tape and flashing lights was never my thing. Sharon wears the badge in our family."

"Yes." Taylor tilted his head at the other man. He was still curious about this situation. As far as he knew, the Raydors hadn't played at being a family for a really long time. Russell's lips pursed. They sure did seem awfully chummy now, and if he wasn't mistaken, he had even seen the flash of a ring on her finger. That was certainly a development. "Well, I don't want to keep you," he decided. "Things to do, people to see." He waved a hand at them and strode toward where the press was beginning to gather.

"Wow." Jack exchanged a look with his wife. "I thought I got worse with age," he muttered. "Was that a neon green tie?"

"Stop it." Sharon snickered. She turned her face into his shoulder to hide the smile. She could not be seen laughing at a crime scene. Sharon cleared her throat. She nudged him toward the street. "Go home, Jack."

"I'm going." He nudged her back but started walking toward the sidewalk. Jack turned when he reached and walked backwards. "Hey," he held his arms out at his sides. "I just call 'em like I see 'em."

Sharon turned away from him. She rolled her eyes heavenward. "Oh, that man!" What was she going to do with him? She drew a breath and let it out slowly, and then she squared her shoulders and began walking purposefully toward the red tape at the end of the block.

A few yards away, their entire exchange had been watched by another set of eyes. Andy ground his teeth together and concentrated on the notes that he was jotting down. There had been a rumor circulating that Sharon was back together with her husband. He hadn't believed it. He didn't think she would ever go down that road again. He was wrong. It looked like he was wrong about a lot of things. Andy snapped his notebook closed. "I'm going to go see what the hell is keeping Kendall," he snarled.

Provenza watched him go. His mood had gone awfully sour in the space of just a few minutes. The lieutenant's eyes narrowed. He looked between where his partner had gone and the quickly fading figure of Jackson Raydor. His eyes widened suddenly. " _No_ ," Provenza whispered at length. He knew that Flynn had been dating someone for a while, and that it had ended, but they never talked about _who_. His partner had been surly as hell for a few months, and downright mean at times, especially when the Captain was around. His jaw dropped open. Provenza followed his partner. "Tell me," he hissed at the other man, "that you were not stupid enough to get involved with _Raydor_ of all people!"

"Don't be an idiot." Andy shrugged him off. "The only person willing to get close enough to that conniving bitch is her husband." His lip curled. "That always ends so well."

His brows shot up. Provenza had never heard his partner talk about a woman like that, even this one. "Moron!" He wanted to shake him. Provenza settled for smacking him with his hat. "How could you be so stupid? What were you thinking? She's married," he hissed, "worse than that, she's Raydor!"

"Keep your voice down," Andy snapped. "Don't worry about it, okay? It's over, long over. She's back to playing house with her husband. So let it go, I sure as hell did."

"Did you?" Provenza's eyes narrowed. "If you're so over it all, why are you acting like such an ass right now?"

"Because I don't want to talk about it," Andy snarled. "I just want to forget that it ever happened. Can we do that please? And maybe, while we're at it, let's get everything we need out of the crime scene so we can get the hell away from here. All these rats make my skin crawl."

"Oh I just bet that's what it is." Provenza shook a finger at him. "Fine, but later, you and me, there is going to be a conversation."

"No, there isn't." Andy threw his hands up in exasperation. "When I said that I didn't want to talk about it, I meant it. Not now, and not later. Just forget about it. It's done, it's over, and I would really like to forget that it ever happened.

"Sure." Provenza's hands slapped against his thighs. "You go right ahead and forget. While you're at it, stay the hell away from her. I mean it, Flynn. No more of that back and forth that you were doing last year." They hadn't talked about it, but he knew that his partner had gotten hung up on a woman for a while, and that they had broken up a few times before it finally ended.

"Don't worry." He looked in the direction that the Captain was gone. "Staying away from her is exactly what I intend to do." It was easier that way. He didn't have to worry about the knife in his gut twisting. The last thing he wanted to think about was Sharon and Jack playing happy family again.

He stalked off once more, and this time Provenza let him go. "It better be," he muttered. He had seen his partner go through a lot of women, but he never knew him to get all wrapped up in one the way that he had the previous year. Raydor was married, and Flynn was an idiot. It was a bad combination on a good day. He resolved to keep an eye on the pair of them, and the husband too. This had the potential to blow up in all of their faces.

Sharon bent and slipped beneath the red tape when Sergeant Elliot lifted it for her. Her gaze was already sweeping the crime scene. Those members of Major Crimes that had not been immediately involved in the action were lingering at the perimeter and wrapping up the case that had brought them to the motel. At the center of the scene was Chief Johnson with Detective Sanchez and two other officers. Sharon stopped in front of them. "Chief," she nodded to the woman before her gaze moved to the Detective. He was sporting a bandaged upper arm and a torn shirtsleeve. "Detective," Sharon's head tilted. "I was unaware that anyone else had been injured. Are you alright?"

Sanchez's gaze dropped to his arm. He shrugged. It hurt like a bitch, but it wasn't serious. "Yes ma'am," he replied. He met the Captain's gaze again. "It's just a scratch. The bullet grazed my arm, it doesn't even need stitches," he added the last when her eyes widened. The Captain had become a regular fixture during the lawsuit. He was used to having her around now. She wasn't so bad. Annoying as crap with her rules, but she was good people. Julio gave her an impassive look now, however, despite the mischief that he was feeling with her arrival. "I think I'm going to need you to pencil me in for an Anger Management Class soon, Captain."

He spoke in a complete deadpan, but his eyes were sparkling. Sharon pressed her lips together. She shifted where she stood and clasped her hands together. "Hm." Her lips pursed. "And why is that, Detective? I should warn you, premeditated acts of overt force are not recognized under my AMC clause. You may find yourself in my office instead."

"It's not planned," Julio replied. "It's just that people keep shooting me and it's really starting to piss me off, ma'am."

"Oh for heaven sakes." Beside him Chief Johnson rolled her eyes. "Detective Sanchez." She flashed a warning look at him. "Since you did not fire your weapon, maybe you can give your statement to one of Captain Raydor's sergeants?"

"Yes, I think that will work." Sharon half turned and waved him toward Sergeant Davis. "Sergeant, the Detective needs to provide a witness statement and then we can let him get back to work with the rest of his division." She waited until Julio started to walk away before she turned back to the Chief. "Who among your division was involved in the action, Chief? I assume my people have already taken their weapons?"

"Just Lieutenant Tao," Sharon nodded to the man who was standing nearby, speaking with a detective from FID. "The rest of us were not in position to be able to return fire. You need to speak with Officer Michaels and his partner Officer Hill. Officer Hill is on his way to Cedars with a gunshot wound to his leg, but he is stable and should be able to give his statement soon. He left his weapon with me, and I have turned it over to your guys. We have two deceased," She swept a hand toward where the bodies were. They were several yards apart. "Our primary suspect, Martin Hudson, and one of his partners, Terrence Lewis. A third suspect is in custody, Sergeant Gabriel is watching over him." She pointed to the marked squad on the other side of the scene. The sergeant was standing beside the vehicle and a man in handcuffs was in the backseat.

Sharon filed all of that away. As her gaze moved around the scene, she made mental notes about the layout. "Thank you, Chief. We will try to wrap this up as quickly as we can." She waved the rest of her people forward and pointed silently to where she wanted them to begin. "I understand that your people may need to gather evidence, once my team has photographed the scene and taken what they need as it pertains to the shooting, I will allow your team back in to continue your investigation."

It wasn't ideal, but it was better than being kept _out_ of the crime scene until the Captain was satisfied that her case was wrapped up. Brenda nodded. "Thank you, Captain, that will be a tremendous help." She would never be completely sold on the need for FID, but in the past year the Captain had been an asset for all of them. An annoying asset, but one just the same. "If you will excuse me, I need to make sure that Commander Taylor is not giving away too much of our case to the press before I have spoken to our remaining suspect."

"By all means," Sharon stepped aside. She walked over to join Detective Alvarez in speaking with Lieutenant Tao. She was going to need to know where the coroner's van was, and why it was taking so long to arrive. There were a lot of questions to be answered and a short time to do it in. It was going to be a very long night.

 **MCMCMC**

It was almost two days before Jack saw his wife again. He had spoken to her on the phone, and he knew that she had been home to shower and change, but she had done it while he was at work. She was running on fumes, caffeine and little else. He stepped out of the kitchen where he was putting away dinner dishes when he heard the door to the condo open. Jack tossed the dishtowel over his shoulder. "Hey. You look exhausted."

"I am _completely_ exhausted." She pulled at her heels and dropped them under a table near the sofa. She stretched aching muscles as she walked toward him. "I am also totally wrapped up and all yours for a few days." They had managed to close the case and turn in the final reports before the weekend could officially begin.

Jack smiled when he pulled her in to a hug. He wouldn't go so far as to say that she would be _all his_. There was a surprise waiting for her, but it would keep until morning. She was practically dead on her feet. His hands moved up and down her back. "I'm almost finished here," he told her. "Why don't you go jump in the shower, and by the time you get done, I'll be ready to rub your back." He kissed the side of her head and let his hands slide down her arms from her shoulders to her wrists.

"Hm. Perfect." Sharon was thinking about falling face first in to bed, but that sounded like a wonderful idea too. The shower would help work some of the kinks out of her neck. She tipped her head back and kissed the corner of his mouth. "I'm sorry that I missed dinner." He had sent her a text earlier, explaining that dinner would be his treat if she could make it home in time.

She would understand later why it was important for her to be there, but for now, Jack just shrugged it off. He was hoping she would make it, but it was a long shot. "It happens." He cradled her head in his hands and kissed her forehead. "Go shower, honey. I don't want you falling asleep while you're washing your hair."

"Yes, that would be inconvenient." She let him turn her. Sharon walked across the apartment, and not without stopping to retrieve her shoes. She made her way down the hall to their bedroom, every step heavier than the last. She almost cried at the sight of her bed. It was just too inviting. She bypassed it for the shower, however. It would just be a very quick shower. Sharon hated going to bed with her hair damp, but she couldn't stand the idea of not washing it that evening. She toweled it dry and ran a blow dryer over it for a few minutes. It was just enough to leave it barely damp. It was still going to curl wildly; there was nothing that she could do about that. By the time that she had finished, Sharon could barely keep her eyes open.

She was already asleep when Jack joined her. His wife was lying on her stomach, arms wrapped around a pillow, with her simple, cotton nightgown bunched around her thighs. Jack shook his head at her. She hadn't even managed to turn down the bed. He moved quietly around the room, although he was sure that it would take a foghorn to wake Sharon up at this point. After he changed for bed, he walked over and eased the blankets down, tugging them past her limp body. She only hummed and grunted in response. Jack shook his head. He couldn't imagine how long she would keep working that job. At their age, these long, sleepless nights just weren't great. He knew she wasn't ready to retire, though. He still worried about her.

Jack covered her before walking around and joining her in the bed. He lay on his back and stared at the ceiling. He was thinking about the plans they had for the weekend. Those would have to keep too. He didn't think that Sharon was going to mind. A foot sliding up his calf drew his attention. Jack slanted a look at the woman beside him. He grinned when her leg curled around his. He watched one eye crack open before she turned her face further into the pillow. His hand moved down and settled against her thigh. He stroked the soft skin below the hem of her nightgown. It would be an interesting weekend, but perhaps not a terrible one.

The space beside him was already empty when he woke up the next morning. Jack looked around for his wife and saw no sign of her in their rooms. He ran a hand over his face as he got out of the bed. He trudged into the bathroom to brush his teeth before he let the smell of freshly brewed coffee lure him down the hall. He found Sharon in the kitchen. She was leaning against the open refrigerator door, still in her nightgown, while she contemplated the contents of the cooler. Jack's eyes moved down her body to the expanse of long leg that was visible. He watched as she leaned her weight on one foot, and let the other rub the back of her calf.

Jack walked over and slipped his arms around her. He leaned against her back. "Morning." His mouth moved against her neck.

"Hi." She smiled as she leaned back against him. Sharon pushed the refrigerator door closed and let her arms drop to cover those holding her. She tilted her head to the side and hummed appreciatively. She turned in his embrace and slipped her arms around him. One arm draped around his neck while the other curled around his middle. Sharon met his questing mouth and melted against him as the kiss deepened.

One hand cupped her bottom; the other moved into the thick, tousled curls that she hadn't even attempted to do more than clip back this morning. Jack opened the clasp of the clip and let her hair tumble down around her shoulders. He enjoyed the silky weight of it as he cupped the back of her head and tilted it to allow better access to the warm depths of her mouth.

"I am going to need therapy," a voice interrupted them. "Lots and lots of therapy to get that imagine out of my head."

Sharon's eyes opened. She drew back from her husband, but stared up at him. Her brows lifted. Jack shrugged at her. "Surprise," he said.

She turned. Her hands went to her mouth. Her son was definitely standing in front of them. The t-shirt and pajama pants, along with the sleep-mussed hair told her that he had spent the night. Sharon almost bounced where she stood. "Ricky!"

He rolled his eyes when she moved toward him. "What? Like, you've got any other sons that I don't know about?" He smiled when she reached him. Ricky lifted her off her feet in the hug. "Hi mom."

She ran her hands over his mussed hair and tried to push it down. It only popped right back up again. Sharon laughed and shook her head. She stepped back from him. "What are you doing here?" It was not that she didn't appreciate the visit, but it was definitely a surprise. Ricky was not pleased with the state of her reconciliation with Jack and had been very vocal about that in their phone conversations. He thought that she was making a mistake.

"It's spring break." Ricky grinned crookedly at her. "Where else am I going to go?" He risked a glance at his father but kept his attention on his mother. "Besides, I figured with everything going on, this might be the place to be."

Sharon folded her arms across her chest. "But I thought that you were going to St. Thomas?" Ricky's plans had included a week in the Caribbean with his girlfriend and a few other friends. It had been a long time since he had been home for a school break. Sharon's brow rose. If this was about her relationship with his father, there was going to be a very long conversation. She had made it clear, a few times, that it was none of his business.

"Yeah." Ricky rubbed the back of his neck. "I was… but then…" He sighed. "Sarah and I broke up, so… _awkward_."

"Oh honey, I'm sorry." Sharon reached out and stroked his arm. He had been with Sarah since their senior year at St. Josephs. She had gone to Berkeley, which Sharon knew was a deciding factor when Ricky had chosen between Stanford and Northwestern. He had chosen to be closer to his girlfriend. Sharon had never been especially fond of the girl, but she had tried very hard for her son's sake. Sarah was a bright girl, and she was very nice, but there were some personality quirks that Sharon had not seen the two of them being able to workout long term. It seemed that she was correct. She still felt badly for her son.

"No you're not." Ricky made a face at her. "You couldn't stand Sarah, so…" he shrugged. "Whatever, it's over. She's moving to London after graduation. She doesn't believe in long distance relationships." He rolled his eyes. "She doesn't believe in a lot of things," he added sarcastically.

"Ricky." Sharon took his arm and pulled him with her to the bar. She maneuvered him onto a stool and joined him. "It isn't that I didn't like Sarah, I just… didn't like her with you," she said honestly.

"You're not supposed to." Jack poured three cups of coffee and carried them over. "I seem to remember a thing about moms not liking the girls that their baby boys bring home to meet the family."

Her chin lifted. "Your mother hated me from day one, but that is beside the point. I have never _disliked_ any of the girls that Ricky dated. I liked Joanne. Remember Joanne," she looked at her son. "She was very nice."

He rolled his eyes. Ricky looked at his father, whom he knew wouldn't have a clue what they were talking about. "I dated Joanne for three years in high school. We broke up a few months before I started dating Sarah. Mom liked her more than she liked me," he explained.

"That's not true!" Sharon's jaw dropped open. "She was just a very nice girl."

"Who is now a man." Ricky cast a bland look at his mother. "His name is Joseph and he's going to law school. People change after high school mom, you should really keep up." He lifted his coffee and took a sip. "He's a really nice guy, but I should have realized that something was up when all he ever wanted to do was hang out with Emily."

Jack snorted a laugh. His wife hit his arm and he tried to wipe the smirk off his face. "I'm sorry." She was glaring at him. He sobered quickly. "Right. Terrible thing, but the important part is," he lifted his cup and toasted his son with it, "you're still friends."

"Law school?" Sharon rested her chin in her hand. "I always knew that I liked that one." She passed a hand over her son's hair again when he only grunted at her. "Your father is right. It's good that you're still friends with Joseph. On the other hand, I hope that you will accept Sarah's conditions about a long distance relationship and move on."

Ricky sighed. He rolled his eyes toward his mother and just stared. "It's because she's blonde, isn't it?" He asked in a deadpan. He had known his mother didn't care for his girlfriend, but she always tried.

"No," Sharon said at length. "It was because she was bossy, and she distracted you when you should be studying, and her mother was an actress." Her nose wrinkled. "I am not even convinced that they were Catholic. They sent her to St. Joseph's because it was a small, but high end private school…" She paused for a moment and sighed. "I am sorry darling, I really tried." The simple fact was, every time the girl opened her mouth Sharon wanted to cringe.

"I know." Ricky bumped her shoulder with his. "It's okay. The truth is, the bossy thing has been getting on my nerves for a while. It just sucks because I could be on my way to St. Thomas right now and not watching some dude try to slide his hand up your leg."

"Ricky." Sharon made a face at her son, even as Jack drew away from her and put the width of the bar between them. His hand had landed against her knee, where it had remained. It was hardly inappropriate. "That _dude_ is your father," she reminded him, rather pointedly.

"Yeah well…" Ricky could remind her what happened the last time that he was home, but decided it was better to keep that between them. He didn't know how much his dad knew about her last relationship, but he had promised to never speak of it. "I still don't need to see it," he told her. "I think we walked in on you two enough when we were kids. No reason to open old wounds."

"I am going to go and get dressed," Sharon decided. She was fighting the urge to laugh. "I would like for the two of you to decide what we want to do about breakfast." She slipped off the stool and pointed fingers at the both of them. "Behave," she warned.

Jack sighed. "Sharon, we survived a whole night without you. We can make it five more minutes." He looked at her hair and grinned. "Okay, make it an hour. We can survive another hour without you."

Sharon lifted her coffee cup. Her chin rose defiantly. "Just for that, I am going to take my time," she drawled.

"You always do," Jack called after her. When she only flashed a smirk at him from over her shoulder, he grinned back. He would not tell his wife that the previous evening's conversation had included a lot of _hurt my mother again, and I will hurt you_ type of discussions. Jack would hold his tongue and let her be happy while their son was visiting. Not that he could blame the boy. Ricky was angry; he had a right to be.

Where Emily accepted him easily, Ricky never really had. He was his mother's son that way. Jack had always thought of Ricky as Sharon's, from the day he was born he had bonded more easily with her. He didn't know if it was because the birth had been so hard on both of them, or because he had been colicky and Sharon had all the patience for calming him, or if he just hadn't liked him from birth, but he and Ricky had never been especially close. Emily was his princess. She had slept on his chest the first few weeks that she was home, until he and Sharon had felt comfortable putting her in the crib by herself. They made all the first time mistakes with Emily, but he thought that she had turned out okay. He had three years with Emily before Ricky came along, and maybe that was the difference.

Jack was trying, though. They had agreed last night to be civil, to get along and do their best to be a family, for Sharon's sake if not their own. Jack was well aware that this was his last chance with Ricky too. He was trying to make the best of it, even if he was beginning to feel the pressure.

 **-TBC-**


	13. Chapter 13

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

The only good thing about catching a case on a weekend, as far as Andy Flynn was concerned, was the opportunity to walk through the downtown farmer's market. It was set up on streets that were blocked off for just that reason a few blocks from the Police Admin. Building. Andy had parked in one of the garages on the street where the market would be set up when they caught the case. There were a couple of fresh markets near his place, but nothing like the one in downtown.

He strode through the stalls, checking the wares and sipping on a cup of coffee as he considered his options. He had learned when he made the switch to be a vegetarian that fresh vegetables were easier to come by in the produce markets rather than at grocery stores. They lasted longer and had a better taste to them. He had been doing this for so long now that he knew a couple of the vendors by name. They traded stories and laughs while his selections were weighed and money was paid.

The two canvas bags that he brought with him were already almost filled with fresh peppers, beans to be snapped, and an eggplant that he couldn't wait to chop up for an eggplant salad. It was while he was perusing a table of fresh fruit that he heard a familiar laugh. It was a sound that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. It sent a tingle along his spine. His heart skipped a beat. Then his body tensed. Andy felt his jaw clench. For just a moment his eyes closed, he counted to ten and prayed for patience before he turned.

At the end of the street, in a booth that was selling fresh breads and pastries, he spied the source of the laugh. Sharon was standing with a tall young man that could only be Ricky. He had a fresh crescent roll in his hand and had torn a piece off of it. He was trying to convince her to try it, a loosing battle since Sharon didn't eat a lot of bread. While he watched, Ricky gave up and tossed the bite of pastry into his own mouth. Andy sighed. It wasn't as bad as he thought. She was only out and about with her kid.

It still wasn't easy to look at her. Part of the problem was that he missed her. The other part of the problem was that he was still so damned angry with her, and with himself. They had known that they were making a mistake. They had known that there was nowhere for their relationship to go. Ending was the only option available to them, and yet they kept going back for more. It had blown up in their faces and they had both gotten burned by it. Andy didn't want to accept the fact that he couldn't have her, and he really didn't like thinking about her with anyone else, especially her husband.

That had anger darkening his mood even further. She was back with her husband, and he knew that _she knew_ it couldn't end well. He didn't wish them ill, and he certainly wasn't cheering for them to fail, but with everything that she had told him about Jack, he couldn't imagine that the other man had changed so much that they could make it work. Not in so short a time. If Sharon believed that then she was fooling herself. She was in denial, and he thought she was a hell of a lot smarter than that.

Andy had to force his gaze away from them when Jack showed up. He turned his back on the trio and tried not to think about how good she looked walking around downtown on a lazy Sunday afternoon in a cotton sundress, with her hair falling in soft, loose curls around her shoulders. He told himself not to picture the way that she smiled at her husband when he dropped his arm around her shoulders. He especially didn't want to think about the happy family that they appeared to be or the jealousy that was churning, hot and bitter, in his gut.

He decided that it wasn't fair. The son of a bitch didn't deserve it. Andy walked away from them. How long had he been sober? Just over sixteen years now, and still he only saw his own kids a few times a year, when they deemed him worthy enough of a visit. No, it wasn't fair, but he wasn't going to think about that. He was going to think about going to a meeting on his way home instead. Maybe he would spend the afternoon cooking. Then, maybe, he wouldn't feel the need to put his fist in that bastard's face.

It was better not to think about Sharon at all. Following that afternoon, Andy wouldn't go anywhere near her. If she came by the division, he made sure to have somewhere else to be. He wouldn't look at her, and unless forced, he didn't talk to her. It worked out pretty well for him. He didn't see Jack again for a few weeks, even if it wasn't the first time he had thought about him in that time.

He was out to dinner with the rest of his team. They were celebrating the close of a case. The cantina was pretty popular so he wasn't shocked to see Jack. He seemed to be there for the same purpose, as Andy didn't recognize any of the people that he was with. He didn't see Sharon around either. Andy made a point of ignoring the man. He focused on the people that he was with, laughed at Sanchez's jokes, even the bad ones, and helped Gabriel make fun of the Chief. He also ignored Provenza's questioning looks. He could exist in the same city as Jack Raydor without having a fit, that Sharon wasn't there made it easier. He just couldn't stomach seeing the two of them together.

What he didn't reveal was that he was watching the man out of the corner of his eye. He saw Jack order water while the rest of his table ordered drinks. He saw the cajoling, though. Andy knew what they were saying. It was something that he had dealt with in the early years of his sobriety, before people realized that he was serious about kicking his habit. Dinner was wrapping up and people were beginning to leave when he saw Jack finally give in and accept a beer from one of his workmates. Andy ground his teeth together.

When the team left, Andy went with them. At least he managed to get so far as the parking lot. The problem was his damned partner. He had to wait until Provenza was gone, and assured that he was leaving himself, before he doubled back. Andy went back inside and sat in a corner. He waited. He knew how this night would play out. One drink would become two, and two would become three. A beer would turn into shots, and a night would be lost in a haze of booze. Just because he knew it would happen, and just because he knew it was only a matter of time, did not mean that Andy _wanted_ it to happen.

That was why he tucked himself into a dark corner and watched it unfold. There was nothing that he could do to stop it. He knew that from experience. When an alcoholic wanted a drink, he would get a drink. If not tonight, then some other night, and at least he was there to keep an eye on the situation. The more he drank, the louder Jack became. He became boisterous and charming, the life of the party. He stayed behind, ostensibly to wait for a cab, while the rest of his party left. Andy watched him order another drink. He waited until he was stumbling and done for before he offered to drive him home. By that point Jack didn't care who he was. He was still full of wild tales, but with Andy, he wanted to brag about his wife.

He took it. He listened while the other man exhausted himself by recounting all of her better qualities, and laughing about a few of her lesser ones. Andy just shook his head and sighed. He drove the idiot home and was just relieved when Jack didn't puke in his car. Then he walked him, stumbling and slurring into the building where he lived with his wife.

"You need to go on a diet," Andy decided. He had one of Jack's arms drawn over his shoulder as he half-carried him from the elevator and down the hall to the condo. The old bastard weighed a ton. He was bulkier than Provenza was, and at least Provenza could still mostly walk after a night of tying one on. They stopped in front of the door and while Jack was trying to remember if he had his keys or not, Andy reached out and knocked on the door.

He drew a breath and held it while they waited. He didn't feel especially triumphant when it opened and Sharon stood in front of them, face paling and smile falling into a stricken expression. He felt sick. He hefted Jack up against him and offered a grim look. "I ran into him down at the cantina. I guess they were celebrating."

"Yes." Jack had gone out with a few of his colleagues to celebrate the fact that they had closed a difficult case. Sharon schooled her face into a carefully impassive mask and stood back. "Can you…" Her jaw clenched. She drew a breath and let it out slowly. "Can you help me get him into bed?"

She spoke quietly, but the disappointment that he heard in her soft voice went even further to twist the knife in his gut than anything else that had transpired over the last few months. "Yeah, I can do that." Andy moved Jack into the apartment. They made the turn to head down the hall and he almost stumbled with the drunk man. Sharon followed along behind them. When they reached the bedroom, she moved around them and pulled back the duvet.

She wouldn't look at Andy while she bent over her husband. She tugged at his shoes and tossed them into the corner. She swept her hair back and tucked it behind her ears while quickly blinking back the sting of moisture that was filling her eyes. There was an ache in her chest that was rising up her throat and threatening to suffocate her. She could honestly say that she had not seen it coming this time.

Ricky's visit had been stressful, but she thought that they had gotten through it. Jack was looking for a new job, something that he was excited about, since he had a few nibbles from a couple of law firms downtown. He would be able to get back to practicing the kind of law that he enjoyed. They had even gone away together, not too long ago, for the first time in more than a decade. Sharon had taken a week off and had spent it with her husband at a little bed and breakfast on the Mexican coast. They had both come home tanned and happy, and she thought, that much stronger for the little vacation that felt almost like a second honeymoon.

Her hands shook as she covered Jack with a blanket and put a trashcan beside the bed. When she looked up, she was alone in the bedroom. Sharon exhaled a small, shaky breath. She passed a hand over her face and walked quietly down the hall. She found Andy waiting, hovering near the door. "Thank you," she managed. "I appreciate you bringing him home." He could have just called her instead. How many times had she gone out in the middle of the night to drag her husband home by herself? Or with her sleeping children in the car. This was not an unfamiliar sensation, but it had been a long time since it hurt quite this much.

"Yeah." Andy had his hands in his pockets. He shook his head. "Dammit. Look, Sharon…" He didn't know what to say. He sighed instead. What could he say? "It's just one slip." They both knew that it was lame, but it was all that he had. "If he's been doing good, there's no reason to think that he can't come back from this. It happens."

"I know." She wrapped her arms around her upper body and shrugged. "It just seems to happen an awful lot with Jack, doesn't it?"

Andy winced at the biting note in her tone. "It happens to a lot of people," he told her. "It doesn't have to mean that he wasn't trying. You know, for what it's worth, I was watching him tonight. He tried, Sharon. He didn't cave until after dinner. Once you have that first drink, you start to feel invincible. You forget that you can't just have the one."

"Please don't make excuses for him." Sharon looked away from him. "I could stand that from anyone but you. How many nights have you been out to dinner with the guys without _caving_?" She ground her teeth together. "Thank you again for bringing him home, Andy, but I have it from here."

He turned toward the door, but he stopped with his hand on the knob. "I didn't do it for him."

It was spoken so quietly that she almost didn't hear it. He was gone before she fully registered what he meant. Sharon's eyes closed. Once she was alone she allowed the tears to come. She walked over to the sofa and curled up on it, knees drawn to her chest. Sharon pulled a throw pillow from behind her and hugged it. What the hell was she going to do now?

Jack woke with a splitting headache and a churning stomach. He wanted to bury his head and never move again. Instead, he got up and stumbled into the bathroom. The overhead lights were too bright. He spent the next half an hour regretting the drinks that he had the previous night while he was repeatedly sick. When it was over, and when he thought that he could move again, he pulled himself up and leaned against the sink. He found a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin sitting on the vanity. He brushed his teeth first, and then he took two of the pills and drained the glass. Jack didn't feel almost human again until after he had a shower. He wanted to make sure that he didn't smell like a sour brewery before he went in search of his wife.

He found her seated on the sofa. She was in a large, thick sweater and a pair of sweats. Her hair was still damp from her own shower and pulled back from her face. Beneath her tan she was pale. There were dark smudges from a sleepless night beneath her eyes. Jack walked quietly over and sat down on the sofa beside her. He didn't speak; there was nothing that he could say. They both knew what he had done. He leaned his head back against the sofa cushions and stared at the ceiling. "Do you want me to leave?"

She thought about that, long and hard, while she sat awake on the sofa, listening to make sure that he wouldn't be sick during the night. Sharon had her knees drawn up against her chest. Her bare feet were tucked beneath the edge of the sofa cushion that was between them. Her back was resting in the corner of the sofa. She looked at her husband now. He was contrite, but he was not making excuses. It wouldn't matter if he did; she had heard them all before. "No," she whispered.

Jack lifted his head and cast a surprised look at her. That was not what he expected. He thought she would be giving him a timeline instead, telling him how soon she expected him to have his things together and be gone from her life. "No?" He shook his head at her. "Sharon—"

"Don't." She didn't want to hear how sorry he was. Not this time. Her hands were tucked into the sleeves of her sweater. It was cold in the condo that morning. "What I want is for you to go to a meeting. Then we will discuss everything."

"Yeah, I will." Of course he would. If that's what she was asking for; if that was _all_ that she was asking for. "Sharon, I…" He didn't have any words. He gestured helplessly. "I really tried," he finally managed to say.

"I know." Did she, though? Did she really know that or was it what she wanted to believe? Sharon wasn't sure anymore. "It was one night," she said. "We will start again." She had already poured out all of the wine that was in the condo. The trash bag with the empty bottles had been taken down to the dumpster.

Jack leaned forward. He rested his arms against his knees and hung his head. "What if it's not just one night?" He looked up at her. There was shame in his gaze, and bitter disappointment. "What if I can't do this? I told you that I was probably going to screw it up again. What if I can't be the man that you want me to be?"

"What do you want, Jack?" She stared at him. "What is it that _you_ want from all of this? Do you want to leave? Is that what this is?" Sharon stood up and moved away from the sofa. She wrapped her arms around her body and turned to meet his gaze again. "I'm not asking you to leave." She never had. That had always been his choice.

"No, I don't want to leave," he told her. He threw his hands up in exasperation, at himself mostly. "I want you, Sharon. I want to be here with you. I want this. I want us. But I don't know if I really know how to do that anymore." He stood up and walked around the coffee table, but stopped a few steps away from her. "I want what we had in Mexico. Lazy days and long nights. I want to go to the movies and listen to Ricky complain about what we decided to see. I want to Skype with Emily on Sunday mornings, and sit with you in church. I want to flirt with you over coffee every morning, and try to talk you into making out with me in your office at lunch." He took a step closer and gestured helplessly again. "I want to lay beside you at night and feel like I belong there. No, Sharon, I don't want to leave."

"Then go to a meeting," she whispered thickly. A single tear rolled down her cheek. "Go to a meeting and come home," she told him. "Jack, please…" She pressed her lips together when they trembled. Her vision blurred. "Do not do this to us again. Fight it." He would run if he felt like he couldn't make it work. He would leave her again, and everything that she thought they had built out of the ashes of their failed marriage would completely collapse. "If you don't," she warned him, "we will be right back where we were and there won't be anything left." Sharon knew that she would be done. She wouldn't have anything left to give him. He would have taken it all.

"God, Sharon, don't cry." He closed the distance that remained and wrapped her in a tight hug. Jack could take almost anything but that. She rarely cried in front of anyone, least of all him. He was a fool, and a drunk, and he would never be good enough for her. "I'll go to a meeting," he promised. "Right now, and it won't happen again."

She burrowed close and tucked her face into his neck. "Don't promise that. Just promise not to do it today." That was all they had, wasn't it? Just one day at a time. How often would they end up doing this, and would they ever get it right? Would he ever just be her Jack again? The young man that made her laugh, helped her study for her math exams, and promised her forever. The man who had held her while she gave birth to their children, who let Emily sleep on his chest when she was too exhausted to move and the baby wouldn't go down in her own bed. He was the man that had walked the floor with a screaming and colicky Ricky so that she could have a few minutes to herself. Why couldn't he just be the man who had danced with her in the surf only a few nights ago, while singing badly and off-key, as a bright moon shined over their heads? Sharon pressed her face into the thick material of his sweatshirt. She felt it grow damp. Why did forever have to be so hard?

He would have felt better if she had yelled at him. An angry and railing Sharon was a lot easier to take than a sad and quiet one. Jack held her until the trembling stopped. They had coffee while he looked for a weekend meeting. He found one at a rec center in Silverlake. He couldn't lie, as he drove across town, he had the temptation to just keep on driving. The haunted look in his wife's eyes when he left wouldn't let him do that. It was almost like she knew, and maybe she did, that he might not come back. He didn't have anyone but himself to blame for that. He had put that look in her eyes.

After the meeting he went home. She was waiting for him. They sat together, mostly in silence. There were cracks in the foundation of the relationship that they had rebuilt. Jack could feel it beginning to crumble beneath them. She wanted to help him right now, but how long would it be before Sharon was looking at him with suspicion and disdain. How long would it take before her patience ran out and she began questioning everything he did and every place that he went? She kept saying she just needed him to try, but how long until his best effort just wasn't enough?

Jack prayed for the strength to stick it out this time, but the weight of it all was bearing down on him.

A month. That was how long it took for her marriage to end again. Sharon wanted to feel surprised, but she had sensed it the moment that Jack took that drink. Suddenly he was no longer present in their relationship. When he was home, he was distant. He didn't want to talk and it was almost as if he was afraid to touch her now. It didn't stop the pain that she felt when she walked into her home and found her husband's things gone and a note laying on their bed.

It wasn't very long, just a few lines.

 _I tried. You will always be stronger than I am, Sharon. You deserve better, you all do. It's never going to be me. But I am always going to love you._

 _Jack_

She folded it neatly after reading it. Sharon placed it in the drawer of the table beside her bed. Then she pulled the ring off her finger and dropped it into the drawer on top of the note. She closed it with a loud click and watched the lamp teeter for a moment. She realized, with some amount of embarrassment, that she was crying again. She swept the moisture from her face and stood completely still while her mind turned over the events of the past few months. She was attempting to figure out, exactly, how she ended up in this place again. She could ponder that it was the moment that she agreed to give her marriage one last chance, or did it begin well before that? Was she just fated to travel this path, again and again, because her heart had chosen to love a man that was not strong enough to stand beside her?

Sharon allowed her gaze to sweep the room. The most cursory signs of Jack were gone. She felt anger rise that, even this time, he couldn't face her with the truth of his own weakness. Sharon moved around the room, and as she checked the closet and the drawers of the bureau, she found those items that he left behind. She grabbed all of it and swept it into a pile in the center of the bed. She went through the bathroom and removed the toiletries and items that he missed. She might have wondered that she had gone a little mad in those moments, marching from room to room of her condo and snatching up anything that might have belonged to her husband and was left to remind her of his presence, but Sharon was beyond caring at that point. She tossed all of it onto the bed. Then she stripped it. She stripped the bed of every scrap of linen, folded everything into one large ball, and shoved it into a garbage bag.

She attacked the kitchen next. Sharon went through the refrigerator, the pantry, and every cupboard removing anything that was specific to Jack's _visit_. His favorite coffee mug, and the gluten free crackers that she abhorred but he insisted upon having in the house. All of it was tossed into the garbage. It might have been a little excessive, but Sharon dismissed that thought as she carried the trash bags down to the dumpster.

She tried to prepare herself for this moment, but there had been a part of her that still had hope. There had been a part of her that thought that this time, _this time_ , they would make it. They would grow older, and he would be by her side when their children married. They would raise grandchildren together.

The ugly truth of his leaving was harder to accept than all the years that they had spent apart. Just as she had fallen in love with him again, he had gone.

She was left behind to pick up the pieces of what he had broken. _One last chance_ , that was the promise that she made to Jack. That was the promise that she would keep. This time, Sharon wasn't going to mend it; she would allow herself to feel this hurt, so that she would remember it the next time that Jack Raydor decided to grace her with his presence, and then she was going to simply move on.

 **-TBC-**


	14. Chapter 14

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 14**

[August 2012]

The transfer had come at good time. Sharon was feeling as though she needed a change in her life. She had not discussed with her children why their father was no longer in her life. She said only that they were different people now; she told them that they had changed and learned that they could no longer live together. She didn't tell them that Jack had slipped, or that he had left. It was a mutual separation. If either of her children truly believed that, she didn't know. Ricky didn't seem to, but he accepted that she wasn't willing to go into any greater detail.

If anyone that she worked with noticed that her husband was no longer around, they didn't speak of it, and neither did she. Sharon simply moved forward, as she always had, with the same professionalism that had always been at the center of her work. Andy seemed to realize, very quickly, what had happened. The sympathy in his gaze was almost more than she could stand. She avoided him, whenever possible, and if they were a little more civil to one another, she appreciated that.

They were adults, and they were professionals, and they needed to conduct themselves as such.

That was something that was going to be tested in the days to come, Sharon knew. The timing of her move to Major Crimes was personally advantageous, but professionally questionable. She knew that she was going to be met with hostility and doubt, and Chief Taylor had not assisted that in the least.

There was something else too. Sharon had known that once it sank in, Andy would come to her. He was just as irate about it as she imagined that he would be. He caught up with her outside of the building that housed the county morgue. Sharon was thankful that there was no one to see them as he pulled her around the side of the building and out of view of the entrance and parking lot.

His dark eyes were burning with anger and questions. He pointed the file in his hand at her and glowered as all of the emotion, all of the frustration and distrust, uncertainty and hurt moved through him. A flush of color moved up his neck and into his face as his temper rose. "What the hell is going on, Sharon? When did you decide that you were looking for a career change?"

Sharon smoothed the skirt of her dress down and wished that it had pockets. She found the ones in her blazer instead, and it was an awkward angle, but she slipped her hands into them. "When I was approached to take over command of your division. Deputy Chief Johnson's retirement left a vacuum of power that needed to be filled." That was the official answer, and the only one that she would give him.

"Cut the crap," he snapped. "So what, you just decided to throw all of your rules aside for a cushy new job? I don't buy it."

"I haven't thrown anything aside," She replied patiently. Sharon drew a breath. It was going to take every ounce of patience that she had to make this transition successful. Certainly, working with Andy would not be simple, but she wanted to believe that they were mature enough to find a balance between their pasts and their professional present. "All of my rules are still firmly in place, and I believe, as do others, that your division would benefit from a new approach."

"Bullshit." He called it like he saw it. Andy ground his teeth together. "You can believe whatever you want to believe, but you're just the _yes man_ they're going to use to save their own asses," he said of Taylor and Pope. "What I want to know, Sharon, is why the hell I had to find out about it at that little stunt that you and your new BFF pulled earlier. Don't you think that this is something that we should have talked about?"

She blinked at him. She was genuinely confused. "Why?" Sharon's head tilted. "We honestly do not have anything to discuss, Andy." Whatever had transpired between them was long over and firmly in the past as far as she was concerned. If he was privy to certain personal details about her life, she fully expected him to keep them to himself.

Andy shifted where he stood. He drew a breath through his nose as his temper threatened to move beyond his ability to control it. His jaw ached from how tightly he was clenching his teeth together. Was she trying to piss him off, or was she really that much of a bitch? He wasn't sure if he knew the answer anymore. He thought that he did, but he was starting to wonder if he was wrong. Was he wrong about everything? Was she really that ambitious? "Because I thought," he explained in a low, clipped tone, "that our relationship rated at least a heads up if you were about to become my boss."

Sharon drew her hands out of her pockets. She folded her arms across her chest. Her back straightened. "We do not have a relationship," she stated firmly. "What we have is an uncomfortable professional situation that I expect us to handle in a civil and mature manner, Lieutenant."

It was the biting tone that had him drawing back. It was the dismissive way that she looked at him that made his eyes narrow. Andy leaned close. "That's right," he hissed, "I forgot. I'm just the guy that you screw when you're husband's not in town to scratch your itch. How is Jack, by the way?"

Her eyes widened, just a fraction, before she managed to school her features. She had forgotten just how mean that Andy could be when he felt like he was backed into a corner. Her arms dropped at her sides and she took a step forward. "I think, Lieutenant," her voice dropped an octave. She spoke carefully, so that there could be no mistaking her words, "that you should take a walk and clear your head. You are going to want to think, very carefully, about what you say and do next. Are we clear?"

"Yeah." Andy stepped back from her. His gaze swept her form. He shook his head. "We're very clear, Captain." His lip curled. There was more that he wanted to say, a lot more. He didn't really feel like getting fired, though. Andy backed away from her and turned. "We're crystal clear," he growled, and walked away.

Sharon watched him go. Her shoulders slumped as she deflated. She leaned back and felt the brick of the building though her blazer. She tipped her head against it and exhaled a long sigh. Her eyes closed. This was not going well at all. First Provenza and now Flynn. Her transfer was going to be a complete failure before the first day even finished at the rate that she was going. More than that, his words stung. Did he really feel like she had used him? Sharon thought that she was very clear about where they stood when that relationship began. She could also remind him that _he_ had pursued _her_. She shook her head. It didn't matter now, it was over. She wasn't really sure that he felt that way. Andy knew better. He was just angry. He was angry and hurt, and he was lashing out. She couldn't entirely blame him. She would like to lash out too. She simply couldn't afford to do that.

She drew another deep breath and let it move through her, let it cleanse her mood before she straightened. Sharon swept her hands down her clothes and lifted her chin. They would need to find some common ground. She had to find a way to make all of this work, but for now, they had a case to solve, and her presence was being awaited in the morgue.

Sharon did not know which was most difficult to swallow. The distrust, or the belief that she did not belong. They regarded her as though she was completely unknowing. It was as if they had forgotten that she had been a police officer for more than thirty years, and that she had spent a year shadowing their team. They seemed to completely disregard her ability, and her authority.

From Tao speaking so slowly during the autopsy review to Andy lecturing her in the morgue, and Lieutenant Provenza almost refusing to cooperate at all, she was beginning to wonder how anyone expected her to be able to pull this division back together. Was she really that terrible?

Sharon was considering that as she stood amongst them, all but pleading with them to do their jobs and give her the briefing that she required. She was met with stony silence instead. Even Detective Sanchez did not look entirely willing to accept her authority. She was failing miserably, and while she was trying very hard to not let it affect her visually, Sharon felt her gaze wandering the murder room. It landed on Andy, and that was the last place that she wanted to look. He was still angry when he joined her in the morgue. He had lost his temper with her again, but managed to rein it back and get back on topic. Maybe that was why she looked at him now. Once he had blown, once he had said his piece, he seemed much calmer. Sharon's brows lifted only slightly. She almost breathed a sigh of relief when he stood up and began speaking.

Get Flynn, get Tao, and let Provenza have his sulk, and the rest would fall into place. It looked like Andy was the first domino that needed to fall. Lieutenant Tao and Detective Sanchez followed quickly, as did the others. Lieutenant Provenza would do his job, but he wasn't happy about it. Buzz was upset with her for another reason, but needing him to babysit Rusty Beck could not be helped at the moment. The boy was a material witness and could not be lost in the system.

They made it through day one without any great catastrophes. Sharon couldn't call it a win, but she wouldn't call it a disaster either. They still needed to wrap up their case, but now they were close to that. They had to figure out what to do with Rusty Beck too, but she would worry about that later. Right now he was in emergency care at the clinic with a uniformed officer watching over him. That would suffice for the night, but it wouldn't work indefinitely.

Sharon was in her new office, still contemplating the events of the day when a light knock sounded at the open door. She found Andy standing there. She thought that everyone had gone home. She wasn't sure if she had it in her to withstand another confrontation with him. Sharon clasped her hands together against the top of her desk and plastered a carefully polite smile on her face. "Yes, Lieutenant, what can I do for you?"

Andy rubbed the back of his neck as he walked into the office. He hesitated for a moment just inside the door. He had to do a lot of thinking during the day. It had given him one hell of a headache, but he had come to the conclusion that she wasn't going anywhere. Neither of them were. This job was all that he had left. He couldn't lose it, and he wouldn't walk away from it either.

He walked around and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of her desk. Andy braced one hand against the edge of the desk and shrugged. "About earlier," he began carefully, "that was out of line."

Sharon studied him closely. She regarded him cautiously as she leaned back. She let her clasped hands rest against her stomach instead. "It was," she agreed, "but I think that we can file it away as an awkward side effect of things that shouldn't have happened." Sharon looked down as she said that, because she had never fully regretted their time together. "I didn't take this position to spite you," she admitted quietly.

"I know." He sighed. "It felt like that, but it was stupid. With the way that Taylor is strutting around here claiming victory for getting you out of Internal Affairs, I can pretty much guess what happened." He doubted that they had given her much of a choice.

"Hm." Sharon would neither confirm nor deny. She swept her tongue over her lips and then rubbed them together. "I was ready for a change," she admitted. "It is a good opportunity. I didn't exactly run from it, Andy."

"Who would?" He leaned back in the chair and tugged the vest of his three-piece suit down. "It got a little personal earlier today," he continued. "The last thing I shoulda done was use Jack against you. That wasn't easy," he said, knowing how hard it was to watch a marriage fail, "It won't happen again."

"Thank you," she said quietly. Sharon looked at her hands. "I know this is going to be awkward, Andy, but I am going to need your help. I know that Lieutenant Provenza is upset, and he has every right to be. This transition was not handled as well as it could have been. I also know that given my past work experience that the rest of your division is not going to immediately trust me, and that is something that I will have to earn. The situation between you and I…" She trailed off and looked up at him. "We were able to work well together once. I would really like for us to be able to do that again."

He met her gaze. There was sadness there, but hope too. Andy sighed. He nodded slowly. What else could he do? They both needed this job and if they couldn't find a way to work together, then things would get pretty unbearable and pretty fast. "It might take a while," he warned her. "But I can give it a try if you can." He didn't want her holding it against him either.

There was caution in his gaze, and a wariness. He was as uncertain of her as she was of him. Sharon nodded once. "I can." She could put it behind her. Whatever they had been to each other, temporarily, had no place in their working relationship. "There is no reason that this situation has to be difficult. I am your ranking officer, and you are a member of my team. Anything else is secondary and has no place within these walls. Outside of that, if you would like to discuss it, we can, but…" Sharon paused to take a breath. She let it out slowly. "I would really like to leave it in the past, if at all possible." She was putting her life back together. That was never easy post-Jack, and she was both kicking herself for letting him back in and questioning why it ended this time. Sharon wanted to put all of it behind her. Concentrating on her work would allow that.

"No," Andy told her. "We don't have to talk about that." He didn't want to rehash it. It was easier just to leave it alone. It would be better if they just moved on and forgot about it. Maybe they couldn't forget that it happened, but they could get past it. He shrugged a shoulder and offered a grin. "How about we just start new. Neither of us is going anywhere, so we just, let that be it."

It may not work in the long run, but Sharon nodded. "I would like that." She pushed out of her chair and stood in front of him. "And now, Lieutenant, it is very late. I think that you should go. We have a lot to accomplish tomorrow and I am sure that it will be an equally trying day." They would have a lot of those throughout the transition, she was sure.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Andy stood up with her. "Look, about Provenza…" He gestured between them, "it might take him a while to get over it, but he will. He's going to be a real pain in the ass about it, but don't take anything that he says personally. They screwed him over, and it's not the first time. He came to this division because he was recommended, but he was also sick of Taylor sticking the knife in. Now he's just giving it a good, hard twist, and Provenza is going to end up taking it out on you."

He was looking out for his partner. Sharon smiled gently at him. "I understand. Don't worry, I am sure that the Lieutenant and I will find a way to work together. If we don't, then… well, we will cross that bridge. I don't expect this transition to be easy. There are going to be a lot of changes ahead of us. I will do my best to make it work for everyone."

"Yeah, but…" Andy sighed. He shook his head. She didn't know Provenza. He ran a hand over his face. "I guess we'll have to see how it goes." He turned away from her. Andy stopped at the door and looked back. "Hey, you know, about the kid…" He had seen how she was watching him. Sharon had a bleeding heart, something that few people knew about her. "Don't do anything stupid, okay?" He didn't know how many more blows that she could take this year.

She simply smiled at him. "I will take that under advisement." Sharon wasn't surprised that Andy knew what was going on in her head. It was also a good sign. It meant that they could still read each other, and it would help them to move forward as colleagues. She wasn't really certain that she was ready to accept the plan that was already forming in her mind, the one that pertained to a certain material witness. Sharon was still thinking about it.

She watched Andy shake his head as he left her. Sharon's gaze slowly dropped. Her lips pursed. It was time for a change. Perhaps she needed something to focus on other than her job and her failed marriage. It was time to get out of her own head and focus on someone else's needs. This could be an opportunity for that. It could be a good thing, and not only for her. It was really something to consider.

 **MCMCMC**

In the end, she did take Rusty Beck home with her. That young man required all of the patience that she could muster. She also learned, very quickly, just how wounded and starving for love he was. He was only a boy, an angry one, but still a boy. Sharon recognized in him the same hurt and abandonment that she was feeling. She was able to assuage those feelings by giving Rusty a home. She couldn't heal herself, but she could heal the young man who had been left to fend for himself.

Andy warned her, twice, in the days that followed to not get attached. Even as he did, he saw the inevitable happening. Sharon was opening herself up to that kid, and as much as he didn't want to see it, the boy had something she needed. He needed her. Andy realized, after sitting with Rusty at the bus stop, that the boy was putting on a good front. He was a sarcastic little pain in the ass, but there was a reason for that. It was a great defense. He had been hurt, and in ways that Andy knew only too well.

The kid needed someone to care about him. But watching Sharon get hurt by it wasn't something that Andy could stand to see. So he knew that he couldn't get anywhere near that situation. They could work together, but anything more personal was off limits. Andy decided that getting close to the kid was a bad idea too. He gave him a wide berth and steered him in another direction.

Andy pulled his partner aside when no one was looking. "I need you to do me a favor."

Provenza gave him a long, suspicious look. "I'm not dressing in drag and pretending to be your sister again."

"Shut up." Andy rolled his eyes at him. "Look, just keep an eye on the kid, okay?"

"What kid?" Provenza scowled. "Rusty? I'd rather not, thanks." He tried to walk around the other man but found his way blocked. "Flynn, are you trying to ruin my day?"

"I live for ruining your day," he responded automatically. "No, I'm being serious. The kid needs a role model, and I can't do it." He spoke in hushed tones. "Look, the Captain has got her hands full with him, and the little brat isn't going anywhere. He's not all that bad either. He's just…" he sighed. "His mom is an addict. She tossed him out like garbage and that's got to be rough."

His eyes narrowed. "The Captain, hm?" Provenza shook his head at his partner. "You had better not be doing what you shouldn't have been doing in the first place again. I mean it Flynn. Stay away from her."

"I am." His lip curled. "What do you think this is all about? Why do you think that I'm asking you to keep an eye on her kid, huh? Yeah, you heard me," he said when his partner grunted, " _her_ kid. She's already gotten attached. Damned maternal instincts. It's going to blow up in her face, and I can't be anywhere near it, so you're up."

"Me?" He all but screeched it. Provenza looked around them and quickly lowered his voice. "Why does it have to be me? I can barely stand either of them!" Why was he getting dragged into his partner's nonsense? "Look, Flynn, this is none of our business. If Captain Raydor would like to play at being the old lady in the shoe, then let her. We will simply do our jobs."

His teeth ground together. "Yeah? What happens when Phillip Stroh is back out on the street and making our jobs harder because the best witness we've got against him is gone? What then? That kid could run, hell, we thought he did it the other night. If he disappears, the case against Stroh could fall apart. That is why you need to give a damn." He ran a hand over his face. "Also, because I'm asking. I will owe you one," he added, and rolled his eyes.

"You already owe me several." Provenza looked away from him. He grumbled. "Fine." He pointed his finger at Flynn. "But don't expect me to be all nice and want to braid her hair. I still don't like the woman. I'm only doing it for the kid. And the case," he added. "And because you will pay for all my drinks for the next month and drive me wherever I want to go."

"Yes," Andy drawled, "because god forbid you do it out of the decency of your heart. If you have one." He huffed a sigh. "Fine, I don't care. It's a deal; just don't be a jackass to the kid. I think enough people in his life have done that."

"Don't be an idiot." Provenza moved around him with some success this time. "I will save all of that for her!"

Andy rolled his eyes heavenward. "You already do," he muttered. He shook his head again. At least he would know that someone was looking out for them, if he couldn't. Provenza would grumble about it, and he would pay the price, but the old pain in his ass wouldn't be cruel. He would give the kid what he needed. How he might treat Sharon was another matter, but she was a big girl. Andy knew that she could handle it. He just felt better about the situation, and some of his guilt about almost losing the kid on his watch began to recede. He couldn't risk that again.

Sharon had been hurt enough. He would do whatever he could to keep it from happening again.

 **-TBC-**


	15. Chapter 15

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 15**

[September 2016]

"You found a balance."

The words were spoken quietly. They had left the chapel. Sharon felt the need to move. They had gone to check on those in the waiting room. Father Thomas knew that Sharon was hoping that there would be news of Andy, despite the fact that no one had contacted them. He was still in surgery. Sharon checked on his children, she made certain that both of them were okay, but their mother had arrived. With Vicki present, she allowed the priest to draw her away and finish their conversation.

There were parts of it that she did not reveal, parts that were entirely too personal to be spoken aloud, although she had thought of them. The memories were there, always in the back of her mind, even as she had moved beyond those moments.

"We did," she answered. Rusty and Lieutenant Provenza knew to call her phone if there was news. Sharon walked beside the priest as they moved through a small garden outside the hospital. She needed the heat of the sun to chase away the chill that she felt. Sharon had her arms wrapped tightly around her body. "Andy and I managed to work together. It was tenuous at first, but we found that our history made it easier for us to read one another. We could communicate easily, and it was awkward, but we forged a good working relationship over time."

"He became a partner," the priest stated. He had gathered from her tale that she had come to rely on the man very much. He was the first to cross the divide and support her presence when she moved into her current division. He wondered how that had translated to their current relationship. Father Thomas remembered Jack being present in her life for a short while. He understood now the undercurrents that he had sensed. He was also aware of when the relationship failed. Sharon had come to confession, seeking counsel and prayer for her inability to hold her marriage together.

"Yes." Sharon smiled at the memories. "It was remarkable, really. I did not expect it to be Andy. I hoped that we could find a way to work together; I did not expect us to be able to manage so well. The truth is, he's a very good cop. I needed his experience. I was able to learn from him. I was able to learn from all of them, really. We all had to learn to trust one another. It wasn't easy, but I think that what developed from it was worth even those difficult first days."

"Tell me about Jack," the priest said, pressing her to continue. "You said that he came back again. I know that there was some difficulty with Rusty. I remember discussing that with you. You felt conflicted because you knew that having Jack in Rusty's life could be detrimental, based upon experiences with your older children, but you needed him to be a watchful presence?"

Sharon drew a breath and let it out slowly. "I had no intention of allowing Jack to stay again. Our reconciliation had taught me that even when he is sincere, Jack is unable to commit to our family. Rusty had already been hurt and abandoned by his birth mother, and abused by his father. He didn't need Jack to add to a growing list of reasons why he could not trust adults. At the same time, I was frightened for him. Rusty was living in a police state and I was worried that I could not protect him. At the time we had no reason to believe just how real the danger was, but despite the fact that Jack is unreliable on a good day, I thought that I could use him to watch Rusty as long as he was present. Jack wanted something from me. He wasn't going to leave until he either had it, or had exhausted all means of getting it. He's neglectful, but he isn't abusive. I could trust him with Rusty."

"Maybe there was even a part of you," Father Thomas suggested, "That hoped that he was home for good?" Reconciliation was not easy, and neither was separation. Sharon had dealt with both of them in a very short time, and experienced her own abandonment at the hands of her husband. By her own admission she had fallen for him again, had wanted their marriage to work. With his return, only a year after his leaving, he questioned her resolve to be stoic to her husband's charms.

"Maybe." Sharon's head tilted. Her lips pursed as she thought back. "I will admit that seeing him again was… I was conflicted. On one hand, Jack walked out when things became difficult, just as he always does, but he was with me long enough for me to recall just how good our relationship could be when it was working. I can admit that there was some initial excitement, but I didn't want to reconcile again. We tried and it didn't work. I had Rusty to think about, and he didn't need to be caught up in the storm that is the dysfunctional love story of Sharon and Jack. Did I use Rusty as a means of protecting myself? Perhaps," She admitted, with some amount of guilt, "but I was protecting him too. Jack was not a role model that I wanted him to emulate. He was not the father figure that boy needed."

"How did you feel when Jack left again?" he asked. Father Thomas cast a sideways glance at her while they walked. He waved them toward a bench and when she nodded, he directed their stroll toward it. He sat beside her and turned his body so that he could watch her more easily while she thought about his question. "You said that you knew he would go. What happened?"

"What always happens," Sharon explained. "Life became too difficult for Jack to accept and he walked out. He left a note and he removed himself from my presence. This time I didn't allow it to affect me. As I said," she smiled sadly, "I had Rusty to focus on, and…" She sighed softly. "Andy and I were getting close again. We tried very hard to just be colleagues, but the truth is, we were drawn together." She shook her head. "I chose my marriage over him and I tried to commit myself to it. I came very close to succeeding, but I began to realize that my marriage was never going to work. I also began to realize that what I missed most about it was the companionship. I missed having someone to talk to, someone that I could truly confide in, who knew all of the dark things that went on inside of my head and could understand them. I have friends, and they are a very big comfort, but there were things that I could not talk about with them. Things that they simply could not understand, and that I couldn't explain."

"How did you reconcile with Andy?" The priest wanted to know. She explained how it ended, and the difficulty that the two had relating to one another. It sounded to him as though they had continued to be guarded until a natural inclination to one another asserted itself again. "I can't imagine, knowing him as I do, that it was easy. He had to watch you move on with your husband. He was part of the end. How did that translate into a personal relationship that got us where we are today?"

"Oh." Sharon drew a breath and held it for a moment. She thought back. "Interestingly enough, it was Rusty. There was a girl in his life. She wanted more than he could give her, and I was cautioning him to be careful with her feelings. He needed to be truthful with her about his own intentions. Rusty pointed out my hypocrisy as only he can." She smiled. "I had no business giving him relationship advice, to his way of thinking, when my relationship with my husband was hardly stable. He was right. It made me rethink a lot of the choices that I had made. I will admit that I wasn't exactly on steady ground. I was reeling a bit from having Jack back in my life after everything that happened the previous year." Her gaze drifted as she thought back to those days. Rusty's words had hurt her. He didn't know her history with Jack, and couldn't understand what he was saying. Then there had been Andy. "He was trying to be everything that Jack wasn't," she said softly. "I began to see that Jack had taken for granted all of the chances that I had given him, while Andy would have given anything for just one of them. His family was still asking him to pay for mistakes that he made two decades ago. It made me hurt for him. He didn't feel like he was wanted, not even by his own daughter on her wedding day. He was going to walk away. I couldn't let him make that mistake. I couldn't allow him to be like Jack, not when he worked so hard to be the exact opposite."

Sharon stared at the paved walkway in front of them. She had invited herself to that wedding. She wanted to save him from himself. She wanted to help him bridge a gap that he couldn't seem to find his way across. Sharon thought that she did it so cleverly. She thought that she made it clear that she was still married, that it was not an invitation for them to begin again… Her intentions might have gotten a little lost somewhere along the way.

 **-TBC-**


	16. Chapter 16

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 16**

[July 2013]

It was a beautiful ceremony. Sharon reflected upon that as she and Andy walked back to his car. She really did enjoy weddings. There was something infinitely beautiful about watching two people pledge their lives together and set out to make their shared dreams a reality. It was a difficult journey, and not everyone had the same hardships that her marriage had. It gave her hope.

Sharon glanced at the man beside her. He was holding her hand as they walked. His grip was loose. She could have pulled away from him at any moment, but she chose not to. She watched him tonight. He was practically glowing with pride. She was glad that she took this chance. He needed this. His daughter needed it. Nicole had grown into a beautiful young woman.

It was awkward initially. Vicki remembered her, although Nicole did not. The children were all much too young to have many memories of those years. After the initial introductions, they managed to settle. Vicki accepted, easily, that she was there as his friend. She seemed to find it rather comical that Sharon was now his boss.

She was glad that she had come. The tension with his family was thick. It helped for him to have someone else to focus on, or rather to deflect it to. It let him put all of his concentration on his daughter. That was where it needed to be. Sharon had enjoyed watching him dance with her. She liked to see him happy and proud, to see him relax and give this day the chance that it deserved.

She gave his hand a squeeze and drew his attention. Sharon offered him a small smile. "It looks good on you," she remarked quietly.

"What's that?" he looked confused, but he was smiling at her. His tie was loose, and the first button of his dress shirt undone. It had been hot in the reception hall. Andy came to a stop beside Sharon and turned to look at her.

"Being happy." A corner of her mouth quirked up. "You did good today. Nicole was lovely, and you were her hero." She reached up and smoothed down the lapel of his jacket. He looked good in the dark suit and gray tie. He was very dashing.

"Thanks to you." Andy shook his head. He lifted her small hand and looked down at it. "I can't believe I was almost dumb enough to miss it." He didn't know if he really had the words to thank her for tonight. He might have been Nicole's hero, but she was his. "I'm really glad that you came," he said softly.

"So am I." She took a step forward. "You needed this, Andy. You deserved it." He wouldn't look at her so she ducked her head to capture his gaze and smiled at him. "You're a good father. Nicole knows that. So does Charlie. Their hurts run deep, but they both love you. That you keep trying, even when it's hardest, that is what matters to them. They are going to push you as much as they can, just to make sure that you don't go anywhere. As long as you don't, you will have them."

"I think I might be starting to figure that out." His other hand moved up her arm to her shoulder, fingertips ghosting over bare skin. She had worn a blue dress with thin straps. It was lovely on her. It was fitted at the waist and fell in soft folds to her knees. It was moments, like those they shared tonight, that he could almost forget why they couldn't be together. She had felt good in his arms, fitting just perfectly against him while they danced. "Did I mention how beautiful you look tonight?"

"No, I don't think that you did." She averted her gaze, even as a smile curved her lips. She could feel her cheeks heating. Sharon had noticed his appreciative gaze on her more than once, and well before this evening. It was wrong, but it felt good to be desired. She shivered as his fingers moved up the side of her neck. "Andy," she spoke quietly. Sharon looked up at him again. They were dancing perilously close to a very dangerous line.

"Shh." He didn't want to spoil the moment. He laid his finger against her lips. It was a good night. He wanted it to end on a good note. It wasn't a date. She was still married. They couldn't be together. That didn't mean that they couldn't have these few moments together. "Not yet," he told her, knowing what she was going to say.

His thumb traced the curve of her lip. His fingers followed the line of her jaw and cupped the back of her neck. Andy moved closer. He tipped her head back and continued to look down at her. He let go of her hand and let his move to her waist. His thumb stroked her side. Then his hand moved around to the small of her back. He just held her for a moment and enjoyed how good she felt. It was like she was made just for him, the way that their bodies fit together. His head dipped and his lips touched her cheek. They ghosted across her skin to the corner of her mouth. He heard her inhale. The hand holding her neck slipped higher, into her hair. He had almost forgotten just how wonderful the silky weight of it felt against his fingers.

Andy's lips brushed against hers and Sharon hummed quietly. Her arm moved to curl loosely around his waist. She curled her fingers into his jacket and leaned against him. His body was warm against her. It was solid and familiar. Her eyes fluttered closed. Her other hand slid up to lay against his chest. It was a soft kiss that lingered gently between them. There was heat, it moved through her slowly, tingling along her spine as her lips parted to the gentle questing of his tongue.

His hand moved up her back. His fingers were gentle when they traced the length of her spine. Her skin was soft above the edge of her dress, where it dipped across her back, leaving it bare. Andy trailed his fingers back down again and settled his hand against her hip. He pulled her closer, pressed her against him. He pulled her bottom lip into his mouth, teased it gently. He felt her shiver against him. Andy grunted at the sweet taste of her. He could taste coffee and cake, and the spice that he remembered as uniquely Sharon. His lips moved from her mouth to her jaw. He kissed a path to her neck and inhaled deeply. Her perfume made him a little dizzy, mixed with the scent of her shampoo, moisturizer, and something else that he could never quite put name to, but knew belonged solely to her. Both of his arms moved around her. Andy turned his face into her neck. He kissed her pulse point, and then he just stood, holding her. His heart was beating a fast, almost painful rhythm in his chest. It ached for her, for everything he would like to do and say.

Sharon moved a hand into his hair. She cupped the back of his head and held him against her. She kept her eyes closed and concentrated on breathing while her other hand moved slowly up and down his back. She could feel him against her, the beginnings of his arousal warm against her belly. Sharon felt him shudder and sighed. He was holding back, and there was a reason for that. She pressed her face into his shoulder. "We can't," she whispered, and knew that he was already aware.

"I know." He continued to hold her. They swayed where they stood. Andy wasn't ready to let go of her yet. He thought doing that might hurt more than holding her now. "I miss you," he admitted quietly.

"Nothing has changed." She turned her face inward slightly and let her lips move against his ear. "Andy, it's even more complicated now." He worked for her now. She was his commanding officer. Even if she was inclined to try again, they really couldn't. It was impossible now. It should never have happened to begin with.

He exhaled a long, pained sigh. Andy drew back. His hands moved to her shoulders. He stroked his hands gently along her arms. "Yeah," he agreed. "It is." It was complicated as hell before, now she was his boss. Even if he was willing to take a chance on being known as the guy that was sleeping with his boss, she was married. That was a chasm that they couldn't seem to cross. Sharon wouldn't walk away from her marriage and he couldn't be the other guy, not again. It wasn't fair to either of them. "Doesn't really leave us with a lot of options, does it?"

"No it doesn't." Sharon dropped her head to rest against his chest. Her hands moved up and down his sides. "I miss you too," she told him. She missed being held. She missed having someone to talk to. She missed how easy it was between them. Sharon also missed her husband, and that left her feeling a little conflicted. Andy deserved better than that. Her heart wasn't hers to give away, not completely. Sharon tipped her head back after another moment and smiled up at him. "It doesn't have to be complicated," she said.

"What do you mean?" His brows drew together in a confused frown. His hands continued to stroke her arms, fingers ghosting across soft skin. He enjoyed the way the gooseflesh rose beneath his touch. "You're my married boss. It doesn't get more complicated than that."

"No it doesn't." Sharon shrugged. She reached up and straightened his tie. "I meant that… it may not be easy, but there is still one option. We could be friends. There is nothing else that we can have. You're right. I'm your boss, and I am still married. Tonight doesn't have to be a complete lie, though. I can be your friend Sharon. We can have that. Can't we?"

There was something vulnerable in her gaze. Andy watched the way her eyes were shining in the streetlights around them. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips, just one last soft touch before he let go of her. He stepped back, but took her hand again. He gave her soft palm a squeeze. "Yeah. We can have that," he said. It wouldn't be easy, like she said, but it was better than nothing. He told himself once that having a little of Sharon was enough. He would have to accept that. "We could be really good friends," he told her.

"I think so too." She slipped her hand out of his and curled her arm through the crook of his elbow. Sharon leaned in to his side as they began walking again. "It's what I need most right now, Andy. Even if I wasn't married, I still have Rusty to take care of. I don't know that I would be able to give you anything else." She drew a breath and let it out slowly. "After Jack, I don't know that I have that to give to anyone anymore."

Andy looked down at her. He saw the sadness on her face. "You really tried, didn't you? It wasn't just a show." He remembered the hurt on her face that night. He remembered how pale she was in the weeks that followed Jack's leaving. She looked tired and drawn. Sharon had rallied, though. She always did. He didn't know if he had ever met anyone stronger.

"Yes," she whispered. "We really tried." Sharon watched the pavement in front of them while they walked. "Some things are just too broken to fix, though. It was good while it lasted, but it was never going to work in the long term. Jack and I simply were not meant to be."

Her voice was raw with emotion. He could say that he had never heard that from her before, but he had. She had just never spoken so openly of her relationship with Jack. Sharon usually deflected and changed the subject. "Do you think maybe it's time to think about getting divorced again?" Andy stopped and turned toward her. "I'm not talking about us. I just mean, for you. Sharon, there's no reason that you have to be alone if what you're saying is true."

"I know." She took his arm and began walking again. "I don't think so, Andy. My reasons for remaining married are still there. Even if I did divorce, that doesn't change anything. My faith is still very important to me. I wouldn't be able to move forward with anyone, not really. I couldn't commit in a way that I might want to."

"You're talking about getting married again." He frowned at her. "So you're staying married to Jack because you think you can't get married again?"

"If it came to that." Sharon knew that he didn't completely agree with her values. "Andy, marriage is important. I know it may be hard to believe, given what we shared, but casual flings hold no interest for me, and… I never considered us to be casual."

"So what if that wasn't on the table," he asked. "What if marriage wasn't the endgame? Could you do it then? Maybe there's someone out there that can give you what you need without asking you to sacrifice what you believe in."

Her head inclined. She had not thought of that. She supposed that he was right. She could be involved with someone without the option of marriage, if they were both willing to move forward without it. There were ways of committing to a serious relationship without taking that legal, or spiritual step. "It doesn't really matter," she told him. "Since I won't be getting divorced, it isn't really an option." Sharon smiled sadly at him. "Even if I did, Andy. I meant it. I think that I would rather not."

She had been hurt enough. That was what she was telling him. She was no longer willing to place her heart in the hands of another. It was tough to hear. He knew what it was like to love Sharon, and maybe to be loved by her. Andy drew his arm out of her grasp. He wrapped it around her. "Okay," he told her. He would accept that. They couldn't be together. She wouldn't be with anyone else. So they would have to become very good friends. "So how does this work, exactly? The friends thing. Does that mean we can, you know, go to the movies and not only will you get your own popcorn, but you won't complain during the entire movie?"

Sharon laughed. He could only be speaking from experience with his partner. "I may even let you pick the movie every now and then," She told him. Her arm wrapped around his middle. "I just have one condition."

His brow arched. Andy slanted a look at her. "Okay. I think that I can take it. What is it?"

She pressed her lips together. The corners of her mouth were trying to twitch toward a smile. "No romantic comedies," she said seriously.

Andy threw his head back and laughed. He had to step away from her to keep from causing them both to stumble. He took her hand instead and shook his head. "Sweetheart, I think that your life _is_ a romantic comedy."

"That seems to be, oddly, moving in reverse." Sharon huffed a sigh. "You can understand my reluctance to have to sit through seeing it played out on a large screen." They stopped beside his car. She smiled up at him. Her mood sobered. "It will be good. We can be friends."

"Very good friends," he agreed. It would be better than good. They would make sure that it was.

She smiled brightly at him. It her lit her face in the dim lighting that surrounded them. They could not predict what the future might hold, but this felt like a very promising start. It felt like something new and infinitely precious.

He drove her home that evening. In the spirit of their new friendship, they had coffee together before he left her to make the long drive back to his own house. They talked about the wedding and how beautiful his daughter had been. They talked about Rusty, and her concerns for the boy. Then he left her with a smile and a promise to see her again soon. They would see each other at work, but that was not the promise that his words had held.

It began slowly. They were cautious. There was a lot of history between them. They had dinner and coffee to start. They talked about their children, and their cases. He became a sounding board for Sharon as she balanced their work with her responsibility of Rusty. He was someone to lean on when she discovered the letters that her foster son had hidden from her. He was there for her when she feared losing the boy that had become such a big part of her life.

He took her away from it all when she needed the space to think and be. They went to movies, or long walks on the beach. He listened when she needed to rant, when she needed to worry. She was there for him as he struggled with his relationships with his children. He was coming to terms with his health too, and Sharon listened to his concerns. His doctor wanted him to give up his vegetarian lifestyle, to put more protein in his diet. He was having a hard time with that, and she researched with him as they found ways to make that switch. They tried new recipes and spent afternoons cooking and shopping together.

It was hard at times, when they were both faced with the memories of everything that they shared before. There were moments when it would be so easy to give in to the physical attraction, but the strength of their friendship grew in how they handled those moments. He kissed her the night of the ballet. He hadn't meant to, but he was grateful to her for being a buffer for him and his family again. Andy wouldn't tell her why it was so important, he didn't want her to spook. He hoped to fix that situation without Sharon ever needing to know about it, but in the meantime, she was there for him.

He left her at her door with a smile and walked away, lips still tingling from the contact. They could have become awkward with one another, but they chalked it up to being caught up in the moment. Sharon loved the holidays, and she loved the ballet. They'd had a very good time, and left it at that.

Andy was there for her, a calming presence in a storm of emotion the night that she sent Rusty away to keep him safe. After Lieutenant Provenza and Detective Sanchez left with him, Andy remained behind to sit with her and try to quiet her fears. He couldn't, not completely, but there was no one that could. She was sending her son away, when she wanted to hold him closer, and it was the hardest thing that she had ever done.

He took them both out to celebrate closing that case. Rusty was home again. The danger was over, and finally they could get on with living their lives.

All of their lives. Even if that meant living in denial, which was exactly what Andy knew that he was doing. He was in love with Sharon, and nothing had changed.

He still couldn't tell her.

 **-TBC-**


	17. Chapter 17

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 17**

[August 2014]

"What's going on between you and my mother?"

Andy kept waiting for Sharon to come to him with the news of her divorce. She didn't. He heard it from Provenza but he didn't completely believe it. He thought that was something that she would talk to him about. So far all that he had was a lot of suspicion. Provenza had to admit that he saw adoption papers on her desk too. They didn't know where she stood with her marriage. Provenza thought it was because of him, but Andy was sure that he would know if Sharon was thinking about that. He would know if something had changed between them. Wouldn't he? He had to assure Provenza that nothing was going on. That he wasn't traveling down that particular path again. Andy couldn't deny the little thrill that went through him upon learning that Sharon was finally thinking seriously about divorce. He had to get it under control. They were friends, just friends.

Instead of Sharon, it was Ricky that came looking for him. She had talked about nothing but his visit for a few weeks. He knew just how happy Sharon was to see her son. There was a little bit of tension there. Andy wasn't sure who he was sensing it from most, Ricky or Rusty, but there was something going on.

The afternoon had grown late. They had spent most of the night working. The case was getting in the way of Sharon's visit with her son, and Andy hoped they would be able to wrap it up soon so that she could enjoy the rest of his stay. Andy looked at the boy while he finished stirring cream into his coffee. He didn't normally like to add anything to it, but Sanchez had made the last pot of coffee and that meant it was _melt your stomach lining_ strong. The cream would keep him from ending up with a serious case of heartburn later, or so he hoped.

He looked at the young man who was probably the only other person, besides Provenza, that knew about his history with Sharon and gave him a curious expression. "What do you mean? We're friends."

Ricky wasn't buying it. He leaned against the counter near where the man was slowly stirring his coffee. " _Just_ friends? Are you sure about that? Because I kind of remember when it was a little different. Are you telling me that you two aren't doing that again?"

"No." Andy turned and met the younger man's gaze. "No we aren't, Ricky," he said seriously. "Your mother and I are just friends now. That other thing that we had going on, that's been over for a long time. It was over before your dad came home, and it's still over."

"Then why is she getting divorced?" Ricky folded his arms over his chest. He was easily a couple of inches taller than the older man. He got that from his mother's side of the family, from his grandfather and uncles. "Mom doesn't believe in divorce. She's had twenty years to do that if it was what she wanted, and she never did. She talked herself into believing that she could have an affair instead of being free to do whatever she wanted. She took my dad back when she shouldn't have, and she won't tell me what went wrong with them this last time, but I know that he hurt her again. So tell me, what is going on down here if all of a sudden my mom is calling it quits on her marriage vows?"

There was an accusation in his gaze, but the other man had a lot of curiosity too. Andy sighed. "I only suspected that she was filing," he admitted. "Your mother hasn't talked to me about her marriage. She won't. We are very good friends," he said again, "but she isn't going to ask me what she should do about your father because of our history. Ricky, we're not together anymore. If your mother is finally having Jack served with papers, I'm not the reason." He thought about the adoption papers that Provenza told him about, and he thought about everything that he knew about Sharon. "It sounds like Jack has finally let her down for the last time. I don't know for sure, but I would bet that she asked him to sign Rusty's adoption papers and when he didn't, she decided that she was finished living her life on his whims."

"What do you know about this kid?" Ricky's eyes narrowed. "Did he ask her to do this? Is that what is going on here? I mean, one minute she's taking him in, and the next thing I know she's talking about making it permanent."

"Ah." Andy suddenly understood everything that he needed to know about Ricky's issues with his mother's choices. "No, Rusty isn't asking." He put his coffee aside. Andy took a step forward. "Your mother has to be careful with Rusty. He runs when he feels like he's cornered. She's weighed this choice for a long time and she's had to approach it carefully. Here's the thing that you need to understand, for every moment of neglect that you've felt from your old man, Rusty's had that ten times worse. His mother left him, more than once, and he had to fend for himself. What he and Sharon have now, that was earned. They fought for that. It's taken them a lot of years to be able to really trust each other, and if you love your mother, you won't get in the way of that."

"Then why is she doing this?" Ricky didn't understand it. "Why didn't she tell anyone that she was thinking of adopting Rusty? Why does she need to get divorced to make it happen?"

"Because she can't adopt Rusty without Jack signing the papers," Andy explained patiently. "As long as your mother is still legally married to your father, she can't legally adopt Rusty. She wants to do it because he's her son. She loves him every bit as much as she loves you and your sister. They've been through a lot together, Ricky. There's been a lot going on down here."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I'm beginning to understand that. What the hell are you people doing down here?" He turned around again and leaned back against the counter. His arms were still folded across his chest.

"Leading complicated lives." Andy picked up his coffee again and took a sip. He made a face. It was still pretty bitter, even with the cream. "I'm sure that your mother has told you all of this. Why are you asking me?"

"Because she doesn't tell us everything." Ricky rolled his eyes. "And she's pretty torqued at me right now. I stuck my foot in it this morning. I'm just worried that she's going to get hurt again. Dad put her through the ringer, and that thing with you, and now this kid…" Ricky shook his head. "I want to make sure this isn't just a reaction, you know? She's had a hard couple of years. I know that there was stuff going on with Rusty, but she hasn't had a break, you know?"

"Your mother is made of a lot stronger stuff than you're giving her credit for," Andy told him. "Look, I know that it seems like it's been a lot, but your mother isn't reacting to anything. She got over me. She got over Jack. She was a lot better for it in a lot of ways. What she won't get over is losing Rusty. I know it's hard to accept, I get that it's tough. You and Emily had most of her attention for a long time. I bet it's even a little intimidating, because you were the youngest and now you aren't. You're going to have to be the big brother, and believe me, it's a rough gig. Your mom knows all of that too. Trust me, she's thought about everything. There's nothing that your mother does without weighing all of the angles and options."

"Nothing except you." Ricky managed to sneak that one in with a half grin. "Somehow I'm guessing that didn't involve a whole lot of thinking." He gave the older man a pointed look. "I always wondered what it would take to force her hand. She could have divorced dad so many times over the years. She always held on. I guess it figures that it would take one of us kids to really wipe out whatever hold it was that he had on her."

"It wasn't him." Andy let the little dig go. From what he had seen of Ricky so far, the boy had inherited his mother's sarcastic sense of humor, with none of her ability to filter. "Not completely. Your mother doesn't believe in divorce because she has been taught that she shouldn't. She was taught that marriage is a sacrament, and she believes that. She promised herself to your father in front of God, and that is why she has tried, time and again, to make that marriage work. She finally had to accept that it wouldn't, and that has been hard for her, but you're right. In a choice between her religion and her children, she is always going to choose her children." His lips pursed. He regarded the younger man. "Matrimony is the covenant by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring," he recited what he could recall of the matrimonial law, but he was so lapsed that he could hardly remember all of the words. Andy shrugged. "To your mother, her bond to you is more important. She expected Jack to respect that. He didn't, and so she's done."

Ricky grew silent. He stared at the tiled floor in front of them while he thought through all of that. "Mom is getting divorced so that she can adopt Rusty, but it's on paper. She isn't asking the Church to annul her marriage. To her mind, she's still married." He frowned. "It's a little unfair, isn't it?"

Andy leaned against the counter beside him. "I think that depends on what you believe in. No one can really make that decision but you. I know that her faith is very important to your mother. It's important to your grandparents." That was something that he surmised from how Sharon spoke of them, and how she had been raised. "I can tell you that I'm sure that Sharon has tried to instill the same values in you, but I also know her well enough to know that she would leave you to make your own decisions too. We didn't have those kinds of choices growing up." He shrugged. "You went to church and you did what your parents, your priest, and your religion told you was right. You got married and you stayed married. Even when you couldn't live together."

"Is that what you did?" Ricky frowned at him. He thought that he remembered the guy was divorced. "Mom said that you weren't married. Don't you believe the same things that she does? You were raised Catholic too, right?"

"I was. I did." Andy studied the contents of his coffee cup. "When I got married, I thought that it was going to last forever. When we started having problems, I thought that we would go to counseling and figure out a way to work past it. Then I crawled into a bottle and stopped thinking about anything but my next drink. Vicki had other ideas." He looked at Ricky and let him see all of the regret and guilt that he still carried. "She had the same upbringing that I did, the same upbringing that your mother has, but to Vicki, she deserved to live a life that was free of the alcoholic idiot that she married. We had kids, and she wanted a life that was better than what she had with me. We got divorced and she remarried, outside of the church. She took her faith and she removed it from those dictates."

"I go to church," Ricky said. "I go to confession, and I pray. I think that marriage is serious, but I don't think that we should be punished when it doesn't work out. Mom shouldn't have to be alone because my dad turned out to be a crap husband. She married a guy and she tried to make it work, but he walked out, not her. Do you know how many times she has taken him back? I think we can all safely say that she tried. No one thinks that she should be alone. I don't, and Emily doesn't. I know my grandparents would just want her to be happy." He ran a hand through his hair. "I told her to have lots of sex, and just live her life, and what does she do? Adopt a new kid. I mean, I guess that's better than the alternative. But let's be serious here…" He trailed off as the man beside him choked on his coffee. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." Andy wheezed. He reached up and wiped his mouth. He loosened his tie and rubbed his neck. It had burned going down. Somehow he was picturing the conversation that Ricky was describing and he could imagine the look on Sharon's face. He just bet that went over well. Andy coughed. "I'm good," he assured him. "You're a piece of work, you know that? Are we sure that you aren't the one that was adopted?"

"Funny." Ricky made a face at him. "You're a real comedian, but see how I'm not laughing." He rolled his eyes. "I'm trying to be serious here. I do not want my mother to be unhappy for the rest of her life. This is the part where you step up, take one for the team, get back in the game, do something for crying out loud. What is wrong with you?"

Andy pushed away from the counter. "This conversation is over," he decided. "Your mother and I are friends, Ricky. That's all that we are ever going to be. Even if it wasn't, it's complicated. We work together."

"So?" He waved it off. "You were working together before too." Ricky huffed a sigh as he stood there. "I don't get it. You guys know that you're basically doing everything _but_ , you know, doing it, right? Maybe you should think about changing that."

"How did we go from you wanting to know why your mother was adopting Rusty to talking about whether or not she and I should be together?" Andy rubbed his forehead. "It's not going to happen, Ricky. Even if I was inclined to do so, now wouldn't be the right time to consider it anyway. Your mother might be filing for divorce so that she can adopt your brother, and mark my words, he is already your brother, but she's not doing that without it costing her. I wouldn't make a move now anyway. She isn't throwing away a thirty-year marriage without it hurting. Maybe you should consider that. You just said it yourself; she has taken Jack back many times. That tells me that it didn't matter what went wrong with them, she thought there was a lot of good there too." It cost him to say it. It cost him to think about it, but the truth remained. Sharon had loved Jack, and part of her still did. He fathered her children and she would never be able to completely turn her back on that. Just like there was a part of him that still had feelings for Vicki. It was just a fact of life that they had to live with. "So when you're trying to figure out whether or not to accept your mother's choices, think about everything that she's given up for you. Then I think you'll get why she's so _torqued_ off at you right now." He slapped the younger man on the shoulder as he walked away. "I'm going back to work. We'll try to get her out of here at a decent hour tonight."

"Yeah." Ricky watched him go. He waited until the door to the break room closed. "Good talk," he said to the empty room. Ricky rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. "That cleared up absolutely nothing." That wasn't entirely true. He understood a few things better. They weren't just screwing around before. This guy was completely crazy about his mother. Ricky wondered if she knew. If she did, then that made this whole thing that much worse. He could make it easier though, at least on the Rusty front. He could give the kid a chance. In the meantime, he could work on the dating thing. He'd give her some time, and then the gloves were coming off. Andy had a point. She had given up a lot for him and Emily over the years.

It was her turn.

After his talk with Ricky, Andy gave it a few days before he approached Sharon. He waited until her son went home and let her enjoy the visit with both of her boys. They had gone to lunch on a lazy Sunday afternoon out near Marina Del Rey, at a small hole in the wall café that they both loved. Then they had walked down to the pier. They walked out onto it as far as they could go, and stood with the wind blowing in their hair and the waves crashing against the pylons beneath their feet. Andy leaned forward with his arms braced against the wooden rails and looked at the woman beside him. Her hair was a tousled mess. She had pulled it over her shoulder, but even that was no match for a late summer, pacific wind.

"When were you going to tell me?" They hadn't talked about it at lunch. Andy had waited until they were alone. When she looked at him, his brows lifted. He gave her a knowing smile.

Sharon looked down. Her hands were resting against the wooden railing. She hadn't kept it from him on purpose. It was simply a decision that she had to make alone. "When the papers were filed. I did that just before Ricky's visit. It's official now. I am getting divorced." The wind caught her hair and blew it across her face. Sharon pushed it back. "How did you know?"

"Provenza saw the papers on your desk." He straightened and shrugged. "Then Ricky came to see me while he was here. He wanted to know if it was because of me." Andy pushed away from the rail and walked around her to stand against the other side and try to block some of the wind. It was an impossible task, but he did it, and let it beat at his back. "He's worried about you. He thinks you've had too many blows and not enough time in between them."

"I wish he wouldn't worry." She sighed. "He thinks this is some sort of midlife crisis. Or at least, he did. I know he talked to Jack, although he won't admit that to me. They've never been especially close, and it isn't like Ricky to let his father get inside of his head, but the things that he was saying…" She shook her head. "That was not my son. That was not the young man that I raised."

"It's possible." Andy didn't know. Ricky didn't mention talking to his father. "Jack might've played on his fear. He's also losing his spot as the youngest. Ricky has been your baby his entire life. He wants to take care of you, but at the same time, that's a tough one to fully wrap his head around. He doesn't know Rusty either." Andy leaned against the railing again, this time with his back to it, and rested his weight on his elbows. "You know how the kid can be when you first meet him, all defense and offense and little of anything else."

"A sarcastic little psycho, you mean?" She poked his side. Sharon had not forgotten that little nickname or how he had used it. She smiled at him. "Yes, I know. Rusty is on guard with new people, and he doesn't trust easily. He's trying with Ricky. It's just hard for him. The idea of family is completely new. They were okay before Ricky left, I think. I'm not expecting them to become best friends, or to be very close, but I would like for them to at least try to be brothers. I think it would be good for both of them."

"Hey now." Andy rubbed his side. "I didn't know the kid then either. He grew on me, eventually, smart mouth and all." He watched her. "So let me guess, Jack said no to the adoption and you told him to hit the road."

"If you start singing I will toss you over the rail," she warned with a smile. Sharon faced the water. She let the wind catch her hair and lift it away from her face. "It wasn't only that. I could have negotiated the adoption with Jack, but he crossed a line." Sharon lay her hands against the treated wood again and watched the way that the waves rolled in, constant, some of them cresting before they reached the pier, others crashing loudly against it. They created a fine spray that made the air around them damp. "He told Rusty about it. I wasn't ready to discuss it with him yet. Rusty is adept at reading manipulators, which is rather unfortunate most of the time, but I was thankful for it in this instance. He played along with Jack and figured out what he wanted. He was poking him for information on me." She held on to the rail and leaned back. She swung around to face him, a smile curving her lips again. "He thinks that we are back together."

"Really?" Andy's brows lifted. He grinned as she moved around to his other side. Sharon was restless today. She was full of energy. He thought it had a lot to do with having her sons home and whatever decisions she had made about her life recently. "Wait," Andy frowned. "Did he tell Rusty about us?"

"No, not directly. He told Rusty that he thought I was seeing someone, but he didn't mention who, and if he did, Rusty didn't say. The point is, Jack knows how vulnerable Rusty is, and he knows what he means to me. He was betting that Rusty would run, or that he would dig his heels in. In any event, he gambled and lost, which is something that Jack should be very familiar with. He attempted to use one of my children against me, and that is something that I simply will not allow. So I called his bluff. I filed the papers. He's going to try and fight it, because Jack is that stubborn and he can't stand the idea of losing, but we were legally separated for so long that divorce is just a formality now."

"Except that it isn't." Andy caught her arm when she moved again. He pulled her around to stand in front of him. His hands settled at her hips, to anchor her to the spot. "There's no formality in ending a thirty-year marriage. You didn't make that decision as easily as you're trying to make it look, Sharon. That one hurt. You did it for your kid, but that one is going to leave a mark on you."

She smiled sadly and shrugged. "Hm." Sharon wasn't ready to think about that yet. She wasn't sure what would come next; she was too focused on the present. "My marriage was over a long time ago, Andy. It was over before I tried to save it." She laid her hands against his chest and leaned in to him. "It ended when Jack walked out on us the first time. I can honestly say that I have done everything that I know how to do to correct the situation, but there are some things that you just cannot save. My marriage is one of those things." She had thought long and hard about it. She talked it over with her priest and confessed to the sin of wanting to be legally free of her husband. That was all that she could really do. She would have to accept what followed.

"That doesn't mean that you didn't love him." He slipped his arm around her waist and turned them. Andy stood her against the railing and watched as the wind attacked her hair with a vengeance. He grinned down at her when she made a face at him. "It's okay to say it." He gestured around them. It was just the two of them, the ocean, and the wind. There were few people on the pier that afternoon, and no one near enough to her anything that she would say, or care what the words meant.

"Is that why you brought me here?" Her eyes were stinging. She could blame it on the wind and the salt, but they both knew that they would be excuses. Sharon turned again to face the wind and the ocean. The tears came, but they dried on her cheeks just as quickly. "Yes, I loved him," she said quietly, thickly. "This isn't what I wanted. I hate that he forced my hand, and I am so angry that he used my son to do it."

His arms moved around her. Andy laid his chin against her shoulder. He gripped the rail in front of her. "It's not what you want," he said gently, "but maybe it's what you need. You deserve to be happy. You can't be happy as long as he is hurting you."

"I will be a lot happier when Rusty is finally mine." She twisted in front of him. Sharon didn't know what prompted her, but her arms moved around his neck. "I cannot wait for that to happen."

"I know." Andy continued to hold on to the wooden rail behind her, but he grinned down at her. "Soon," he promised. "Then no one can take him away from you." He watched her eyes light up. She had weathered so much to keep that boy, including Rusty's birth mother. She deserved this, and the kid needed her too. They were devoted to each other, but this was a formality that would seal the deal. "So," he tilted his head at her. There was a crooked grin playing at his lips. "Sharon Raydor, free agent. We'll have to scout you around," he teased.

"Oh really?" She tossed her head back and laughed. "I would love to see the blurb that _you_ would come up with for _that_." Sharon snorted with laughter and linked her arms behind his neck.

"Oh, it will be great," he promised. "Single, rule loving, fifty-something seeks rule-abiding thirty-something to-" he broke off when she pinched him. "Okay, you're right, that's a terrible idea. I've got it." Andy wrapped his arms around her. He lifted her and turned. "You can go speed dating with Provenza. He's an expert on post-divorce hook-ups. He's done it fifty million times." He set her on her feet again, but only once they were both well away from the railing.

"Oh thank god," she simpered. "I was afraid that you were going to tell me to stick with you." Sharon breathed a hugely exaggerated sigh of relief. "I am saved."

"Now you're just being mean." He loomed over her. "I give way better dating advice than Provenza. For example, you should never get married on the third date. That's always a huge mistake."

Her eyes widened. Sharon took a step back so that she could look at him more easily. "On the third date? Tell me that you're joking?"

"Nope." Andy grinned. "His second wife. They got married on the third date. Her name was Sharon." His eyes narrowed. He pointed a finger at her. "On second thought, you stay the hell away from Provenza."

Sharon blinked. She leaned into him. She gripped the back of his shoulder as she pressed her face into the front of it and laughed. "Have I ever mentioned how completely insane you are?"

"I'm serious!" He kept an arm around her waist. "He's a serial husband. You would be easy pickings. The world as we know it would come to a complete end, and worse than that, he would want me to be his best man. Sharon, I will do a lot of things for you, but that's where I draw the line."

She needed to laugh. It felt good to do it. Not the easy laughter that came from an amusing movie, or a passing joke. Real laughter, the sort that left her feeling winded and slightly weak. She lay her head against his shoulder when she finished, and stood there, just resting against him. "You know that I am not really thinking about dating, don't you?"

They had this conversation once, a long time ago. She didn't think that she would have anything to give, even if she was free to be with someone else. Andy's hand slid up her back in a simple caress. "I know. Not right now, anyway. You might change your mind."

He sounded so sure of that. Sharon lifted her head and looked up at him. "What if I don't?" Her brows arched. Suddenly it wasn't an abstract thought anymore, but a very real possibility, just not one that she thought she would be willing to explore.

He stared back at her. The air around them grew thick. His hand moved down her back again and settled against her hip. His eyes dropped to her mouth before moving back to recapture her gaze. "Then you don't. That would be a shame though. He'd be pretty lucky, whoever he is." He wouldn't dare to think that it could be him again. He felt like maybe he already had his chance, and this was all that he could get.

She rested her forehead against the curve of his jaw. "Andy." His name was a whisper that was almost completely swallowed by the wind. "Maybe I would be the lucky one," she whispered. "But what if it's too late when I decide?"

He frowned. His hand moved into her hair. He stroked the back of her head. Andy thought he could easily read the double meaning in all of that, but he was afraid that he was allowing his own desires to see more than was there. He lowered his head and his lips touched her forehead. When she didn't pull away, he drew a breath. "I'll wait," he said quietly.

Sharon lifted her head. She met his gaze. There was a promise in his eyes. A small, tentative smile tugged at her lips. She moved away from him, but took his hand. They walked back along the pier, back toward the shore. They left their whispered words dancing in the wind. It was a promise left behind to find them when the timing was right.

 **-TBC-**


	18. Chapter 18

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 18**

[December 2014]

" _I am not dating."_

The words echoed in her mind. Sharon had said them enough recently. Rusty didn't seem to want to believe that, no matter how many times she tried to make him understand. She didn't know how to explain her relationship with Andy without _really_ explaining her relationship. There was so much history there, and so many things that were not said. It was complicated, but it was also something that was very precious to her.

The idea that others could misconstrue what they were to each other had bothered her. It left her reeling and feeling awkward. She ran. She was sure that she might have hurt Andy in the process, and that was not what she wanted. She needed him to understand too. She wasn't ready.

Or was she?

Sharon didn't know anymore. Her divorce was still so recent. Those wounds still felt fresh. What kind of relationship could she have now? Legally she was divorced, but she had not fully reconciled that with her beliefs yet. In many ways, she was still married, and Sharon wasn't sure if she could turn her back on that completely.

Jack had certainly done that. Time and again. It was as she had told Andy once, two wrongs did not create a right. Her heart still ached for all the ways in which her marriage had failed. She didn't know if it was hers yet to give again. She didn't know if it ever would be.

Andy said that he understood. He bore her uncertainty and frustration with so much patience. He was only afraid of losing her friendship. That was important to him. It was important to both of them. Sharon wouldn't allow that to happen, no matter the missteps they seemed to be making in the wake of her divorce.

" _I'll wait_. _"_

Sharon's eyes closed. Those words came back to her so often. What was he waiting for? What if she had nothing but this to give him? Would that be enough? Would he still be with her in a year, or would resentment grow in the place of his quiet patience. Would she lose him anyway if he decided that he couldn't live with just her friendship? She had come to rely on his place in her life, but to hear Rusty put voice to their relationship in that way… To call out the things that they did and enjoyed doing together, and question it… What were they doing?

She looked down. She had been standing by the windows in her condo, staring out at the city lights, watching how they sparkled in the night, much like the Christmas tree behind her. It was late. Her body was tired but her mind would not be silent. She studied the object in her hand; she had been turning it over between her fingers while she stood there. It was a simple thing, but a wondrous one too.

The small, pewter angel was a gift. It was wrapped carefully and presented to her so simply. Sharon swept her thumb over the gleaming wings. It was barely the size of her palm. She had the silk ribbon wrapped around her finger. She had intended to hang it on the tree, but she held on to it instead. There were words engraved into the angel's wings. They had echoed in her mind, and taken root in her heart.

" _Your faith is a gift. Your wisdom is your strength. Your courage gives me hope._ "

Sharon didn't know where he had gotten it, but it was lovely. She had already thanked Andy for it, but she would need to do it again. Her sons made fun of her love of angels, but Andy understood what they represented to her. They were the guardians that stood between shadow and light. Sharon turned it over in her hand again and lifted her gaze back to the city. _"Your heart gives me peace_." She had read those words, the final part of the inscription so many times. Her eyes closed. She leaned her head against the cool glass and sighed. What was she going to do?

"Well that's not a happy face." Ricky dropped his sweatshirt on the end of the sofa and walked over to join her. His hair was still damp from the shower. He leaned against the window opposite her and studied his mother. She was pensive. His gaze dropped to the object in her hands and his brow rose. "Pretty."

"It is." Sharon looked at it again. A smile curved her lips. "It was a gift." And one that was filling her head with all sorts of thoughts, thoughts that she wasn't certain what to do with. "I was just thinking," she told him.

"I can see that." Ricky folded his arms across his chest. "If it helps, I saw him stick it in his desk twice before he finally put it with the village. I don't think you're the only one that is doing a lot of thinking." He offered a comforting smile. "Dating is hard."

"We are not dating." Sharon's arms dropped. She sighed with frustration. "Andy and I are just friends, and I wish that your brother would stop with these insinuations. It isn't amusing."

"Mom." Ricky frowned at her. She was far more upset than he thought she would be. "Rusty didn't say anything." He straightened and looked down at her. "What's going on?" Ricky studied her closely. "Why are you so torn up about that?"

She leaned her head against the glass again. "Because I think that Andy would like more and I am not in a place yet that I can give it to him." It wasn't easy to admit, especially to her son, but Ricky was the only one who knew what had gone on before. Ricky was the only one in a position to understand why she needed to be careful.

"Are you sure about that?" He shrugged at her. "I watched you two tonight. You looked happy. He's crazy about you, you know that, don't you? Mom, I don't know if you've realized it, but you're kind of crazy about him too. It's pretty obvious to anyone who sees you together. You might not be _dating_ yet, but it's there. What's the big deal?"

What was the big deal? He made it sound so simple. Sharon hummed. Oh to be young again. To think of the world so simply and be so ready to leap. Age and experience had taught her to build nets first, to be cautious. "He is important to me," she said. "I won't deny that. We're very close. I enjoy spending time with him. We are very good friends. I don't want to lose that."

"Have you told him that?" Ricky caught her gaze and held it. "Does he know all of this? If he does, then you aren't going to lose him. Mom, it's okay. If you're worried about all of us, don't. You get to be happy." It was why he insisted that they not tell her that his father was drinking again. He didn't want his mother feeling guilty about that. She had finally removed him from her life, for good this time, and he wasn't going to let Jack suck her back in. He wouldn't let her guilt override everything that she had done to finally be free. He wasn't going to let his father hurt her again.

She was happy. That was just it. Sharon had everything in her life that she thought she needed. Her children, her job, and her friends made her happy. She was perfectly content with the way that things were. She didn't _feel_ at all bereft or alone. There was nothing missing from her life. She didn't _need_ Andy's love.

She wanted it.

That was the difference. She wanted it, and she was worried about what would happen if they went down that path. Would it upset everything else? It would be complicated. She was his ranking officer. He would still have to report to her, and while there were no rules against them having a relationship, what if they couldn't keep it out of their work? They managed with their friendship, but there was a line that they would cross if they became involved. They had tried this once. It hadn't worked out, and what if her marriage was not the only reason that they were not successful. What then?

Sharon exhaled softly. She looked up at her son again. "What if it doesn't work?"

Ricky smiled gently. He took a step forward. He lifted the angel out of her hands and looked at it. He read the words before he looked at her again. "What if it does?"

That was another question that was weighing on her mind. What if it did work? What if they were happy together? What if the life that they could find with each other was exactly what they both needed and wanted, and what if that completely ruined everything else that they had built. They had a wonderful working relationship, along with being great friends. What if moving into a romance, even a romance that was perfectly suited to them, was the thing to ruin who they were together?

Sharon waited until after the New Year. She waited until Ricky and Emily had gone home to approach those thoughts. They stayed with her, but she filed them away until she could carefully turn them over and extract them from the rest of her musings.

In the end, it was dealing with Jack again that left her reeling the most. She was not prepared for all of those old wounds to be opened once more. She was not prepared to be faced, once again, with his sad promises. She listened to the man that she had once loved ask her, again, to reconsider all of their history and the separation between them. This time she walked away. It hurt to do it, and it chipped away at her, but she turned her back on Jack. She felt stronger for it, despite the pain that it caused her, but it reiterated for her all of the things that could go wrong and go right, and reminded her again of what she could not have.

It was freezing cold on the pier when she asked Andy to meet her there. They were wholly alone; there was no one else that would brave the chill in the wind or the cold spray of the waves that were crashing against it. She stood with Andy in the same place where their silent promises were made and faced him with a new resolve.

"Don't wait for me." She held up a hand before he could speak. "No, let me say this." The wind was blowing her hair and she pushed it away from her face. "I'm happy that you want to, but I don't want that for you. I have been thinking about this. I am not ready. Not right now, but I will be. I don't know when that is going to happen, and I think that it may be soon, but I don't want you waiting. Not for me."

"Sharon." He didn't understand where this was coming from. She was alight with energy, practically brimming with it. Andy shook his head at her. He knew that she had a couple of blows lately, but she didn't seem _unhappy_. It was confusing him. There were times when he really couldn't get inside her head, and this was one of them. "I already told you that if you don't get ready, then it doesn't happen. That doesn't mean that I'm going anywhere."

"I know." She laid a hand against his chest. "That's the point. Andy, I am not worried about us. I think that we have been through enough that we could make this work. We could be very good together. We could be very happy."

"Then what is the problem, Sharon?" He moved away from her. God almighty but the woman could frustrate the hell out of him. "That's good, isn't it? Why is that a hold up? If you're ready, or going to be ready, and I'm willing to wait, then why are you trying to get me to move on? From where I'm standing that could be pretty damned stupid on my part. I don't mind waiting for you, Sharon."

"I appreciate that." She took a step toward him. "Andy, the problem isn't you." She smiled as she said it, and it grew when he rolled his eyes at her. It was rather cliché, but she took his arm and stepped even closer. "It really isn't. I am… grateful, more than you know, that you would wait for me. I am… so unbelievably touched that you would give us that chance together. It is a chance that I would greatly like to explore, and I have thought about it. A lot, actually. We'd be good, Andy. We'd be very good at this. That is why we can't."

"Okay, I'm going to go with Ricky on this." Andy gripped her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Are you okay? Is this a midlife crisis thing that we should discuss? You aren't making a lot of sense, Sharon. The reason we can't be together is because we would do okay at it?" He shook his head at her. "Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds? You stop a relationship because it's going to be terrible, not because it's going to work. Sweetheart, I think you might have it a little upside down. We should rethink those romantic comedies that you don't like to watch."

Sharon laughed at him. He was so frustrated with her, and confused, and she couldn't blame him. "I know how this sounds. Andy, I am not confused. I am not upset, and I am not having a midlife crisis." She made a face at that. She wondered sometimes if he was, but then she also questioned at times whether or not he was involved in a second childhood. He was really rather amusing with his antics. She blamed his partner. Sharon curled her hands around his wrists and drew them down. She held his hands between their bodies. "The reason we cannot be together is how well it would work, not because I am afraid of that, or confused by it. It's because of what we can't have. We would end up wanting more, Andy. That's the problem." He opened his mouth to respond and she laid her fingers against his lips. "No, just listen. You would want to marry me. That's just who you are. I would want to make that commitment to you, and I can't. It would tear us apart in the end. We would hurt each other, and that is something that I simply cannot allow. You need to be with someone who can give you everything that you want, not just half of a future."

He took her hand and lowered it. Andy held it in his. He understood now what was stopping her. Sharon was digging her heels in on the idea of marriage and he hadn't even asked her out yet. She was five steps ahead of him, as usual, and he was still trying to find the words to tell her that he wanted to try again, for real this time, and see what they could make of it. "Did it ever occur to you," he began slowly, a little upset with her now, "in all your thinking and considering, and deciding, that maybe you don't really know what I want?" He watched her eyes widen and felt a little emboldened. "You're making a lot of assumptions, and some of them are right, but a few of them are wrong too. Maybe you would be enough for me, Sharon. Maybe, just maybe, you and me together wouldn't be half of anything, because it would be everything that I want. Didn't think about that, did you?"

"You say that now." She smiled gently at him. "Andy, you are not a man of simple, half gestures. You put all of yourself into it, and you would want that with a relationship too. You may think, right now, that it would be enough, but what if it weren't? What if me not being able to give all of myself to you isn't enough? What if that breaks us? I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose my friend. I don't want it to affect our work. I don't want us to ruin everything on the off chance that we are wrong."

"But what if we're right?" He drew her against him and his arms moved around her. "What if we can make it work, in exactly the way that we need to, and have everything that we want? I look at marriage a lot differently than you do, and I think that's important here. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me how I feel about you. I don't need it to tell me that you're with me. I know you. I know what it will mean if you decide to open yourself up to it. You and me, that's it, that's enough."

"Be sure." She lifted her fingers to his cheek. Her thumb was gentle against the line of his jaw. "Don't make any definite decisions right now. Think about it. Be absolutely sure, Andy. Because if you are, if that is enough, if we can make _that_ work, then I can be ready." Her hand moved to the back of his neck, the other lay against his chest, over his heart. Sharon leaned in to his warmth and let it fill her. She let it be her shelter against the biting cold of the wind. "I will want to go slow," she warned him. "We won't be able to just fall back into bed and pretend that the last few years didn't happen. If this is going to work, I need to know that we are built on something stronger, and I think we are, but I have to _know_. It can't impede our work. I have Rusty to think about too. Think about all of that. It won't be an affair, it won't be sex, and we can never get married, but it will be important and it will be permanent. I am a packaged deal; you get me, my kids, and my crappy ex-husband. You get all of my rules, and my faith. You get it all. If you can handle all of that, then I can be ready, but think about it Andy, really think about it."

"I will." He took her hand and lifted it to his lips. He looked into her eyes and saw all of the hope and worry. There was excitement and promise too. They were close, very close, to crossing a bridge that it once felt like they would never reach. Andy already knew exactly what he wanted. She wasn't ready yet, and there was no rush. He could give her the time. He could make sure that he understood what he was asking for. "I wish that you wouldn't worry." He tucked her hand beneath his chin and smiled down at her. "You are what I want. _You_. That means that I will accept you how I get you, Sharon. It doesn't mean that I'm settling. It just means loving you the way that you are." He swayed with her when she shivered, put the wind at his back. "Take your time. I will still be waiting. It'll be fine."

She tipped her head back. She was smiling at him. He was so certain. That filled her with more hope than he could know. "Just fine?"

Her eyes were sparkling. "Better than fine." He smirked at her. "You'll see."

"I will hold you to that." She laid her head against his shoulder.

"You better." He didn't know what was coming. He didn't know exactly how long it would take her, but he would wait. When she was ready, he would be there. It was no longer a question of _if_ with them, but _when_. It was going to work. They would be happy. He would make her happy, however she needed him to do that, and wait for as long as she asked.

 **-TBC-**


	19. Chapter 19

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

 **A/N:** Special thanks to Babi  & Sara for their help with my research while I was writing some of these chapters.

* * *

 **Chapter 19**

[September 2016]

"You told me earlier that you felt like you were being punished." Father Thomas had listened to what remained of her tale. He knew now how she and Andy had come to share their lives. Their journeys, together and apart, had taught them many lessons. "Now that we have spoken of everything, do you still feel that way?" They had moved back inside, to quietly walk the halls of the hospital while Sharon talked. They had checked on the children again, and there was still no news of Andy. "Do you feel that your faith would allow you to be punished for simply living?"

"I worry that losing Andy will be the price that I will have to pay for the things that I have done." Her hands were clasped in front of her while they walked. "It was rather arrogant, wasn't it? To think that I could exist outside of the rules that define us. My divorce only dissolved my marriage in the legal sense. Everything that you and I have been taught for our entire lives tells us that I am still married. It tells us that my relationship with Andy should not exist. I should walk away from him, but I can't. I shouldn't love him, and I do. The thoughts that I have are incompatible to the faith that I have held for so long."

"Sharon, how are thoughts of love incompatible to the grace that should guide us?" Father Thomas smiled gently at her. "Yes, everything you say is true. If we want to speak in the complete literal sense of our teachings, you have and are committing adultery. That is something that you will be asked to answer for, but if we are going to accept our faith in the spirit of peace and love that it was intended to foster, then we must also consider that our teachings ask us to be true to ourselves. Does faith not ask us to give of ourselves and receive, to accept that which we cannot see and to live in the light that He created on this earth?"

"What of the vows that we make?" Sharon shook her head. She looked away. Her eyes felt dry and tired; they ached, but filled with tears again. "Should we not be held to them, despite the wayward leanings of our hearts? Should we be guided by weakness or by the strength of our convictions?"

"I think that depends on whether or not loving Andy has been your weakness, or if it has given you strength." Father Thomas stopped walking and turned. He looked down at the woman beside him. "That is the question that you must ultimately ask yourself. It is something that only you can answer, Sharon. I can tell you, from my own experiences, that there is love that is a weakness. There are relationships that are defined by that weakness. There is also love that gives us strength; your love for Rusty, and for your other children; your love of the law, and the commitment that you have given to protect those around you. These things lift you up, they make you better, and therefore they make you stronger."

"Isn't it weak to love a man to whom I cannot truly give myself?" She took a few steps forward and turned. "The difference has been that I need my children. I need to feel productive in my work. I do not need Andy in my life. I want him there."

"Is it really?" He walked toward her, a patient smile curving his lips. "You have told yourself that you did not need a man to make you feel whole, because those were things that you were capable of creating on your own. You did not need your husband to help you raise your children, because he was not there. You did that. You did not need a man to build your career and provide for you, and for them. You did that too. You became a strong, intelligent, and independent woman on your own, was that by choice, Sharon, or was it necessity? It is not a terrible thing. It is admirable. I think it speaks to a great deal of strength, and I know that you have embraced your faith along the way. You have allowed it to guide you, and that too is admirable. If you lost Andy today, you would move forward. You would work, and you would live. You would pray, and you would still be the mother that your children need you to be. You would not lose those things. Can you tell me, though, that you would still be the person tomorrow that you are right now? Would you still be whole?"

Her eyes closed. Sharon wrapped her arms around herself. She gripped her upper arms tightly. Her tongue moved across her upper lip. She drew a breath and held it. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think. She imagined the world that he described to her. It was empty. It was barren and unyielding. "No," she whispered. "I would be different." She would be broken. There would be a part of her that would be missing. She would go on, but not as she was. It was not a future that she wanted to consider, it was not a thought that she wanted to entertain. She wanted her life to remain as it was. She wanted Andy beside her. "Ironic, isn't it?" Her gaze gifted again. "The one thing that I love most about him is what could take him from me."

"You said that you wanted a few more years." The priest walked forward to stand before her. "Do want years, or do you want a lifetime?" He watched the play of emotions on her face, the sorrow and the fear. Her love for Andy was there. It was at the forefront of everything.

"We don't have a lifetime." Sharon looked away again. The pain came. There was so much behind them, and very little left in front of them. "Even if they save him today, how long until his heart gives out? There will come a day when I will have to live without him. I'm just not ready for that yet." She didn't know that she ever would be, but she wanted the chance to love him the way that he deserved before she lost him. She didn't know that she had done enough of that.

"You are thinking in terms of his physical presence," The priest cautioned. "Sharon, would you stop loving Andy if he was not with you? Would your love end with his death? Do you think that his would stop for you if your positions were somehow reversed?" He shook his head. "I think the question of how to reconcile your love with your faith exists in how you see it."

She stared at him. A line formed between her brows. Sharon didn't fully understand what he meant. "Of course not. I am going to love him for the rest of my life. Andy is not convenient. I do not simply love him because he is here. How can… why…" She could not even speak. Her heart contracted and she drew a breath. Sharon turned away from him. Her nails bit into the flesh of her upper arms. She felt it through her blouse. "I have given myself to him," she whispered.

"In all of the ways that you can." Father Thomas smiled sadly. He couldn't bless a union between them. He would like to, but that was beyond his authority. Offering her that was beyond what he was permitted, and they were both well aware of it. That did not mean that she deserved to be tormented by the existence of her love. "You have given yourself to him in every way that matters. You have your lifetime, Sharon. He will be with you, even if his physical presence is gone. You will always have that."

"It doesn't feel like enough," she said. "I will always want him beside me." Her gaze drifted again. Sharon sighed. "I should have married him. Even without the blessing of the church. I should have done that for him."

"Did he ask?" Father Thomas chuckled. He shook his head at her. He took her hands and held them. "Sharon, he doesn't want you to compromise who you are. I can't tell you to marry, or not. That is outside my place in your life now. I can tell you that I do not believe that you are being punished for the love that you feel. You have lived. You have struggled. Humans are, at the very basis of our nature, fallible. It is how we learn. You don't need to be forgiven for your capacity for love." Mercy and forgiveness were two very basic building blocks of their faith.

"It all still feels unsettled," She explained. "I just don't feel at peace with it."

"You won't." The priest shrugged. "That is the fear. You aren't going to be able to feel at peace until Andy his whole again, and I believe that he will be. I believe that he has made it this far because there are better angels guiding all of us. He has been looked after. If you want, we can go back to the chapel and I will pray with you. Then I think that you need to sit with your family. Accept the life that you have, Sharon. Embrace it completely now. Move forward with no more secrets, no more lies, and _faith_ that your love is enough." Later, when things had settled, they would talk more of her sins of adultery. He would counsel her way to penance. For now, he felt that her heart and mind were filled with enough worry and sorrow.

Sharon didn't know if it was really enough. She still felt as though she had been unspeakably selfish. She returned to the chapel, however. She prayed, and she lit a candle. She asked for grace. She asked for time. Then she returned to the waiting room. She sat with Andy's children and continued to silently pray while they waited.

"This is oddly familiar."

Vicki was seated beside her. They had an update only an hour before. Andy had come through the first half of the surgery well. He was still stable and they were progressing on time. Someone would be in to update them again if there was any more news. Sharon looked at her now. Her brows lifted in question, then smiled. "It is, isn't it?"

She hummed quietly and let her gaze move to the children. Ricky had shown up a little while before. He was sitting with the others. He and Charlie had their heads together, and that was strange, when compared to what they were like as boys. They were thicker than thieves when they were toddlers, and yet neither boy had much memory of those years. Sharon thought back. She considered the last time that they were seated here. Not during Andy's previous surgery last winter, but well beyond that. Back then, she was the one offering support. He had been shot on duty, and she sat with Vicki while they waited for news.

"I'm not sure which was more frightening," Vicki said. "Waiting to hear if Andy was going to be okay, or leaving Jack alone with four kids." Sharon was on maternity leave then. Ricky was only a few weeks old and Charlie was not much older. Andy had been shot in the side, and the bullet had nicked his liver. He lost a lot of blood and they waited for what felt like endless hours while the damage was repaired.

"Well, Emily was with him." Sharon pressed her lips together when they formed a smile. Vicki's sister had arrived to pick up her two children, but Jack had all of them for a few hours while Sharon sat with the other woman. "There was mature supervision in the house." She shifted in her seat. "Unlike the time that Andy let the boys paint the kitchen in pudding while all of us were at work."

"Oh my god." Vicki closed her eyes. She had forgotten about that. She covered her face and sighed. "Whose bright idea was it to allow him to watch a pair of toddlers by himself?"

"I think that was mine, actually." Sharon sighed. "It seemed like a good idea at the time." She looked at the woman beside her. Her head tilted. "Did we think that this is where we would be?" Their positions were reversed. Their marriages had both fallen apart, and yet, here they were again. They were waiting for a doctor to give them news about a man that had been important in both of their lives, while their children sat together, no doubt plotting something that would not end well.

"I accepted a long time ago that I would have to watch my children worry about their father and whether or not he would ever come home again," Vicki admitted. "That was the job. I didn't think that I would do it without loving him." She tucked a short lock of dark hair behind her ear. It was streaked through with more gray than she would like. She kept it highlighted to cover what she could not prevent. "Sometimes I regret that I gave up on him. When I see him with them," she nodded to Charlie and Nicole, "when I see the big goofball that I married in the man that he is now, I regret it. Then I look at Jeff, and I can't regret the life that we've had." She had remarried a few years after her divorce, and she was happy. She loved her husband and she was loved by him. "Jeff is a good man, and he has been a good father. I envy them." She looked away from their children. "That first love is so all consuming. You think that anything is possible. So yes, I thought we would be here, that nothing would change. Then life happened. It didn't go the way that it was supposed to. I became the bitch that broke his heart and Andy was the asshole that let me down. I made mistakes. I would undo some of them if I could. I wouldn't trade my life though."

"No, I suppose not." Sharon thought about that. There were things that she would change, do again if given the chance. On the whole, there were things that she would not. She wouldn't give Rusty back, and she wouldn't trade Andy. She would like to do things better, and have fewer regrets for all of them, but life did not come with a manual.

"I was worried that it was you," Vicki admitted. She folded her hands together against her lap and re-crossed her legs. "Andy dated any number of women over the years. He went through them like he used to go through a bottle of bourbon. It wasn't until you that I was worried. He could date and stay sober. But I knew your history," she explained. "I was worried that you were just some co-dependent woman that would bring him down, destroy everything. I was hard on him when I found out that he was with you, but I was wrong. He's different. It was good to see. He didn't need you to make him who he was, he already did that, but he was stronger. He was more confident. He started standing up to me and I finally felt like I could trust him again. That I could trust him with them."

"He was outnumbered, Vicki." Sharon smiled sadly at her. "You and Jeff were a unit. His children didn't really know him. He was on the outside trying to find his way in again, and it was intimidating. I was glad to be his backup, and I will keep doing that."

"Good." Vicki smiled at her. "He's going to need it." She looked at her son. "That one is his father's son, and I think he may have inherited every bit of that stubbornness and more."

"I just hope that he is here to need it," she said quietly. Sharon scraped her teeth across her bottom lip. "I want him to have more time with them, and he needs more time with the grandkids." She let out a small, shaking breath. "He just needs more time."

"He'll get it." Vicki reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. "He's too stubborn to go anywhere. He will be okay." She looked away, let her gaze move to her children. "He has to be," she added, "because the alternative is unacceptable."

"Flynn family."

They both looked up. Sharon held her breath. It was the not the young resident who had updated them earlier. This was an older physician. He stood in surgical scrubs, seeming tired after a long surgery. This was the doctor that they had spoken to before Andy was taken in to have his heart repaired. That could only mean that it was over. Sharon studied his face, she tried to decipher what the news might be, but found him unreadable. She glanced at the woman beside her, and then at Andy's children. She rose slowly and walked toward the edge of the waiting room. They joined her there, and she felt her sons behind her.

"Yes," she said. "That's us." The members of their team had moved closer, but without crowding the family. Vicki was standing between her children, holding their hands. Sharon folded her arms across her chest. "How is he?"

"Mister Flynn is going to be taken in to the Cardiac ICU," the doctor explained. "We were able to lay the grafts and bypass the damaged arteries. There is some muscle damage from the lack of blood flow and the initial heart attack, but he is doing okay." The doctor offered them a small smile. "We have every reason to believe that he will make a full recovery." His gaze swept the group as relief settled over them. "We will need to talk about heart health as his recovery proceeds, and there are some things that you and I need to discuss, that are in his directive," he said to Sharon.

"The pain medication?" If Andy was going to recover, that was all that Sharon could imagine would be impeding his health at this point. A frown appeared. "Andy is very clear in his wishes that we avoid any opiates or other narcotics."

"Please." The doctor gestured for her to join him away from the others. "I understand that," he explained. "We are going to do our best, but I am concerned about the stress that it will place on his heart. It has already been through a lot. We need the remaining muscle to get stronger so that it can compensate for the damaged tissue. If his heart isn't pumping strongly enough, then that will cause a lack of blood flow, and his incisions will not heal correctly. It will also impact his immune system. He will be more susceptible to infection and post operative pneumonia."

"Sharon." Patrice had remained close by while her husband stood with the children and the rest of the team. "What the doctor is explaining is that pain raises the blood pressure. That puts stress on the vessels. It could cause issues with the grafts, his incisions, and his heart."

"Let me explain," the doctor said, before she could answer. "To do a bypass surgery we had to cut him here," he gestured at his own chest, drawing a line from below his collarbone to the top of his stomach. "Then we had to saw through his sternum. To close it, we wired the bones back together. That will be incredibly painful as the bones heal." He watched her pale, but it was important that she understand exactly the sort of pain that he was describing. "Post operative pain after a cardiac procedure is some of the worst that patients experience, and it is often the cause of relapse. I want to avoid that."

"I understand what you are telling me," Sharon said, and kept her voice low. "Andy and I discussed this, he was absolutely clear on it." She turned to Patrice. "He wouldn't want this."

"Right now we are going to monitor him closely," the doctor told her. "We will watch his pain levels. If it becomes an issue, you will need to make a decision about how we proceed. Low dose, carefully monitored pain management does not mean that he will have an addiction relapse."

"I know that," she sighed. "Do what you can," Sharon told him. "Andy talked this over with his surgeon last year. He knows what his options are. He wasn't willing to budge on it. No opiates, no narcotics. He gave me his medical power of attorney, but his wishes are very well defined. As long as he is not in any immediate danger, find another way."

"We will do our best," the doctor assured her, "but I urge you to think about it and talk it over with the rest of the family. There may be a need to reconsider."

Sharon wasn't willing to budge. They would have to discuss it if it became a necessity. "When can I see him?" She asked instead.

"We need to monitor him for a little while longer. It may be a few more hours before we can allow any visitors in to see him. Someone will be by to let you know."

She sighed as she nodded. "Thank you." Sharon walked away from both of them and went back to join the children. She plastered a smile on her face. "Everything is fine," she said in light of Nicole's worried look. "He just had a few questions."

"He's an addict and they're going to have to give him pain meds that are going to screw with that, aren't they?" Rusty had overheard some of it. "That's what has you looking so upset. Mom, what does that even mean?"

Sharon sighed. She loved her inquisitive boy, but he wasn't always as subtle as he could be. "It means that they will have to find another way to treat Andy's pain as he comes out of the anesthesia. His surgery was a very serious one, and the pain can be severe. We may have to get creative, that's all." She looked at Nicole and Charlie. "It will be okay. We'll handle it."

"It's fine." Charlie nudged his sister's shoulder. She was close to panicking. "They will use locals first, keep the area as numbed as they can. They might keep him sedated too. They don't want to do that long term because they are going to want him moving around so clots don't form along his stitches or the internal staples. It will be okay. Sharon is right. Dad can take it."

"I had forgotten about your medical training, Charlie." Sharon smiled appreciatively. "Yes, I think that your father will be able to handle this. If not, then we will revisit it. In the meantime, he is going to be okay. That is the important part."

"Well, what can I say?" Charlie waved a hand in front of his face. "It's not just about the looks." He was a paramedic for a few years before he went back to school to become a flight nurse.

Vicki rolled her eyes toward Sharon. "What did I tell you?" She shook her head at her son. "All Flynn."

"Yes," Sharon smiled at them. "I think that you may be correct. Listen," she turned her attention on both of Andy's children again, and the team. "It is going to be a while before any of us can see him. I would like for everyone to go home and get some rest," She told her team. "Rusty, Ricky, please, go back to the condo and I will call you if there is any change." She knew that Charlie and Nicole wouldn't leave until they had seen their father, and she wouldn't ask them to.

"Captain." Lieutenant Provenza looked around at the others. No one was planning on going anywhere. "If it's all the same to you, I think we'll wait, just a little while longer. Just to make sure that everything is okay." Everyone knew that she probably wouldn't leave the hospital until she had seen Andy, and then would probably remain behind for as long as the medical staff would allow. They would stay. They would wait with her.

"I don't suppose that I could pull rank on any of you?" She folded her arms across her chest and looked away. A small smile curved her lips again. "Okay," she decided. "If you are all going to stay, then I suggest someone find some decent coffee and order some food. You two…" She turned to her sons. "You are on errand duty. Coffee, food, and let's go ahead and pack a bag for Andy," she told Rusty. "It may be a couple of days before he needs it, but it won't hurt to have it on hand."

"I've got the food." Julio put his hand into the air. He pulled his phone out and scrolled through the contacts, looking for the number of a deli that they all liked. "Rusty will just get burgers if we leave it up to him," he teased.

"I will take care of the coffee," Amy decided. "The last time we left either of them in charge of food and drink," She waved at Ricky and Rusty, "they brought back convenience store coffee." She moved away from the group to call Cooper and have him meet her to pick up enough coffee for all of them, for at least a little while.

The two young men looked at one another. "Okay, so we're on packing duty," Ricky decided. "I'll drive, you can pack. Something tells me that you're way more familiar with your stepdad's unmentionables than I want to be."

Rusty turned where he stood to follow Ricky with his gaze as he moved away. "Why is he mine every time that he's in the hospital, but when it's all _hey, don't tell your mother I showed you how to do a 180 on the freeway_ he's all yours."

"Because I am way cooler than you, little brother, and I never spill the beans on things that mom is not supposed to know about," Ricky explained.

"Yes," Rusty drawled sarcastically as he followed. "That always works out so well too."

Sharon's eyes closed. She drew a long, cleansing breath. "Buzz."

"I'm on it." He broke away from the group to follow her sons and keep an eye on them. "Rusty's in trouble," he muttered to himself, "it must be Monday."

"I am going to slip away and call Dean," Nicole decided. "I want to update him and check on the boys. Mom?"

"I will come with you," Vicki decided. "I need to check in with Jeff and let him know what is happening. Charlie?" She arched a brow at her son and gave him a pointed look.

"What?" He looked around the group. Everyone was staring at him. "I'm not going to bite her or anything. Geez." He threw his hands up. "I don't have anyone to call. If all three of us run off it's going to be obvious that we're talking about her."

"Well it is now, genius." Nicole grabbed his arm and pulled him along with them.

Provenza shook his head as he stood beside Sharon. "He really is his father's son," the older man muttered.

Sharon's smile slowly faded as they left. She turned to him with a shrug. "Some things simply cannot defy heredity." She was left with him and Patrice. Lieutenant Tao had stepped out into the hall, a phone to his ear as he spoke quietly with his wife.

"Let's go sit down." Provenza took her arm and guided her toward a row of chairs on the far side of the waiting room. "It's going to be a little while before anyone returns." He sat down beside her. "That's better." He stretched his legs out in front of him and tipped his head against the wall behind them. The Lieutenant closed his eyes. "Don't you think?"

She crossed her legs and clasped her hands in her lap. "I do not need to be handled," she reminded him. "We have done this before, as you recall."

"And he's going to get a piece of my mind for it too," the Lieutenant told her. "Who is handling anyone? I just wanted to sit down and enjoy the peace and quiet. Now hush!"

Sharon glanced at his wife, seated on his other side. She shook her head. "I don't need—" He shushed her again and she pressed her lips together. Sharon rolled her eyes heavenward and drew a deep breath. Her jaw clenched. With nothing to focus on, the emotions that she was trying to hold back swept over her. The tears came. Her eyes closed. Sharon leaned forward and covered her face. For now, there was no one there to see her. No one but her lover's best friend and his wife, but they had witnessed her worry for him like this before.

"That's better." He didn't bother to open his eyes. Provenza laid his hand against her back. She would cry it out, and then she would be better for it. All the fear, all the heartache, and the relief, she could let go of the worst of it now. There was still uncertainty ahead of them, but she would let it out now, so that she would weather the rest of it. She would bend, so that she wouldn't break. She would find her strength, not in her ability to mask her emotions, but in how she would process them. This was personal, it was family. She couldn't mask that. She couldn't bury it.

Andy was going to need her strength, now more than ever.

 **-TBC-**


	20. Chapter 20

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 20**

"It wasn't like this last year."

Sharon had no response to that. Rusty had joined her when she was finally allowed to see Andy. Charlie and Nicole had gone in first and sat with their father for as long as they could bear it. His condition was unchanged, and there was nothing that they could do for him, so Vicki had finally convinced both of them to go home and rest. They would return fresh and early the next morning, if there was no change to bring them back to the hospital before then.

Likewise, as the hours had worn on, Sharon convinced the members of her team to return to their homes and families, with the promise to call at even the slightest change. Only Lieutenant Provenza remained behind, staying until he could see his partner. Sharon sent him in alone, allowed him to have that moment to say whatever needed to be said between two men who were like brothers.

When he finally emerged, Sharon sent him home with his wife. He was reluctant to go, but realized that she would be far more comfortable if left with only her sons to provide a watchful eye. Rusty promised to stay, and to call him if he was needed. Then, since only two visitors were allowed in to see Andy, he volunteered to join his mother when she finally allowed herself to venture into his room.

They stood together at the foot of his bed, shoulders touching. Rusty wasn't one for overt physical gestures, but his hand moved into his mother's, and their fingers clasped tightly together. Patrice sat with them while Lieutenant Provenza was with Andy. She described for them what they would see when they entered the room, what they could expect of his postoperative condition, but even her very detailed explanation could not fully prepare them for seeing it.

He was pale; that was the first thing that Sharon noticed. She was completely unaccustomed to the sickly pallor that colored his skin. Even the previous year, with the injury and subsequent surgery, they had not experienced this. He also seemed strangely, frighteningly, small. _Fragile_ was not a word that she would have ever chosen to describe the man that was laying before them, but that was exactly as he appeared now. Sharon drew a breath, and felt it become trapped in her throat. From her earliest memories he was always so vibrant, so passionate.

They were warned that he would still be on the ventilator, that it would not be removed until sometime the following day, as long as his condition did not worsen. The sight of the tubes and wires that surrounded him only added to his frighteningly fragile appearance. The heart monitor provided a constant beeping, and there was soft hum from the respirator. The IV machine hissed rhythmically as it measured the fluids and medications that were being delivered to his veins. Most startling was the long, vertical bandage that stretched from his chest to the top of his stomach. The hospital gown that they had him in was specific to the cardiac unit, and open at the front to allow for easy access of the incision site. Sharon didn't know why she wasn't expecting that, but it made perfect sense, except that it added to the horror of their current circumstances. She felt as though logic had left her, and that she was ill prepared for all of this.

"No," Sharon managed to say quietly, "it wasn't like this last year." She gave Rusty's hand a squeeze before she let go of it and moved around to the side of the bed with the fewest machines. Her fingers trailed the edge of the mattress. Sharon stopped beside him. She looked down at the hand that was resting on the mattress beside his hip. Her touch was tentative at first, as she began at his fingertips, and then slowly trailed her fingers across the back of his hand. His skin was cool. Sharon felt the ache in her throat intensify. He was always so warm. She often teased that he was her personal heating source, that she didn't need one of her ever-present sweaters when he was with her.

She studied his hand as her fingers wrapped gently around it. Even that seemed unusually pale, although she could see the line around his pinky left by his missing sobriety ring. He never took it off, and it was odd to see him without it. His mother had gotten it for him, he told her, as a gift when he had celebrated his tenth year sober. She told him how proud she was of him, but she had died later that year, and Andy had never removed the ring. Sharon could remember, quite well, how panicked he was upon waking last November, and then he had remembered that he had given it to her for safekeeping. It was currently on a chain around her neck. The ring was too large even for her middle finger. Sharon had placed it there so that she could keep it near him. So that she could keep him near her, even though she had little intention of leaving his side.

Sharon moved closer to the bed. The edge of the rail pressed against her thighs as her other hand wrapped around his wrist. His pulse was steady against her fingers, and she decided that must be a good thing, despite his pale appearance and cool skin. Sharon slipped her hand slowly up his arm to his shoulder. She leaned over the bed, his hand still in hers, while the other moved to rest against the top of his head. Her lips ghosted across his cheek and she pressed them close to his ear. "I'm here," she whispered, "I love you." Her head lifted. The steady rise and fall of his chest was an illusion created by the machine that was breathing for him while his body recovered. Sharon caressed his cheek with the back of her hand.

If only he would stay, she thought, she would give him anything. Those were words she had not allowed her mind to contemplate for a long time. It was not a thought that she permitted herself to have. She didn't regret it. She didn't fear it. Sharon had built herself up. She was proud of her strength and her independence. She realized in that moment, as he hovered on the cusp of leaving her, that she didn't have to fear giving herself to him. They had given of each other. That was the difference in how she felt now, when she allowed herself to compare it to her marriage. She never really felt as though Jack belonged to her. Andy gave himself to her every day, in any number of ways; he didn't make grand gestures of it. He was simply there. He was present. He was beside her.

She missed that now. She drew a thin, shuddering breath. They had said that she should be strong for him, and she would be, but she was coming to understand how much strength she gained from him daily. It was in the knowledge that even when they argued, even when he disagreed, he was there. When she was upset with him and he was furious with her, she didn't have to doubt his presence in her life. She felt like she had waited her entire adult life for a partner. She couldn't fathom the thought of losing him now.

Sharon felt movement behind her and turned. She blinked, and felt a little startled. For just a moment, she forgot that Rusty was there. He had moved a chair close and was holding it for her. She offered him a small, grateful smile and lowered herself onto it. She drew another short breath and turned back to Andy. Sharon held his hands in both of hers and bowed her head. Her eyes closed, and she began to silently pray.

Rusty had witnessed her at this before. He used to feel a little uncomfortable, when he first came to live with her. He was never especially religious, and his other mother had not been either. Her parents were. They had kicked her out when she got pregnant with him, citing religion and so many other disappointments and reasons. He never really had a good view on any of that, until Sharon.

It was not something that she spoke about. It was just something that she did. It was important to her. She sent her kids to a Catholic school, she sent him to one. She offered to speak to the priest of her church about further instruction for him. She called it catechism, although it was unclear if he could really take part. Rusty hadn't any interest in that. He completely balked at the idea at first, but the better that he came to know Sharon; the better he understood why it would be important to her. He researched instead, and read a couple of books that he never mentioned to her. Rusty thought that he had a basic idea of it all now, and had appreciated that Sharon never forced the issue.

He went with her to mass at Christmas and Easter, and could remember how brightly she lit up the first time that he offered. It was important to her. It helped him to understand how she could be so wrapped up in good and bad, in right and wrong. She saw all of the gray in between, but did not ignore it. She simply steered her way through and around it whenever possible. When she couldn't, she asked for help from something greater than herself.

Rusty didn't know that he could live his life waiting for divine intervention. Sharon explained once that it was not intervention that she prayed for. It was guidance and wisdom. She would find her own way, once that way was clear to her. Rusty walked back toward the sliding, glass door of the small ICU cubicle. There was another plastic chair positioned nearby. He sat on it and leaned forward. His arms rested against his knees. Rusty continued to watch, and hoped that she would get what she asked for this time.

The glass door beside him inched open and Rusty looked up. Ricky was there. He glanced toward their mother. She was unmoving, and if she had heard it, she gave no indication. Rusty stood up and slipped out of the room. They closed the door quietly and he stood in the hall beside his brother, while they both watched.

"I finally spoke to Emily," Ricky told him. "Now if she doesn't end up running her mouth off to dad, we're in good shape." He pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. They spoke in hushed tones. "I talked to Gram too. She told me what prayers to say, which Saints to ask for help." He made a face, but he would do it. His grandparents couldn't fully accept his mother's relationship. They didn't condemn it, they wanted her to be happy, but it was outside of everything they knew and had always believed in. It just wasn't talked about. It was going to make the family holidays really interesting, he thought. They were supposed to spend Thanksgiving with his grandparents, and he couldn't imagine his mother leaving Andy behind, especially now. It would be the first meeting. Ricky really hoped that they got through this and it happened.

"That's good." Rusty didn't know what else to say. He was really hoping that Jack wouldn't show up and give them something else to worry about. That was the last thing that Sharon currently needed. "She's going to be like this for a while," he said. "You don't have to stay."

Ricky squinted down at him. "I'm good." His brow arched. "She won't leave for a while. It's going to be hard to get her to go, but we should try later. When we do, one of us should stay here. Which one do you want, mom or Andy?" They would have to divide and conquer, so to speak.

Rusty thought about it. He stared at Sharon's bent head. She hadn't even moved. "I'll stay with Andy," he decided. He recalled the previous winter. She had done a lot of this then too. He could remember feeling incredibly out of place. He thought that Ricky might be in a better position to help her. He would know what she needed.

"Yeah, I thought so." It wasn't a criticism, but the best logical conclusion. Ricky was glad of that. He wouldn't mind staying, but he would feel better keeping an eye on his mother. He was worried about her and everything that she had been through recently. How much was too much? "She really loves him."

He didn't understand it at first, but that was something of an understatement. Rusty didn't know that relationships could be like that. He expected it to be different. Experience was not kind for him. He was learning differently now, however. Rusty wondered if he had really been difficult, would she have given this up? Would that even be possible? He didn't like to think about that. Sharon never really gave him a choice in the matter. She told him it was happening and that was it. "He loves her," Rusty replied. He witnessed that for himself.

"You have no idea," Ricky muttered. He glanced at his brother again and shook his head. "It was pretty obvious for a while that he was kind of gone for her."

" _You_ have no idea." Rusty rolled his eyes. "Try living in the middle of all of this. You and Emily have it easy. You don't have to see it."

Ricky fought the urge to smile. His little brother had no idea the things that he had seen. "Well, let's hope that we'll be seeing a lot more of it. Especially if they get the house."

"Maybe." Rusty didn't know if there would be a house now, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. The condo was feeling pretty crowded, but suddenly moving was the last thing on his mind. "What happened when Jack left?" He asked suddenly. Rusty had only witnessed the aftermath, the distance and the awkwardness. He looked up at his brother, worry in his gaze. "They were already, you know, when I met them. What is she like when it's, like, over?"

He shook his head. "Rusty," he said quietly, "if Andy dies, that won't be like my dad walking out. It's different. One of them chose to leave, the other one didn't." Ricky drew his hands out of his pockets and folded his arms across his chest. "Mom survives. It's what she does. When dad left the first time she changed jobs. She got out off the street and took the job in IA because it had better hours and she could be with us more. She still went to work, we still went to school; I had baseball and Emily had dance class, and mom had PTA. When dad left the second time, he cleaned us out. He couldn't touch mom's trust fund, and I think he knew that. He took everything else. Mom paid the mortgage and she bought groceries, and she paid bills, and she did what she had to do until she rebuilt all of our accounts again. It was like dad was daring her to dip into that fund, and she did, but only as much as she had to. She used it to pay a lawyer to draw up the papers for a legal separation. She wasn't going to let him hurt us again." Ricky's head inclined. He was still watching his mother. She was no longer praying. She seemed to be speaking to Andy, but the words were lost on the other side of the glass. "Mom is big on us not knowing that he hurt her, but how do you hide that?" He sighed. "Every time that dad left, she was different. Not with us, not really. I don't know how to explain it; she was just _different_. Like she became a little harder. She was still _mom_ with us, she was still the one who played, and laughed, and told really goofy jokes. She couldn't put icing on a cake to save her life, and when we were sick she would make homemade mac and cheese. Dad came and went, and she always tried." He ground his teeth together. "Then she stopped trying. Rusty, they got back together for the last time a few years ago. It wasn't that long before you came in to our lives. Mom was really happy. When he left that time, she was just done. She wouldn't tell us what happened, but I could just tell. She was finished."

Rusty stared straight ahead without speaking. When he met Jack the first time, he didn't sense any of that about them. Their relationship seemed really weird to him, oddly broken considering that they were still married. He understood it better later, when Sharon decided to get the divorce. She seemed hurt by Jack trying to use him, more than that, she was disappointed. A disappointed Sharon was way harder to take than one that was just mad. Rusty would rather deal with a mad Sharon any day of the week. His gaze dropped slowly while he thought about all of it. He thought about how she dealt with Jack when he came to the condo drunk. He thought about any other instances that they had encountered him since the divorce. Sharon seemed so indifferent to him. It was the complete opposite of how she was with Andy.

Even when they fought, there was nothing about it that was fake or bland. Neither of them was resigned to the encounter. They were both into the argument, whatever it was about at the time, and although Rusty had only witnessed the one, and that one after Andy moved in, he could usually tell when they had argued. One or both of them was frustrated with the other. They always got over it, sometimes within a couple of hours, and sometimes it took a couple of days. He could always tell when it was over. They would usually go and do something together. They had a place, out at the beach. They always came back with sand on their shoes and their hair looking like they had been through a windstorm. Whatever they argued about would be over. They would move on. Rusty really didn't understand them sometimes, and he was starting to think that he never would. It was just pretty obvious that they were both better off when they were together.

"He doesn't leave," Rusty said quietly. "They get mad, they argue, but he always comes back. He won't go away. Believe me, I tried," he added the last a little sarcastically.

Ricky smiled. His mother mentioned the issues that she was having with her youngest assimilating to the idea of her in a romantic relationship. They had talked about it, at length, exploring how much of it was Rusty's issues with his past, and how much was typical _mom's got a boyfriend_ behavior. Ricky admitted that he wished he could be closer sometimes, be part of the _fun_ , but he usually followed it up by reminding her that she still owed him therapy for things he could never forget. "Because it's mom that he wants, not the idea of her."

"Yes," Rusty agreed. He tore his gaze away from the picture that they created and looked at his brother. "I'm going to go and get some coffee if you want to sit with her."

He thought about it. Ricky shook his head. "No, let's leave them alone for a little while. Mom will be okay." He clapped the younger man on the shoulder. "Come on, little brother. I think it's time to let you in on a little family secret. Even Emily doesn't know. I like to call it, _when Sharon met Andy_. They already knew each other, but I think _met_ is a much better verb than the one that I could use."

"Why do I have a feeling this isn't something that I actually want to hear." Rusty followed him, but with some amount of trepidation.

"Well, at least you didn't have to _see_ it," Ricky said jovially.

Rusty sighed. He really hated it when Ricky told those kinds of stories. He made a mental note to swing by and see Doctor Joe while they were at the hospital. Mostly to check on him, but also in case he actually _needed_ to see him.

Sharon had long since lapsed into silence and was just studying the man in front of her. She sensed the boys leave and glanced back for a moment to check. She had felt their eyes on her. Sharon smiled as her attention turned back to Andy. "Finally, my sitters have gone. I will never understand," she mused, "why both of my sons think that I need looking after."

She was leaning forward in her chair, a hand braced against the bedrail while her cheek rested atop it. She was gently stroking his arm with her other hand, lazily drawing patterns along the inside of his wrist. "I think you may be right about the patio," she said. He may not be able to hear her, or even to understand her, but it was important to her that he not feel alone. "I have been thinking about it. We should redo the landscaping between the house and the pool, make it a little more private." He was teasing her at the time, insinuating all of the fun that they could have.

The house they had chosen had a sloping yard, in two levels, thanks to the hills behind it. There was a porch that wrapped from front to side, and cement stairs that led onto it, with wide brick columns holding up the overhang. The rooms were open and airy, with wood flooring and wide, paned windows. She had fallen in love with the natural light that filled almost every room almost immediately. The back of the house opened onto a large, wooden deck. From the deck, there was a stone path that led around the side of the yard and down the gently sloping incline to the area that had been built up and leveled around a good-sized swimming pool.

Andy had suggested planting small trees and leafy bushes along the path and around the pool. It would give the appearance of privacy, but the area around the deck and the stone patio that the deck opened to would remain free of obstruction. She wasn't sold on the idea at first, but the more that she thought about it, the more that she liked it. She wanted to install lights too, among the greenery that he planned, and give them a place to enjoy their evenings and afternoons.

"I was thinking about the den too. I know that we said that we would use that as an office space," she told him, "but I was also thinking about how nice it would be to watch our games in that room on Sundays. I think you'll like it for baseball too." It would keep the large screen television of his that was in storage out of her family room. She was also considering a much smaller television for the kitchen, since that was where they would be eating breakfast in the mornings. They could have it for the news, and the family room could be exactly as she intended it.

Sharon had been thinking of all of these things since they made the offer on the house. She didn't know what their future would hold now, but she didn't want to abandon all of the dreams that they had together. What she had told Father Thomas was true; she would make sure that he had that house. They would have a home together that was theirs, whatever she had to do to make it happen. She told him once that she could be ready for this, but that she would want to move slowly. She asked him to make so many concessions and compromises. He did that for her. Now she would give him everything that she had.

She would stop holding back.

 **-TBC-**


	21. Chapter 21

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 21**

The sight that greeted Charlie when he returned to the hospital two days later was probably going to stay with him for a while. He checked on his dad a few times during the first night, and he visited the very next day. He had to cover his shift at the firehouse until a replacement could take over, so he wasn't able to join them immediately on the second full day that his dad was in CICU. The EMS flight crews that operated throughout Los Angles were part of the LAFD. Some of the hospitals had their own emergency flight services, but Charlie's contract was through the city. It was what he had chosen when he transitioned from paramedic to flight medic. He was used to working out of a firehouse, and he preferred it.

Nicole and Sharon promised to call him if something happened. He checked in with his sister right before lunch, and she told him that they had taken him off the vent. He was strong enough to be able to breathe on his own, and seemed to be doing okay. The biggest issue was the pain. Nicole was worried because his blood pressure and heart rate were elevated. Charlie tried to reassure her that he would be in pain, but that it would be okay. They could manage it.

Charlie wasn't so sure of that now.

He walked into the small ICU cubicle to a crowd that was made up of two nurses, his sister, and his father's girlfriend. Nicole was standing to one side, a hand covering her mouth while she watched as the others tried to restrain him. He was fighting them, obviously in a lot of pain. It was not unusual for cardiac patients to wake up disoriented, even hostile, as they dealt with the extreme pain that their bodies were in. Charlie would knew that they would be worried about him pulling stitches in his leg, where the vessels for his bypass were removed from, or tearing those that had closed up his chest wall. There was an even greater concern that he might dislodge the bones that were so carefully wired together following the surgery.

Charlie moved around the bed and edged in beside Sharon. He gently moved her aside and took his father's arm. "What happened?" He was already certain that he knew, but Sharon was looking particularly harassed at the moment. There were two nurses on the other side of the bed, one holding his injured leg and the second trying to inject something into his arm. Charlie reached across his father and laid his free hand on his other shoulder to help.

Sharon swept a lock of hair that had escaped from the clip she had pushed all of it in that morning back from her face. She rubbed her hands on the leg of her jeans and moved closer to the head of the bed. "He doesn't know where he is yet." She pushed Andy's hair off his forehead and turned his face toward her. "Andy." They were trying to get his attention, but he was just too agitated.

"He's in a lot of pain," Nicole complained. She stood at the foot of the bed, watching. The nurse injected something into his IV, a non-habit-forming analgesic since they weren't going to keep him sedated any longer. They had already given him something earlier, but it wasn't helping. His blood pressure hadn't gone back down, and now this. Sharon had already reminded her that they were limited on what they could give him. She cast a displeased look at the woman now. "I think we're at that point where we need to discuss it again."

"Your father's wishes are very clear." Sharon was beginning to feel like something of a broken record. They began bringing him out of the sedation the day before. His heart rate had been on a steady rise since. A line had formed between his brows. It was obvious that he was in pain as he came back to them. That morning had been an exceptionally difficult one as he began to move more, both fighting the intubation and the pain that he was feeling. Sharon hoped that he might settle more once the tube was gone from his throat. That hadn't happened. Nicole began expressing her concern late the evening before. It had only increased when his surgeon came by to check on him that morning, and explained again, the risks that this added stressor could place on his healing body.

"I think so too," Nicole stated. "Dad wants to be alive, Sharon. I think he would understand." She couldn't imagine the amount of pain that her father must be in and it was difficult to watch him suffering. She understood the risk, but they were talking about his life.

"We can talk about it later," Sharon said quietly, carefully. She glanced at the nurses before she focused on Nicole. She silenced her with that pointed look and turned her attention back to her lover. She was waiting for the medication that he was given to work, for him to settle again. She was hoping that it would have some kind of a positive effect.

She opened her mouth to argue but Charlie shook his head at her. "Nic, not right now, okay." He averted his gaze and watched the heart monitors. He knew the nurses were keeping an eye on them too. It took longer than it would have if they had given him morphine or another opiate, but slowly the numbers began to decline. The agitation was slower to recede, but with his heart rate coming down, and the medication slowly taking effect, he stopped fighting them so physically. The nurses checked his incisions, and satisfied that everything was still in place, they withdrew from the room.

While his children watched, Sharon was bent over the side of the bed, lips close to his ear as she spoke to him. His body remained tense, but he was coming out of the haze that he was in. He didn't awaken completely yet, but Charlie knew that it would be soon. He moved away and rounded the bed, to give Sharon more room on that side of the narrow cubicle. "There," he told his sister. "It's working."

Nicole shifted where she stood and frowned at him. "How can you just be okay with this? Look at him," she waved a hand at their father. "They cracked open his chest and we're basically giving him Tylenol."

They were giving him something a little stronger than that, along with the local they were using at the actual main incision site. Charlie shook his head at her. "Nicole, we knew this was going to happen. It's not going to last forever."

"No, not if his heart gives out," she drawled sarcastically. "I just do not understand why we are even having this conversation. Charlie, you know as well as the doctors that this isn't a good idea."

No, not exactly, he was only a medic, but he had a pretty strong understanding. Charlie scrubbed a hand over his face. "I know that if dad doesn't want the pain meds, Nicole, we can't give them to him. His power of attorney and medical directive are legal documents. Dad knew what he was doing. We just have to hang in and wait for the worst to pass."

"Not if Sharon agrees." Nicole cast an unhappy, pointed look at the woman. She had always been a fan of her father's relationship with the woman. She thought that they were so good together, that her father was so much better and so very much happier when he was with Sharon. That was why she couldn't understand why the woman who was supposed to love him so much could let him be in so much pain. "If Sharon agrees the doctor will order Morphine and dad will be a lot more comfortable."

Sharon stroked Andy's cheek with the back of her hand. She smoothed the line between his brows out with her thumb. Then she straightened. Her hand trailed across his shoulder and down his arm to take his hand. "Your father doesn't want morphine, Nicole. He doesn't want the opiates. He doesn't want any narcotics."

"Dad doesn't know what he wants because he's not conscious," Nicole shot back at her. "Obviously he never expected for _this_ ," she waved a hand at him, "to happen."

"Nicole…" Sharon took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She was feeling just as harried and terrible as the younger woman. "I do not want to see your father in pain anymore than you do, but he and I discussed this." They had talked about it, at length, when they decided to move forward together, to share their lives and their homes and make their relationship more permanent. Neither of them was getting any younger, and they didn't exactly have safe jobs. His injury the previous winter reminded them of that. "He was very clear about his opinion on the pain medication, among other things, and he trusted me to honor those wishes, Nicole."

"Dad chose you." Nicole shifted where she stood. Her eyes flashed. "Because you're living together. Is that what you mean? Dad is allowing you to make these decisions, because he lives with you, but that's all. You're not married. You aren't going to get married." She gestured with her hands as she spoke. "So the situation that we have here is one where my dad is trying to convince himself that what you have is real, so he's letting his live-in girlfriend make decisions that a wife would make. Which would make sense if he didn't have anyone else, but his family is here now."

"Nicole." Charlie was staring at his sister. That was more inline with something that he might say. The truth was, his sister had inherited their father's temper. When she was riled, it was like the filter between her brain and her mouth stopped working. He knew she would regret saying those things later, because he knew that she really liked Sharon, but at the moment she was all raw emotion.

"No, Charlie," Sharon said quietly. "It's okay. Your sister is certainly entitled to her feelings about this situation." It was a blow, she wouldn't deny that. "You are absolutely correct, Nicole. I am not his wife. Your father and I are not married, and I don't know if that will ever change…" She was having a lot of thoughts about it now that she never allowed herself to entertain before. Sharon didn't know what that meant, but now was not the time to examine them. It would have to keep until Andy was much stronger, healthy and whole again, and she was not reacting to her fear. "The thing that you have to remember is that your father and I have shared a lot, and we are very important to one another, and he might have had those conversations with you or your brother if he thought that you wanted to hear them."

"Excuse me?" Nicole's cheeks colored. She looked at her brother. Her indignation was clear, but he waved her off. He wanted to hear what Sharon had to say, and he couldn't really say that she was wrong. He and his dad weren't exactly very close.

Sharon lifted Andy's hand and held it against her stomach in both of hers. Her fingers stroked the cool skin. "When it comes to your father's addiction you and Charlie are both still very raw. The trust hasn't been easily won. He has kept you away from the hardest parts of his recovery by design; because it is hard, and he can go to a dark place, and he felt as though he had hurt you with it enough. I am sorry if you do not agree with the decisions that I am making on your father's behalf, but they are not _my_ decisions," she stressed. "These are your father's choices. I am simply the messenger until he can speak for himself again." She risked at glance at Charlie, and the young man still looked sympathetic and concerned. "I don't want to see him in pain either," she said, voice softening considerably. "Nicole, don't you think that I am tempted? Don't you think that I know how strong your father is? Don't you think that I trust his doctors to know what is right for him? I don't want this for him," she said thickly, "but I am not going to take away who he is because it's hard for _me_. I am not going to risk throwing away twenty years of sobriety that he has fought, clawed, kicked, and scraped for because I am frightened. I can't do that, _because_ I love him, and because I know him. When there is no other choice, when they tell me that there is absolutely nothing else that we can do to help him, then we will talk about it. Until then I can only hold on and hope that we can get through this."

"That's what all of us can do." Charlie spoke quietly. He took a step toward his sister and shrugged. "I'm sorry, Nic. Dad chose Sharon. He knows what he wants, and you know, I get what the doctors are saying, but I don't want to risk it yet. It's not great right now. Dad is in a lot of pain, but he's not in any danger yet. I think we can ride this out for a while. If that changes," he looked between the two women, "then Sharon is right. We will talk about it then."

Nicole shook her head at them. "I really wish that I was as confident as the both of you." She picked up her purse and her jacket. "I need to go and check on my boys."

"Nicole." Sharon sighed as the young woman left. She bowed her head and closed her eyes. Handling this situation at odds with either of Andy's children was not what she wanted. She had his medical power of attorney, and his directive was clear. She had his trust, and she respected his choices. Sharon turned back to him, his hand still clasped against her body. Her gaze found Charlie and she offered a sad smile. "I am sorry."

"Don't be." Charlie shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "Nic is just…" He shrugged at her. "She's like dad. She's just upset right now and not really thinking." He offered her a crooked grin. "I guess you know how that is?"

"Oh yes." Sharon smiled while her gaze dropped to the man in question. The agitation was still etched on his face. The lines around his eyes were more prominent, as was the frown line between his brows. Sharon passed her hand over his hair again. "I am very familiar, actually."

Charlie watched the way that she gazed at his father and felt a little uncomfortable. He let his gaze drop to the floor and rocked forward onto the balls of his feet. "Sharon, I know that you know dad pretty well, and I get that you two are together and everything, but he's our dad," Charlie tried to explain. "We want to help him too. I think we're okay with waiting for right now. I don't want to go against what dad wanted, and deep down, Nic doesn't either, but what dad wants may not be what's best for him."

"I understand that, Charlie." Sharon rubbed her hand up and down Andy's arm in a slow, soothing caress. "I have thought of that, which is why I am waiting until his doctors tell me that we are up against the wall. The last thing that I want to do is allow Andy's condition to worsen, but I need to respect his wishes too."

"I know." Charlie nodded. He rubbed his brow again. It felt weird being the rational one. "I'm usually the guy in the room that's pitching the fit. Nicole is always the calm one between us." He dropped his hand with a sigh. "I should really go and check on her. She's not going to go far."

"She's probably just in the lobby." Sharon gently placed Andy's hand back on the mattress beside his body. "I will go," she decided. "By now, she's either worked herself into a fit or it's starting to fade." Her hair was falling out of the clip that it was twisted back in. Sharon tucked another loose lock behind her ear. "Stay and visit with your dad. I think it will do you both some good," she told him.

"Are you sure?" He looked skeptical. It wasn't that he didn't want to see his dad, but he knew his sister. If she was still mad, then she wasn't going to be willing to listen, and would just try to argue some more. She really was the most like their dad of the two of them, at least when it came to his temper. Charlie had gotten all of his stubbornness, even if he had his mother's temperament.

"I am." Sharon smiled gently at him. "It isn't me that Nicole is angry with," she told him. "It is the situation. If it will make her feel better to take it out on me, then we can do that." Sharon shrugged. "I can take it."

"You shouldn't have to," Charlie explained. "Our issues with dad or what's happening right now aren't your fault."

"No," she agreed, "they are not. But your father is very important to me," she reminded him, "and that means that you are very important to me, Charlie." She pushed the sliding glass door open. "Don't worry, Charlie. I've had almost thirty years to learn how to wrangle a Flynn in a full fit of temper, and Nicole is still young yet." She offered a much brighter smile as she left the room, but it didn't quite meet her eyes.

Charlie shook his head as she left. He turned back to the bed and gazed at his dad. "You got a good one this time," he said. "Try not to screw it up, okay? So, you know, cooperate with us a little bit. Try to relax some and not scare the crap out of anyone else. That would be great." There was no answer forthcoming; Charlie knew that there wouldn't be. He pulled one of the plastic chairs over and took a seat in it. "So, ready for the funny part? Mom told _me_ to behave. I told you that Nic was totally the favorite…"

She found her seated in the lobby of the hospital, tucked away in the corner near a wall fountain. Sharon had almost missed her; she was partially hidden behind a pair of large, leafy decorative plants. Nicole was no longer on her phone, but she still held it in her hand, and appeared to be staring into space. Sharon approached her carefully. She wasn't exaggerating with Charlie; she was well versed on quite a few _Flynn Moods_.

"Nicole." She spoke quietly when she neared her. The younger woman looked up and Sharon watched as her features changed, hardened a bit. The irritation in her gaze, and the way her brows drew together in a frown, that was an expression that Sharon knew quite well. Nicole had inherited most of her physical appearance from her mother. She same willowy form, but the eyes were definitely her father's. Sharon offered a gentle smile as she sat down beside her. "I know how difficult this is," she said softly.

"That's not your father lying there," Nicole stated, tone still clipped. She turned her phone over in her hand and allowed her jaw to clench. "It's just your roommate."

The remark struck home. Sharon drew herself up a bit straighter in her chair. "That's not fair," she said. "Nicole, you know that your father means a great deal to me."

"Do I?" Nicole cast a hard look at her. "What do I really know about your relationship, Sharon, except that my father lied about it for most of the time that you were together. I know that you began dating, or at least appeared to begin dating at some point, and I know that he has been jumping through hoops for you for God knows how long, and now you're the one calling all of the shots here. So what exactly is my dad to you, Sharon, besides your favorite plaything?"

"That was entirely uncalled for," Sharon replied, a quiver in her voice, "and I think that you know that." She wasn't expecting quite that level of animosity. She clasped her hands together and placed them in her lap. Sharon looked away from her to stare at the textured, tiled hospital floor in front of them. "When Andy and I made the decision to share our lives, we discussed certain matters, specifically as they pertained to our health and we made decisions that would allow each other to share that responsibility with our families. I am doing the very best that I can, Nicole."

"Then why are you allowing him to suffer?" Nicole stood up and wrapped her arms around herself. "Why are you letting him go through this when it would be so easy just to stop it so that he can get better? If you really care about my dad, then you want him to come back to us."

"Of course I do," she whispered. Sharon looked up at her. She blinked rapidly when moisture filled her eyes. She shook her head and tried to breathe past the sudden, incredibly painful lump in her throat. "I want him back more than you know. Your father isn't just someone that I've decided to allow to inhabit my life, Nicole. I have chosen to have a life with him. We want a home, and we want a future that is going to include all of you kids, and I want him beside me. Just as you would want Dean beside you, if our positions were reversed. I am so unbelievably in love with that man that I cannot even imagine a life without him. The idea of living without Andy is completely inconceivable to me now. I am terrified that we are going to lose him, and of course I do not want to see him suffering, but what you have to understand Nicole, is that as much as I love your father, I respect him too." She looked down and a single tear slipped down her cheek. Sharon wiped it away.

Nicole felt some of her temper fade. She walked over and reclaimed her seat. "I hate seeing him like this," she said, voice still tight, but without the hostility that it held before. "I just feel so useless, like there should be more that I should be doing to help him." She pushed her hair behind her ears before looking at the woman beside her. "I wasn't here when he had his surgery last year. I know that we let you carry that burden, and I feel terrible for that. Charlie and I are here this time. You don't have to be the one."

"Yes, I do." Sharon smiled sadly at her. "Nicole, I know that you don't understand, but not being married to your father doesn't lessen what he means to me. It doesn't lessen how we feel about each other, or the life that we want to have. He is still my partner." She shrugged delicately. "A piece of paper does not define for me that he is family." She watched the girl closely, watched her look away. "I think that it wouldn't change how you feel right now. If your father and I were married, I would just be the new wife; you would still feel like I was making the wrong choice. I know that it's hard, but this is what your father wanted. You need to trust him, even if you can't trust me right now."

"When he wakes up," Nicole asked cautiously, "if he asks for the pain medication, what will you do then?"

There was a wariness in her stare that made Sharon sigh. "We will face it. If he makes that decision then we will do what we have to do. It will be his decision." Sharon's head inclined. "Nicole, I am not going to leave him. This isn't about denying him something that I think he should not have. That is not why I am upholding his wishes. If he chooses to have the pain medication, then we will work with his doctors to make sure that it is managed carefully and well within his program. Nicole, he is aware that these options exist." She smiled sympathetically. "We discussed it with his doctor last November. He chose against it. He may change his mind. This is a new level of pain, and even with everything that he has already been through, I agree that this is different and it is far more serious."

"Just like that?" Nicole felt a little incredulous. "You would stay. Even if, somehow, this changed him? Didn't you leave your husband because he was an alcoholic?"

"One that didn't want to change." Sharon said quietly. "It was a completely different set of circumstances, Nicole. I am not leaving Andy. I am here. I am in this. You are stuck with me, and I am afraid, so is he." Even if she had never allowed them to approach the topic of marriage, she had pledged herself to him. They were going to build a life together, and she would not walk away so easily.

She nodded slowly. Nicole felt a little better knowing that. Sometimes she felt that, even when she thought she knew the woman that her father had chosen to love, she was still a stranger to all of them. "Okay," she said finally. "We will try it your way," she decided, "at least until it stops working or dad decides otherwise."

"Okay," Sharon echoed with a nod. She touched Nicole's arm, but only briefly. "Why don't you go back in and sit with him. Charlie is with Andy right now. I can wait so that you can both be with him."

"No," Nicole decided. "That's okay. I should really go home. I will come back for a little while this evening. I should take care of a few things, and the boys have ballet tonight." Dean could take them, and was probably planning on doing just that, but she never missed a class. It was important to her to be part of everything.

"I will call you if anything changes," Sharon promised her. "When we have Andy moved to a room, you should bring the boys to see him. I'm sure that he would love it." Andy was so attached to those boys, more than he thought he would be when his daughter married Dean.

"I'll think about it." Nicole stood up. She questioned bringing them in to the hospital, but she understood that it could be good for the boys as well as her dad. "If Charlie gets on your nerves, just call mom. He can be a handful."

"No more than your father can be, I'm certain." Sharon fought the urge to laugh. She found it incredibly amusing that his children thought she would be so incapable of handling one of them, given how long that she had known Andy. Sharon stood up with her. There was more that she could say, but she chose to save it. She could recognize, like Andy, that Nicole was removing herself from the situation so that she could settle and think. Sharon would allow her to do that. "I will see you later," she said instead, and walked back toward the elevator banks that would take her to the fourth floor where the CICU was housed.

Nicole watched her go with a sigh. She knew that her father was in love with Sharon, and she felt better about how the woman saw that relationship working out, but she was still worried about him. She wanted to trust her, and it wasn't that she mistrusted her in any way. Nicole wanted him to recover. She would wait, as she had said, but she really hoped that they weren't all doing the wrong thing.

 **-TBC-**


	22. Chapter 22

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 22**

"Sharon."

Rusty tried calling her name from the door. His mother didn't move. He moved further into the room and called her name a second time. When she only hummed quietly and without waking, Rusty walked over and gave her shoulder a gentle shake. "Mom." They had convinced her to come home and sleep. He and Ricky were taking turns on _mom duty_. It was his turn to stay with Sharon while Ricky was at the hospital keeping an eye on Andy. It was the only way that Sharon would leave, if someone was with him. They couldn't stay in the CICU with him, but she felt better knowing that someone was nearby.

"Hm." Sharon woke slowly. Her body ached and her mind was cloudy. Sharon rolled on to her back and blinked weary eyes open. She looked up at Rusty, barely able to make out his form in the light that was shining into her room from the hall. "What time is it?" She asked, voice thick and slurring with fatigue.

"Almost two." Rusty held his phone out. "It's Ricky, you weren't answering your cell." She was so out of it and obviously exhausted after three days of watching over Andy at the hospital, that he wasn't surprised she slept through the call.

Sharon sat up as she accepted it, immediately alarmed. Ricky would not have called Rusty unless there was a problem. "What happened?" She was more alert, but her voice still husked slightly.

"Mom." Ricky spoke calmly, despite his worry. "They can't get his heart rate down. He woke up in pain a little while after you left. The meds they were using aren't helping anymore. They tried to sedate him again, but his pressure went way too low. They had to give him something to counteract it, and now it's way too high and he's still in a lot of pain. The doctor ordered morphine but they need permission to administer it. "

She swept the blankets back while he was speaking. Sharon was already searching for a pair of jeans to put on. "Where are you right now?" From the corner of her eye, she saw Rusty turn around so that she could change. He was hovering nervously nearby.

"I'm at the nurses's station in the cardiac unit," Ricky replied. "Mom, I think that you're going to have to do it. I know that you don't want to, but it's time."

"Put me on speaker." Sharon quite agreed. They had reached that place where she had promised Andy's children that they would speak about it, but there was no time for that. She wasn't going to risk his life. Sharon waited for the sounds in the background of the call to change. She pulled a sweater out of a drawer and held it when she heard the phone click over to speaker. "Give him the morphine," She said. "Ricky, I will be there in a few minutes."

"We will update his chart," The nurse replied. She moved off with her tablet to get the meds and administer them.

"Mom, you don't have to come down here." Ricky lifted the phone to his ear again. "He will be okay once they give him the meds." She needed to sleep. The last thing that she needed to do was spend the night at the hospital worrying about Andy and whether or not she was making the right decision for him.

"It isn't a discussion," she said. "I will be there as soon as I can. If anything else happens," Sharon reached for her cell, which was beside the bed. It was dead. She had forgotten to plug it in. She mentally cursed at her carelessness, but she had practically fallen asleep the moment that she laid down. "Call your brother's phone," she continued. "Mine isn't charged."

"I will." Ricky sighed. "I'm really sorry, mom."

"So am I." Sharon hung up and looked around the room. She held the cell phone out to Rusty. "I will be right out," she told him. She walked into the bathroom to splash water on her face and change into the sweater.

After pulling her t-shirt off, she washed her face and brushed out her hair. Her back and shoulders ached as she put on a bra. Her mind was reeling with the choices that she had been asked to make. Responsibility was not something that she had ever shied from, especially the responsibility for those that she loved. Sharon leaned against the vanity; her shoulders hunched while she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes caught the shine of the chain that was around her neck as it glinted in the overhead lights. Her gaze was drawn to it, and the object that was hanging from it. Sharon's eyes closed as she reached up and clasped Andy's ring in her hand. "Please forgive me," she whispered.

Sharon lifted it to her lips and stood, for just a moment, with her head bowed while she said a silent prayer. She took only those few seconds to herself before she finished dressing. She twisted her hair into a clip and secured it as she left the bathroom. Rusty was still waiting for her. "Let's go." There would be no asking him to stay behind, and even had she wanted to, she left her car at the hospital with Ricky.

They drove to the hospital in silence. Sharon's phone was plugged in to the charger in Rusty's car. They made it almost to the hospital before the completely drained device finally came on. Rusty watched Sharon sigh at the number of missed calls that there were from Ricky and the hospital. He wanted to tell her that it was okay. His brother had called him almost immediately, but he knew that Sharon didn't exactly _feel_ okay. Rusty was worried about her. She wasn't sleeping much, and she only ate if he or Ricky brought her food. She was fielding phone calls and keeping everyone updated. He knew that something happened with Nicole and Charlie, but she didn't want to talk about it.

She was functioning, but it was like watching her go through the motions of her day. There was only one thing that she was focused on, just one thing that she was thinking about. She was like this once before too, and Rusty realized now, just how selfish he was that he took it for granted that she was so focused on him and his safety a few years ago. He supposed that he didn't realize just how important Andy was to his mother, he was too busy ignoring it and complaining about how gross it was to watch them dating. He was too busy worrying about himself. Now Rusty was worried about her.

"So what does this mean exactly?" Rusty finally asked. "I mean, you said that you wouldn't go with the pain meds unless it was necessary, and I guess it was. But what happens now? Is it going to be a problem?"

Her elbow was resting against the car door with her head propped in it. Sharon straightened and looked at her son. "No," she said quietly, "I don't think so. That will be entirely up to Andy and his doctors, but I think that it will ultimately be okay." She could tell that Rusty was still confused. Sharon sighed. The only experience that he had with addiction and recovery came from his birth mother, and those experiences weren't exactly great or confidence building. "We talked it over with his doctors last November. Andy has always chosen to avoid narcotic or opiate pain management as part of his recovery program. They take it on a case-by-case situation, depending upon his condition at the time. What you have to understand is that most doctors argue against this particular route for addicts where serious pain is considered. It can actually be more detrimental to their recovery than helpful."

Rusty frowned at her. His gaze moved back to the road in front of them when the light changed. "I don't understand," he told her. "I thought, you know, if you're an addict that you shouldn't have drugs and that's it. How can a doctor think that it's okay to give someone that is in AA or NA the drugs that they're supposed to be staying away from?"

"That is a common misconception," she explained. "Certainly we don't want an addict trying to get prescriptions off the street, that is what makes them an addict. Pain management with a professional is a different situation entirely. Dr. Liu explained it prior to Andy's surgery last year. She was concerned about postoperative pain, and she wanted to make sure that we both understood that there was no reason to exclude pain management from his post-op recovery. Most doctors," Sharon said, "will tell you that when an addict forgoes pain medication that it can actually send them into a drug seeking situation; if the pain becomes more than they can handle then they may relapse into addictive behavior, using alcohol or narcotics to numb the pain. Once that begins, those behaviors are difficult to stop again, and it is usually much worse with patients who have been in recovery the longest."

"Like Andy." Rusty felt his stomach drop as dread filled him.

"Not necessarily." Sharon smiled tiredly at him. "The difference is that this medication is prescribed and administered by medical personnel. Doctors would prefer to prescribe and closely monitor the opiates, to stop the pain, and then move the patient to lesser forms of pain medication as needed when the pain becomes less severe. The problem that we have is that Andy is so stubborn he won't listen." Sharon swept a hand over her hair with a sigh. "He digs his heels in about certain things and that is it."

Rusty snorted a laugh. He was not expecting that. " _Andy_ is stubborn?" He flashed a knowing look at his mother before his eyes went back to the road. "Mom, I don't think that he is alone on that island. Okay, so what you are saying," he continued, before she could properly form a response, "is that the doctor wants him to have the pain meds, and you want him to have the pain meds, and now Andy has them and we shouldn't worry?"

"I wouldn't say that exactly," she said. Sharon's gaze moved back to the passenger side window. "There is still a great deal of reason for concern. It is a risk, Rusty, but one that we cannot avoid. Andy didn't want this." She felt terrible for going against his wishes, even if she thought that he was mistaken this time. She just hoped that he would not become so lost in the fact of it that it created other issues. Andy knew himself best, knew what he needed. She hoped that they weren't opening a door that he believed to be firmly closed. She wanted to be strong for him, but they had reached a point where she felt that the best thing that she could do for Andy was to allow his doctors to take over his care, _all_ of it.

She grew silent and Rusty let her. He focused his attention on driving while he thought about what she said. It was a pretty terrible situation. Rusty sighed as he pulled in to the parking lot at the hospital. The garage was closed this time of night, so they parked outside the emergency room. He followed his mother inside and they made their way up to the fourth floor. Ricky was waiting for them in the waiting room outside CICU. Rusty hung back, hands in his pockets, while his mother hurried into the room.

"I am so sorry." Sharon hugged her son. She felt badly for leaving him to handle the situation. Sharon cupped his face for a moment, but Ricky was just looking back at her with sympathy and concern. Her hands fell to his shoulders before sliding down his arms. "How is he now?"

"His heart rate is down," Ricky explained. "Mom, it's okay. I don't mind helping out. It was important for you to get some rest too." She looked so pale and tired. There were dark smudges beneath her eyes. She wasn't wearing makeup, and that only added to her drawn appearance. "They've got him settled. The meds helped," he told her.

"That's good." Sharon nodded. They would have to deal with the fallout later, if there was any. Now that it was done, all they could do was just move forward. "I am going to go in and check on him. Ricky, you should go home."

"In a little while." He wouldn't argue with her, he knew better. Ricky would just hang out in the waiting room and keep an eye on things for a while. He could nap there if he needed to. He would much rather stay close.

Sharon turned to Rusty, intent on sending him home if Ricky insisted on staying, and saw that he had already gotten comfortable in one of the more plush chairs in the waiting room. She sighed at both boys. "Oh alright," she didn't have the energy to argue with either of them. "I will see you both in a little while." She shook her head as she left them. She supposed that it was her lot in life to be surrounded by stubborn men.

It was well after when visiting hours had ended, but given that his condition had changed during the night, and they had called her, Sharon was allowed in to see Andy. He was resting far more comfortably than he had previously. She took his hand as she bent over the side of the bed. Her lips were soft against his forehead. The backs of her fingers caressed his cheek and she allowed a small smile as she lowered herself into the chair beside his bed. "We will shave you tomorrow," she promised. He had three days worth of stubble shadowing his jaw and chin. It was growing in mixed heavily with gray and tickled her fingers as they caressed his skin. "Rest for now," she whispered "and come back to me."

Sharon got as comfortable as she could in the small plastic chair. She leaned against the side of his bed and propped her head in her hand. She was so very tired, but she watched him, and she watched his vitals, and she waited. That was all that she seemed to have for now, the waiting.

Ricky decided to check on them just after sunrise. He had gone for a walk to work out the stiffness in his legs and back, and picked up coffee for everyone. Rusty was asleep in the waiting room and he left him there, with a bag of pastries and a tray of coffees while he peeked in on his mother and Andy.

He was quiet as he entered the room. He found his mother slumped against the side of the bed, sound asleep. Ricky couldn't understand how she could sleep like that, but he took it as a sign of just how exhausted she was. As he neared, he noticed with some surprise that his mother was the only one in the room that was asleep. Andy's eyes were open and his fingers were moving slowly through her hair. "Hey."

"Shh." Andy let his eyes close for a moment. "Don't wake her up." He didn't have to worry about speaking above a whisper. Just forming words was exhausting. He had awakened a little while ago, with every part of his body hurting, and wondering just where he was. The only thing that he noticed was Sharon asleep beside him, looking entirely too small and pale. He still didn't know where he was or how he got there, but he wasn't worried about it right now. There was a deep, throbbing pain in his chest when he moved, so he decided not to do too much of that.

Ricky moved close to the bed and stood on his other side. He studied his mother for a moment. He should wake her up before she ended up with a permanent ache in her neck. Ricky decided that he could give her just a few more minutes before he did that. His attention moved to Andy and he looked the man over. "You're looking better," he said quietly. When the older man cracked his eyes open and rolled them toward him, he smirked. "Okay, you're not. You still look like crap, but living crap. So that's a step up."

Andy grunted and it hurt. He closed his eyes again. He felt heavy. He also felt a little hung over. His head was swimming. It was all pretty alarming. "What happened?"

"Heart attack." Ricky nodded to his chest. "You fell out at the office and they brought you here. You needed bypass surgery. It's been a few days." He looked at his mother again. "A few really long days."

"That explains it." Andy tried to shift on the bed but winced. It told him why his chest felt so heavy and was throbbing so badly. He grimaced as the pain became worse. He lifted a hand and laid it against the bandage that stretched the length of his chest. It hurt even to breathe.

"I'm going to call the nurse." Ricky leaned over and pushed the button. "Before they get in here, you should know, we had to go with the morphine."

Andy shook his head. His teeth were clenched tightly. "I can't have the opiates." His legs moved as he became restless with the pain and he drew a breath. There was a throbbing in his left one.

"You can have them, you just don't want them." Ricky walked around the bed and laid a hand on his mother's shoulder. She was already moving with the shifting energy and noise in the room. "Mom."

Her eyes fluttered open. Sharon looked up at him, but her attention was drawn to the movement on the bed. She moved quickly as she rose and leaned over the bed. "Andy." She cupped his face and drew his gaze to her. His eyes were open, and although they were dark and glazed with pain, he was seeing her this time. "Hi." She took only a moment to smile down at him before she cast a look over her shoulder. "Did you call the nurse?"

"Yeah." Ricky moved out of the way as the glass door slid open. "That would be them." He took up a position at the foot of the bed. "He's awake, and he's in pain again."

"Andy." Sharon had drawn his attention back to her. She continued to hold his face cradled in her hands. "What you are feeling right now is only going to get worse. Your body needs to heal and it can't do that if you are in this much pain."

He was grinding his teeth together. Every breath, every movement, it felt as though he was being stabbed. Most disturbing was the feel of his heart beating in his chest. Andy felt as though he could actually hear it. He could feel the bones of his sternum grinding together. He could feel them shift when he moved. He thought that being stabbed was terrible, but he got through it. Then he had the busted ribs, and that was pretty bad, but he got through that too. This was worse than almost anything else that he could remember ever feeling. His hand circled one of Sharon's small, delicate wrists as he looked up at her. She was staring back at him, her gaze steady but filled with worry. "Yeah okay," he ground out.

Sharon looked at the nurse and nodded. "Do it." Her fingers stroked his cheeks. She leaned down and kissed the corner of his mouth. "It will be okay," she whispered. He was alive, and he was awake. She was more thankful for that than she had words to express.

"Doesn't feel okay," he managed grunt. Andy kept his eyes pressed tightly closed. He could feel the nurse moving beside him. She took his arm and he let her. His eyes opened and he focused on Sharon. The morphine burned as it was injected into his IV. He concentrated on her. There were tears in her eyes. Andy couldn't remember anything that Ricky described. His last visit to the office was pretty hazy after they closed their case. He thought that he could remember Sharon, looking at him as she was now, but with far more fear in her eyes. Andy felt the morphine take effect, and for just a moment he was terrified of it. He felt panic rise as he waited for it to feel euphoric, for him to get lost in the sensation and the feel of floating on that opiate tide. As his heart rate increased, so too did his pain. He concentrated on breathing until the worst of the pain began to fade into a dull throbbing. He realized that the panic must have shown on his face, because Sharon was talking to him again, he just couldn't focus on her words. His eyes closed again and he lay there, trying not to think about the loud beating of his heart.

The morphine took him back under. Sharon remained where she was as his body slowly relaxed. As he slipped deeper, falling into an exhausted rest, she continued to speak quietly. It was not until the deep lines across his brow and around his eyes lessened that she straightened. She pulled her hands away from him, but kept one of them wrapped around his arm. "He's out," she whispered.

"He will be for a little while." The nurse finished recording his vitals and did a wound check while she was in the room. She would take advantage of his current state and change the bandages once she got the family to leave for a few minutes. "He's doing a lot better," she assured them. "Why don't you go get something to eat, and let us get a few things taken care of?"

Sharon really didn't want to leave him, but she had become accustomed to the nursing staff asking her to step out a few times during the day. "I could use a cup of coffee," she decided. Sharon looked at her son. "Maybe some fresh air. Is your brother still here?"

"He's in the waiting room," Ricky told her. "He was asleep, but I ran out a for few minutes before I came to check on you and got breakfast and coffee. We can go have it downstairs. It's a little warmer outside than it is in that waiting room." He didn't know why hospitals always had to be so cold.

"Let's go." Sharon took his arm as they left the room, but not without glancing back one more time. He had awakened, and she only wished that it had lasted a few moments longer. She sighed and leaned wearily in to her son's side as they walked. "How long was he awake?"

"Just a couple of minutes, I think." Ricky wasn't really sure. "I wasn't there for long before I woke you. He asked what happened. I told him, but I don't know if he will remember it. He wasn't lucid like this last night."

"No," Sharon said, "he hasn't been lucid any of the previous times that he's been awake either. He's getting stronger. That's good." Sharon rubbed her neck. It was aching from how she had been sitting. "I should call Charlie and Nicole and let them know."

"It can wait a little while." Ricky led her to the waiting room. "You need to rest a little bit too, mom. Andy is getting stronger, but you're not. Just take a few minutes and have some breakfast, then we will call them."

She supposed that it wouldn't hurt to wait just a little while longer. Andy would still be out if they rushed down to see him now. Sharon nodded tiredly. A smile curved her lips when they reached the waiting room and found Rusty still curled up on one of the cushioned benches next to the wall, using his hoody as a pillow. She walked over and gave his shoulder a gentle shake. "Rusty."

He came awake almost immediately. "Everything okay?"

"Yes." She smoothed his hair back before she took a step away from him. "The nurses just needed me to step out while they clean Andy's incisions and change his bandages." They would do a few other things too that she was sure that neither of her boys wanted to know about.

"He woke up for a couple of minutes," Ricky said, knowing that Rusty would want to know.

"Yeah?" He smiled. "That's good right?"

"It's very good." Sharon picked up the tray of coffees. "Your brother got breakfast. We thought that we would go downstairs and eat. Want to come?"

"Are you kidding me?" Rusty draped his hoody over his arm and reached for the bag of pastries. "I could definitely eat." He peeked into the bag and almost moaned. "There's bacon. Mom, can we keep him?"

"Hey." Ricky made a face at him. "I was here first."

"I'm pretty sure that just makes you older," Rusty explained. "I don't think that makes you special."

Sharon could only smile as they began to bicker. She shook her head at them and turned. She walked toward the elevators. They would either follow her or not. If they didn't, she would just keep their coffee for herself. She laughed when they rushed after her. Even as tired and worried as she was, it felt good to have them both with her. She knew that she would need to send Ricky home soon, he couldn't stay in LA indefinitely, but she appreciated that he had put so many things on hold to be with them now. When he stood next to her in the elevator, she curled her arm through the crook of his and leaned her head against his shoulder.

Ricky was studying the ceiling of the lift as they rode it down to the lobby. His brother was hoarding the breakfast that he had gotten them. "So, just how permanent are adoptions anyway?"

Sharon groaned. That was going to start an entirely new level of bickering. It always did. Her boys may not be exceptionally close, but when they were together, they acted as the brothers that she wanted them to become. That also meant that they drove her absolutely insane, even if they were only just trying to distract her at present. She rather adored them for that.

She was completely surrounded by stubborn men, one of which was sleeping upstairs. With the exception of the last few days, she wouldn't change any of it.

 **-TBC-**


	23. Chapter 23

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 23**

When Andy woke again he was in far less pain. He still felt incredibly heavy. He wasn't sure that the throbbing in his chest would ever go away, but it was no longer threatening to steal his breath. He didn't want to think about how cloudy his mind was, and chalked it up to the surgery and his current condition. He looked around the room that he was in, and he didn't know how much time had passed, but he was still in the ICU.

He found Sharon in a chair beside his bed. Andy realized that the tickle he felt on his arm was the light tracing of her fingers against his skin. Her focus was on the book in her other hand, and although she seemed no more rested than she had the last time that he was awake, she did not look quite as pale. Andy turned his arm over and caught her hand with his. He managed something of a tired smile when she looked up at him. "Hey."

Sharon closed her book and set it aside on the hospital tray that was pushed into a corner of the cubicle. She stood up and leaned over the side of the bed. "Hey." Her fingers stroked his cheek. He slept for most of the day, even while Nicole and Charlie visited earlier. It was now nearing late afternoon and she was glad to see him awake again. "How do you feel?"

"I would tell you," he muttered, "but you don't like it when I use that kind of language." Andy closed his eyes; he grimaced as he moved. He didn't know which hurt more, his back or his chest. "Hell."

"Easy." Sharon rested her hand at the top of his chest, above where his incision began. Her other combed his hair away from his forehead. "Don't try to move around too much. You are going to be in a lot of pain for several days."

"Yeah, I figured that part out." Andy huffed a sigh and it burned like hell. He decided to focus on Sharon instead. He looked up at her and found that she looked worse than he had ever seen her. "Hey gorgeous, wanna get in here and make it all better?"

"Hm." A smile curved her lips. He was as terrible as ever. She was going to take that as a good sign. Sharon's thumb stroked his cheek while her gaze dropped to his chest. "That may not be a very good idea."

Andy followed her gaze. He tucked his chin against his chest and looked down. The bandage that was covering his chest went all the way to his stomach. It hurt like hell too and he was really trying not to think about that. "Damn," he grumbled, "that's really going to ruin my week."

"Well," Sharon said, "it isn't doing a lot for mine either." Her fingers moved against his forehead. She leaned down to kiss him, but he turned his face to the side, drawing a frown. "What's wrong?"

"My mouth tastes like something died in it. Ricky said I've been out of it for a few days. When was that?" His nose wrinkled when she cupped his chin and kissed him anyway. "You must really love me."

"Hm." She shrugged and smiled again. "I think that you are okay." Sharon's eyes were sparkling at him. "That was this morning. You've been asleep all day. Which is good, your body needed to rest." She drew away from him, but only to step across the small cubicle. Sharon opened a drawer and came up with one of the oral swabs that the nursing staff had been using when they bathed him.

Andy stared at it when she handed it to him. He held it in front of his face and then he cast a bland look at her. "Really?" The corners of her mouth were twitching. She was making fun of him. He hated these damned things and she knew it. He had absolutely loathed using them when he had his neck surgery last November. "You can be really mean, you know that, don't you?"

"You're the one complaining," she reminded him. Sharon lowered the bed rail and sat on the edge of his mattress. She was careful not to disturb him too much. She took his hand in hers and held it against her stomach. "How bad is the pain, really?"

"It's not that bad right now." Andy lowered the swab. "I can barely notice it if I don't move, or talk, or breathe." He made a face at her. "I guess it's better than not being here." He moved his fingers against her stomach. "You look tired, sweetheart."

"I'm okay." She stroked his palm and his wrist. "It's you that I am worried about. You're right, it is better than the alternative." Sharon looked down and drew a thin, shuddering breath. It caught in her throat. Her chest ached. "We almost lost you," she whispered.

"I'm still here." The backs of his fingers stroked her stomach again. He hurt all over and he felt like ten kinds of hell, but he was still alive. "I told you that I wasn't going anywhere." Andy waited until he drew her gaze again and then he flashed a cocky grin, or some tired version of it. "One of these days you'll believe me."

Sharon gave him a watery chuckle. She reached up to sweep away the single tear that was sliding down her cheek. "I would believe you a lot better if you would stop trying to prove it." Her teeth scraped across her bottom lip and she looked down again for a moment. "Andy, you had to have been feeling badly for a while. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I really just thought that I was tired," he told her. "I didn't think it was this bad." He gave her hand a tug. "I promise, Sharon, I learned my lesson the last time. I wasn't hiding anything." Andy looked down at himself again and sighed. "How bad is it?"

"Double bypass." She stroked his forearm. "There was a third artery blocked, but they were able to repair that with a laser while you were in surgery. The others were simply too far gone. They took the vessels from your leg, so you have two incisions. It's going to be a slow recovery, but the important thing is that you _will_ recover. Additionally, I want you to stop denying your pain meds. Your heart has been through enough. It needs to heal, Andy. I need you to get better."

He would say that he couldn't argue with her, not when she was looking at him like that, but the truth was, this pain was different. It was deeper and more severe than anything that he ever felt before. Whatever dose they were giving him of the morphine wasn't numbing it, but it was making it bearable. Andy nodded. "Yeah, okay, we'll see how it goes." He would take it, but only as he needed it. On that he wouldn't be willing to budge.

"No, Andy. That isn't enough." Sharon let go of his hand and stood up. She braced her hand against the mattress beside his head and leaned over him. "This is no time for you to be stubborn. I understand your concerns, and I have respected your choices, because I _really love you_. The fact is, your body has been through too much this time. Your heart is damaged and you almost died. You had a heart attack and you almost _died_. You are going to listen to your doctors and you are going to do everything that you are told to do. You are going to follow their pain management regimen and you are going to get better. You are going to change your diet, if that is what they tell you to do, and you will take whatever pills that they give you to take, and you will exercise how they tell you to exercise. You will get healthy again and stop keeling over on me."

"You're really hot when you're bossy," he told her. That made her mad. Andy saw her eyes flash right before she tried to turn away from him. He caught her arm before she could. "Okay, alright," he told her. He tugged Sharon close again and offered her a tired smile. "I will do it. All of it. I'm in no hurry to leave you, you know." It had scared her, and that was the last thing that he wanted. "I will listen to the doctors, but Sharon, if I don't need it… I won't take the pain meds. On that, I'm not going to give in. I will do a lot for you, sweetheart, I will, but there are some things that I just won't give up, not even for you."

"I wouldn't ask you to." She cupped his cheek again. His whiskers were tickling her palm. They still hadn't shaved him and needed to. "Andy if you feel like you can handle the pain that you are in, truly handle it, then I trust your judgment on that." She leaned close to him. "I just need you back," she whispered. "So do the kids."

"I'm going to do my best." He reached up and cupped the back of her neck. His hand moved into her messy hair. "I'm sorry that I scared you."

"Don't be." She leaned down and kissed him, once and then a second time. Her lips curved against his. "So that's why you love me, hm? I'm hot when I'm bossy?"

"I'm taking it back," he decided. "It's going to your head." He kissed the tip of her nose before she leaned back. Andy closed his eyes. He was gripping the bed sheet on his other side. "Go ahead and call the nurse," he told her. "It's getting bad again."

Sharon reached past him and pressed the button. Then she laid her hand on his shoulder. "It won't be like this for much longer," she promised him. "It will get better very soon." It would probably take days before he was able to go more than a few minutes without needing some kind of relief, and it would get worse before it got better as they started him moving around and doing the physical therapy. Sharon didn't want to mention that at present. They would talk about it the next time that he was awake.

"Yeah." Andy gritted his teeth. "I'm going to hold you to that promise." He concentrated on breathing for a few minutes. He looked up at Sharon when the nurse came in. "This is probably going to put me out again. Go home and get some rest. I will be okay without you." He rubbed her hip with the back of his hand.

She was not prepared to leave him again, not after what had happened during the previous night. Sharon just smiled down at him. "I will think about it. We will see how you do for the rest of this afternoon. If you're still doing well tonight, then I will go." She could compromise with him. The corners of her mouth twitched toward a bright smile. "It's Rusty's turn to spend the night at the hospital. You will like that. It will be just like old times."

"Oh god, Sharon." Andy groaned. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I think I have enough sitters in the hospital. The kid doesn't have to do it. Let him get some sleep too." If there was one thing that he would never forget about his previous stay in a hospital and subsequent recovery, it was Rusty's brand of _Flynnsitting_. The kid wouldn't let him do a damned thing without reporting it to his mother, and he seemed to get a kick out of watching her react to whatever naughty thing that he seemed to have done.

"We will see." She leaned down and kissed him one final time. Sharon ran her hand over his hair and drew away. She reclaimed her chair beside his bed. "For right now, I want you to rest." The nurse checked his vitals while she was in the room. Sharon smiled as she withdrew. "The cute ones are only on during the night when you are asleep," she teased.

"Better reason for you to leave and take the kid with you." Andy smirked as he closed his eyes again. "The nurses always like me." When she poked his hip, he grinned widely. Already he could feel the morphine chasing away the worst of his pain. He really hated the heavy feeling that settled over him, and the way that his stomach seemed to drop. He gripped the sheet beneath him again, and took a few breaths to fight the urge to panic.

"Yes, I know that they do." Sharon opened her book and got comfortable again. She laid her hand on his arm and went back to idly stroking her fingers up and down the inside from elbow to wrist. "So do the physical therapists," she reminded him with a smile.

He cracked a single eye open and looked at her. "There is something very wrong with you," he decided. He settled back again with a sigh. "I fell in love with a crazy, mean, bossy woman," he muttered.

"Yes you did." She continued to smile as she found her place in the book and started reading. "Don't you forget it."

Andy took her hand and laced their fingers together. He rested them against his thigh and let his thumb stroke the side of her hand. "Not going to happen, sweetheart."

Sharon's attention was on her book, but it was not wholly focused on her reading. She knew when Andy fell asleep again. His breathing changed and his body relaxed. His grip on her hand loosened, but he did not let go of it completely. She glanced over at him once, his face had relaxed again; she drew a breath and let it out slowly. Sharon allowed her hand to remain in his and turned back to the book. If her vision blurred, even for a moment, she blinked back the cause and decided that it was relief.

He woke up twice more during the evening hours. On the second time, Andy had the nurse give him only half the previous dose of pain medication. He was hurting, but it wasn't as severe as the previous occasions. He decided that if they stayed ahead of the pain, it would not get that bad again. Sharon was not with him, and he decided that given the hour, she must have gone home. He was worried about the effects of the opiates, and the heavy, drugged feeling that he was beginning to feel.

When he woke the next morning, he found that he wasn't alone and he was in a lot more pain. Andy groaned. "She really is mad at me," he decided, "she sent you. I take it back, I want Rusty."

Provenza looked up from his crossword puzzle. "You're an idiot." He had been by several times during the previous few days. His partner hadn't been conscious when he visited the day before. Provenza had taken the morning shift hoping to catch him awake. He stood up and walked close to the bed. He rested his hand against the bed rail and studied the man laying before him. "Sharon went home last night. We talked her in to getting some rest." It had taken both of her sons, himself, and finally Patrice to convince her that Andy would be okay if she spent an entire evening and morning taking care of herself. She was just exhausted enough to finally give in, but only as long as they promised that they would call her if anything happened.

Andy shifted on the bed and grunted in pain. "Good," he said. "She needed it." He squinted at his partner, who was glaring at him. "What?" It was bad enough that he was hurting like hell, and not at all feeling any better than he had the day before, did he really have to put up with one of Provenza's moods?

"You must be the biggest moron that I have ever had the displeasure of having to put up with. Do you have any idea what you have put everyone through this time? What is wrong with you!" Provenza slapped his crossword against the bed rail.

"Yes," Andy drawled sarcastically, "because I planned on having a heart attack just to piss you off." He rolled his eyes. "It's not really the sort of thing that you can see coming." He shifted again, restless with the pain. Andy felt around on the bed until he found the call button. "Do you think that I'm having fun right now? I could be at home, waking up next to a beautiful woman, and not looking at your oh so wonderful mug."

"Don't be disgusting." Provenza shuddered. He didn't have to hear about it, even if it was well known what they were doing together. "We talked about this," he continued. "You were supposed to cut all of this nonsense out. Do you have any idea the hell that you have put everyone through these last few days?"

Andy squinted at Provenza again, and then he smirked. "You're just mad because you want to go first. You don't want to have to miss me." His grin only grew when his partner scoffed. "Also, I'm betting that you got stuck with all the after-action paperwork because Sharon has been here and not at work. What do you think is going to happen if she gets promoted?"

Provenza snorted at him. "Don't be stupid. I made Tao do it all." He was practicing his delegation skills already. "It's all about time management. That's the difference between us. She _likes_ paperwork." He shuddered again. "Odd woman. No, I take it back," he decided, "really crazy woman, she's with you." He pointed his crossword at Flynn. "I don't know why you think anyone would miss you, except maybe Sharon and the kids. You're an arrogant, sarcastic, pain in the ass. Now hurry up and get well. Tao is driving me crazy, Buzz is all mopey, and the new guy has issues."

"You miss me." Andy continued to grin at him. "It's okay to admit it. All you have to do is say _Flynn, I miss you_. See, it's simple. Even you can do it." He turned his attention on the nurse that came in to his room with his meds. "He misses me."

"Shut up." Provenza sat down again. "The only thing that I have _missed_ is having a dedicated desk monkey in the murder room. It's just convenient, that's all." He waved a hand at him and went back to his crossword. He decided that he would just ignore his partner's idiocy. "I can't wait to have you around doing all of our scut again so that we can concentrate on the real police work, instead of, you know, phone records and financials."

His smile immediately faded. Andy cast a glare at his partner. "You're not funny." He hated being on scut patrol, and he really hated being stuck with all of the financial records. His brows drew together. "She wouldn't really make me do that, would she?"

"She may not have a say in it." Provenza smirked. "I will definitely make you do it. What's a five-letter word for _screwed_? Oh, right. Flynn." He chuckled to himself as he wrote the correct word.

Andy let his head fall back against the bed with a sigh. "Great," he muttered. That was, of course, assuming that he would be able to go back. This was a lot worse than his accident the previous year. His brows drew together in a deep scowl. He might be forced into retirement this time. There was only so much that Sharon could do if a doctor wouldn't sign off on him going back, and even then, there was no guarantee that the department would let him come back. When it came to their jobs, there were some lines that she wouldn't, and couldn't, cross. He wouldn't ask her to. Andy closed his eyes as he felt the medication begin to work.

He didn't know what that would mean for him. He could collect his pension, but it wasn't a lot. He supposed he could get a job in the private sector, but he didn't know what kind of work was really available for a broken down old man like him. He felt his jaw clench. Suddenly, he had a whole new pile of worries on his plate. What would this mean for him and Sharon? She might not be going anywhere, but that condo wasn't getting any bigger. He had the money from the sale of his house, but the medical insurance was only going to cover so much, and he was still paying off the bills from his surgery last year, or at least those that the department hadn't covered, considering he was largely hurt on the job.

Andy's eyes opened and he stared at the ceiling above him. He was worried about her having to play the nursemaid again, but it was even worse than that. The last thing that either one of them needed was for her to be stuck taking care of another loser that was draining her financially.

Those thoughts were still on his mind as his eyes grew heavy and eventually closed again. Andy didn't know how they would figure this one out. This wasn't what she signed up for. He was supposed to take care of her, make her happy. He was never supposed to screw up her life.

 **-TBC-**


	24. Chapter 24

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 24**

There were fresh flowers in the room, and the curtains were parted to let in the natural, afternoon sunlight. Andy had been out of the CICU and in a room on the cardiac floor for a few days. It was going to be several more before they would let him go home, and he was counting them down. He was getting pretty tired of being stuck in the hospital; he didn't know which part was worse, the tasteless heart-healthy diet that they had him on now, or that he was once again paired up with his entirely too friendly physical therapist from last year. Sharon seemed to have gotten a good laugh at that, and he wouldn't put it past her to have arranged it.

Andy looked across the room. His company at the moment was Rusty. Ricky had gone home the day before, and he insisted that Charlie and Nicole go back to work. His doctors assured him that he was going to continue to recover, so he saw no reason for everyone to continue hovering over him. Andy just didn't know where Sharon was. She wasn't back at work yet, she had taken some time off and Provenza was covering for her until he was out of the hospital and settled at home.

He hadn't really expected Sharon until after lunch. His mornings were pretty full since getting out of the CICU. He had respiratory therapy, and cardiac therapy, and of course his favorite, physical therapy. He was usually so exhausted and in so much pain by the time that he was brought back to his room that he slept until Sharon woke him for lunch. Today he had woken up to bland soup, tasteless crackers, and something that was supposed to pass for pudding. Rusty was with him, seated in a chair and typing away on his laptop.

"Did your mother say when she would be coming by?" He wasn't the best company most days. He was tired, cranky, and he supposed that she could probably use a break from all of it, but he was missing her. Andy pushed the hospital tray aside. He had all he could stomach of the boring food that he was apparently going to spend the rest of his life trying to force down.

"She said it might take most of the afternoon." Rusty looked up from his computer. "She had to meet with the realtor to go over the paperwork on the house."

" _What_?" Andy sat up, and much too fast, as a sharp pain went through his chest. He pressed his hand to it and sat back again. His jaw clenched. He saw stars behind his eyes and drew a few quick breaths. "Son of a bitch." He grimaced, teeth bared, and waited for the worst of the sudden throbbing to subside.

Rusty pushed his computer aside and stood up quickly. He moved closer to the bed. "Like, maybe don't do that again." The other man had gone pale. A thin sheen of sweat broke out across his brow. Rusty hovered, wondering if he should get one of the nurses. "Are you okay? Do you need me to call someone?"

"No, it's fine." Andy drew another breath. He looked up at the ceiling and counted. It was being able to hear the loud pounding of his heart that was the oddest of this ordeal. He took a few more breaths before he thought that he could focus on Rusty again. "What is she doing meeting with the Realtor?" He asked.

"Uh." Rusty blinked at him. "You made an offer on the house. Don't you remember?" He cast a concerned look at the man. They said he would have some memory loss and probably a hard time keeping track of time. They warned against a few other symptoms too; like moodiness, depression, and lethargy. He didn't know much about the others, but Andy had been in a bit of a funk for the last few days.

"Yes, I remember." Andy shifted on the bed. He was scowling at the kid. "She didn't mention anything about it. Now isn't really the best time to be thinking about a new house. I'm not even out of the damned hospital yet. What is even going through her head?" He stabbed at the controls on the bed rail to lift the head of bed and get the pressure off his aching back. Between his back and his chest, he didn't know which damned thing hurt most at the moment. That seemed to be a usual occurrence for him now.

Rusty's brows rose. Okay, maybe it was time to add moody to the list of things that Flynn was definitely going through right now. "I guess the owners accepted your offer," he explained. "Sharon said that she had to meet with the realtor and the mortgage guys to figure out the details on closing and when we could put the condo up for sale. I guess we have to time it just right." He pushed his hands into his pockets and shrugged. "The property in our building is pretty hot or something, the realtor thinks that it will go fast, but we don't want it to go too fast. Sharon was going to see if she could get a longer closing because of the whole," he tugged a hand out and waved it at Andy, "you know, hospital thing."

"Has she lost her mind?" Andy looked around and spotted his cell phone on the tray table beside the bed. Andy reached for it, grimacing the entire time, and pulled the table over until it was near enough for him to get his hands on the phone. He leaned back heavily, chest throbbing, leg aching, and swiped his thumb across the screen. Andy tried her twice, but she didn't answer either time. It went voicemail, directly to voicemail the second time, which indicated to him that she was ignoring his call. He scowled darkly at it. "Call your mother," he told Rusty.

The younger man backed away from the bed. "I don't think that's a good idea right now." Andy had gone from irritated to angry pretty quickly. It all seemed to revolve around the idea of them moving. Now he understood why Sharon hadn't mentioned it before now. Whatever she was up to, he decided that he didn't want to be in the middle of it. "I think that you should talk to mom when she gets here."

"Oh, we're going to talk." Andy ground his teeth together. He leaned his head back against the pillows behind him. "I think you're going to want to be anywhere else but here when that happens," he said ominously.

"O-kay," Rusty said at length. He went back to his chair and pulled his laptop back in front of him. He used the computer's messenger app to send a text to his mother, warning her. _Bad mood. He's really not happy about the house thing_.

Sharon's response was almost immediate. Rusty barely had time to get the volume on his computer down before it chimed with the message. _Too bad. He'll get over it._

 _How did it go?_

 _Still negotiating. Talk soon_.

Rusty sighed. He hoped it was really soon. He cast a look at the bed again. Andy was currently stabbing out a text message on his phone. As irate as he was, he figured that might take him a few minutes. From the grumbling that he was hearing, Andy kept needing to back space as autocorrect asserted itself in the middle of his angry texting. It was really going to be a long day.

He decided to give it a little while, to wait until Andy calmed down some. Rusty waited until after the nurse came in with his afternoon pain medication and it was obvious that he was no longer really ticked off, but just broody and upset. Andy wasn't on the morphine anymore, so he was going to be awake for a while, at least until he settled in for his late afternoon nap. Rusty was kind of hoping that his mom would be back by then.

"What is the big deal about the house?" Rusty looked over the top of his laptop. He noticed that Andy was staring at his phone, or rather, glaring at it. His mother hadn't called back, and whatever was in that text, she wasn't answering that either. "You guys spent all summer looking for the perfect house. Now you found one, and what? You don't want it anymore?"

Andy rolled his eyes toward the kid. He stared at him for a moment before he grunted. "Things changed." He would really like to fold his arms across his chest, but that would hurt like hell. It was another lesson that he learned that week. Andy shifted on the bed instead and rested his arm across the bed rail to let his hand dangle on the other side.

"What things?" Rusty frowned at him. "You and my mom are still living together. The condo is still too small for all of us. You sold your house, so it isn't like you have anywhere else to go." Rusty trailed off as his eyes narrowed. "Oh my god," he sat up suddenly. "That's what this is all about isn't it? You're breaking up with her." Rusty pushed his computer aside again. He ran his hands through his hair. "You moved in and it wasn't what you thought it would be, and then you had the heart attack before you could tell her. You don't want to buy the house because you're not planning on living in it. _Oh my god_!" Rusty stood up. He didn't know whether he wanted to run, stomp, or scream. "After everything that she did for you, and the hell that she went through this week, you're actually breaking up with her? Like, what is even wrong with you? Who does that?"

Andy waited for him to stop rambling and take a breath. He arched a brow at the kid, who was pacing by the time that his outburst seemed to be over. "Are you done?" Rusty was glowering at him, rather mutinously. Andy shook his head. "I'm not breaking up with Sharon," he said, just to get it out there and put the boy's mind at ease. "Of course I'm not breaking up with Sharon. I just had a heart attack, and who would do that?" He tossed his hands up. "Even if I was planning to do it before, and I absolutely was _not_ , I wouldn't do it now." Andy scrubbed a hand across his face, because that didn't actually sound all that great, or convincing. "Rusty, we aren't breaking up. That is the last thing on my mind right now, even if she would probably be better off," he muttered.

"Try telling her that," Rusty shot at him. He folded his arms across his chest. "Okay, fine. If you're not breaking up with my mom, then why are you throwing such a fit because she's negotiating the close on the house that you spent all summer convincing us that we all just had to have." Rusty tilted his head at the other man. "Not just that, but you're throwing a fit when she's basically getting the house that you guys looked at four times, _four times_ ," he stressed, "before you made me look at it twice, and that was even before you looked at two other houses and decided that it was _the one_ ," he made air quotes as he said the last part. "It's like, your dream house or something, and mom is making sure that you guys don't lose it to other buyers while you're in the hospital."

"Rusty." Andy sighed. "That's kind of the point," he explained. "I am in the hospital. Your mom shouldn't have to be doing this on her own. Buying a house was a decision that we made together. We chose that house together, and…" He shook his head. "You know, she wouldn't want us talking about this," he decided and looked away.

Rusty's eyes narrowed. He moved closer to the bed. "Why wouldn't she want us talking about this? I thought you said that we were moving as a family. If all of a sudden you don't want the house that we were all supposed to get together, then I think I deserve to know why."

Andy pinched the bridge of his nose. He groaned quietly. Of all the times that the kid could decide to get interested, he had to choose this one. "Rusty, that house was at the upper end of our budget. Even with the sale of both of our places, there was going to be a pretty decent sized mortgage. Then there's the landscaping, some remodeling that we talked about, and the move itself. Add in upkeep and other bills and…" He ran a hand over his face again. "God." He didn't want to think about it. "A house just isn't really a good idea for us right now, that's all."

"You don't think that you're going back to work." Rusty straightened. "The doctors didn't say that, did they?" He thought it was just a matter of waiting to see how Andy recovered. Sharon said that it was going to be at least ten weeks before they could even think about whether or not a doctor would let Andy go back to work. Until then he was going to be on medical leave. It was going to take all of that time, she explained, for him to get back on his feet. It could even take longer, depending on how he recovered. "I thought you were getting better?" He asked carefully. "I mean, you _are_ getting better, right?"

He looked away from him. Andy sighed. "Rusty, we don't know what's going to happen. I'm getting better, and I can probably go home in a few days, but I don't know about the rest." He tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling above them. "I don't know if a doctor will clear me. There was some damage, you know, and we don't know what that is going to look like in a few weeks. Even if a doctor clears me, I might still end up having to take my pension. My job isn't really guaranteed at this point." He looked at the kid again. "Buying a house right now isn't a great idea."

"Oh." Rusty frowned at him. If it was such a terrible idea, he didn't understand why his mother was going to such great lengths to make sure that they got the house. "But mom doesn't do anything without thinking it through. If it was a bad idea, she wouldn't be doing it. We would just stay in the condo."

"That's why I need to talk to her before she does something that she's going to regret later." Andy leaned his head back on the bed again. He looked up at the ceiling once more and drew a breath. It hurt. Everything hurt. It was bearable though.

Rusty watched him. He pushed his hands into his pockets again and turned away. He paced back toward the chair that he was sitting in and stood there. Rusty stared at the back of his computer while he thought about it. "I don't think she's going to regret it," he said quietly. Rusty glanced back at him and shrugged. "I don't think she's doing what she _has_ to do right now. I think mom is doing what she wants to do."

Andy lapsed in to silence. He didn't have an answer for that. He kept his gaze on the ceiling and thought through what they would need to do if Sharon came back with _good news_. To his way of thinking, it wasn't going to be good. It was going to be inconvenient and bad timing. He knew that Sharon had fallen in love with that house the first time that she saw it. She loved the high ceilings and the open floor plan of the first floor. She commented, more than once, how much she enjoyed all of the natural light and the way the rooms just seemed to flow together when they did their first walk-through. It was the view that won her over, however.

All those years in the condo, standing at her balcony, looking out over the city could not compete with how the hills looked in the first rays of morning light. Sharon wanted to sit on the deck with her coffee, watch the morning chase away the gray and see the hills light up behind that house. _Our house_ , she said, more than once. She wanted it, wanted to build a life with him in it and see Rusty through school, she wanted to grow older and watch their friends and children enjoy the deck and the yard. She wanted the grandchildren to play in the pool on hot afternoons, and fill the house with noise and laughter. She wanted the quiet evenings and lazy mornings, tangled up with him and a blanket, and just the warmth of each other.

She was slow to accept the idea of moving in together. Sharon needed time, and he was glad to give it to her. There were times when she needed prodding, when it felt like their relationship stalled. Once he planted this idea, however, she worked it through her mind until she could accept it. Until she realized that it was something that she wanted too. Then she threw herself into it. Once she was decided, she was all in. Andy worried about that now. She wanted that house, and he was in no position to give it to her.

Rusty reclaimed his seat and settled in with his laptop again. He thought about texting his mother and decided against it. Instead, he waited. The other man seemed to slip into even more of a funk as he grew quiet and brooding. Rusty slumped in his chair and went back to reading about law schools and their requirements. He was going to have to step up his game on his undergraduate degree if he wanted to do this, and he really did. It was something that he needed to talk to his mom about. There just hadn't been a lot of time yet. He was starting to think it was going to be a while before she could concentrate on more than what was happening with Andy. It didn't bother him, and that was something that surprised Rusty. He thought it would, but he honestly felt nervous telling her that he had made a decision about his graduate degree. Law school had always been her thing. It was the thing that she didn't get to do because life got in her way, and yet, she didn't regret it either. The door opening interrupted his musings. Rusty looked up and relief flooded through him.

She knocked on the door to Andy's hospital room as she opened it. Sharon walked in smiling and lifted a paper takeout bag from his favorite café. "I brought you something." She walked it over and set it on his hospital tray. Her purse was deposited on a chair. Just as she thought, he barely touched his lunch. He had to be on a heart-healthy diet, but what the hospital was serving was just not fit for consumption, on that they were agreed. Sharon moved his lunch tray aside and began unpacking what she brought for him. She was purposefully ignoring the mood in the room.

"Oh thank god," Rusty practically yelled, but managed to only mutter quietly instead. He packed up his laptop and shoved it into his book bag. "I'm going to get out of here," he told them. "I told Gus that I would meet him later." That wasn't entirely true, they did have tentative plans, but Gus understood that he needed to be with his family right now. Rusty shouldered his bag and walked toward the door. "Bye Andy, Mom."

Sharon turned and watched him go. Her lips pressed together in amusement. He couldn't have left any faster if he was sprinting. "He hasn't exited a room that quickly since the time that he caught you with your hand up my shirt," she mused.

Andy didn't say anything. He watched her quietly. His jaw was clenched tightly. He would admit, his mouth was watering at the smell of the tomato basil soup that she just put on the tray. He also thought that if she unwrapped that sandwich and it was the egg plant salad, he might just weep, but he was trying to push all of that back. The fresh sliced strawberries that she put on his tray next were almost his undoing. He averted his gaze to the ceiling. He only gave her a grunt in response to her statement.

Brooding. It was just one step up from sulking, in her opinion. Sharon only continued to smile as she moved the tray over and in front of him. She walked around the bed and sat beside his hip on the other side. She reached for the controls on the bedrail before he could and lifted the head of his bed. He was forced to look at her. Sharon arched a brow at him. "Now, would you like to say any of those words to my face?"

She was, of course, talking about his text message. He picked up the plastic fork that was lying on his tray beside the meal that she brought him. Andy stabbed a strawberry with it and placed it in his mouth. He glared at her while he chewed. The corners of her mouth twitched toward a smile and his eyes narrowed. She was enjoying this. He waited until he had swallowed and then he pointed the fork at her. "You're crazy."

"Yes," she rested her arms against his hospital tray and propped her head in her hand. Sharon smiled while she watched him. "As a matter of fact, I am quite sure that you are correct. Fortunately, I realize that you are under an immense amount of pressure and stress right now, not to mention the pain, so I will ignore the abject rudeness of your comments and take them in the spirit of concern that I am sure that you meant them in."

"Nope." Andy bared his teeth at her. "I meant it. You're batshit crazy if you're buying that house right now." He put his fork down. "Sharon, you have to know that it's a bad idea now. Why would you even think about it? Why not just withdraw the offer and wait. There will be other houses."

"I want this one." She decided not to take his comment seriously. His exact words in the text were more directed at the act of buying the house being a specific kind of insane, rather than herself. She could sense that he wanted to pick a fight with her, and she wasn't going to allow it. Sharon reached over and covered his hand where it rested atop the hospital tray. "Andy, I agree that our timing is not exactly wonderful right now, but this is what we chose. This is the house that we agreed that we want to build our future in. I am not going to give that up. I think that it is important that we continue to move forward. I think that putting our lives on hold would be the real mistake here." Sharon pushed the tray aside, just a few inches, and leaned forward to lay her hand over his heart. "I don't know what is going to happen, Andy, but I am not going to let that stop me from living my life. You are here, and you are still with me, and that is what matters."

He grasped her hand and lifted it. Andy drew it to his lips and kissed her palm. "I love that you want this, Sharon. I can't tell you how great it feels to know that you still want that future." He shook his head at her. "But look at me, dammit. Look at where we are. It's going to be a while before I'm back on my feet, and even then, come on. I know you've thought about it, sweetheart. There's no way that you have not already considered the fact that my badge is probably already gone."

"Shh." She scooted closer on the bed. She pushed his tray aside completely and took his face in her hands. "I don't want you to worry about that." Sharon pressed a kiss to his brow and then his mouth. "Andy that is a bridge that we will cross when we reach it, and I will do everything that I can to help you get back to work if your doctors allow it." She would not allow him to be summarily retired if he was medically cleared. Her thumbs stroked his cheeks. They were smooth and clean-shaven again, and had been since he was moved into a standard room. "We will find a way," she promised him, "and even if you cannot come back to Major Crimes, that doesn't mean that there is not a place for you in the department."

"What? A desk job?" He made a face at her. Andy looked away from her as he grimaced. "Shit, Sharon, I would rather—"

"What?" She drew back from him. Sharon looked down at him, eyes hardening. "You would rather what? Be dead? You would rather be lying on a cold, metal table in Doctor Morales's morgue right now, while your children and I arrange your funeral than accept the very real possibility that you might have to ride a desk for the rest of your career? Is that what you are going to say to me?" She stood up and walked away from his bed. Her arms were folded tightly across her chest.

"No, of course not." Andy tried to get up and follow her but couldn't. He fell back on the bed, hand against his chest and hurting like hell for the effort. He stared at the ceiling while he counted his breaths. "Sharon, dammit, that's not what I mean at all. Of course I don't want to be dead! I don't want to ride a desk either, shit. Provenza is already planning all the things he's going to have me doing as his personal desk monkey." He gripped the mattress beneath him and waited for the pain to subside. His jaw clenched. "I would rather be a door greeter at the supermarket than have to put up with being anyone's dedicated desk monkey on a fulltime basis. Isn't that what they do with broken down old guys like me? Toss us into some stupid job that doesn't mean a damned thing, just so that we can feel useful? When the truth is, it's just a fucking illusion and we're still a drain on everyone round us."

"Andy." His name was a whisper on her lips. She walked back over and eased down beside him again. Sharon swept her hand over his brow and pushed his hair back. His skin was cool, clammy as he fought the pain that his sudden movements caused. "Darling you are not a drain on me. That is not what this is. You are not _broken down_ either." She cupped his face in her hand and drew his gaze to her. "You had a heart attack, and you needed surgery. Your body is going to take time to heal, but it _will_ heal. You will come back to work with me, or you won't. Neither of those options is terrible. Even retirement is not an entirely horrifying thought. Andy, you've been a cop for more years than either of us wants to speak out loud, and there are prospects for you outside of the department. We will just have to find them, if it comes to that. If it doesn't, then you are worrying about a lot of things that you do not need to worry about right now." Her tongue swept over her lips and she rubbed them together. "We are in this together, Andy. You and I. Isn't that the life that you wanted?"

"Yeah," he said thickly. His hands moved to her shoulders. He stroked them up and down her upper arms. "I just never thought it would be like this. You were never supposed to get stuck having to take care of me." He looked up at her; his eyes were dark and pained. "The expense of the house is going to be a lot. This is something that we were supposed to do together. Retirement, if it happened, I always figured that we would plan for that too. We were going to have a future, Sharon, not a crappy as hell present."

Her smile, when it came, was soft, a gentle curving of her lips. Her eyes sparkled with warmth. "You know, the reality of sharing your life with another is that at some point during that life, one of you is going to be taking care of the other. If you're lucky, then you will be taking care of each other. Things are very difficult right now," she agreed, "but that won't always be our present. There is still a future for us to build together, and I very much want it. Let me do this for us," she said. "You got us this far. I know how much care and patience that it has taken on your part for us to get here. Let me take care of you," she whispered, "at least for a little while, and then we can take care of each other." She leaned close. There were tears on her cheeks when her lips touched his. "If you really cannot stand the idea of the house, I will let it go. We will wait, and we will find another one, and we will do it together. That is what matters most to me in all of this, that we are together."

His hands moved up to cradle her head. His fingers tangled in her hair as he drew her close. Their lips met and he kissed her hard. He could taste the salt of her tears mixed with the sweetness of her kiss. When he drew back, he looked up into her eyes, only inches from his. There was pain behind the warmth of her gaze, along with the worry that she would like to hide from him and couldn't. His thumb stroked her bottom lip. His eyes closed and he drew her down, urged her to lay against his side. It hurt, it cost them, but she curled her small form between his body and the bed rail and lay with her head on his shoulder. Andy pressed his lips to her forehead and closed his eyes. His hand was still tangled in her hair. "I love you."

She laid her hand over his heart. She could feel it beating beneath her palm. Sharon drew a breath and let it out slowly. Her chest ached. That seemed to be an ever-present part of her life now. She had not fully gotten over her fear of losing him. It stayed with her, more prominent at night, when she lay down in their bed alone. "Me too," she whispered. She turned her face into his neck, as much as she could with how they were laying, and inhaled deeply. The sterile hospital smell seemed to cling to his skin, but beneath it, there was the familiar and comforting scent of his aftershave and cologne.

Andy let out the breath that he was holding. The uncertainty of the future that was waiting for them still had him nervous as hell. He didn't like not knowing where they were going to end up, or how it was going to look. This was outside of the dreams that he had for them. It was completely distorted and bastardized and he didn't know how to get back that idyllic picture he had in his head before. Maybe he couldn't, and it was never going to be like that at all, but holding on to Sharon he could almost feel like it was possible to make some part of it happen. "What did the realtor say?" He asked finally.

Her lips curved against his skin. "The owners agreed to a 90 day closing when I upped our offer a little." She felt him stiffen beneath her and gently rubbed his chest. "I kept our total offer below the amount that we agreed on as a maximum. They've already moved, and they are just wanting to unload the property now and make back what they financed on their new home. A few more weeks was doable for them, and the higher bid helps cover any extended interest they are paying on their current mortgage. We will make it back when we sell the condo. The towers are a hotspot, and my unit is worth more now than it was when I financed it." She had used the sale of her house to pay for most of it. The rest had gone toward college tuition for the kids. Still, the sum that she had financed was manageable and would be covered by the sale. They would have enough in the surplus to put toward the costs associated with the new house. "We will roll the cost of the landscaping and the move into the final finance total, but it will be okay." She rubbed his chest again, over his heart, and kissed is neck. "We will be okay," she promised him.

He heaved a weary, rattling sigh. "It still feels like too much," he told her. "90 days isn't a lot of time, Sharon. What if I'm not back on my feet then? How are we going to handle a move like that if I'm still laid up with all of this?" He cast a look at her. "Sweetheart, we have two households worth of stuff to move, and all the paperwork, not to mention it will probably be happening around the holidays, which are always busy. You're going to be working, and Rusty will have finals, and—"

She pressed a finger to his lips. He was rather adorable when he was rambling. Sharon smiled at him. "We will hire movers, and you will supervise everything when I am not available to assist. Rusty will help you as he can, and you will have Charlie, and Nicole, and Ricky. So stop worrying. This is exactly why I negotiated the longer closing, Andy. I wanted us to have the time to make this work without it becoming worrisome or stressful." She rose up onto her elbow to smile down at him. "Besides, you hate dealing with the realtors and the mortgage brokers. You should be thanking me," she teased.

"Yeah, but you're going to stick me with dealing with the contractors and the movers." Andy pouted playfully at her. "I hate those guys." He reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I just wanted to be able to help out with all of this. We were supposed to do it together."

"We are." She pressed a kiss to his mouth before laying down beside him again. "Think of it as divide and conquer," she said. "I took care of the financial details, and you will organize the rest. I despise moving. Loathe it actually. This is honestly a relief, Andy. I have never been overly fond of—" She glanced up at him to see if he was buying any of it, and he was staring at her with a bland, knowing expression. Sharon sighed. "Okay. I may go a little crazy and be entirely unbearable to live with before it is over, but I am committed to this," she said.

"You mean you might end up needing to be committed," he remarked dryly. Andy rolled his eyes at her. "When you are every bit as _batshit crazy_ later, as I expect that you will be, I am going to remind you of this moment." She liked to be in control of every aspect of her life, and they both knew it, especially as it pertained to her home. She was going to want a say in the decorating, the landscaping, and any other arrangements that were made. Andy just stroked her hair. "I just really hope that you don't regret this later."

"Building a home and a future with you?" She looked up at him again. "How could I regret that? I love you." Sharon kissed his chin, and then because she could tell that he was pained, she slipped off the bed. She passed her hand over his hair and pulled his hospital tray in front of him again. "Eat your lunch, before we get busted with it."

"Sharon Raydor, rule breaker." He shook his head at her. "I want a picture of this moment. No one will ever believe me."

"Well, what can I say? You've been a very bad influence on me." She handed him the fork and moved around to take a seat in a chair beside his bed.

"Some people would argue that I have been a very good influence on you," he told her. Andy lifted the lid off his soup and inhaled. "God I love you." He traded the fork for a spoon and lifted the small cup with the fragrant treat.

She chuckled quietly. "The good news is, everything on that tray is completely heart healthy. The soup is pushing it a little, because of the salt, but we will make it work. Just because your diet has to change doesn't mean that you have to live in a totally tasteless world. I picked up a couple of books, we will look through them when I get you home."

She always dealt better in facts. Once she was armed with knowledge and a direction, there was rarely any stopping her. Andy grinned at her. "You're pretty great."

"I know." Her eyes sparkled teasingly. "Even when I am, how did you put it, out of my ever loving mind?"

Andy groaned. He rolled his eyes. "Hey, I was worried, okay?" He shook his head. "I'm sorry if I was an ass, but you know, it's not easy being all laid up while your girlfriend buys you a house and takes care of everything that you should be doing yourself."

"Yes, I know." She offered a sympathetic smile. "But I think that we both know that we should consider it, that moment when your life partner secures a future for the both of us, and makes certain that you can move forward exactly as you planned before." Her head tilted while she watched him eat. Her lips pursed. "Would you be this worked up about it if we were married?"

"No." Andy snorted at her. "My wife is supposed to spend all my hard earned money on things that I may or may not end up needing in the future. That's just marriage." He rolled his eyes toward her. She deserved the sarcasm for that question, he decided. His brow arched. "Yeah, actually, I would be this worked up about it. I still wouldn't want you going out of your way with something this huge without knowing what it's going to look like on the other side of all this. Being married or not is just a piece of paper, it's not us."

"Hm." She was gratified to know that he would be just as incensed in either scenario. Sharon had worried that he was allowing their circumstances to cloud his reactions. Her lips pursed while she thought about it. "I suppose. The thing is, Andy, we can never know what the future will look like. I know what I would like for it to include, and I am working toward that. When we made the offer on that house, we didn't know that we would be here now." She leaned forward in her chair and rested her elbows against her crossed legs. "When I kissed you goodbye that morning, I didn't know that it might be the last time. We can never know. We can only live. Living the rest of my life with you is the future that I see, in the house that we chose for ourselves. We will build the rest around that."

He swirled his spoon in the soup. Andy glanced up at her. "The kid thought I was breaking up with you. All this time and he still doesn't know me." He offered a sly grin. "He hasn't figured out yet that I can't live without you."

"Well," Sharon's head inclined. Her mouth curved toward a playful smile. "I can see where he might be confused. You keep trying to die on me. Maybe if you would cease that inappropriate activity, Rusty would be more inclined to believe that your intentions are permanent."

"Yeah." Andy looked at the ceiling. "Because I just love laying around in hospitals and dealing with physical therapists that want us to be on a first name basis." When she laughed, he glared at her. "Don't think that I don't know that you made that happen. I will get even."

She leaned back in her chair with a wide smile. "I am looking forward to that, Andrew Michael Flynn."

"Oh, it's going to happen." He shook his spoon at her. "Your day is coming, Sharon Diane Raydor. I will have all sorts of time to plot my revenge."

"Yes you will." Her smile gentled and her eyes warmed. That was all that mattered, the time that they had together now. Everything else was simply secondary. It was aesthetic. "I cannot wait for that," she told him. She wanted to grasp hold of their future and wrap it around them, hold on to it tightly, and not waste even a moment that they were spared.

 **-TBC-**


	25. Chapter 25

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 25**

Andy looked up at the sound of the door opening. He craned his head to get a look at who was entering the condo, but it could only be Sharon. He hadn't seen her in two days. She had gone back to work right after he was released and settled at home. That was almost two weeks ago. His recovery was still progressing, albeit a lot more slowly than he would like. He was able to move around on his own, more or less, and what was easier before was exhausting now. Just walking down the hall from the bedroom to the sofa left him feeling winded and weak.

Then there was the pain. It was with him almost all of the time, an almost constant aching in his chest as those bones healed. Sleeping was hard. Even with Sharon beside him at night, Andy had a difficult time getting comfortable; the pressure in his chest was almost unbearable when he lay flat, and even worse if he tried to lay on his side. After two almost completely sleepless nights for both of them, Sharon had done what she swore that she would never do. She let Rusty and Gus, with Julio's help, move his recliner out of storage and in to the condo.

She hated that chair. Absolutely abhorred it. Every time that she walked past it now, positioned near the sofa in place of her favorite orange armchair, her nose would wrinkle. She was threatening to lose it in the move, but Andy was pretty sure that would never happen. He slept in it, almost exclusively the first week that he was home, and now it was where he went if he couldn't get comfortable in their bed. Just the other night she had followed him. She woke up alone and joined him in the chair, sleeping curled against his side until her phone had awakened both of them in the very wee hours of the morning.

Andy had not seen her since. They had spoken on the phone. She called a few times a day to check on him, and he was sure that if she didn't talk to him, she was talking to Rusty. He was back to living in a _sitter state_ , never alone, and always under the watchful eye of someone. If it wasn't Rusty, it was Gus, and if Gus was unavailable, it was Patrice. He had even had Charlie as a sitter for an entire day. Andy was pretty sure that by now he could be left to his own devices, but he was humoring them. It wasn't all bad, especially since he couldn't drive and probably wouldn't be able to for a few more weeks. He had Rusty to take him to his follow-up appointments with his doctors, and the kid wasn't too freaked out to take him to an AA meeting the previous night, although Sharon had taken him the week before. He honestly expected Rusty to wait in the car for him, but the kid had gone in with him, and sat in the back throughout the meeting. He was quiet on the way home. They hadn't talked about it, but Andy figured they would soon.

For now, he closed his book and placed it aside. Andy shifted on the sofa with a wince and smiled as Sharon came in to the room. She looked exhausted. He watched her step out of her heels and slide them underneath the coffee table before she walked around to join him on the sofa. "Long day?"

Sharon made a noise that was between a grunt and a hum as she laid down and rested her head against his good leg. She made sure that there was no weight on the other and sighed as she pulled a throw pillow around and hugged it. _Long day_ was an understatement, as he well knew. It had been a long couple of days. Their case was all but closed, although they would still have to meet with DDA Hobbs in the morning and present the final deal. Sharon stroked his leg, beneath his knee, as she lay against him. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Andy insisted on getting dressed each morning, even though it completely exhausted him. He was so stubborn, but she loved that about him, even when it was utterly frustrating.

She lay there for a moment, just enjoying that she was home again. She smiled when she felt his hand in her hair, fingers rubbing gently against her scalp. Her eyes closed and she hummed again. "Would you still love me," she asked, "if I quit my job and we had to be homeless?"

His brows rose and his lips pursed. Andy stroked her hair back from her face and let his fingers trace the curve of her cheek before they slid further down to her neck. "Maybe you want to expand on that a little bit?"

The humor in his tone made her roll her eyes. Sharon huffed another sigh and pouted where she lay. "I may have to quit," she continued. "Chief Howard is impossible to deal with. I imagine that's what it would be like to have you as Assistant Chief. Let's follow some rules, ignore some others, and see what we can do to get around the rest." Her eyes closed. She could feel a headache beginning behind her eyes. "I think I may go insane."

Andy squinted. He looked heavenward and tried to decide whether or not he should be insulted by that. "Well, you know, here is the thing." His bottom lip jutted out, but he continued to stroke her hair. "I would really prefer it if we weren't homeless. You know, considering we're in the middle of buying a house and all that, and I guess this is your way of telling me that no matter what happens, you could never work for me, and I'm a little hurt by that, just so you know, but I would still love you. I'm not entirely sure why, at this exact moment in time, but still loving you seems like a pretty good bet," he teased.

Sharon sat up beside him. She curled her knees beneath her and sat close to him. Her hand rested against his shoulder. "Well, I am thankful that you would still love me, even if it would be a serious hardship." Her lips were turned down into a small pout. "I am being serious. I'm not sure how much more of that man that I can take."

"Who isn't being serious?" Andy spread his hands in front of him. "I'm being completely serious here. One of us has to have a job, sweetheart, I don't know if you've noticed lately, but we've got an eating machine down the hall," he hooked his thumb in the direction of Rusty's room. "Not to mention college tuition, his hoody obsession, and did I mention that he wants to go to law school?" She was rolling her eyes at him and Andy was trying very hard not to laugh. His dark eyes sparkled with amusement as he went on. "Tell you what, let's trade. I will go to work tomorrow and deal with Chief Howard and you can stay home, watch TV, and deal with Rusty timing how long it takes for you to get to the bathroom and back."

"Oh honey," Sharon stroked his arm with a smile. "It's not Rusty's fault that you're a fall risk. He's just worried about you." She fluttered her lashes and smiled sweetly at him.

His face fell into a bland look. "You're hell on a man's ego," he grumbled, "I hope you know that."

"Hm." Sharon's head tilted. She continued to smile as she combed her fingers through his hair. "Your ego seemed perfectly fine to me when I was getting ready for work the other morning."

"What can I say?" He stretched his arm across her lap and gave her thigh a playful pat. "You're hot when you're na—"

"In the interest of my continued sanity," Rusty said loudly as he crossed the room on his way to the kitchen, "do not finish that statement." He had his hands over his ears.

"Hey." Andy moved his arm across the back of the couch and dropped it across Sharon's shoulders. She had her head in his shoulder and was laughing quietly. "I don't complain about what you and Gus talk about, with your door open, because you're so worried that I might sneeze and you miss it." He looked down at Sharon when she snorted quietly. "I'm serious here. There are some things that I should never have to hear."

"You have no idea." Rusty opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water. He walked over to the bar and leaned against it. "Let's talk about things that people aren't supposed to hear…"

"Let's not." Sharon lifted her head. She looked between the two men. She pointed her finger at one and then the other. "I think that is quite enough out of both of you. Do not make me send you both to your rooms."

Andy and Rusty shared a look before they both returned their gazes to Sharon. Her lover stroked his fingers through her hair. "I just want you to know," Andy told her, "that you are the loud one in this relationship." He withdrew from her then and picked up his book again.

"It's definitely you." Rusty pushed away from the bar and walked across the living room again. As he passed the sofa, his hand connected with Andy's in a high-five. "I made dinner," he called back on his way down the hall. "Baked chicken and steamed wild rice and vegetables. Gus sent some new recipes for us to try, they're on your desk." His boyfriend was helping them figure out how to prepare foods that were inside of Andy's new diet without completely boring themselves or him with the nature of his new _heart healthy_ lifestyle.

Sharon sat back on the sofa. The action put a few inches between her and Andy. She blinked at him, and then stared in the direction that her son had gone. Her mouth moved, but there was no sound forthcoming. Her head inclined and her lips pursed. She moved again, legs sliding from beneath her and feet moving back to the floor. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned back against the sofa cushions. Her tongue moved across her teeth. Finally, Sharon nodded. "Okay." She stood up and rounded the sofa. She walked into the kitchen. "We're going to have to find you a new sitter."

"Yes," Andy flipped a page in his book. "Because I am five and I need a sitter," he drawled in a dry tone. He shook his head and continued to read and make notes in the text. His doctor had recommended a couple of books on addiction and pain management. He was still concerned with the prescriptions they had sent him home with; they were medications that he needed, but he didn't want to allow them to define his recovery. He was reading through all of the advantages and disadvantages and making note of the things that he needed to watch for as his body continued to heal.

Sharon flashed an indulgent smile at the back of his head. She found the plate that they put aside for her and placed it in the microwave to heat. "No," she said at length, while also filling the kettle and putting it on for a cup of tea. "Because you had a heart attack and needed open heart, double bypass surgery to prevent you from having another, more fatal heart attack in the future." She took down a pair of tea mugs, because he usually joined her for her evening cup and placed them on the counter. "Also, because you cannot put your pants on by yourself yet." She smiled triumphantly as she dropped tea bags into both cups.

"You know," he lowered his book and shot a playful glare at her, "we agreed that we weren't going to talk about that out loud. Do I talk about the time that you hurt your back and couldn't even fasten your own bra? No, I don't, because it wasn't funny." He huffed at her. "Personally enjoyable, but not at all funny."

"You are absolutely right." Sharon leaned her hip against the counter and returned his gaze. "I shouldn't make fun of you. What I should do is secure more professional in-home help. Maybe it is time that we got you a nurse."

"Oh yeah?" His brows bobbed up and down. "Can her name be Tiffany? Will she give massages? Because I gotta tell you, sweetheart," he pointed at his back, "I have got this ache right between my shoulder blades."

Her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed. "I was thinking that his name could be Timothy, and I am certain that as part of your physical therapy, we could find one that will do massages." She smiled brightly at him. "Won't that be helpful?"

Andy made a face at her. He turned back to his book. "You know, I think I would rather stick with Rusty… and Gus, and Patrice, and Charlie, and whoever else you have on standby. If you send in Mrs. Donaldson from down the hall, I'm leaving. I love you, but I will leave you. I will go and stay with Nicole. That yappy little dog of hers is about to drive me insane, and you know, yesterday when Rusty and I were leaving, we passed her in the garage. I swear she actually licked her chops."

"Mrs. Donaldson or the dog?" Sharon snorted a laugh as she lifted the kettle off the burner and poured water into both of their cups. Her neighbor was about ten years younger than both of them, a divorcee that lived alone with her dog and didn't get many visitors, although she did go out very often. She was also incredibly fond of Andy and had practically thrown a party when she discovered that he was living in the building now. Sharon carried their tea mugs and her dinner back into the living room and set it all on the coffee table before rejoining him on the sofa. "I promise, no matter what happens, I will never leave you alone with Mrs. Donaldson."

"Thank god for small favors," he muttered. He cast a look at her when she laughed again and grunted. "I'm serious. That woman scares me." He closed his book again and set it aside. He motioned for her to lift her feet into his lap as she got comfortable. He settled a pillow across his legs and let the weight of her ankles and feet rest against him. He could feel the pressure of it in his leg incision, but it wasn't terrible. Andy looked at her as he began rubbing her ankles. "Okay, so back to Chief Howard. What did he do?"

She sighed. "He's a tactician. He doesn't fully get the politics of his position. Thankfully, he's not exactly keen on keeping it, but for the moment he is what we have. What I need is for him to run interference between our team and City Hall, or the press, or whomever. What I do not require is for him to get involved in our cases. I don't need him telling me how to work the system in our favor, I think I am well versed in that."

Andy smiled. She had, as they always said, written the book… or most of it. He concentrated on one foot and began to work out the stiffness in her arch while she ate. "It's only been a couple of weeks," he reminded her, "he's going to figure it out. Until then, like you said, he doesn't want to keep it. Someone will replace him."

He put too much emphasis on that. Sharon shook her head. "I don't want it. I am perfectly happy where I am, Andy. I wasn't exaggerating. I would rather remain in Major Crimes. I am long past the point of being ambitious enough to try and climb that particular ladder." She balanced her plate in one hand and reached over to trail her fingers down his arm. "Besides, my life is very full right now. It would be foolish to take on that sort of responsibility in the middle of everything that we have going on, even if I was inclined to do so, which I am most definitely _not_."

"Are you sure?" He put her foot down and shifted beside her. He stretched an arm out across the back of the sofa and pressed his other hand to his chest as he got comfortable again. "You know, we'd figure out a way to make it work. There's a lot going on right now, but I think we've got this pretty handled. Rusty and I can take care of what needs to be done around here. We seem to be getting along pretty well for right now. There's no reason for you to worry about that while you think about the rest."

"I know that." She sat forward and placed her dinner on the coffee table again. Sharon drew her legs away from him and curled so that she was leaning against his side. "It isn't that I am worried about it, Andy. I am incredibly thankful that the two of you can manage without me, but I am happy with my career as it is. I enjoy what I do. I don't want that to change." She smiled at him. "As for the rest, I can't tell you how wonderful it is to see you getting along, despite the fact that you're teaming up against me now. All we're missing is Ricky with a few embarrassing stories about our past to make it really interesting."

He laughed, but winced as pain moved through him. "If you change your mind, let me know." He swept a lock of hair over her shoulder. "Or if you don't, just give me a heads up before you make us homeless. I might have to go see how fond of me Mrs. Donaldson really is."

"You are terrible." Sharon leaned over to kiss him. "I will tell you if it changes, but I do not see that happening." She laid her head on his shoulder. "Not unless your partner sends me into a complete spin of insanity because he is the one that really needs the sitter. We have got to get you well, I need you back, no one can handle him like you do."

"Yeah, but my doctor said that stress was bad for me," he reminded her with a grin. Andy kissed the top of her head. "I'm doing my best. Just threaten him with paperwork if he gets too far out of hand, and make sure that Mike doesn't do it for him. If that doesn't work, let me know." He grinned crookedly. "I'll have a little talk with Patrice, you know, spouse to spouse, so to speak."

"You are devious and I adore you." Sharon kissed his cheek before leaning forward to retrieve their teas. She pulled her legs beneath her again and rested her knees against his thigh as she sat in the crook of his arm. "Speaking of spouses," She began, slowly, so to choose her words carefully. "I stopped to see Father Thomas on my way home." She sat with her tea mug cradled in her hands and looked up at him. He was holding his on the arm of the sofa, while his other arm lay draped across her lap, hand stroking the outside of her thigh. "What if, just for the sake of conversation, marriage was back on the table?"

"What you mean?" His brows drew together in a frown. "The priest can't marry us, you know that. We're both divorced." Andy shook his head. "Sharon, we talked about it before we ever got together, it's not possible." He watched her look down and his hand cupped her knee. "Sweetheart, if this is about what Nicole said to you, it's not an issue. Not for me. I am good with what we've got. It's just a piece of paper, and I don't need that to be happy with you." His daughter had told him about the argument, and he was pretty displeased with her about it, but he knew where it had come from, all of the fear and uncertainty, and he had forgiven her for that.

"It's not," she assured him. "That isn't why I am thinking about it. It was never an option before, so we've never talked about it. We've never considered it as a possibility." She put her tea aside again, and placed his beside it when he handed it to her. "I just… it's something that we should think about, really consider, before we decide to dismiss it completely. It would simplify a lot, I think. The legal side of buying the house, for one thing, and any other legalities that we may face at some point in the future." She wrapped her arms around the one that was draped across her lap and leaned in to his side. "I am perfectly happy with the way that things are between us too, Andy, but I would like for us to really give it some consideration, and talk about it again when you're stronger."

"I don't need to think about it." He lifted his hand from her leg to her chin and tipped her face toward him. "I don't want to marry you because it's convenient, or because it makes life easier. If that's what this is about, then we can take it off the table again, because it's not necessary. We're managing just fine without it. Your reasons for not getting married are all still there at the end of the day. It would never be recognized, and you couldn't have communion anymore." If the church that she was attending was less progressive, just the fact that she was with him now would have excluded her from that sacrament. Getting married would do it, no matter the support that they had from Father Thomas.

"No," she agreed softly, "I couldn't. The thing is, Andy, I wouldn't be removed from the church. I would still have mass, and confession, and prayer. All of the things that are important to me now would remain the same. Yes, I would have to give something up, and it would be difficult. I am not saying that I am ready for that now, but what I know is that I love you. I also know that marriage isn't about two names on a piece of paper, no matter how legally convenient that piece of paper may be, and I want to be completely sure that we don't look back one day with regrets about all of the options that we didn't explore."

"I am never going to regret loving you," he rumbled quietly. "That is one thing that you don't ever have to worry about. Sharon, the day that you decide that you want to get married, I'm there. If you don't, then I'm still there. I know what I have, and I know what it feels like to not have you. Sweetheart, I'm not just going along with it because I'm settling. I'm here because I want to be. You are what I want, and that is never going to change."

Her lips curved into a bright, gentle smile. She cupped his cheek and leaned forward, lips moving against his in a slow, lingering kiss. "I love you too," she told him. "Today, tomorrow, that's never going to end. As long as you are here, I am happy. I just want to know that I haven't neglected any possibilities."

"You haven't." He assured her. "Our life is what we want it to be. Both of us. It works for us. The world be damned."

She hummed as she laid her head on his shoulder. Her hand stroked the length of his arm. "Well, that world happens to include our kids, my parents, our priest, a mortgage broker, and a realtor, just in case you needed reminding." She pressed her lips to his shoulder.

"Yeah." He sighed. "We can get rid of almost all of them, but we're stuck with the broker for a while." When she poked his side, Andy grinned. "Your kids like me just fine, or so Rusty tells me every time I take an extra few minutes in the bathroom and he panics; your parents have no opinion on me at all, since they've never actually met me, and I'm just going to continue to enjoy the time your dad yelled _at least it's not that Jackass_ ," he mimicked, "as for the priest, well, at least we're going down together sweetheart, so at least it will be one hell of a good party, and by the way, all that extra-marital sex was so worth it."

"Really?" Rusty was standing at the end of the hall staring at them. "That's what you're talking about? He just had a freaking heart attack. What is wrong with you!" He threw his hands up as he turned. "I don't know what I am going to do with these people. They're trying to drive me nuts."

They watched him go. Andy tilted his head before he cast a sideways glance at Sharon. "I'm starting to think that your youngest likes me better than he likes you."

"I am starting to think that you might be right." She laid her chin against his shoulder again and sighed. "All those months of hostility and all I had to do was ask him to help you put your pants on."

"There is something very wrong with you," Andy decided.

"The boyfriend keeps trying to die on me," she told him. "It's very stressful." Sharon stood and gathered her plate and teacup. "I'm going to bed. Are you joining me tonight, or are you happy in the recliner?" As she asked, she cast a disgusted look at the offensive piece of furniture.

"I'll make a deal with you." Andy lifted one of the pillows that he carried from room to room and pressed it against his chest as he stood up. He grimaced as he gained his feet and stood for a minute until he was sure that he had his balance. "If you will wash my back in the shower, I will try the bed tonight." He usually tried the bed most nights, but ended up in the recliner if he couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep.

"I'm not entirely sure how this gets me anything but naked in a shower with you," Sharon remarked, "but we can do that. As long as you remember to behave." She rejoined him a few moments later and took his hand as they started down the hall together.

"I'm going to try, but I make no promises." Andy gave her hand a squeeze. "Rules, I have such a hard time following them. It gets me in to trouble a lot."

"I seem to have noticed that about you." As they moved in to their bedroom, Sharon flashed a wide smile at him. "Good thing you have me and I love rules."

Rusty walked by as their bedroom door closed. It was finally safe enough to venture into the kitchen for a snack. "I can't wait until we have a bigger place," he muttered.

 **-TBC-**


	26. Chapter 26

**Like a River**

 **By Kadi**

 **Rated: M**

 **Disclaimer:** It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 26**

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned…"

That phrase was becoming more common place in his life since his relationship with Sharon had grown more serious. There had come a point when Andy Flynn had realized that if he was going to be able to be what Sharon needed in her life, he was going to have to once again embrace the teachings and faith of his youth. He stepped away from much of it when his marriage fell apart. To his mind, losing his wife and losing his children in favor of alcohol and long hours buried in case files and investigations had somehow removed him from grace.

It became the hardest part of getting sober when he entered AA. He had to learn to believe in something greater than himself again, to have faith once more that there was some power that could guide him through all the difficult days, some higher being that understood all of the things that he could not change and could not fix. Something that he could turn to when the darkness and the evil in the world became too much.

When Vicki had gotten remarried and his kids began to think of another man as their father, he almost gave it up. He almost slipped right back into the bottle that had taken them from him. He went to meetings instead, spent long hours talking to his sponsor. He was told to look outside of himself, to have courage and faith that there was a reason for all things. He was barely able to stomach it, and he buried his bitterness in his work. He hid from his disappointment and his children slipped farther away.

He had to look around himself finally, at parents losing children and children losing parents, and realize that no one was hurting him but his own inability to face his demons. When he accepted that Jeff was not something that he could change, and committed himself to fixing what he had broken, it began to change. It took many years and hard work to repair those damaged relationships. He chose a different kind of faith, and he let it guide him. It got him through dark times and moments so difficult and bitter that he could almost taste the bourbon that he wanted to drown his woes in. He came out the other side with an understanding that each day was different and new, each new morning was a new commitment to staying sober and remaining present in the lives of those that he cared for, and those that depended upon him.

Then Sharon had come into his life. Beautiful, stubborn, and independent; this was not the young woman that he knew in the early days of their careers. She was a woman that had been through hell and learned to be strong and immovable in the face of adversity and workplace idiocy. If he was honest with himself, he was attracted to her the first time that they tangled, when she was only a lieutenant and he was barely a sergeant, pissed off that she had gone to the dark side and wanting to make her pay for that abandonment. She hadn't flinched, she hadn't blinked; she took everything that he gave her over the years and responded in her own way. Usually by sticking him in some boring seminar or another, or slicing him with that sharp tongue of hers, using wit and class, and not a little bit of sarcasm to put him back in his place, which was miles below her.

He was insulted when she investigated him, and his ego was even a little bruised that she thought it was necessary. They reached a new understanding after that, and whatever anger he felt toward her had given way to sympathy and respect. Then there had been something else. Attraction, desire, and maybe even affection; Andy didn't know, but once he had her in his arms, wanting to keep her there was a forgone conclusion. He was lost in her almost immediately. She was everything that he didn't deserve, and everything he wanted, and nothing that he could have.

She was still married. Her marriage was still important to her, even if Jack was out of the picture. Andy had to bring her down to his level to have her. It lessened her, and he allowed it. He would never forgive himself for that. She might not have held him responsible for the choices that she made where he was concerned, but Andy held himself responsible for it.

This time he wanted to do it right. She was divorced, but he knew that was only a legal formality. Sharon believed in something that was bigger than the both of them, something that told her that her marriage remained, even after the civil divorce was final and their relationship had started again. It frustrated the hell out of him sometimes, but he meant it when he told her that he would wait for her. He was as patient as he knew how to be, even when he was hardly patient at all as they moved along the path from friends to romantic partners, and finally to becoming lovers again.

Sharon didn't need him in her life, and Andy had to come to terms with the fact that she wanted him. It had to be enough, and as he began to understand what that meant, he realized how infinitely more precious that was. He was careful when he began to dip his toes back into the river of religion. It began when he was staying with her, after he was injured. Sharon had gone to mass, and Andy was going stir crazy being shut up in the condo with only Rusty for company. He had gone with her. He thought that he would be bored out of his mind and that he would feel out of place, but had felt strangely at home.

He went with her each Sunday after that. He didn't stop going after he was able to move home again. Mass became something that they did together, and as he became comfortable with it again, he began to embrace more of the teachings that he had abandoned. It helped him to find patience in his relationship with Sharon when he thought that he was at his wit's end, and patience for Rusty when the boy drove him up the wall.

The first time that he went to confession, a few months before, he almost walked out three times. The confessional was small and made him feel claustrophobic. He soon realized that what he was feeling was the weight of too many sorrows. It was not a weight that would ever fully leave him, but he had found a way to find relief in carrying it. There was no cure for a lifetime of regrets, but he was learning how to forgive himself. It was a work in progress. He was not too old to find his way.

Father Thomas recognized that his discomfort in the confessional had only grown more intense following his heart attack. He was growing tired of being confined. They walked the grounds behind the cathedral instead, made their way through the memory and prayer gardens. The fresh air would be good for him. "It's only been a week since your last confession," the priest remarked with a smile. "You're not back at work yet, and as I understand it, someone we both know isn't letting you leave the condo much, so what could you possibly have done to get into trouble since the last time we spoke."

"You would be surprised." Andy tilted his head and grinned. "Or maybe you wouldn't. No, I think you may be right," he decided. "I think it's guidance that I need, not absolution. Sharon brought up the idea of marriage." He sighed. "I know that you can't tell us what to do. Officially, my wife is living with a man that is not me, and I'm living with a woman that is not my wife, while her husband is… well," Andy made a face. "I don't really care where Jack is. Unofficially, Sharon and I both have civil divorces, and we have been together for over a year now. Longer than that, if I'm honest about it, and I know she's discussed that with you."

"She has." The priest's lips pursed in thought. "Does the idea of marriage bother you? It would, as you say, only be a civil union. Would that be enough?" He had spoken to Sharon on the subject, at length, since the heart attack. He knew that her mind was made up.

"Do you want the truth? Or do you want the answer that I am supposed to give you?" Andy ran a hand over his face and into his hair. "I'd marry her tomorrow if we were ready for that. I know she's still reeling from all of this," he waved a hand at his chest, "and she says that when we're ready, it's what she wants…"

"You don't believe her?" Father Thomas shook his head. "Okay Andy, let's talk off the record. Marriage is a commitment of minds, as much as it is of hearts. You are choosing a life together, and you are building it based upon a love that you both share. You are questioning the rightness of that based upon ideals that are not yours, but hers. You know that Sharon has struggled with this, and you know that because there is nothing that the two of you keep from one another. You share your thoughts, and your deeds. You carry each other's burdens and sorrows. You are there for your triumphs and your joys. What is that, but marriage? Maybe not here," he gestured around them, and the holy grounds that were owned by the church, "but certainly here," he said, and tapped the other man's chest, just above his heart.

Andy frowned as he began walking again. He wanted to believe that. "In the time that I've known her, she has been very specific about her marriage and how she felt about it. I know she's done with Jack. I'm not worried about that. She wouldn't be with me now if that wasn't the case, no matter what happened between us in the past. If she's reacting," he said, "then she's going to regret it. I don't want to be something that she regrets. I think that I've given her enough of that."

"I don't think that you would be. Sharon and I are working our way through that together," he observed, "and I think what has stopped her from being able to find full absolution is the fact that she doesn't regret her history with you. She sees it as having made a decision, a conscious choice for companionship during a time of great loneliness. I believe that what she is choosing now is the future."

"Does she know what she will give up for that?" Andy sighed. He walked toward a stone bench when his chest began to ache and lowered himself onto it. "I don't know how much longer I have, I don't want to separate her from something that important to her. I know how I feel about her. I don't need to be married to Sharon to know that the rest of my life is hers."

Father Thomas offered him a troubled frown as he joined him on the bench. "You sound convinced that the time that you have remaining is limited. Have your doctors said something that you've not shared with your family?"

He looked away, squinted into the afternoon sunlight. Only a day had passed since his last checkup. "If I go back to work, it will probably kill me in a few years. That much stress and my heart aren't a good combination. I don't know how to give that up yet. There was a long time when my badge was all I had, all that kept me going. It was all that kept me from climbing into a bottle and drowning in it." Andy leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees. His hands were clasped loosely together. He studied them, and the way that the sun glinted off of his sobriety ring. "I haven't told Sharon yet. I know that I have to, but I don't know how."

"Do you think that she will press you for retirement?" The priest wondered if that was holding him back, not just from explaining his doctor's news, but the idea of marriage too.

"No." Andy lifted his gaze. He cast a sad look at the priest. "She will let me go back, because it's what I want, and I'll lose her. She won't leave me, but I would be asking her to watch that job slowly kill me. Somehow it's been easier for us to accept that one of us might not come home on any given day. We all accept it. We go out, we save lives, we get dirtbags off the street, and we might not come home."

"I suppose if you don't go back," Father Thomas said, "then the prognosis is much different." He watched Andy slowly nod and look away. "You could find a job with much less stress, and that gives you more time with your children, and with Sharon. There are those that would say that decision is very easy."

"Yeah," he said gruffly. "They don't have a mortgage and a kid looking at law schools either," he pointed out.

Father Thomas's head inclined. His lips curved into a knowing smile. "I thought your children were out of college. Nicole is an Accountant and Charlie is a Flight Nurse?" His dark eyes sparkled. "Isn't it Sharon's child that is approaching the idea of attending law school? Rusty, I believe."

Andy cut a sideways look at him. He grunted and looked away, shaking his head. "I hate it when you do that," he grumbled. "I know to some people it sounds dumb, but choosing to walk away from everything that you've ever known isn't easy. Hell," he tossed his hands up, "that's what I would be asking Sharon to do if we got married."

"Ah," the priest held up a hand. "But are you asking her to, or is she choosing to? She came to you with the idea of marriage. What did you tell her?"

"That it doesn't matter," Andy shrugged. "I don't need a piece of paper to know what we've got. I'm not going to regret our life together because we never signed a marriage certificate. As long as she's with me, that's all I…" he trailed off as he realized what he was about to say. Andy's gaze dropped and he stared at the finely graveled path that they had walked earlier.

"All you what?" Father Thomas smiled again. "All that you need?" He stood up, and gave the other man's shoulder a friendly, comforting pat. "I think that you have your answer, Andy. Medical science is not absolute, I'm sure that your doctor told you that. You can have your job as it is now, and you can have Sharon, and enjoy the time that you are allowed. Or you can make the changes that your doctor suggests, and give yourself the opportunity for more, and know that she is beside you every day. You're not ready for marriage yet," he told him. "Neither of you are, and I think that both of you know that. The heart attack is recent, and it has created a lot of upheaval in your lives. You are moving into a new home soon, and I think, if I have come to know you as well as I believe, you will be starting a new job." He clasped the man's shoulder. "Let Sharon finish finding her way. I think that you will find that she has learned to embrace her ability to compromise." His head inclined. "And off the record, I think it will be fine."

Andy squinted up at him. "On the record?"

The priest only continued to smile as he walked away. "I will see you both in confession," he called back.

"Yeah," Andy muttered to himself, "that's what I figured." The priest could not bless them. Andy wondered if Sharon could really accept that, or if she was just trying to convince herself that she could. It didn't matter. It would have to wait. They weren't ready. There were other decisions to be made first.

 **MCMCMC**

The October wind was cool, but not altogether unpleasant. The air was damp, filled with a fine mist from the waves that were crashing against the pylons of the pier. Andy watched the rolling tide as it moved toward him, watched the waves crest or break against the solid wooden supports. The sun was shining bright and warm overhead. He lifted his face toward it and his eyes squinted against the brightness. A hand at his back had him smiling. From the corner of his eye he saw her move against the rail. The wind was lifting her hair, making a mess of the carefully arranged waves and layers that it was in when she left the apartment that morning. He noted that her arms were bare. She had left her blazer in the car, opting to enjoy the sunlight as much as he was. The deep blue blouse was one of his favorites, and it was plastered against her body by the wind.

It had been almost six weeks since his heart attack and surgery, and more than a week since the last time that he saw his doctor. He had left the follow-up appointment with a lot to think about. He told Sharon that everything was good, and that was true, but it wasn't everything that he spoke to his cardiologist about. His recovery was progressing like it should. His pain had lessened considerably as his body healed. His leg still ached if he was too active, and there was discomfort in his chest when he moved. Gone was the keen throbbing and sharp, breath stealing pain that he experienced in those first days. His blood pressure was good, and his incisions had healed well. He was still going to cardiac rehab twice a week; that would continue for at least another few weeks. His heart was still recovering, learning to adapt itself to the damage that was done with the heart attack. The pain meds were gone, however, and thankfully so.

At six weeks post-op, Andy had finally approached the subject of returning to work. It wasn't going to happen yet, but he wanted some idea of when he could expect to be cleared, at the very least, for desk duty. The news on that front wasn't good. Andy wanted a few days to think about it before he broached the subject with Sharon, even after his conversation with Father Thomas. He looked at her now, enjoyed the way that the sun set off the red and gold highlights in her hair. His arms were braced against the wood rail in front of them. Andy reached across and wrapped his hand around hers. He drew it over and held it between both of his wide palms; their fingers laced together and he studied the delicate line of her hand as it lay in his.

He could feel her eyes on him. She was patient, waiting. They came to the pier when they needed to talk. This was their place, where they could air their concerns and their hurts, their hopes and their thoughts. Andy drew a breath and finally met her gaze. "I went by HR this morning. I was going to drop by the murder room, but everyone was out on a call." His fingers stroked the back of her hand. "It's over, Sharon. I'm done. Doc is going to let me keep my badge, but he was pretty clear on what that would mean. If I come back, with our stress and the hours, best case scenario, I'm dead in five years." He heard the hitch in her breath and watched her look away from him. Her fingers tightened around his. "You know, it could be a really good five years, and who knows how accurate it is. It could be completely off, but it's not worth the gamble to me." Not when he had her to lose, not when he had his kids to leave behind, and grandkids to watch grow.

Her jaw clenched. Sharon's throat ached as emotion welled within her. She could feel the sting of tears behind her eyes. She had known that he was keeping something from her, that there was more that he was thinking about from his visit with the doctor than whether or not he felt ready to resume certain previous physical activities. She exhaled quietly and took a moment to swallow the sudden sorrow that his words brought. "If you give it up now? What then?" Sharon looked at him. "How long do we have you?"

"It could be ten years," he told her. "It could be twenty. There's no way of really knowing. Doc said the first heart attack is usually a warning, you correct the problem and you move on. We did that, and we're keeping an eye on it. If I do what I'm supposed to do, you'll probably be stuck with me for a while."

Sharon turned. She lifted her other hand to his face. "I don't mind being stuck with you." She wished that he had mentioned this sooner, but he had obviously needed to think about it. Her hand dropped to his chest, to rest above his beating heart. "So, retirement then?"

"Better, actually." Andy grinned at her. "I thought this might happen, you know, I've been doing a lot of reading. So I talked about it with the doc, and I put some feelers out. I'm not coming back to Major Crimes, but I'm keeping my badge. You know, we talked about a desk job, and that's not for me, but I found something that I could live with. It turns out that old guys like me are exactly what the academy likes to get their hands on. I'll be teaching a whole new generation of cops how to get around each and every single one of your rules."

Her brows rose in surprise. "You're serious?" She thought that he was joking at first, but as she studied him, she realized that while he was having a good deal of fun at her reaction, he wasn't kidding around. "You turned in transfer papers?" They wouldn't reach her desk yet. His medical leave wasn't officially ending for another month, at the very least. Sharon expected that she would receive his transfer request by the end of the week.

"Yeah." He pushed back from the rail and pulled her over to stand in front of him. Andy's arms moved to rest loosely around her waist. "I checked around a little bit, tried to figure out what my options would be if this happened. What? You thought I was only sitting at home watching television and keeping Rusty entertained?" He made a face at her, but his dark eyes were sparkling with humor. "I figured that I was going to have to retire, go into the private sector, you know. Then I got a call from Chief Howard. He said that he didn't know what my plans were, but I guess _someone_ might have mentioned that I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of being a desk monkey for the rest of my career?" He watched her cheeks color and grinned when she looked away from him. "Yeah, you're busted." It hadn't really bothered him, people speculated all the time about what others might do, and his return was a big question mark for all of them. "Howard mentioned that I should check out my options at the Academy. So I did. There's a new class starting right after the first of the year. I'll start then. Gives me plenty of time to finish getting back on my feet. It's just a couple of classes, Basic Peace Officer 101, three days a week, but I keep my pension, my badge, and we stay a two salary family."

"Andy." Sharon laid her hands against his chest and let them slide down the front of his simple, tan, button down shirt. "I have told you, more than once, that I don't care about that." She wanted him healthy and whole, and outside of that, nothing else was important to her.

"I know." His hands settled against her hips, "but I do." He had ideas about their future, ideas about how it should look and what it would be like. When he retired, he wanted her by his side, but more than that he wanted to know that the future they were creating was being built by both of them. "I don't know if I'll like it," he said of his new job, "I might go crazy inside a couple of months, but this is something that I need to do."

"I am going to miss you," she admitted, "but I would rather have you with me for as long as I can, than lose you too soon." She toyed with the buttons of his shirt for a moment. When Sharon looked up at him again, her eyes were moist, but she was smiling. "If this is what we need to do to keep you healthy, and to make you happy, then of course I support it. But if you are only doing this out of some kind of... I don't know, misguided financial obligation, then don't. Andy, we have time."

"It's not only that," he assured her. "Sharon, I'm not ready to give up my badge yet, and I don't want to be stuck behind a desk. I've done the lecture circuit, you know, and it wasn't bad. I don't know if I'll like doing it full time, or if I will be happier consulting somewhere, but you're right. We have time. Right now, this is what I've got. There's only so much sitting around the house that I'm going to be able to stand. I'm already going crazy, and it's only been a few weeks." He was thankful that he could drive again. He didn't like being dependent on everyone around him, and no matter how often they all said otherwise, he felt like a burden.

"Okay," she told him. She could accept that he had made the decision that was best, not just for himself, but for all of them. "You will also have plenty of time to spend with the kids," she pointed out. His schedule would be more flexible, making him more available to his children and grandchildren. Another thought occurred to her and she smiled brightly. "We might actually be able to take a real vacation." It wasn't only that he would no longer be within her report structure, but they would no longer be in the same division. They would be able to schedule time off without it severely impacting the rest of their team.

"Yeah. You know," he grinned down at her, "maybe some place far away from LA and all the crap that has gone on here lately. Just the two of us, for the first time." It was hard to believe, in all the time that they had been together, that they had never been able to go away before. There was always something to hold them back, their work, the kids, or his health. That could change now. They could make it happen.

"Maybe," she said carefully and at length, "it could be something like... a honeymoon?" Her hand stroked his chest, where his tie would have been, and along the length of the scar that would always remind them of how close they had come to losing him. Sharon drew a breath before he could speak and let it out slowly. "I have been thinking about it," she told him, "and I know that you said that you would have no regrets, and I believe that. I have no reason to doubt that you love me, Andy, or that you are committed to our life. The truth is, I think that _I_ would have regrets." Sharon's hands dropped away from him. She walked around him toward the center of the pier, moving several paces before she stopped again. The wind swept her hair across her face and she pushed it back. "I have, consistently, put things ahead of you; ahead of us," she admitted. "Our children are always going to come first, for both of us, but putting that aside... I think that it is time that I make this a priority." She gestured between them. "I'm not saying that we are ready now, but I think that when we are, it is a step that I would like to take with you."

He walked slowly toward her. Andy wasn't surprised that she was still thinking about it. He knew that she wouldn't have raised the topic a few weeks ago if she wasn't serious about considering it. Father Thomas had all but confirmed it for him. His hands landed against her shoulders and stroked slowly down her arms. "Are you sure?" He didn't need that commitment from her, although that was not to say that he didn't want it. Andy had just never allowed himself to fully imagine it. "Sharon, when I ask you, and if this is what you want, then I will be asking, I want to know that you're absolutely sure."

"I'm sure." She smiled as her hands moved gently up his sides. "You know that I have been in counseling with Father Thomas since I revealed the real nature of our relationship." Her lips twitched toward a more sheepish smile. "I think that I have come to understand that to fully embrace all that I believe in, I have to embrace my imperfections too. There is no perfect answer to any question, even those of faith. That is why it _is_ faith. The church will never recognize us. There is nothing that you or I can do about that. We are who we are, and it was the paths that we both traveled that brought us to this point. This is not about the house, or the insurance, or any of that," she told him, dismissing all of the convenient legal reasons they might have for finally approaching the idea of marriage. "It's about you, and me, and knowing that for everything that we got wrong along the way, for all of the mistakes, and delays, and the number of times over the years that I know that we hurt each other, that there be no doubt in twenty years..." She laid her hand over his heart again, "or ten," she whispered sadly, acknowledging that she could lose him before she had ever truly had a chance to have him, "that you were loved, completely and without hesitation. I know that you will give me all of you, and I only know one way to give you all of me, and it is yours. That is how I reconcile this to everything that I have ever known, or have been taught."

He set her away from him a bit, and still gripping her upper arms, Andy bent so that their eyes met and held. "Just so that we are completely clear," he began, voice thick but steady. "This is the last time that I am going to say it. In twenty years, or ten, or five," he said, "I am not going to regret that I loved you. Sharon, when you told me that you were ready for this, I knew what I was getting. I knew what I was walking into, and I've never looked back. I'm not going to. So don't do this for me."

She laid her fingers against his lips to silence him. "I'm not." Her thumb traced the curve of his bottom lip. "I am doing it for me. People come and go in our lives for a reason, and you were most definitely placed in my path. We're not ready now," she told him, "but we will be, and we will both know when that is. So when you ask," she smiled up at him, "be sure. I once feared that I wouldn't have anything left to give you, and I was wrong. The paths that we ended up on simply took us in different directions than we thought they would. Whatever this is, and whatever it will be, you have me. Completely."

His hands moved in to her hair. He cupped her head and lowered his mouth to hers. He kissed her until they were both breathless, until he could taste the salt of the sea, mingled with the salt of tears, and the sweetness of her. It was a heady mixture of hope and opportunity. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, swaying with her in the wind as he tucked his face into her neck and held on for fear that this dream would slip away, like a wisp of smoke to be carried away in the hard autumn breeze. "You always had me," he said against her ear. "I was always here."

"I know," She whispered, in a voice that was soft and barely audible above the crash of the waves against the pylons below them. "My head just had to understand what my heart already knew. We aren't lost. We belong."

There would come a day, very soon, when the hurts would be healed. Their fears would be behind them, and their future would be their present. She would bind herself to him, and the marriage that they would have would be civil, blessed and created not by the church that had observed her first marriage, but by the other institution that she had pledged herself to. It would be recognized by the laws of the state. It was not wholly a compromise. It was simply who she was.

 **~FIN**

 _My heart is like a river_ _  
_ _My heart is like these hills_ _  
_ _They never change_ _  
_ _I never change_ _  
_ _and I never will_

 _You called and I came running_ _  
_ _You cried and now I'm here_ _  
_ _So hold this faith_ _  
_ _accept our faith_ _  
_ _These are little fears_

 _We have enough to guide us_ _  
_ _We have enough to last_ _  
_ _We're not alone_ _  
_ _we never were_ _  
_ _you and I aren't lost_

 _Oh hold me very tightly_ _  
_ _Hold me fast and strong_ _  
_ _I am your love_ _  
_ _Won't stray from you_ _  
_ _You and I belong_

 _My heart is like a river_ _  
_ _My heart is like these hills_ _  
_ _They never change_ _  
_ _I never change_ _  
_ _and I never will_

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you all for the wonderful comments and support, and thank you to everyone who helped with my research while I was writing this.


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